October 10, 2012

IVF #1: Random things to share

Of all the things to fill my mind, I found myself thinking, just now, "I really really hope that if the embryo(s) attach and become a pregnancy that I experience morning sickness!  Because then I know I'm pregnant!!" lol  I had not a single amount of morning sickness when I was pregnant with KJ.  Back then, I was super thankful and I loved it.  This time around, I wonder if I am going to feel like it's "not real" unless I feel some kind of huge change, daily...

I'm sure that's normal, right?  Crazy thoughts . . . hoping to become pregnant and be reminded every day.  Okay, maybe it's silly to some —but it crossed my mind and made me agree with myself.  lol

Something else that has happened and I forgot to mention in my daily posts:
The day that I was visiting my parents... last friday... Remember I mentioned spending the day with my parents and going out to some stores with them?  Well, we were shopping at Sam's Club and out of nowhere, we weren't even having a convo about IVF, Kryssa holds my mom's hand, looks up at her, and says "Grandma, maybe you should get IVF, too!!  Then I can have a baby..." she was about to say cousin but then I told her it would be her aunt —all while we were cracking up (and tearing up from laughing so hard) over what KJ had just said!!! LOL  My mom lovingly explained to KJ that God made women's bodies to not be able to have children after a certain age (but in my head, I was thinking . . . "hm, but IVF with donor eggs, and even sperm if needed, could work..." hahaha).  My poor child just want anyone to have a baby at this point.  She desperately longs for a little baby in her life, as do we.  :)

KJ has been involved with most of our IVF talks.  I've explained how it works (they take daddy's sperm and mommy's eggs and they fertilize the egg with the sperm.  Then they watch to see which ones are forming correctly and they will put one or two back into mommy's uterus in hopes that it attaches to the lining and grows into a baby... *I still am partially thankful that she has not asked, yet, how that normally happens without IVF.  I haven't had to explain how body parts come together and I really don't think I'm ready to explain that yet... is that wrong of me?  What if she already knows —because she knows about individual parts and has figured it out??  ugh!  I don't even want to think about it now...*   Okay, so, she knows that the injections I've been on are to help produce as many eggs as possible and she knows that the eggs are going to be retrieved on tomorrow, Thursday ... This morning, 6am, I go in to wake her up and, so randomly, she asks me, "Mommy?... are the eggs they are going to retrieve just like regular eggs, like the eggs we eat?"  My heart melted with love —over her child-like thoughts.  I love hearing her questions as she grows!  I giggled as I kindly told her "no" and then reminded her that they are super duper micro-scopic...  As I got ready for my appointment, I just kept laughing, in my head, thinking of KJ thinking about her mom filling up with these "regular eggs, like the eggs we eat"... LOL  I wonder if she thought I could lay eggs too. hahaha!

Last, but not least, I have been so overwhelmed with love towards our KJ.  She has been so considerate, loving, and helpful, in any way possible, during this whole process.  She has held my hand several times, when she would see me cringing from pain of the Menopur injection.  She has kept me hydrated —she loves to serve me ice water; I think, in her mind, it helps relax me (which it does because I love drinking ice water throughout the day).  Most nights, during injections, she would call out from the stairs, asking if she could watch —saying, "I can't sleep knowing you're getting your injections..."

This IVF cycle really has brought out the best in our family.  We don't know what the outcome with be —new baby or not.  But the journey alone, so far, has been such a blessing!  (not to mention the connections I've made with other people, so-called "strangers", that have traveled this same journey;  all the love, support, prayers, and encouraging words from family, friends, and fellow "IVFers"!  I am so grateful.)

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