Let's "socialize"!

If you haven't already heard the news... I finally created a facebook page for Life Happens.  I may not always have an entire blog to post but I sure have plenty of quick 'happenings' and photos to post on facebook.  :)

Life Happens

You can also find me on Istagram (life_hapns), Twitter (@life_hapns), and Pinterest (lifehapns).  I'd love to connect with you!  Oh, and if you enjoy phone games you can look for me as Life_hapns —of course! ;)

Find me on your favorite social site and say "hello".  I'd also appreciate if you "share" it with your family and friends.  Life sure "happens" and sometimes we just need all the support we can get... Thanks for supporting me on my journey!

-Michelle

Sad sad and not so sad

Today was tough. I received numerous emails regarding Miss K. Some were fyi's from her school and the others were from a case worker that thought she was still living here. Last week, I received a phone call (voice message) about setting up everything we would need to submit monthly records. I guess they are just as slow to pass along the update, that she no longer lives here.

I'm great during the day, taking care of the kids, homeschooling, prepping meals, etc. However, once everyone goes home and everything is quiet, it feels as though I fall into a huge dark hole of sadness. I need to stay busy. I don't even like the peace and quiet right now...music, tv, chit chatting --it all clouds my mind and helps me focus on the happier things around me.

Chris has been wonderful. With his new meds for his heart (I just realized I haven't blogged about *that* update yet), he's always sleeping. And when he's not sleeping he's extremely sleepy and needs a nap. But even with that new change, he's great -loving supportive, comforting, and the perfect comedian right when I need it. :)

I wonder how he's doing... I wonder how kj is doing?! I know I'm not the only one affected by all of this.

I know, I know, "this too shall pass". I think I need to find a new fun hobby or something. Any ideas??

Saying "Goodbye" and letting her go

I haven't wanted to write about this. I still don't feel ready, even now. But I feel it might help bring some kind of closure?...if that's ever even possible.

We knew that stepping into the world of fostering would not be "a piece of cake". But we knew that the joys would always seem to outweigh the challenges. This wasn't even anyone's fault -other than the differences in how the two states processed the paper work. It wasn't done in the way that we were originally led to believe. We found out at the last minute that how we thought the process would be was completely wrong. We couldn't take the next step. It wasn't the wisest choice for her or us. It's all about 'What's best for her'. And that's how it should be, of course; but it's definitely not easy. I'm sad, angry, resentful, and even a little bitter inside. How could this have happened?! Why couldn't we have found out a whole lot sooner. We knew that there was always a chance that we wouldn't be her parents long-term. It just all seemed to happen so quickly.

All her stuff is still in her room, as if she's coming home after school —like any other regular day. I keep her room door closed to help me adjust to the change. Tonight, I finally folded our huge laundry pile and I had a stack of her clothes that I quickly folded, placed on her bed, looked around for a few seconds, shut the light off, and closed the door behind me --then quickly put a smile on my face as KJ approached me with a normal question, "mommy, where did you find this necklace? I've been looking for it!". I had to show my little KJ that "everything is alright". I can't let her see my sadness . . . not yet at least.

Thankfully, she can still come "visit" with us --as long as it continues to work out for everyone (her, her family, our family, etc.) She's back with her previous family; which is really the best case scenario —she knows them, loves them, and she will be able to just continue her days as normal (going to the same school, continuing with her usual after school activities, etc.) I hope she understands. I hope she sees all the positive in the situation —How she can get the best of both worlds.  It's not "goodbye" forever. Just until she visits again.

I trust God's plan for us. We had kept this whole situation in prayer from day one. I have to trust that this is His perfect plan for everyone involved. (I like to remember how my mom encouraged me through the tough decisions. This is what I got from what she said: Even if just for a short season, it was meant to be the way it turned out. The time we all had together has influenced her and her future in very special ways...) I have to stay focused on what a wonderful young lady she has become and what a beautiful future she has ahead of her. We are forever grateful to have shared a part in her life.

Here's to trusting God for a beautiful future . . .

My glass half full

Three out of four are currently sleeping.  I have a wee bit of time to get a blog post in.  :)  Those two sentences alone make me happy —hee hee.

First, here's my update:
Since my last post —God has carried my heart to a much calmer place.  I am strong.  I am loved.  I am able.  :)  What surrounds me will not define me.  I have choices, and for now, I choose to fervently wait on God.  I trust, in every way, that all areas of my life are right where I belong right now —to push me where I need to go . . . to what I need to become.

Personal goals —I was on my way to a 5k and then it quickly got taken away from me.  :(  I started running in May and had worked my way up to 2+ miles 3-4 times a week.  I had even started to enjoy the early morning, 5:30am, run --watching the sun come up and having some extra quiet time to myself.  Now, I am sad to say that I haven't run for a month now.  Today is exactly four weeks since my last run --the day I pushed my body just a little too much.  My shins are still in recovery mode.  The doc says I could have possibly fractured my shins (micro fractures).  I'm supposed to be working on getting the swelling back down and strengthening them back up.  The doc says that I will be able to run again —just not any time soon.  Oh, how I miss it.  And right now it seems as though EVERYONE on facebook is running . . . except for me. :(  So, I've revised my birthday wish list; instead of new cool toe shoes for running, I replaced that request with a new extra extra thick yoga mat and a door frame pull-up bar.  I will start a new routine of yoga and pilates in order to maintain the weight loss that I had worked so hard for.

TTC —still waiting to see two pink lines :)
Everyone and their mother A lot of people around us are pregnant or have conceived and already had their baby.  I am actually back to handling the annoying negatives quite well (if I may say so myself).  I didn't cry about the negative last month; nor did I cry when Aunt Flow unexpectedly stopped by for a visit.  That's progress!  I must say that I have been refreshed with new blessings through all of this.  A 9 wk old baby girl enrolled and started a week and a half ago, joining the 8 month old that has been coming since he, was only 8wks old!  Caring for and loving these babies (and 3 yr old) brings me such joy.  I am so blessed to be trusted with these little precious lives.  I anxiously wait for the day that I can experience these moments with my own precious blessing (a second time) —so for now, I am thankful for the many little blessings that have come my way.

KJ —our little Kryssa Joyce turned 7 on August 10th.  We celebrated with just family, us four and grandparents, on the 10th and then KJ got to celebrate with her friends on the 13th.  It was a wonderful celebration!  Just seeing all these little friends, most of which we have known their entire life, "hang out", laugh, and create memories —absolutely priceless.  Her theme was, of course, Puppy/Dog and she still talks about how it was the best party ever.  hee hee  The simplest things are sometimes the best. :)  Our fall homeschooling session has begun.  It's quite different than last semester but I will find what works best, again, and keep moving forward.

KitKat (aka Miss K) —Her family nickname was pickle --but now that she is a freshman, I figure one nickname would be better (she was given the name kitkat by her school friends).  She has been here with us 'full time' since around February and "officially" moved in during the week of May 8th!  Unfortunately, we still are waiting on the "legal stuff" to be finalized and then we will work towards adoption.  Volleyball season started about 3 weeks ago and I can honestly say that I never thought I would truly enjoy being a "soccer Volleyball Mom" --but here it is folks . . . I am loving every moment!! :)  Now, of course, fighting through traffic is never "fun".  But I am truly happy to support her during her games, scrimmages, tournaments, and even practices as often as I can.  I already lost a good portion of my voice just from cheering her on this past Friday and Saturday.  I tell her I am going to buy a SHOUT cone (from Party city) and decorate it just for her --I will proudly use it every chance I get.  hee hee.  Soon, my title will change to "Cheer Mom" --hee hee  I'll have to quickly learn how to make hair bows and cute hair styles.  (and whatever else cheer moms have to do).



This summer was definitely one to remember.  We had several road trips and numerous adventures as a new family of four . . . quite different!  I love the family that we have become.  I am so grateful for God's blessings.  Now that the school schedule is back in play, I should be able to sit and enjoy some blog time every now and then (as long as the children continue to nap all together). 

I can almost see the finish line

The adoption home-study is complete.  The "placement", foster/kinship, home study took place on January 20th; the first adoption home study took place on May 5; and now we just finished our final adoption home study/interview(s)!! I don't know how we got here so fast.  It feels like just a few months ago we were day-dreaming about her "official move-in".  Well, she moved in last week (as in ALL of her belongings are now here).  She's been living with us for almost three months now.  It feels pretty official --but we are just waiting on the "legal stuff".  We will have a mini celebration when we are confirmed as her 'legal guardians' —we will paint her room and buy her a new bedroom set (she already has her zebra decor, which she absolutely loves!)

It's so similar to waiting for the arrival of your newborn —setting up the nursery and daydreaming of what it will be like... but she's already here!  :D  We're just waiting to release our excitement once it's "official".

We are so blessed!  Thank you Jesus for your many blessings!!

Ready for this?

Let's start off with Endo and TTC on clomid:
We are now about one week away from hitting our 11 month mark.  I honestly can't believe it's been almost a year already.  Surprisingly, it doesn't feel that way.  So, last week, at my regular monthly sono, the doc spotted a large cyst again on one of my ovaries.  I haven't had anything that size since January 2010 —when I started Lupron for the endo.  I had my follow up appointment yesterday.  I wasn't allowed to start my next cycle of clomid (I should have started on Tuesday and been done tomorrow) because the doc wanted to make sure the cyst went away before I pushed the hormones through my body again.  I am happy to announce that the cyst was gone!  Praise God!!  It was a very very painful week --I pretty much know exactly what day and time the cyst ruptured because it was THAT painful (I literally woke myself up because I was moaning so loud -from the pain).  So, I'm glad that has passed.  Chris and I are staying super optimistic and hoping and praying for a miracle conception this month (without clomid)!  :)  Hey, it could happen...

The endo, is definitely starting to get on my nerves.  This is the longest that I have gone without suppressing my ovaries/hormones —so it's really starting to wear me out now.  Just a few days ago, when I was cringing with nasty endo pain, I actually had the thought cross my mind "maybe it's time to stop ttc and get back on Lupron..."  —it shocked me!  I absolutely want to conceive another baby.  I don't want to stop without conceiving this time.  I think the thought went away when the pain ended ::phew!::.  So, for now, it's almost day by day that I am making the choice to continue ttc.  Some moments I'm so ready to shut my ovaries off again and then other moments I'm overloaded with emotions of ttc.

On to a fantastic new topic...HOME SCHOOLING!!

Yes, that's right; we decided to home school KJ.  :D  I withdrew KJ from her public school two weeks ago, Monday, February 21, 2011.  It felt soooo unreal.  I had so many times, the night before, and the first few days, where I felt as though I was going to wake up and have this story to tell Chris, of how I had the opportunity to home school KJ.  But nope, it was definitely real.  :)  She was very happy with our decision.  And we couldn't be happier with all the improvements we have seen in just two weeks!  Praise God!!  We finally have our KJ back --helpful, full of manners and positive behavior, happy, and relaxed 6 yr old —exactly the way a 6 yr old should be!  I know not everyone agrees/will agree with our decision but we stand together in our decision and we are finding our system.  :)  I love the family God has blessed me with.  We work so well together these days.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to guide our child in the ways that are important to us, as Christ-followers.  :)  It feels wonderful to include scripture in her daily curriculum . . . to "tweak" the lessons to meet her specific level of learning!  I could just go on and on and on about all the wonderful changes we have been able to experience as a family.  But for now, that's all I'll say...


KJ

she is now in Karate and she is LOVING it!! :)  —so are we!  Their structure and core values that are taught, while there, amaze us and we pray that it will stick with KJ to help her become strong mentally and physically, confident, and dedicated.  :)  We have seen some great changes since she started (two weeks ago).

FAMILY
We will be having some time off together during spring break and we are super excited for that.  We are prepared for Spring Break with our season passes to Fiesta Texas, Sea World, and the San Antonio Zoo!  I'm really hoping to head up to Enchanted Rock (I believe it's called) and picnic with the girls.

Speaking of "girls" —still no official news on Pickle's move-in date.  She stays with us a lot more now but it still doesn't feel official  . . . I did, however, get a call, from the representative, to schedule another home study.  We shall see what comes of all of this.

It may be a while before I can update again —life just got even busier...I keep thinking "it can't get any busier than this" only to find out I was wrong.  ;)  God has some serious confidence in my abilities to multi-task . . . because he keeps blessing me with new opportunities.  I trust that I can handle it all . . . because I trust that he won't give me more than I can handle.  Maybe a little here and there for a challenge and test —but I'm ready; I've loving it all! ;D

All in 2.5 hrs

what...an...evening! I rushed to get Pickle from her after school care—only to still be charged a nasty late fee.  It really frazzled my evening. I've never had any type of late fees at an after school care program! :(  --at least it was a sweet little elderly lady (it sugar-coated the late fee. haha)

We picked up Pickle's new charm bracelet (her bday gift from us, grandma&grandpa, and auntie and uncle) from Jame's Avery —we were all super excited to see it on her wrist.  :)

I signed KJ up for an introductory karate class.  They don't give prices out —BUT they do give a free session --for whatever reason.  I'm guessing they want the child to want it badly and beg even if the price is too much to handle?  So, I took the bait and KJ will have her very first session (approx. 45mins-1hr) for free! :)  After we get an idea of what its like and how she feels about it, then we will be faced with the price.  :)

After about 5:30pm, my phone got busy . . . I handled -what felt like- a billion phone calls and texts (from family, future business, Pickle's school, Pickle, friends...).  Plus, I was expecting two different people to come over tonight —one to leave a dog for us to dog sit and possibly adopt if we end up enjoying the dog-sitting experience, and another for business.  Both of them had to reschedule.  So, it gave me some time to breathe and enjoy dinner (phew!)

Once we got back home, we got straight to our nightly routine: clean house, shower and bed time for the girls, prep for tomorrow . . . now for the best part . . . rest, relax, and sleep!

I really think it was the late fee that made the evening feel like a full day.  It just frazzled me up and turned my stomach —having to pay $1 per minute I was late -each passing minute felt like 10!! :(  Oh well, right?  I just need to do everything in my power to avoid another one of those (that's why late fees like that exist; and let me tell you . . . THEY WORK! —lol)!

Praise God for not giving me more than I can handle.  :)

goooooooood night.

Back so soon?!

It was exciting while it lasted . . . being "late", I mean.  I, unfortunately, got my 'Day 1' today.  I was 3 days late and I was loving every moment.  But it came to a sudden halt...

Yes, I cried a bit.  I didn't expect it at all!  I find myself wondering if it's because I literally ran KJ to the bus stop this morning —was that too much for my body to handle?  or did I really just not conceive again?!  (I'm sure it really had nothing to do with running; but after all the [little bit of] running, my stomach started cramping up really bad, endo pains and all!  I knew I shouldn't have over exerted myself --just because I'm so out of shape and the endo is not nice to me at all when it comes to being 'active' in any way.  :(

So, I'm honestly not excited for my appointment, this Friday, at all.  I don't see the point in going and seeing my empty uterus, again, for what feels like the millionth time (it's probably more along the 20th time or something —18 months of ttc from '07-'08 + the current 9 months of ttc).  Do I reeeeeally have to go and test my emotions?!  :(  I don't wanna!! ::stomping foot, arms crossed::

I cried when I told my hunny . . . because I know how much he would have loved for me to tell him that I saw TWO babies on the ultrasound!! hee hee :)  He was, once again, sweet, loving, and encouraging.  I guess it's not the end of the world.  KJ starts her swim lessons back up tomorrow, Pickle is staying with us this week —so her basketball and cheerleading (now on top of KJ's swim schedule) will keep me busy enough to get through the week and get ready for Friday.  Clomid.  **the optimism in me plans on ordering the Clomid after my appointment . . . just in case it's due to implantation...  ;)  Hey!  a girl can dream, right?!  Or maybe I'm just going crazy now . . . or maybe it's Hope and Faith . . . who knows; but I'm waiting until after my appointment before I order and take any more Clomid.  :)

As always, I'll update soon.

PS I don't have an update yet on the Home Study (assessment).  We are anxiously waiting for that, too...

I'm not dreaming

Yesterday evening, we had our first home study to pursue "kinship" of our young friend (second daughter), Pickle!!  (is that how you say it "pursue kinship"?).  We are going to Foster her and then pursue adoption.  I always thought it was just "foster to adopt" but last night we learned that we will become her "kinship Caregivers".  BUT the fantastic news about that change in 'wording' is that we don't have to be certified to foster before she can move in! :)  We were thrilled when we found out!!!

(I want to also mention KJ's response to the Consultant when asked, "How do you feel about having an older gal come live with you?" KJ said, "I feel great about it because I don't really want to have just my imaginary friends anymore or just my Build-A-Bear friends to play with.  I want to have a real friend here at home..."  it made my tear up and giggle all at once.  I love my KJ and pray everything goes through so she can do away with all of her imaginary friends (if she wants to)...)

The actual home study was a bit intimidating (I had prepared myself for that).  But overall, it was a great experience.  It's so amazing to see how God just lines people up to come in and out of your life for very specific reasons! :)  You want to hear how some of this has gone?  Let me share:

I'm just going to start at meeting my husband, Chris.  Which led me to meet Jessica (a friend of Chris's).  6 yrs after meeting her she posted on fb a job opportunity to work with her at a Boys and Girls Club.  I got hired.  :) a little over a year later, I became the Teen Program Director (and worked with the teens and preteens).  That is how I met the young lady! :) but wait!  It keeps going...

I had the opportunity to work back at home (providing Home Childcare).  I resigned but was able to leave my business info for the parents.  The young lady's [foster] mom used my childcare services quite frequently, allowing us the chance to get to know more about her and the opportunity to Foster to Adopt her.  Okay, so now we are pretty much up to date -- however, last night, the Home Study Consultant that was hired to do our assessment was not only a kind-hearted mother of 3 children . . . she home-schooled all three of them! (one in college, another 16, and the other is 13 or so)  —I have really really been praying about getting the opportunity (convincing Chris to 'let me'/be supportive) to home school KJ.  So, the Home Study Consultant was so open to share info with me about it and she was even kind enough to say such wonderful things about home schooling to Chris!  He heard first hand, from someone that had plenty of experience (or at least I feel that she has had great success!).  So, she said she would love to help me get started, share the curriculum sites (or something like that) that she uses —and even go over and check out their "school room" and "library"! :)

I was on cloud 9 last night!!  I just couldn't contain myself.  As soon as the lady left, I just leaped into Chris's arms (as much as my [much larger] body could) and held back the tears of joy.  :)  I told him, as we got ready for bed, basically up until my very last words before I konked out, "I'm so thankful to feel this happy right now.  After all we've been through, over the years, with ttc, I feel like I DESERVE TO FEEL THIS JOY RIGHT NOW!!!" (I hope that doesn't sound too snobby or anything —it's just that I always wondered if only the news of conception would fill that hole . . . that sadness . . . that desire to have another child.  You know what I mean?  Finding out that the paper work would be submitted by Friday just gave me the biggest rush of happiness and joy.  The kind lady said, after she was done with her assessment, that she doesn't see anything preventing us from fostering her and that she will have the paper work submitted by Friday and give us a call.  :)

All I keep thinking is, "I'm not dreaming . . . this is for real!!"  :D  I wish I had more words to express how in awe of God I am  . . . how all the strange looking puzzle pieces of our life (all the sad and most challenging life experiences) are finally being matched up and fitting into place.  I honestly don't know if I could be any happier right now.  (although, the thought crosses my mind frequently, "wow, how would you feel, Michelle, if you find out you're pregnant the same month that you become a foster parent to a 14 yr old?!" lol I told Chris that I would know that God wanted to truly bless us with every desire of our heart and that it would be our reward for fighting through all the tests and trials that have come our way --and, with God's love and care over us, we have successfully passed! :)

Have a wonderful Thursday and I will definitely post an update as soon as I have one.

PS. I believe that I previously mentioned having a Dr.'s appt tomorrow, Friday.  But I was thinking ahead . . . it's not until the 28th (literally around the time that Pickle is supposed to be moving in).  So, if you're looking forward to the doc update, you'll just have to wait another week.  sorry. (trust me, I'm just as bummed about having to wait an ENTIRE week! :P  )

Ovulation Success!!

I got the phone call yesterday . . . I OVULATED!!!!! (with taking 150mg of clomid -3rd round of clomid so far)  Praise God!  Now, I just have to wait to see if I get the even better news (of conceiving).

I didn't think that a phone call about ovulation would be that exciting —but it definitely was.  :)  Now, all I'm thinking about is "is there a there a little baby growing in there?!  I have an appointment on Friday and GOD WILLING I will have wonderful news.  Friday will be day 28 —so still really early but possibly enough time to see something on the sono (trans. vag.).  I just really really really want to see a blown up, bean shaped, uterus with a tiny tiny spec.  hahaha!  :)

I will keep you posted.

On a totally different note:
We are getting are home study done this Wednesday!! :D  We are super excited . . . nervous but really excited.  I have NO idea what to expect.  The case worker will interview me alone, KJ alone, Chris alone, and then Chris and I together (from what I understood).  So, God Willing, if everything goes well, Pickle could move in as early as the end of this month! :)

There was a last minute change of plans today = a day off for me! :)  I've been feeling under the weather so I'm not sure if I'll snuggle up in bed or clean out my closet... Will the caseworker look throughout our entire house?!  if so, I have some major tidying up to do.  hee hee  ;P

Be blessed and be a blessing!

Mommy of 2 . . . for the week.

This week, we have had the pleasure of having our future foster child (God willing) stay with us.  Chris has nicknamed her Pickle.  Why?  I honestly have no clue.  haha.  I think it's cute and she asked for a nickname from us and that is what Chris chose.  So, Pickle it is!  (for now at least)  :)

Pickle is 14 yrs old and attends a private school 20 miles away from where we live.  We picked her up on Tuesday, from her basketball game, and have been quite busy with KJ and Pickle's school schedules (homework for both and cheerleading and basketball for Pickle).  I've had a good taste of what it will be like taking each of them to school.  We've been leaving the house by 7am.  KJ has been getting to school by 7:15am and Pickle has been getting to school by 7:50-8:20am (traffic is soooooo crazy).  Then after school, KJ rides the bus and arrives by 3:15pm and then, most of this week, Pickle has been getting picked up from her basketball games around 7:30pm.  Our schedule changed drastically this week.  But I have to admit that I'm currently LOVING it!  KJ LOVES the company and Chris and I have really enjoyed seeing the two of them goof off and get on each others nerves.  lol  I know we won't always feel like this but I want to remember how this feels right now --how I long to have a bigger family and for KJ to have a sibling . . . so that when it gets overwhelming in the future, I remember how much I wanted and prayed for it.  :)

Our poor Pickle got injured yesterday.  :(  It was going to be our first time watching her cheer and when we got there she was being assisted in walking our way.  We all felt so bad for her --especially with how cute she looked in her uniform, face all red from crying, and all.  We pampered her with picking up Chili's to-go and some yummy treats from the store (and Ibuprofen too, of course --per her parents' orders).

I'm getting sad realizing that this week went by SOOOO quickly.  She goes back home on Sunday and we just wish she could stay forever already.  :(  It's been a long process and God knows how we've longed to even get to this point, where we are at.  In the beginning, it seemed like fostering/adopting would only happen in "our wildest dreams" but God has really had His hand in this and we are so blessed and thankful for this amazing opportunity.

God willing, she could move in as early as the end of this month.

Being so exhausted with the new schedule, I've been knocking out before 11pm (which is super early for me).  One night was even as early as 9pm!!  I really enjoy the deep sleep I've been getting.  Although, I still only sleep a few hours at a time...  I think it's still due to the Clomid.  But a few hours is waaaaay better than the 30 mins "here and there" that I was getting prior to Tuesday.


Today, feels amazing!  :)  Chris took KJ to school and I took Pickle.  They each got some one-on-one parent time before school.  I think it's great for them!  (and it cut my travel time down too!)  I look forward to tonight's basketball games (Pickle will be cheering on her team from the sidelines due to her injury) but it's going to be a GREAT Friday! :)

Happy Friday to YOU!  Enjoy the "little" things in your life and be blessed!