then you don't posses it
it possesses you
I really enjoyed the performing artist:
I just finished sitting w/ Chris browsing through photos of 'baby' Kryssa. I cried . . . we laughed . . . I got to refresh our memory of great little stories w/ each picture. Kryssa actually seemed interested in seeing herself. She's never been much of a fan of seeing babies for more than a few mins. The older she's getting, the longer she wants to see or spend time w/ babies.
Well, I found myself thinking "Oh! I want another baby!" But then I would stop myself from saying it out loud because I'm only about 8 months, or so, into our two year 'waiting plan'. *We ttc for 18 months (6 months of it on different levels of clomid) and, well, nothing happened -other than an emotional roller coaster. So! needless to say, if I start thinking about ttc again, I might get my hopes up and I'm not ready for that. PLUS! Two weeks ago I got to experience the MOST amazing thing -EVER!! My best best best friend and her hubby brought their third child into the world and I was so honored to be able to be a part of it!! Well, as wonderful as it was, all I have to do is remember every moment of that experience and it is enough to keep me from wanting another child -ever. So I say...
Honestly though, I really started thinking about ttc again, tonight --all because of the adorable photos/memories of Kryssa (she'll turn 5 in Aug. already!). Earlier today, I was still definitely on one side of the fence about wanting another child (the side on NOT wanting...). I feel like our life, as a family of 3, is quite complete. I'm content. I'm happy. I'm thankful. I feel that we could experience so much together, keeping our focus on just the three of us. But I'm a little shaken that I'm actually on the fence now -tonight -just from strolling down memory lane.
Before tonight, I would think of a second baby and feel overwhelmed with these thoughts:
months of bed rest (like w/ our first)
painful breast feeding
routine filled days (diaper change, feeding, nap time, diaper change, feeding, nap time, and so on...)
and you can imagine the rest (labor, recovery, etc). I do, however, have to remind myself that my first experience w/ pregnancy, labor, and recovery is not the way it "normally" goes . . . but those are my thoughts because of my only experience w/ it. I pray to have a different experience in my lifetime . . .
It's been about 7 months or so since I've even really, truly, considered ttc again. I flipped a complete 180 last year -not wanting to even think about ttc again, for a really really long time . . .
yet, here I am. only 8 months later . . .
ha! it just makes me chuckle.
*how could I not want another after viewing my 'baby' . . .
I've always wished for a day like this --but it always seemed too far fetched... Definitely the first time I've experienced. I just have to share what a (more than) wonderful thing that my hubby did for me today. This is a day I will always remember --how he put on my work shirt and 'walked in my shoes' for a few hours.
I got super sick (stomach virus, I believe) early this morning (2am) and at 7:30am, I sent my boss a text letting her know the news. She was scheduled off and that would leave me, one of our reg. staff members, and then an employee from another location, that was coming in to help -since my boss was taking the day off. Here's the problem, that place can't be run by just one person for the first two hours . . . 60 kids, one employee?! I don't think so!
Well, I casually asked my hubby, this morning at 7:30am, as I was miserable in bed, if he would want to go in for me for the one hour that I was being asked to work --even though my boss new my condition, someone really needed to be there to open and help get everything started. Originally I was just asked to work one hour but then the same thought occurred to my boss -if Chris wanted to go in for me. She sent me a text asking, in a joking manner, if he would go in and work for me -for two hours, but then started throwing in incentives if he really were to go in for me . . . He never said no and then even admitted that he was considering it.
Long story short, my wonderful, amazing, loving, husband had already called in to his work, this morning at 7:45am, to watch Kryssa -so I could get the rest I needed, since I was up all night sick from my stomach (I thought I was going to end up in the ER because of the horrible pain in the pit of my stomach!)- Well, by 12:30pm he was putting on a work shirt of mine (unisex, of course! ha ha) and he did my usual routine of bathing Kryssa, getting her dressed -teeth brushed, hair done, etc.- and walking out the door to drive 35 mins to my place of work to go take care of approx 60 after schoolers (and our daughter)! It's my everyday routine Monday through Friday and he actually, willingly, went and covered my shift for me!!! He 'walked in my shoes' -for a whole 2 hrs! I just couldn't believe it. At first, I thought I was going to wake up and tell him of this crazy dream I had. But no, it was sooooo real! :) I don't know how much more I can fall in love w/ him . . . love him . . . appreciate him . . . for alllll that he is and does. He was such a blessing today. I just still can't believe he did that for me today.
I enjoyed hearing the little stories he shared w/ me about what went on w/ the kids at work, just like I share w/ him about my day.
To top it all off, he even came home w/ lemonade and soups for me! Ah, I love him and I'm feeling much much better tonight. :)What a day to remember...