Week 24: Cantaloupes and Endo

How far along?

24 weeks on 3/13/13
(6 months!)

How big are the twinkies?

According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of and ear of corn.  We should find out on Wednesday, March 20, an approximate size or weight —we have another appointment with the perinatologist.

How am I feeling?

I've still been feeling really great!  I absolutely love every single movement I feel (which has been a LOT lately).  I'm in love with my baby belly (although really scared of what it will look like after the babies arrive. lol!).  So, this week, I've felt GREAT! 

Weight?

+15

(SLOW DOWWWWNNN!!!)

 I'd love to think it's the babies growing and growing away.  However, I can't really help but think that I give in to waaaay too many junky yummy foods.

What do I miss?
I miss having my emotions under control.  Things change out of nowhere! And it's really tough, sometimes, to sift through everything and level things out again.
I miss "me" time.  Somehow, I think I got more "me" time before this pregnancy.  I don't know how because I was working at home and still homeschooling.  So, I don't see how I had anytime for "me" time.  Although, now, I feel like I have absolutely none.   
*Maybe it's that I'm making more of an effort to not tell KJ "mommy needs quiet time"; which normally got her to go play up in her room.  I'm trying to get as much mommy and KJ time as I can right now.  I don't want her memories of 'before babies' to be of mom always sending her to play in her room.
I really need to find a healthy, sane, balance —ASAP.

Symptoms?
Serious indigestion, heartburn, and acid reflux.  I've also noticed nausea creeping back in.  But I'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that baby girl is all up in my stomach area.  She bumps, kicks, and wiggles against my stomach and it causes all this crazy stuff to happen.  (have you ever had a belly full of water/liquid and jumped around or wiggled too much?  You know that sloshing feeling?  Yeah, that's what I feel, after I eat, with every movement she makes.  And I know I need readjust the amount I'm eating —again.  I need to eat less of a serving at once, now that babies are taking up more space.
The hip pain I I've been experiencing during sleep time is now creeping in to my waking hours.  :(  But I do manage to push through the pain, for now, because I don't want it to stop me from doing the little bit that I can.

Endo has been flaring up the most this week.  Very similar to what it was like before I was pregnant.  The pain just comes out of nowhere.  :(  No warning.  No cause.  Just horrible stabbing pain —in the same 'ol areas.  (I use those moments to focus on what I'm feeling and remind myself that I can get through that pain —just as I have done for so many years . . . like it's some kind of training, preparing me for my birth goals.)  I also remind myself that battling endometriosis, while pregnant, feels so much more worth it.  Like a big nasty slap in Endo's face. ;) hee hee!  Take THAT endo!

Cravings?

Sushi.  Pizza.  Milkshakes and fries (yes, together!).

*Why can't it be carrots, broccoli, and other healthy foods?!

Highlights of the week?

I survived a [short] trip to Sea World.  I never thought I'd be able to handle the walking... but I did!  Thanks to a great friend and her two kiddos. :)  Between feedings, snack time, diaper changes, potty breaks (mine included), nap time, kiddie-ride time, etc., there was plenty of "rest time".  It was the perfect way to survive Sea World!

Chris, KJ, and I took another trip to Ikea.  It was a much longer shopping experience than I had imagined and prepared for.  But I survived and we purchased the rest of the nursery furniture.  :)

Chris, being Super-Dad, building more furniture for the twinkies' room!

What we were doing while daddy built furniture.  :)

We had our very first prenatal appointment with Midwife R.  It was perfect and amazing!  

(look for the blog post [coming soon] to get more details.) 

Feeling the positions of the twinkies.

Belly watch:

Week 23: Eggplants and birth plans

How far along?

23 weeks on 3/6/13.

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of:

How am I feeling?

Sleeeeeeeeepy.  Hungry.  Full.  Sleepy.

(kind of sounds like a baby's schedule, huh?)

Weight?
+14

What do I miss?

Nothing really.  I'm loving every single moment right now!

(Although, I do daydream about being able to roll around on my belly during the night...)

Symptoms?

It's been a pretty great week!  —oh, besides dealing with miserable allergies; maybe it was a cold? (excruciating sinus pain, stuffy nose, runny nose, sore throat, headache)

Cravings?

Meat.  Beans.  Cake.

Highlights of the week?

My car finally works again!!  I really enjoyed being out and about, with KJ.  

Chris and Kryssa worked in the nursery and set up the babies' cribs and finished the trim/accent on the walls.  :)  It's really coming together and we are all excited.

Chris and I finally decided to switch from my current OB to the midwife we met with earlier this year.  I never really expected Chris to be fully on-board with the switch, but we are here, planning for a home birth, and I am super excited!!!

Belly watch:

22 weeks +6 days: Prenatal appointment (the last straw)

Today's prenatal appointment was not what I expected.

I have gotten a sonogram at every single visit, to see how the baby's are growing, to check their heartbeats, and to measure my cervix.  Today, no sonogram.  I was told that they were very busy with other sonogram appointments.  Dr. R used a doppler to to listen to their heartbeats and then visually checked my cervix.  (everything is fine, based on heart beat and cervix.)

At the last few appointments, I have been asking basically the same questions:  (wanting to see how consistent the answers are —or is he just telling me what I want to hear?)

Q:  "Can I deliver both babies naturally?"
A:  "As long as both babies are head down before you go into labor.  If not, we'll have to schedule a c-section."

Q:  "If only baby A is head down, do you allow any time or assistance in bringing baby B down?"
A:  "No.  It's just not worth the risk.  I won't even chance it.  You'll need a c-section if they aren't both head down.  You don't want to go through delivering one, only to still need a c-section."

Q:  "Will you allow me to go full-term and go into labor naturally?"
A:  "As long as everything is going ok.  But once you get to 37/38 weeks, I don't want you to go past that... the babies might turn the wrong way or get too big... you'll be so uncomfortable and begging to be induced... I don't want you to really go past that... We'll induce you at that point."
(this is the one that kept changing, each time I'd ask.  First it was this, what is stated above.  The next visit, it was "I'll do whatever you want me to do, as long as you and babies are doing well.  If you don't want to be induced, we'll just go with the flow and see what happens when we get there..."  Then, at this appointment, it went back to what is stated above.)


Every time I have gotten these responses, my only thoughts are "There must be another way!".  I try to stay positive and remind myself that God is in control no matter who delivers the babies.  However, I just don't feel at peace or even slightly comfortable with this plan of care.  I always have a nervous stomach, unsure about what I'm going to hear next.  I leave disappointed and feeling like there's nothing I can do to change the outcome.  I feel as though I constantly have to keep my guard up and "fight" for what I really truly want.  ... and in saying all of this, it's not what I believe prenatal care should feel like.  I should be at peace.  I should feel comfortable with my care provider.  I should feel that I should have choices!  (after all, it is my body and my babies . . . and as long as everything is healthy and great, I should be able to choose.)  All this stress is definitely not good for my pregnancy.

As soon as Chris heard the doctor's responses at today's appointment, he knew another "midwife" conversation would be taking place.  ;)  Our first discussion ended with him urging me to call a group of midwives, that deliver in a hospital.  I called the group and it turned out that they don't even deliver twins.  hm!  :(  *Now, keep in mind, I have been praying about which path to take since the very beginning of our pregnancy.  I've been praying for doors to be closed and doors to be opened, leading us on God's perfect plan —even if I can't see clearly at the time.  Dr. R's door closed for us today.  Then, the only other possible midwives to deliver in a hospital, that had great recommendations, didn't work out —that door closed...

As the day went on, I would just randomly ask him, "So, can I call Robin now?".  An hour or two would pass and I would, again, ask, "So . . . what do you think about switching to Robin?".  I continued with that for the rest of the evening.  *Not trying to annoy him or even force him to agree with my desire to switch.  I just wanted to stay on the topic and get some kind of answers, a solution, a plan.  It ended up being our main topic all evening —trying to figure out finances if we were to switch (because she is "out of network"), talking about the "what ifs", thinking out plans for different scenarios, and brainstorming if there were any other options that we both felt comfortable with.

On our way home, around 9pm, I called him (we were driving in separate cars).  As soon as he answered, I just said, "Sooo . . . can I call Robin now?!? [nervous giggle]...".  He paused, for what felt like an entire minute of silence.  I thought I had finally annoyed him.  His response, "[deep breathe] I guess so.  I sure hope this is the right decision...".  All of a sudden, I was speechless!  I can normally talk and talk and talk.  But I really had no idea he was going to agree tonight.  I thought he was going to wait and wait until I needed another prenatal visit or something.  I really didn't know what to expect.

So, here I am.  Up at midnight with a racing mind.  "Is this really happening?"  "Am I going to wake up tomorrow and tell Chris that I had a dream where he finally agreed to switching to a midwife to plan for a home birth??"  I've dreamt and prayed for this opportunity for years!
**"God, have YOUR way and let YOUR will be done!"**

I've sent midwife R an email and now we'll go from here.  God is in control and only He knows the plans He has for us.

:)

Week 18: Sweet Potatoes and Birth Options

How far along?

18 weeks on 1/30/13!

How big are the twinkies?

 According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

How am I feeling?

Up and down and up and down with emotions and energy.  Oh, and constantly starving!!

Weight?

Surprisingly, I've gone down a pound.  That puts me at +3 . . . for now.  I really don't even know how that's possible!  I thought, for sure, I was going to go up an additional 2lbs, if not more.  Who knows!

What do I miss?

Nothing of importance this week.  I've already mentioned sleep and comfort; however, it's the price I am willing to continue to pay for these little babies!! :D

Symptoms?

Extreme hunger and thirst.  Numbing still happening in my thighs.  Pinch nerves around bulging disc, in lower back (along with clicking of the surrounding vertebrae —doesn't hurt; just sounds and feels gross.).  Mood swings (irritable and sensitive/emotional).  Dizzy spells —out of nowhere! (I probably look really silly when I frantically grab on to the closest stable thing, but I'm standing still and nothing looks "wrong" from the outside.  It's all in my head, literally.)

Annoyances?

Learning to 'let go' of how I'm used to doing certain tasks.  Before pregnancy, if I wanted something done a certain way, I'd just make sure to do it myself.  Now, however, I have to just let it go and be grateful for Chris's and Kryssa's full participation.  :)   I'm telling myself that it shouldn't matter how it gets done... just that it did get done and I wasn't the one that had to do it.

Cravings?

Uh, everything?!  lol  No, not really.  

Hard boiled eggs.  Greek yogurt with granola.  Nacho Cheese Doritos.  Fresh chocolate chip cookies. 

Highlights of the week?

Matching onesies we bought, in case we find out we are having two boys! 

We now have a gender-nuetral set and a boys' set.  All we need now is to find a cute little set for girls.

Chris and I met with an amazing midwife,  on Friday, Jan. 25, to discuss the possibility of a home birth!  (you can read more about it here.)

Belly watch

Home Birth Anyone?

Friday, a week ago, was a BIG day for us.  Well, more like "big evening"...  It put me on cloud nine!

Approximately five years ago, a neighbor of mine gave birth at home.  I remember thinking "Wow. that must be an amazing experience!".  Chris thought it was crazy!  Almost four years ago, I was so incredibly honored and blessed to witness my best friend give birth, to her third child, at a birthing center.  It was incredible and I knew it was something that I would love to experience some day.  Then, just a couple of years after that birth, I, witnessed her amazing home birth, of her fourth child.  Again, another incredible experience.  It was so peaceful and beautiful.  The midwives cared for her gently and lovingly and she had the opportunity to let her body call the shots.  No one was counting through her contractions and yelling that she had to push or keep pushing.  When she wanted to walk, she was able to.  When she wanted to sway, be held, get in the birthing pool, lay down, (and yes, even sleep!) there was her "team" (midwives and hubby) supporting her every move and decision, calmly and lovingly encouraging her along the way.  It was so beautiful and incredible —peaceful and however the birthing momma and baby needed it to be.    . . . and that's when I knew I wanted to have the same opportunities and experience, one day —if God ever blessed me with another pregnancy.

Years ago, Chris would give me the "No way!  You're crazy!" response.  After my friends home birth, he changed it to "Uh, I don't know.  We'll see."  During our IVF cycle, as we'd imagine the possibility of actually, finally, getting pregnant, I knew I wanted to 'plan' for a home birth but I knew I'd need hubby to be on board and fully supportive.  Once we found out we were expecting twins, I felt that all hope, for a home birth, was gone.  I thought there was no way that any midwife would deliver twins at home.  However, it all changed when my wonderful [home birthing] friend, who is now a doula, told me about a wonderful midwife that she knew.  She said that this particular midwife is THE midwife to go to when it comes to a twin home birth.  I trusted her recommendation and my research began.

So, that leads us up to me making a phone call to midwife R, just to find out if I'd even be a candidate for a twin home birth.  I shared my medical history and my previous pregnancy and birth history.  I answered the questions she had for me and the result was in —so far I was a candidate!  We arranged to meet the very next evening.  In that first phone call, alone, she gave me more detailed info and suggestions/advice on how to aim for a healthy twin pregnancy (nutrition, mind-set, book recommendation, etc) than my current OB had given me.  I felt more positive support from midwife R, just over a phone conversation, than I did with the OB I have been with for over 7 years (and I've always really liked Dr. R.  He's been great —handling my endo journey . . . but not so much, in my opinion, handling this pregnancy.).  There was such a huge difference of mind-set and realistic optimism (if that even makes sense).

When we finally met, it just felt right.  It felt better than right, actually.  It felt perfect!  I had been a bit anxious about the whole thing.  Yes, I knew I wanted to meet her and get more information about the possibility of having a twin home birth.  However, when today's "norm" revolves around scheduled c-sections (when not medically necessary), a home birth, to many, sounds so "hippie" and "accidental" (the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" t.v. show, or  the "it just happened so fast; I didn't make it to the hospital" scenarios).  It's a bit tough going against the "norm" —especially when having twins!

After talking, for over two hours, with midwife R, I felt so different than before.  I didn't feel anxious.  I felt confident.  I felt sure that I could trust my body (and God) to bring these babies into this world in the best possible way.  I trust that if things change, and not allow for a home birth, at any point during this pregnancy, I made every decision based on what is best for me and the twins.  I trust that if things change, and the twins end up being born in a hospital (by c-section or not), God has His reasons and all I can do is trust His plan.  However, I also trust that, if we are so blessed to experience a home birth, God has equipped my mind and body to do exactly what it needs to do to birth two babies.

It was also great talking with midwife R hearing about her personal experience with having twins of her own, delivering others' twins, having a passion for twin pregnancies and births, and being recognized nationally for her experience in twin home births.  She is an amazing woman!

For now, we still haven't switched from my current OB.  We are waiting to get some info about our insurance coverage ... and also, we want to keep our upcoming appointment, on February 5th, to have our sono and find out the genders!  But I know what I want (and I have been praying about this since I found out I was pregnant) and I know that Chris' questions were answered in a very realistic way, making him feel more ready for this journey.  I have told Chris that I trust his final decision; I trust that he, too, is trusting God for the right decision.  Therefore, I will not go against his wishes or decision.  I'm praying that he is fully on board and supportive but I also have to let go and trust God in this decision.  So, we will make a decision in the next week or so and I will gladly share whatever it is that we decide to do.


Have you ever considered a home birth?  Was it, 'without a doubt', an easy decision?  Or did it take some time to adjust 'going against the grain'?

I'd love to hear your stories!