Third pregnancy, fourth baby: SURPRISE!!! 5 weeks 3 days

I had suspicions.  I connected some of what had been going on as "pregnancy symptoms", BUT... I really didn't think I was pregnant.

I always do that.  For all the 4+ years that we focused on ttc, before going through IVF in 2012, everything that I felt was pregnancy related.  ha!  I was so hopeful.  I wanted to be pregnant sooooo badly.  So, of course, any indigestion, headache, cramp, mood swing, or craving, had to be because 'maybe I was pregnant'!  Right?

The twins are napping... time to blog!!!

I've missed blogging.  I don't make time for it these days.  I'd much rather eat, nap, clean, shower, or just sit, while the twins are occupied or napping.

So, a quick update:

KJ is still 9, counting down to her August birthday, to celebrate her first double-digit birthday.  She's enjoying really cool sciences classes this summer.  No soccer this summer.  (we missed out on the registration date).  She's enjoying her summer so far --although, on days with more chores and responsibilities, she very quickly lets me know that I'm making it "the worst summer ever!".  eh.  It's what every mother lives for, right?!  ha!

The many roles...

To the housekeeper:

You've really been slacking.  I can't stand it around here any more.  You kept the place so nice and clean for about three weeks and then you stopped.  I don't know what happened, exactly.  I mean, I hear that your health has major ups and downs.  I hear you deal with chronic pain -which leads to your random exhaustion.  I'm assuming my housework isn't your only job...  Oh, yeah, I know you have kids and all.  I know they keep you up to odd hours, when you would normally be sleeping.  I'm just not sure what to do at this point.  I mean, I need you to step it up, suck it up, and get back on point.  The rest of my family, obviously, has much more important things going on.  I mean, you must continue picking up and taking out the trash every single night.  You must  keep the dishes and kitchen clean, at all times.  You are the sole dish washer around here, don't forget that.  Oh, and don't just leave the laundry laying around!  The clean clothes can't just get piled in the laundry room.  You have to actually fold and go put each piece away, exactly where it is needed (if you set it out in nice piles for each person to take on their own, it won't ever get done and they'll just end up getting thrown back into a pile).  No one has time for all that;

Time change... time for change...

Wide awake.  This time change is kicking my butt.  Seriously!

I've been online watching YouTube videos of Boyce Avenue --like it's been well over an hour now.  I'm totally amazed and in love with the sound and vocal blends of these artists/musicians.  And so my wheels start a-churnin'.

I have recently been presented with an amazing opportunity and I think my own fears and insecurities might be the only thing really, truly, stopping me from leaping in with both feet.  What a shame, right?  Let me back up a bit here...

In January, there was one night that Chris and I were listening to worship songs, live recordings on YouTube.  I broke down at the sight of outstretched hands, a mass of people worshiping and opening up their hearts to God.  I re-shared with Chris a vision I once had, when I was a worship leader for a local youth ministry.  I was just a teen, myself, yet, I was so certain of what God had shown me.  I expressed my sadness about how I feel it all went away so quickly.  I questioned, out loud, in conversation, if maybe I failed to use my gifts and talents for the Lord and now he had taken them.  I sat in silence briefly and then said, "Oh well, I guess God is working in me and may have other things for me to do during this season.  I hope I didn't completely miss the boat...  At least I had a taste of it.".  And I went back to sitting and listening, and watching, in silence, my heart aching and my mind filled with questions.  And then I felt God loving on me.  I shared with Chris what immediately ran through my head, "Well... I'm not dead yet! (we laughed)  My time's not over and I can still live out that dream and vision!..."  Saying it out loud put a huge smile back on my face and I felt God's reassurance --those words were so true.  God's NOT done with me yet!

That week, I began praying for new beginnings, new opportunities, and new ways to grow and stretch my faith.  I prayed to grow my love for God and to take new steps as His servant.  I started craving opportunities to serve again and I really focused on different ways I could live my life 'out loud' this year and 'not hold back' in these areas.  I asked God to close doors that just weren't right for me (and my marriage) anymore, and open new doors --doors that I never knew existed and that would take me to new places, doing great things for the Lord.

The very next month, February, we began to see new doors opening.  Yet, here I am, now in March, still trying to 'figure it all out':  how can I balance ministry work and my family?  How can I commit when I don't even have a reliable vehicle at the moment?  How can I go back to leading worship when my memory just plain stinks right now?! (lol seriously!  I have the worst memory when it comes to learning new lyrics -it's gotten worse the older I've gotten; and I'm only 31!!  How sad.)  Will my children be okay while I'm away?  Will we miss out as a family? ... So, all these questions, and "ifs" and "buts" keep running through my mind.  I know God is bigger than all my insecurities.  My nerves are valid, but if it's truly His will, He will make it all work out for His glory!

I know what I want to do --I want to leap with both feet and get out there, doing great things for God, again.  But facing reality is scary sometimes --the reality of raising my babies and making it all balance out just right.  The reality that I will probably mess up a lot of lyrics, because it happens, I know, and life will just go on.  I've never felt this way before --almost like having stage fright, which I've NEVER had.  But it's strange because it's so much more than the literal meaning of being 'on stage'.  It's a HUGE responsibility.  But then, at the same time, it's such a humbling honor to see that God trusts me... me!  --Again.

God is so amazing.  So loving and forgiving.  So merciful and gracious.  I asked and here it is; He showed up in such a HUGE way . . . now it's time for me to either take that leap and 'live out loud', or let it pass me by, while I raise my babies, and pray another opportunity like this comes around again.

To My Husband

Dear hunny,

Today, I surprisingly fell in love with you all over again.  It feels wonderful ... like a new-found joy . . . a giddy little tickle in my tummy . . . maybe it really was your new frames (hehe), or the way you attacked me with kisses, even though I was a sweaty mess.  Or maybe it was the helpful heart I saw, as you very quickly and willingly cleaned up the downstairs area, while I was cooking.  Or maybe it was that you did such a sweet thing and surprised KJ today, when you drove to go pick up her bff.

I can't really explain why or how.  I just know that my heart opened up to you in a new, fresh, way again.  It's been a while, huh?  We knew that having 'a baby' was going to change our relationship and put some things on hold.  But we didn't have a clue

Working on our 'night time routine'

I should be crafting the Christmas gifts, shopping online for last minute Christmas craft supplies, working on my new blog project, cleaning, washing the dirty diapers, sleeping.

Since the twins have been home, my sleep schedule has gone in all different directions.  I'm currently on the "night time is my only 'me time' and I have stuff I need to do" (lack of) sleep schedule.  Then, during the daytime, I've been working to get them on the same schedule.  They have gone back and forth a couple of times, over the last few months.  Finally, they are back on the same schedule, but that also means

One hour.

I just experienced my first hour away -all by myself. No nursing baby, and no talkative 9yr old. 

Since the twins were born, I've been alone with Elly several times. I've also had one time alone with Kj (I took her down the street for a hair cut). I had never gone anywhere kid-free...in well over 6 months!

Now, I didn't do anything extravagant.  I traveled 10 minutes away to purchased some cloth dipes from another momma (that I met for the first time when I arrived at her house).  I was only gone for an hour. 

Everything felt strangely normal, at first.  Probably because I was rushing to leave the house, as I normally am these days.  Then, driving there, I was so focused on directions, I didn't have much time to think about being alone.  Once I arrived, I had to check all the dipes and decide on what I was going to buy.  Again, my mind stayed very occupied.  *what did feel strange, though, was when I was in conversation and I would say "my son" or "baby girl".  I felt like I did before I had them and that I was making it up and telling stories. Haha!  I didn't have my babies there with me, so I felt like they were just all in my head. 

Once I started realizing how much time had passed, and I knew Elly would be needing to nurse soon, I started feeling extremely anxious and scatterbrained. The other mom might have felt like I had multiple personalities!  All of a sudden, I couldn't think straight.  I didn't remember how to function on my own. I think I kept repeating myself too. Haha!

I called Chris on my way home. I was sure I would hear Elly screaming over the phone. Silence. That's all I heard. Chris told me that he bathed Elly and then she fell asleep in his arms.  (Awww!)

I got home a few minutes later and was so relieved to see a calm and happy home. 

I stuffed my face with whatever I could find (because I hadn't had a chance to eat all day!) and I made something for Kj to eat --because Chris did a great job with all three kiddos; but apparently I wasn't gone long enough for him to get a chance to practice cooking AND hanging out with the kiddos. ;)

It was SO refreshing being out, even though it was just for an hour.  It was like a "reset" button... Wiping the slate clean... Starting fresh. 

I really need to do this more often!

Ps. Yes, I reeeeeeeally missed my babies while I was gone!!

Still searching.

Broken.

Broken down.

Fixable.  But currently in a state of needing repair.

That's how I currently feel.

I'm tired...Exhausted... drained to the last drop  --Physically, emotionally, mentally... is there any other way to feel so broken; if so, add it to the list.

Earlier today, I did the only thing I know to do when I feel this broken.  I blasted the worship music throughout the house, closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and sang my heart out.  What a release I felt!  Wow.  God has never left me.  He's here --holding me and carrying me through.
*I was so desperate for some "me and God time" I forced it:  KJ was at the table, 8 ft away, doing schoolwork.  Liam was on the floor napping, 2 ft away.  And Elly was only centimeters away from the back of my neck, hanging out in the Boba.

I'm so very, very, thankful for the life I have.  I have three beautiful blessings and a hard-working husband.  However, it seems as though I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything.  I'm not sure how to find that perfect balance.  Does it even exist?  Or is that what life is --searching and readjusting, constantly, and making the best of everything along the way?  Because, just when you think you have it . . . BAM!  Everything changes and it's time to start all over again.

 I feel like I suddenly have a thousand and one things on my plate and it's finally weighing me down...  I try not to complain (Chris might feel differently about this. Ha!) and I really try to stay loving and positive in all situations.  But, seriously, can I get some 'Personal Time Off' or 'Vacation Time' -even if only for an hour or two?  (I don't even know what I would do IF I had some 'time off' but laying still, staring at the ceiling, without a SINGLE interruption, really would feel like a mini vacation!)  In this new chapter of life, I either need amazing strength to continue pushing through; or I need to figure out a positive and loving way to get everyone on board and pull some more weight around here.  Or I'm afraid I just might seriously crash and burn very soon.  Hm, maybe a little of both?!

You know, I had always heard how going from one child to two children is the hardest adjustment and then adding a third is so easy.  But what about going straight from one child to three children?  Is there some kind of crash course, or Cliff Notes, for this kind of transition?!  Can't we just eat out or order-in for every meal?  Oh, and let's throw in house cleaning services while we're at it!  Wait, do they include laundry services too?

What's your household and family flow like?  Do you have any tips/solutions that you've learned along the way?  I'm sure it could save me some weeks, months, and even years, of trial and error!

Pack up! (leaving the house with twins.)

When I want to leave the house, I have to start planning two days ahead!  I don't just make "a quick run" out of the house. I plan a whole day of things to do (neccessity and leasure) because it just doesn't seem worth my time and all the hassle to just leave for one errand.

I can't just wake up and get ready to leave. First I need to pump (and hope the babies stay asleep long enough to get it done without interruption (typically an hour, to hour and a half, from beginning to end -includes distributing ounces for the day and ounces to freeze and then clean up).  Then there's getting everyone "ready".

What we learned from our W̶h̶o̶l̶e̶3̶0̶ "Whole4" challenge.

It's not for everyone.  Plain and simple.

(I could just end the blog at this...haha)

1. Setting healthy goals, as a family, is very important!

2.  We are very capable of controlling our out-of-control cravings.

3.  I can Not spread myself too thin and stay sane (and still produce enough milk for Liam).

4.  Meal and snack planning/prepping really does help control crazy "eat whatever is in sight because I'm starving NOW!" habits.

5.  Grocery shopping is much more tedious and time consuming when you don't feel like eating only chicken and veggies.


With that said, Yes, we stopped our Whole30 challenge.  Basically I stopped and now Chris feels relieved to eat some yummy "yuck" food without too much guilt.  haha!

Okay.  So, we were really mentally ready to do this challenge.  However, I was not physically prepared for everything that came with such a challenge. 

I was literally in the kitchen from the time I woke, until around 4am, sometimes even5am, serving food, cooking dinner, breakfast, and lunch for the next day (so Chris could have it ready to take to work), pre-serving snacks, prepping whatever I could for the next day's dinner, and then cleaning everything up!  Of course, I was still Breastfeeding Elly and bottle feeding Liam, and pumping once in the morning and once at night, doing the daily diaper laundry and trying to help Kj stay on top of her school work... And then trying to keep up with pesky housework and all the other laundry.  (Many, many, kudos to other twin mommas who have already found their "balance".  One day... I believe it will happen for me.)

Chris ended up havining to go to the store several times during the week because I was not used to preparing meat and veggies only. (We ran out of food a lot faster since there were no "filler" [junk] foods being served.  Imagine that! Ha!)  So we blew right through our weekly grocery budget.  

My body was crashing... Slowly. By Thursday ('Day 1' was on Monday), I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to get out of bed because my body hurt so badly from being on my feet all day and juggling everything by myself, 4 days in a row, with only a maximum of 4 hrs of sleep each night. (Before The Whole30, I'd cook on some days and on other days, when I was just too mentally and physically exhausted, Chris would bring home food.)

So, the budget:  we could have sucked it up and eaten chicken and veggies for the rest of our challenge. But then I'm sure we'd miss the whole point of learning how to ENJOY healthy foods. 

The physical and mental exhaustion I was fighting: I could have sucked it up and pushed through.  Chris and I had talked, and I expressed how I really needed him to pitch in even more than usual. BUT he was already pitching in from the time he got out of work until he just couldn't stay awake (around 10pm/12am. He wakes up at five-something in the mornings, to be at work by 6:30am).  I weighed the options... "Push through it to see whatever results I get and know I fought hard to "finish".  But be mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted every day for the next 26 days?!  I couldn't even imagine it!  I felt I'd miss out on these precious moments with my babies!  I felt that there had to be a better way to get healthy, stay sane, and make precious memories with my children.  Getting healthy with what I put in my body should never take away from being mentally and emotionally healthy, right?  I started to see that, as I had been in prayer about whether to continue the challenge or not. 

I don't like to "quit" anything. I LOVE a good challenge.  So this was really bugging me. I didn't want to "quit"!  

The deciding factor for me was when I was only able to pump 6oz of milk Thursday morning, before I went to bed.  

God has been amazing in allowing me to provide more than enough milk for Liam. Now, it took much prayer and some serious hard work and determination!  I re-started my "exclusively pumping" journey on July 14, and started with 10oz, for the entire day, pumping 3x.  Then it went to 13oz and eventually hit 20oz, as I pumped 4 and 5 times in a day.  By mid-August, I had days when I would pump as many as 8 times, getting a daily total of 39oz of milk!  I was pumping and storing as much as I possibly could.  By the end of August I was pumping as much as 43oz in a day, with pumping 4-5x.  I was beyond happy and thankful to God.  It only got better, still!  In early September I was able to pump 52oz in one day, with only pumping 4x!!  Praise God, right?!  By mid-September I started to only pump once when I'd wake up and once before I'd go to sleep.  That routine was giving me 30-38oz of milk, daily.  I had FINALLY gotten into a GREAT pumping schedule (allowing me to continue to store milk (I currently have over 500oz in the deep freezer) for the future AND still provide his daily intake).  I was no longer being "milked" all day, between nursing and pumping.  I finally felt like I could breathe and enjoy my babies and my days!  And then I started The Whole30 challenge...

Monday, Whole30 Day 1:  27.5oz

Whole30 Day 2:  21oz

Whole30 Day 3:  16.5oz (rethinking the Whole30 challenge)

Whole30 Day 4:  19.2oz (ooh! Maybe it's getting better!!  Although, I was extremely concerned about my supply when Elly was needing to nurse every hour and a half to two hours!  Her "norm" is between three and three and a half hours, sometimes four!  And I never really felt a full "let-down" like I was used to feeling throughout the day.)

Friday, Day 5:  8oz (I really can't chance loosing my milk supply anymore! I ate a bowl of oatmeal to help my supply but everything else stayed "Whole30 approved".  I know I was already off of it since I ate the oatmeal, but I already had all the right foods available, so why not continue what I CAN?! )

Saturday:  8.5oz (yikes!  Come on milk!!)

Sunday:  23oz!!! (18oz was from my morning pump session!! Oh praise God, things are finally getting back to "normal"!!  AND Elly had more milk than she could even drink throughout the day!! I'll take engorgement pain all over again, if it means I can provide my babies with more than enough milk!!)

So that was the main factor for me. I could NOT stand the thought of either loosing my milk supply (which, by searching online, I realized that it has, unfortunately, been quite common for some mommas, when starting The Whole30), or even having to go back to pumping every 2-3 hours a day, on top of nursing Elly.  Those days were rough and exhausting (I was already beyond exhausted... I had to know my limits --not push past them!)

I did what I felt was best. I prayed and prayed about how to go about getting off of The Whole30 because it wasn't just me, it was KJ too!  She had done an amazing job!!  I didn't want to give her the wrong idea of how to handle "goals".  So, I sat with KJ and discussed how trying to be healthy in one area should never cause you to be unhealthy in other areas -there needs to be a balance.  Surprisingly, she was sad that we weren't going to continue the Whole30 as a family. Turns out that she loves family challenges too!  :)

That night, over our pre-cooked, "Whole30 approved" meal, we discussed how we could balance out some new goals, "challenges", for our family.  We also discussed how we can all pitch in a little more so Mom doesn't carry the entire load of "keeping the family healthy".  

This is what we came up with:

We are still amped to make a conscious effort, daily, to be healthy, together. It feels great to have found something that works for our family right now.  We definitely learned a lot in those four days. We are using that knowledge daily and working towards our new goals, as we continue to cheer on my mom and sis, now on Day8 of their Whole30! :)

So, here's to finding the right balance for your family...

Learning to survive

Reality has been setting in very very slowly for me.  The twins were born on May 20; but they didn't come home until June 19th.  In just days, they will have been home for three months.  How wonderful!  And we are finally getting into a good routine.

Our "getting into a good routine" looks a little like this:  I wake up anywhere from 9am-1pm, depending what time I went to sleep.  I pump and store the milk.  I prep a bottle for Liam and I get their prefolds and covers prepared and set them aside.  Sometimes I can take another little snooze and sometimes someone is already waking up.  Whoever wakes up first, gets changed and fed first.  I either breastfeed Ellyana or bottle feed Liam --sometimes they wake at the same time and I have to feed them simultaneously!  After they eat, Elly can stay awake for about 2-2.5 hrs and Liam only lasts about 1 hour, sometimes a little more.  They nap --hopefully around the same time.  *sometimes by the time Elly is ready to nap, Liam has already taken his nap and is ready for 'mommy time'.

Now, take that little chunk of schedule and repeat every 2-3 hours...

yup.

Sometimes it goes so smoothly, it feels like I'm running a home daycare again.  Other days don't go as smoothly and it feels like I'm secretly being tested on my multi-tasking, ability to fast several meals in a row, and potty break effeciency --like washing my hands while I tinkle... I'm joking!

If I'm still sane and able to function well by 9pm, I will remember to change them into their 'night time diaper' and pajamas.  They will usually get their last feeding between 10pm and 12am.  At least, that's the plan.  Ha!  *If there's one thing that I've definitely learned and come to terms with is that I can do all the planning in the world and sometimes it just doesn't make a difference!  Twins need things at different times, same times, and all the time.

Liam used to be asleep by 11pm and wake up 12-14 hours later (usually).  However, these last few days, he has been staying awake with me while I pump and then needing another bottle before he finally falls asleep for the night.  So, recently, that's been around 2:30/3am.  There are even nights that he just doesn't want to be put down until he is asleep and that leaves me pumping at 3/4am.

Ellyana used to be up all night long and fall asleep closer to 6 and 7 am.  Some mornings were as late as 8am!  You're thinking, "oh my!", I know... I still think that when I go to sleep with the rising of the sun.  Thankfully, the two of them have some what flip flopped.  Elly has been going to sleep around 11pm/12am and staying asleep for approximately 12 full hours.  These nights are definitely easier to manage.  Nothing like the earlier nights where they were both awake and wanting mommy.  And of course, the majority of those nights happened at the same exact time that I decided to hook myself up to the darn pump!  That's a whole other blog post...

So, this brings us right back to when I wake up and pump in the morning.  Now, repeat that schedule . . . everyday.  It never ends.

There is no "break" for me; I just eat whatever I can, whenever I have a free moment.  I rush to the bathroom inbetween bottle-feeding, breast feeding, pumping, carrying babies, and changing diapers.  (It's amazing how a new mommy's body accommodates the new demands --I'm drinking approximately 90-150 ounces of water a day and have realized that I can survive on approx 2-3 potty breaks during the "day time".  Where all that water goes, I have no idea!)

Do I shower?! Haha! Again, right now it's all based on "how important is it?"  Am I leaving the house or expecting guests that might care (haha! -seriously!)?  Do I smell funky? (Lol -gross!)  Do I need a few minutes to myself?  If the answer is "Yes" to any of those, then my response is "of course I shower!" (And when I do, it's normally in less than 10 minutes, normally around 3 or 4 am.  Or right before we plan on leaving, while Chris is awake and sitting with the babies)

There's no such thing as "night" and "day" really.  I do whatever they need as soon as they need it, whether it's the sun or moon that's shining.  (Including diaper laundry)  It all still pretty much feels like one long, very long, day.

What I am happy about is the fact that my "sleep" doesn't feel like just one of several naps anymore.  I'm actually getting a good 4-5 hour stretch of sleep at night.  The most I've gotten has been 9 hours, I think (that ONE time)!  Now that's crazy impressive in my book.

So, we finally have some kind of schedule starting and I'm so glad!  I'm starting to feel a little more "normal" again, just over the last few days.  I feel like I can breath --just a little.  Phew!

Well, this is it... how I survive.  :)

A great [sweaty and humid] day for maternity photos.

We had our maternity photo session yesterday, done by my wonderful bff, owner of M.Y. Photography.  To be honest, I was not looking forward to taking pictures.  I never look forward to "picture day".  I'm too picky —I want my hair, clothes, make-up, smile.... everything, to look perfect.  I do know that might be close to impossible, but I have that type of mind-set and it really makes me dread being in photos.  I was, however, excited to get photos of my big 'ol pregnant belly.  :)

We bought some prop items and Chris worked on some little frames to add into our photos.  Things like that made me excited.  Anxious to see the final product makes me excited.  Getting dressed and ready made me exhausted!!  I had already started my day not feeling so well.  *the night before, at 3am, I started contracting pretty regularly for about an hour.  After I finally fell asleep, I woke up several times due to feeling contractions —which had not yet happened during this pregnancy.  So, I didn't sleep all that well and then, when I woke up, the contractions were still bugging me.  Chris suggested that we try to reschedule but I really just wanted to get it done and over with, not having to plan for another day of "prepping for pictures".

I took about two hours to get myself all primped and ready.  I was exhausted.  Unfortunately, we ended up running a little late and it didn't leave much time to soak in any of what was really going on.  It wasn't until I was driving to the location that it all hit me.  On the radio, in between going over the photo session "check list", I heard:
"Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me..."
I broke down and choked on my tears until I just couldn't hold them back any longer.  I told Chris how I was feeling, "We are here.  We're finally here!  Pregnant.  On our way to take maternity photos!"  The song that was playing, on the radio, was one that encouraged me many, many times when I just felt broken and knocked down from years of infertility —I knew that God was holding me.  I knew that He had not left me to handle it alone.  I knew that He had a very special plan for me (us).  He never let go of me, through every high and every single low.  Such comfort.  Hearing that song just brought it all back to me.  Yet, being on this new journey, I am able to look back and see how God had a VERY special plan for us -one I could have only imagined, never thinking it would become a reality: pregnant with twins! 

During that moment, I forgot about my make-up, hair, and ways I wanted the photos to be perfect.  All I could do was praise and thank God for the wonderful miracles we've been so blessed to enjoy over these past months.  Even as I type this, I am in tears just thinking how everything eventually comes together, full circle, sometimes in ways that you least expect.  All it takes is the tiniest bit of faith... not always easy, but definitely always worth it!  Nothing gets better than what God can do.



All in all, I think the session went really well.  I previewed just a few photos from her camera and I am so in love already.  I can not wait to see the rest!   

Unfortunately, KJ and Chris forgot to take water for themselves; so we ended up sharing my 34oz BubbaKeg of water (which, on a hot and humid day, will NOT keep three people hydrated).  I believe I ended up sweating more than I could replace and that led to contractions 5 mins apart (started around 7:15pm).  After about 2 hrs, they had spread out to 8-10 mins apart.  Nothing painful; just concerned me since nothing like that had ever happened, yet.  I was drinking water like crazy!  But it still didn't seem to do much.  Midwife Robin suggested Benadryl, Gatorade, and rest.  I did all three and I was finally asleep, without contractions, by midnight.

Well, that pretty much sums up our day yesterday...  Today, I am 31 weeks pregnant, only 6 weeks away from our full-term goal.  Stay in babies!  Stay in!!!


Here's our first 'sneak peek' that we received:

Week 29: Butternut Squash and Dessert

How far along?

29 weeks on 4/18/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of a butternut squash.

*Our most recent scan, on 4/16, showed that baby girl weighs approximately 3.7 lbs and baby boy weighs approximately 3.3 lbs.

How am I feeling?

Large and exhausted.  I'm pretty much always sleepy now.

Weight?

+24
(didn't change -yet.)

What do I miss?
I am definitely missing having more energy.  Still, in my head, I'd love to get up to do a number of things around the house and out and about.  However, my body just wants to sit back and rest.  

Symptoms?
Nausea and no appetite creep back here and there.  Restless/sleepless nights.  Annoying endo.  Some very mild swelling has started showing up (but I'm so happy I can still wear my wedding rings!).  Is outgrowing my clothes (again) a symptom?! —oh and new stretch marks.

Cravings?

dessert items. Chick-fil-a.  nuts (walnuts, almonds, pistachios, etc).  Milk.

Highlights of the week?
I had a prenatal appointment with my midwife.  Everything is going well.  :)

I got to see our babies, at our specialist appointment.  I was only able to get a photo of baby girl because baby boy was not cooperating during the scan.  Also, the sono tech complimented me very nicely.  She said that she always enjoys when I go in because I am always so happy and in such a great mood.  It sure made my day! :)  Everything went really well at that appointment also.  Praise God!  I couldn't be happier about how everything is going!!

I took a trip to Austin, to visit my sis and her family.  I haven't done that in a very long time.  Driving the whole way was tougher than I expected.  I'm used to Chris doing the long distance drives right now.  By the time I arrived to her house, I was ready for a nap!  —but me oh my, I had my fill of the yummiest homemade veggie pizza.  I really hope that my pizza cravings are done.  haha

On the way back home, KJ and I enjoyed some quality time.  It really was nice to be able to do something like that.  :)

KJ acting like a horse for her cousins, during our Austin trip.

Belly watch:

Week 28: Kabocha Squash and Embarrassing Meltdown

How far along?

28 weeks on 4/11/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of a kabocha squash.

And according to my What To Expect phone app, the babies are "as big as a small cabbage (17 in, 2.9 lbs)". 

*I'll get an approximate measurement of the Twinkies, on Tuesday, April 16th.

How am I feeling?

Emotional —a roller coaster of highs and lows.  :(  I'm also feeling extremely HUGE lately and so exhausted.  I still enjoy going out and doing things; but I get so tired very easily.  I'm hungry right after I eat. lol  And... I'm not feeling very ready for the quickly approaching due date!  I just want to be pregnant FOREVER (right now).  haha!

Weight?

+24
(Eeek! . . . the additional 24 pounds gained during this pregnancy isn't what gets to me —it's the brand new digits I saw on the scale.)

What do I miss?
I miss moving around without huffing, puffing, moaning, and groaning.  Seriously, even I get annoyed.  lol  I can't even imagine how annoyed Chris must be.  Poor guy! 

Symptoms?
Heartburn/acid reflux.  Sensitive asthma. Endo :(  It's been at it's worse, so far (coughing, laughing, blowing my nose, rolling over, standing up, sometimes even just walking...) —and I can't take my regular meds! :(
*Still, none of these make me feel anything less than grateful, thankful, and completely blessed!

Annoyances?
Our A/C has been acting up and we had to leave it turned off for 3 whole days! (and we are still working on getting someone to come out and see what's wrong.  Thankfully, though, the weather has been great the past few days.)  The third day, Wednesday, was the absolute worst —it got up to 81º in the house.  I had all windows open, fans blasting, I was down to the bare necessities, of clothing, while still being decent enough for anyone that might catch a glimpse through our wide open windows. 

Out-of-control EMOTIONS!!!  Wow.  Talk about 'crazy pregnant momma' over here.  :(  I hate to admit this, but it's true . . . I cried over pizza a few nights ago.  I was at my limit, emotionally, due to extreme heat (day three of no a/c in the house).  I was just mentally and emotionally tired.  I was excited to hear that Chris was picking up pizza.  I specifically asked for a VEGGIE pizza.  I had listed the veggies I was most interested in, the previous night AND again, over the phone, before he went to order the pizza.  Chris arrives and I am already drooling over the thought of yummy cheese, sauce, bread, and all the veggie options... I sit at the table, open the first box:  half cheese and half pepperoni with pineapple.  That one must be Chris's and Kryssa's.  I open the second box:  a full Philly cheese steak pizza.  The tears build up.  A lump forms in my throat and my stomach turned immediately.  I felt like a starving momma bear about to roar in the most scariest and loudest way possible.  I held it together and prayed for love and kindness.  I didn't want to snap at Chris, when I'm sure he meant well.  Although, I had NO idea how he could miss my request for VEGGIES.  (he ended up saying that he thought since I had previously liked the Philly pizza that I would be okay with it.  But then he also said that it was a 'two-topping' pizza and each additional topping was like $1.50.  So, I'm still confused as to which is the real reason I didn't get my veggie pizza.   lol).

I can totally laugh, in embarrassment, now, at the fact that I literally cried like a child over not getting the pizza I so desperately wanted.  Quivering and pouting lip while tears streamed down my face...  I don't think anything like that has EVER happened, as an adult!!! lol  And I really hope it never happens again.  I tried so hard to shake it off -but I just couldn't manage to bypass the tears and emotions.

Cravings?

'Hand-tossed', Cheesy-VEGGIE Pizza (lol).  Ice Cream. Donuts. Bean and Cheese tacos.  Anything spicy.

Highlights of the week?
KJ's 'Spring' soccer season has begun!  I LOVE seeing her so excited about it.  She had her first game on Saturday.  They lost; but it's all about the experience. ;)

I had to go for a 3hr blood glucose test... and I passed!  Praise God!

It's getting quite interesting now, how random people will stop and ask when I'm due.  I happily tell them "July fourth" and the looks and remarks have all been great! ;)  this week, I heard, "That must be a really big baby!  You look like you're due any day now!".  Of course, I end up sharing that I am carrying twins.  That puts them at ease . . . until it really sinks in and then they go right back to the look of "oh my!".  hee hee  It's actually quite fun/interesting and making this pregnancy even more enjoyable.  ;)


We got to see Disney On Ice, Rockin' Ever After —just the 'three of us'.  It won't be 'the three of us' for much longer and I really want to do a few more great outings, while I can, before the babies arrive.  We had SUCH a great time at the show!!!

Belly watch:

The training wheels are off!

Chris is currently on vacation.  Today is his second day off and we decided to hang out at home and take it easy (cleaning and going through baby clothes, for the twins).  We watched Wreck It Ralph.  I made calls to our insurance, trying to get our midwife covered as 'in network'.  Chris cut the grass in the front lawn and as soon as I got off the phone, I went outside to join the 'fun'.  Little did I know it really would turn in to FUN...

KJ was riding her bike, up and down the side walk.  "Look at me mom!" —as she would zoom on by.  Out of nowhere, she came back and said, "I don't want my training wheels on anymore.  I'm ready to ride without them."  I thought to myself, "uh-huh, we've tried that one already and it didn't last long... I don't think I want to be here for this.".  I went in for a potty break and a refill of water.  By the time I came out, KJ was already being pushed by her daddy, without her training wheels!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes —and ears.  ha!  Last time we tried this with her, it was not her decision, she was screaming every time the bike would start to tip over.  She cried and was super frustrated.  She gave up after about three attempts.  This time, she was so confident and determined.  I was so impressed.  Chris was letting go right away and she was going all on her own!  Yay... and sniffle...

*Now, I should mention how ironic this is:  Chris had just told me, a few days ago, that he absolutely wanted KJ to learn to ride her bike without training wheels before the twins arrived.  I was super concerned and nervous because I didn't want her to feel pressured into it.  So, JUST yesterday, I purchased a "Balance Bike" (on mamabargains.com —at a great price!).  I figured it would help get KJ ready to ride without training wheels without being "forced" by her daddy.  Go figure!  I spent money on a kiddie balance bike and out of nowhere she was ready to use her big girl bike without training wheels?!  Seriously!  The bike arrives this Thursday and was going to be her Easter gift... I'm now thinking I'm just going to have to save it for the twins —lol.

She still has some practicing to do, but today, day one of riding without training wheels, she did an amazing job!!!  The big sniffles really came when she shouted out "Dad, let go!  Let go, Dad!!"  I smiled.  My eyes teared, and I just took it all in (and snapped a few pics).

Chris and KJ shared a very special moment today —a great forever memory.  We celebrated and ended the night with a trip to DQ to get her an ice cream treat.  She said it was "the best day ever!"  :)

When we got home, I shaved Chris's afro off (good-bye beautiful curls).  KJ asked him to join her for play time —they played with the Leap Frog Tag Map.  And then Chris topped the night off with installing some really cool lights (purchased at IKEA) underneath her loft bed.

Top left:  KJ ready for daddy to let go.  Top middle:  Chris being his fun, goofy, self, enjoying a ride on KJ's bike. haha.  Bottom left:  Play time before bed.  Right:  Crazy man about to get his afro buzzed off.

I'm not sure how we will top today... although, tomorrow, we should get to see our little twinkies!

G'night all.

18 weeks +6: Gender Scan/Prenatal appointment on 2/5/13

Quick Update:

Both babies are currently head down.  They were both major wiggle worms for the sono tech.  I did NOT accidentally see their genders!  Teeny weighs a whopping 10 ounces and Tiny weighs 11 ounces!!  According to their measurements, the EDDs for the babies are June 27th and June 30th.  Now, the actual due date won't change.  The EDD will stay July 4th.  All that means is that they are growing very very nicely!! :D  I want big healthy babies!! I want them to have a great chance of little to no NICU time, if they do end up coming earlier than they should.  But God-willing, I will join the Hall of Fame for carrying my twins to full-term! ;) hee hee.  Oh, and my cervix is still a nice length, I was told.  It's 5.1 inches.  (is that right?  is it measured in inches? lol.  I think I was still on cloud nine, hearing that they look fantastic and are growing perfectly --and that the contractions/braxton hicks that I have been experiencing do NOT seem to be changing my cervix; which was not the case with my first pregnancy.).  Praise God for such great news!!  :)

Our precious twinkies:  only Tiny was in a profile position.  Teeny insisted on laying back and giving only a bird's eye view of his/her precious little face.

I followed my directions and drank a minimum of 24 oz and did NOT pee for the hour I was drinking (all the way until after the sono —approx. an hour and a half.  I'm used to tinkling every 20-30 mins during the daytime, maybe 45 mins, max!).  Little did I realize (nor did they) that, with two babies, 24 oz is very close to impossible to hold in and stay comfortable.  :(  Endo flared up very badly from an extremely full bladder, and two wiggly babies.  It was all much better after about 15 mins of emptying my bladder.

Having my sis go to that appointment with me was awesome!  She seemed so excited and it made me even more excited.  We've shared some very special moments throughout our adult-hood, but I think this one stands out the most right now...  It means so much to me that she will be playing such a huge role in us finding out the genders of our twins! :)

Before we left the doctor's office, she was handed the very special, secret, envelope... and it turned out that she didn't even open it until the next morning.  I was surprised.  I thought she would have torn it open as soon as she arrived back home.  hee hee  I've been an anxious ball of nerves.  Tuesday seemed like such an incredibly LONG day.  Now, it's Thursday night and the reveal is only ONE DAY AWAY!  Oh, the excitement has been building.  —keeping me awake throughout the nights, teasing me in my dreams, and causing my mind to be even more forgetful than usual.  I am just beyond excited for Saturday...

What are we having... Two girls?  Two boys?  One girl and one boy? . . . ooooohhhhh, we'll soon find out!!! :D

***If you'd like to cast YOUR vote, you can do so, click here.***
Results will be posted around 7pm on Saturday, February 9th, on our Life Happens facebook page.

My sis with THE envelope!!!

It's happening tomorrow... already!!!

Tomorrow is a BIG day!!  My sis will come into town and go with me to my sono appointment.  I am so incredibly anxious to see our babies again.  However, I'm also very nervous to accidentally see boy or girl parts.

Our reveal party isn't until this Saturday.  My sis will be the only one with the very special news.  I'm going to go a bit nuts, I think.  I want to know already.  I want to be able to watch the sono and not worry about accidentally finding out a gender, or two.  BUT I also want to enjoy that BIG moment, this Saturday, with all of our family and friends!

I'm so glad my sis will be holding that secret for the week.  It came down to my mom or my sis:
My mom and I are very much alike.  We don't like surprises...and we aren't very good at keeping them either! lol  I mean, we can be but it is so incredibly tough to do.  haha  There have been many times that we just can't even talk to one another, if we have a surprise we are keeping from one another.  I have slipped up several times, okay, MANY times, revealing surprises and ruining the 'big moment' for others.  So, in order NOT to go crazy, having to avoid my mom, someone I talk to quite frequently in a week (just about every day), Chris and I figured my sis would be the perfect person!! :D  She lives two hours away.  We text more than we talk.  She LOVES surprises!  And she is GREAT at keeping them until that perfect time!  Plus, we figured it would make this whole journey that much more special for all of us... See, perfect!

I hope I can sleep tonight.  I hope I don't lose my appetite due to crazy knotted-up nerves.  And I hope, I hope, I hope, that I can still get a good view of our babies and NOT spoil the surprise for myself and everyone else.  I hope the sonographer warns me before zooming in on their privacy.

I'M SO EXCITED!!  I can't believe THE appointment is happening tomorrow already.  Wow.  I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Now, I'm just praying that both babies cooperate and 'show off what they have'! ;)

Week 16: Avocados and 24

How far along?

16 weeks on 1/16/13!

How big are the twinkies?

 According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

 

How am I feeling?

  So far, I feel this is probably the most energy I've had yet.  :)  However, if I walk too much or stay on my feet for too long, my back suffers the most.  I've been getting real sleepy and ready for bed around 9:30/10pm.  —For me, that's rare!  (A few nights ago, I fell asleep around 10pm and didn't wake up until almost noon!!)

Weight?

Well, I know I'm pregnant... and I know I will be gaining weight; but I admit, I was shocked when I got on the scale and saw a total weight gain of 4 pounds!  (What happened to just teeter-tottering half an ounce here and there?!)

I'll get real:  with my first pregnancy, I started at 122.  After 8 weeks of bed rest, and after delivery, I weighed 176.  That change was very very hard for me.  From then to before this current pregnancy, the lowest my weight had gone was only about 164.  But then, unfortunately, I would gain it all back.  

So, when we started our IVF journey, my "starting weight" was 176.  By making healthier choices (less sugary items, less fried foods, minimal sips of decaff soda and coffee, here and there, zero sweet tea, and only water, water, water, etc.) I have been able to avoid gaining as quickly as I thought I would.  I am now weighing 180lbs.  It is still uncomfortable for me to see; but I know, with more determination, dedication, and self-control, I can continue to maintain a steady gain throughout this pregnancy.  (unless these twinkies are Hulk babies or something... haha!)

Chris had to remind me that 4 pounds in 4 months of pregnancy, from carrying twins, is a great start.  I'm so thankful for my hubby!!  He really helped me not feel so bad about the new numbers.  (again, I know that I will be gaining weight —because I'm pregnant; however, I know many of you understand where I am coming from.  Seeing brand new, never before seen, digits on the scale can sometimes be uncomfortable...)

What do I miss?

Being able to brush my teeth without gagging and/or throwing up!  I had absolutely no idea this was going to be affected.  lol  (but I'm not complaining because I had very minimal 'morning sickness'!)

Symptoms?

Lower back pain.  Weird ice cold feeling, and sometimes even numbness, on the outside of my left thigh (only an area, not the whole thigh).  Super sore and sensitive 'milk makers' —still!  :(  I thought it would be over by now.  Hungry about every hour.  Super thirsty.  Oh, and I can't forget about my halfway popped out belly button.  ;)

Annoyances?

The fact that I wake up super hungry but still too "out of it", sleepy, to go downstairs and gather some breakfast.  I need to plan ahead much better —prep something yummy at night, so I can just nook it and eat it in the morning!

Cravings?

Mexican food! —rice, beans, enchiladas.  Tacos (all kinds).

Highlights of the week?

I woke up to breakfast in bed three times this week!  (Chris had Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday off)  My hunny is doing an amazing job taking care of me and the babies as much as he can. 

The future nursery is finally getting worked on.  :D

At church, I had an amazing, overwhelming, peaceful, moment —God's love is so overwhelming... and incredible!  (every song and everything about the the 'message' seemed to make me tear up —just thinking about these two precious miracles that God is allowing me to love and carry... and how much my hunny and I have grown stronger together over the years.)

Also, we now have a swing, activity mat, and boppy, with 2 covers.  (got an amazing deal from a friend of a friend.)

Planning and prepping for the gender reveal party has been super exciting!  Chris has been a busy bee buying and getting all the decorations and details in order.  :)  *Only 24 more days until we know the genders of our little twinkies!!!

Belly watch:

8 weeks 5 days: A beautiful day of hearing heartbeats (with video!)

I don't know that I have many words to describe that special moment, other than "amazing", "emotional", and "exciting"...

Of course, I didn't get much sleep at all.  My bff came over last night and that always means that we stay talking and "catching up" for hours!  We visited until 3am.  By the time I got to bed, I had only 4 hours of sleep available to me.  Of those hours, I woke up to tinkle several times and I tossed and turned, anxious about our appointment.  Needless to say the phrase "I am tired" is an understatement.

My adrenaline and excitement got me up and running right away.  It was almost time!

Chris and I had already discussed that KJ would sit outside of the room until we saw the update and then we would decide when it was best for her to come into the room to check out her future sibling(s).  She was just as excited for the appointment and she kept saying, on the way to the appointment, "I'm so excited; I can't wait!... I'm more excited than both of you!".  She understood that there was no way to know if both babies have heartbeats until after we see the new ultrasound.  So, her hopes were the same as ours "I hope the babies are okay!".

Signing in was easy and routine.  We were called back a bit late, but we all jumped up quickly and followed down the hall.  I did the usual and then sat and waited, anxious to check on the babies.  I know that I normally wait just a few minutes (no more than five, normally) for the doctor to come to the room, but this time... it seemed like and hour!!!  lol  It was more like 10, maybe 15, minutes of sitting there and waiting.  It was when I got really anxious, butterflies in my stomach, tears in my eyes, etc.  I just needed to see the babies already!!

A light knock at the door and I knew it was time!  Within a few minutes we were staring at TWO growing babies with TWO beautiful heartbeats!!!  Oh, only God really knows how extremely grateful and thankful I was at that exact moment.  I just stared and cried.  I was so amazed, in awe... there they were, two incredible little lives, miracles, growing inside!!  What a blessing.  God is SO amazing!!

As soon as the second heartbeat checked out, Chris called KJ to come in and join us.  The very first thing she said, as she walked through the door, was "Are there two heartbeats?!"  I replied with a smiley, teary-eyed, "YES!".  She squealed, "eeeeeeeee!", with so much joy (and huge eyes lol.).  The doctor went back and found both heartbeats again, so KJ could see and hear them.  As soon as she heard the second heartbeat, Dr. B. asked her if she was excited.  KJ replied with, "Yes, but if you don't mind, I was about to win the level so I need to go back and finish now...".  We all laughed so much over her short lived excitement over her siblings. LOL  She probably figures that there's nothing more to check on, since all she's been curious about are heartbeats.  She heard them both, saw both of the babies, and then that was it.  She was happy and content with the results, so then it was back to her video games... hahaha. 

Once we were done with our ultrasound, Dr. B held out her hand for a hand shake and said, "Congratulations!  You have officially graduated!  Everything looks beautiful."  I shook her hand and got all teary-eyed, again.  lol  We got our printed sono pics and then I went to get my new instructions about the progesterone injection.  I'm so very happy to have a "last day" set!!  I am to continue daily shots until Wednesday and then switch to every other day until Tuesday.  Tuesday, of next week, will be my very last progesterone injection, for this pregnancy!!!  Oh, praise God! :D

So, if saying "it was a great [or fantastic] day!" could really truly describe how amazing our day has been then it would be easy for everyone to understand how we've felt all day.  But it's not.  I honestly don't know how to say how amazing our day has been, other than "TODAY HAS BEEN AMAZING!!!".  lol.

Here are some photos and video of today:

I've been meaning to get a picture of this.  This is the sink in the restroom at our fertility clinic. ;)

KJ checking out her siblings, which she has now nicknamed Teeny and Tiny!  lol

*****Click here to watch VIDEO of the ultrasound!*****

(the video was taken sideways -sorry.  If you watch carefully, you can even see the little white flicker of the heart beating!)

Our beautiful babies!

"Teeny"

"Tiny"

"Teeny and Tiny" together ♥

Proud daddy. :)

Adding the new photos, of her siblings, in her "Big Sis In Training" photo album.

6 week and 2 days: Our first ultrasound and sharing the news with KJ

I didn't sleep much at all (between getting up to tinkle every so often and my nerves and excitement of the appointment.

KJ, with her bunny, playing at the computer.

My alarm went off at 6:45am. I showered, woke kj up (she was in a great mood -yay!!), and got dressed. Chris woke up to get dressed as I got some breakfast items packed, for kj. We actually left on time and there wasn't any traffic!  We arrived early; waiting was the worst! Every person that walked through the door caused me to turn my head and made my stomach turn, anticipating hearing my name, that it was our turn to go back.  Kj stayed playing at the computer, as she usually does. Then, finally, I heard my name... Nerves, dry-mouth, nausea, and light-headedness all kicked in immediately. Lol  I was sooooo extremely anxious and nervous.

It was Dr. A, the one who has been super rough the only two times I've seen him. I had prayed all night that he would be patient, not in a rush, sensitive to our excitement and nerves, and that he would be in a great mood to help us enjoy the very special moment... And what do you know? God is awesome!!! Dr. A was all of those things plus more! :)  He asked me how I was and I told him "Super anxious and excited...I've been so extremely nauseous all morning." He said that he was excited too and was glad to hear that I was nauseous, because its a good sign (lol). So, we got started and I had my phone ready, to record "the moment". As soon as we started, I knew what I was looking at. Two dark spots...TWO...  He asked me "Okay, so, what do you see?" And I just replied "I see two?" He confirmed that I was correct and I just cried and said "Thank you Jesus!". I was so calm and happy...so extremely grateful for getting to have that very moment.  I couldn't see Chris's reaction or expression because he was sitting next to the doctor (doc was between us, standing at machine). I really wish I could have seen his expression... I'll never know what that moment looked like. And he's not one that will really express it in words.

Dr. A, unfortunately did not zoom in very much on the babies. He just confirmed that there were two yolk sacs and that everything looked great so far. I reeeeeally wish he would have zoomed in to see if we could see the flickering heartbeats. He said we won't know anything about the heart beats until another two weeks. (What a long time to wait to confirm heart beats.).  Dr. A also strongly suggested NOT sharing the news just yet, until we confirmed heartbeats, in two weeks. However, in the very beginning, we had already decide to share our entire IVF journey -good and/or bad, no matter what happened along the way.  So, we are sticking with our decision.  Dr. A said if we shared too early, there's still a chance we could go from two babies down to just one and that we wouldn't want to have to explain what happened, to everyone we had already shared the news with.  But we don't have a problem sharing anything.  This journey is incredibly unique -with a lot of amazing moments.  This is one of them! If anything changes in the next two weeks, we will still be so thankful that we were able to experience seeing two beautiful little lives forming today. Every single moment is a memory along the way -why keep it to ourselves?!  Right now, we have two little lives growing, and right now, we are incredibly grateful and excited! We are takin this one step at a time... Enjoying every moment and remembering that each day is a gift from God.


Sharing the news with KJ:
Remember how I mentioned, a few posts back, that KJ didn't want to know if we were pregnant until after the first sonogram?  Well, we've been doing our best to keep the pregnancy hush-hush around KJ.  We have been anxiously waiting for our first sonogram, praying we'd see little bitty ones growing, so we could finally share the news with KJ.

We finally made it!

We rushed to Babies R Us, hoping to find a "big sister" card or frame. (Yes, we should have already had something, but I just wasn't ready to buy anything like that until I knew for sure there was something really growing in there -lol.). We didn't find anything. We rushed to HEB.  We had to "rush" because we were planning on dropping by to surprise my parents at their house, before Chris had to head back to work.  Chris ran in and was able to find a card.

When we got to my parents' house, we gave KJ her card.  We asked her to read it out loud...

She read the card and quickly responded with "You're pregnant?!" and then we hugged for a really long time, and I cried and cried.  It was an amazing moment.

For the rest of the day, she would be totally fine and okay and then, out of nowhere, she would squeal again, saying "I can't believe I'm going to be a big sister!" or "I can't believe that you're actually pregnant!" —and she kept her card close by and would look at it often.  :)


I finally don't have to be hush hush, in my own home, about this exciting part of our lives —but it takes some getting used to.  I've been quiet for three weeks so it actually still feels like I'm not supposed to be saying anything out loud.  haha  I will admit, things FINALLY feel real now... I'm actually pregnant... this is real!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeehee hee!!!  Praise God!  Thank you Jesus!
:)