January 31, 2011
So far, the last cycle and this cycle of Clomid, right around the third and fourth day, I start with the "I might be ready to stop the Clomid. I don't know if I want to continue with these side affects..." (insomnia, hot and cold flashes, dizzy spells/light headed, irritability... lately, the insomnia with the hot and cold flashes, combined, has been the worst for me -because then I wake up feeling like I only slept for 15 mins...then I'm irritable...lol it's a nasty cycle [but almost over!]). Now that I know it's just those two days, out of only five, I can mentally push myself to make it to day five --because then I get super excited. So, today, I'm telling myself, "okay, after tonight's dose, I'll only have one more dose . . . you can do it Michelle!! It's so worth it! Just one more day . . . just one more day...". Every tear, hot flash, and mood swing reminds me to think towards the future --of possibly conceiving. I love my dear husband, how well he loves me through my tears, mood swings, and hot flashes. I know God is blessing our marriage through all of this. I am so in love with him. My 'love tank' is definitely full. :) Praise God. (I pray his is too...)
I'm starting to feel a bit repetitive with these ttc updates. I just might have some posts here and there with a quick and straight to the point post: "NOT PREGNANT YET..."
So, until approx, Day 22 or 23 (after my next progesterone check).
Happy [Baby] Trials to you! ;)
January 24, 2011
Yes, I cried a bit. I didn't expect it at all! I find myself wondering if it's because I literally ran KJ to the bus stop this morning —was that too much for my body to handle? or did I really just not conceive again?! (I'm sure it really had nothing to do with running; but after all the [little bit of] running, my stomach started cramping up really bad, endo pains and all! I knew I shouldn't have over exerted myself --just because I'm so out of shape and the endo is not nice to me at all when it comes to being 'active' in any way. :(
So, I'm honestly not excited for my appointment, this Friday, at all. I don't see the point in going and seeing my empty uterus, again, for what feels like the millionth time (it's probably more along the 20th time or something —18 months of ttc from '07-'08 + the current 9 months of ttc). Do I reeeeeally have to go and test my emotions?! :( I don't wanna!! ::stomping foot, arms crossed::
I cried when I told my hunny . . . because I know how much he would have loved for me to tell him that I saw TWO babies on the ultrasound!! hee hee :) He was, once again, sweet, loving, and encouraging. I guess it's not the end of the world. KJ starts her swim lessons back up tomorrow, Pickle is staying with us this week —so her basketball and cheerleading (now on top of KJ's swim schedule) will keep me busy enough to get through the week and get ready for Friday. Clomid. **the optimism in me plans on ordering the Clomid after my appointment . . . just in case it's due to implantation... ;) Hey! a girl can dream, right?! Or maybe I'm just going crazy now . . . or maybe it's Hope and Faith . . . who knows; but I'm waiting until after my appointment before I order and take any more Clomid. :)
As always, I'll update soon.
PS I don't have an update yet on the Home Study (assessment). We are anxiously waiting for that, too...
January 20, 2011
(I want to also mention KJ's response to the Consultant when asked, "How do you feel about having an older gal come live with you?" KJ said, "I feel great about it because I don't really want to have just my imaginary friends anymore or just my Build-A-Bear friends to play with. I want to have a real friend here at home..." it made my tear up and giggle all at once. I love my KJ and pray everything goes through so she can do away with all of her imaginary friends (if she wants to)...)
The actual home study was a bit intimidating (I had prepared myself for that). But overall, it was a great experience. It's so amazing to see how God just lines people up to come in and out of your life for very specific reasons! :) You want to hear how some of this has gone? Let me share:
I'm just going to start at meeting my husband, Chris. Which led me to meet Jessica (a friend of Chris's). 6 yrs after meeting her she posted on fb a job opportunity to work with her at a Boys and Girls Club. I got hired. :) a little over a year later, I became the Teen Program Director (and worked with the teens and preteens). That is how I met the young lady! :) but wait! It keeps going...
I had the opportunity to work back at home (providing Home Childcare). I resigned but was able to leave my business info for the parents. The young lady's [foster] mom used my childcare services quite frequently, allowing us the chance to get to know more about her and the opportunity to Foster to Adopt her. Okay, so now we are pretty much up to date -- however, last night, the Home Study Consultant that was hired to do our assessment was not only a kind-hearted mother of 3 children . . . she home-schooled all three of them! (one in college, another 16, and the other is 13 or so) —I have really really been praying about getting the opportunity (convincing Chris to 'let me'/be supportive) to home school KJ. So, the Home Study Consultant was so open to share info with me about it and she was even kind enough to say such wonderful things about home schooling to Chris! He heard first hand, from someone that had plenty of experience (or at least I feel that she has had great success!). So, she said she would love to help me get started, share the curriculum sites (or something like that) that she uses —and even go over and check out their "school room" and "library"! :)
I was on cloud 9 last night!! I just couldn't contain myself. As soon as the lady left, I just leaped into Chris's arms (as much as my [much larger] body could) and held back the tears of joy. :) I told him, as we got ready for bed, basically up until my very last words before I konked out, "I'm so thankful to feel this happy right now. After all we've been through, over the years, with ttc, I feel like I DESERVE TO FEEL THIS JOY RIGHT NOW!!!" (I hope that doesn't sound too snobby or anything —it's just that I always wondered if only the news of conception would fill that hole . . . that sadness . . . that desire to have another child. You know what I mean? Finding out that the paper work would be submitted by Friday just gave me the biggest rush of happiness and joy. The kind lady said, after she was done with her assessment, that she doesn't see anything preventing us from fostering her and that she will have the paper work submitted by Friday and give us a call. :)
All I keep thinking is, "I'm not dreaming . . . this is for real!!" :D I wish I had more words to express how in awe of God I am . . . how all the strange looking puzzle pieces of our life (all the sad and most challenging life experiences) are finally being matched up and fitting into place. I honestly don't know if I could be any happier right now. (although, the thought crosses my mind frequently, "wow, how would you feel, Michelle, if you find out you're pregnant the same month that you become a foster parent to a 14 yr old?!" lol I told Chris that I would know that God wanted to truly bless us with every desire of our heart and that it would be our reward for fighting through all the tests and trials that have come our way --and, with God's love and care over us, we have successfully passed! :)
Have a wonderful Thursday and I will definitely post an update as soon as I have one.
PS. I believe that I previously mentioned having a Dr.'s appt tomorrow, Friday. But I was thinking ahead . . . it's not until the 28th (literally around the time that Pickle is supposed to be moving in). So, if you're looking forward to the doc update, you'll just have to wait another week. sorry. (trust me, I'm just as bummed about having to wait an ENTIRE week! :P )
January 18, 2011
I didn't think that a phone call about ovulation would be that exciting —but it definitely was. :) Now, all I'm thinking about is "is there a there a little baby growing in there?! I have an appointment on Friday and GOD WILLING I will have wonderful news. Friday will be day 28 —so still really early but possibly enough time to see something on the sono (trans. vag.). I just really really really want to see a blown up, bean shaped, uterus with a tiny tiny spec. hahaha! :)
I will keep you posted.
On a totally different note:
We are getting are home study done this Wednesday!! :D We are super excited . . . nervous but really excited. I have NO idea what to expect. The case worker will interview me alone, KJ alone, Chris alone, and then Chris and I together (from what I understood). So, God Willing, if everything goes well, Pickle could move in as early as the end of this month! :)
There was a last minute change of plans today = a day off for me! :) I've been feeling under the weather so I'm not sure if I'll snuggle up in bed or clean out my closet... Will the caseworker look throughout our entire house?! if so, I have some major tidying up to do. hee hee ;P
Be blessed and be a blessing!
January 7, 2011
Pickle is 14 yrs old and attends a private school 20 miles away from where we live. We picked her up on Tuesday, from her basketball game, and have been quite busy with KJ and Pickle's school schedules (homework for both and cheerleading and basketball for Pickle). I've had a good taste of what it will be like taking each of them to school. We've been leaving the house by 7am. KJ has been getting to school by 7:15am and Pickle has been getting to school by 7:50-8:20am (traffic is soooooo crazy). Then after school, KJ rides the bus and arrives by 3:15pm and then, most of this week, Pickle has been getting picked up from her basketball games around 7:30pm. Our schedule changed drastically this week. But I have to admit that I'm currently LOVING it! KJ LOVES the company and Chris and I have really enjoyed seeing the two of them goof off and get on each others nerves. lol I know we won't always feel like this but I want to remember how this feels right now --how I long to have a bigger family and for KJ to have a sibling . . . so that when it gets overwhelming in the future, I remember how much I wanted and prayed for it. :)
Our poor Pickle got injured yesterday. :( It was going to be our first time watching her cheer and when we got there she was being assisted in walking our way. We all felt so bad for her --especially with how cute she looked in her uniform, face all red from crying, and all. We pampered her with picking up Chili's to-go and some yummy treats from the store (and Ibuprofen too, of course --per her parents' orders).
I'm getting sad realizing that this week went by SOOOO quickly. She goes back home on Sunday and we just wish she could stay forever already. :( It's been a long process and God knows how we've longed to even get to this point, where we are at. In the beginning, it seemed like fostering/adopting would only happen in "our wildest dreams" but God has really had His hand in this and we are so blessed and thankful for this amazing opportunity.
God willing, she could move in as early as the end of this month.
Being so exhausted with the new schedule, I've been knocking out before 11pm (which is super early for me). One night was even as early as 9pm!! I really enjoy the deep sleep I've been getting. Although, I still only sleep a few hours at a time... I think it's still due to the Clomid. But a few hours is waaaaay better than the 30 mins "here and there" that I was getting prior to Tuesday.
Today, feels amazing! :) Chris took KJ to school and I took Pickle. They each got some one-on-one parent time before school. I think it's great for them! (and it cut my travel time down too!) I look forward to tonight's basketball games (Pickle will be cheering on her team from the sidelines due to her injury) but it's going to be a GREAT Friday! :)
Happy Friday to YOU! Enjoy the "little" things in your life and be blessed!
January 4, 2011
KJ, almost every week, several times a week, talks about how she "really" wants a little baby sister (and sometimes she even says she wants a brother). It's not all that simple for a six year old to understand why it's, in her words, "taking so long!". haha. People we know are not only getting pregnant, having babies . . . they're even getting pregnant again and even delivering the next baby!! --all while we try for number two. So, KJ thinks it's supposed to just happen (ha... don't we all?!)
I'm really getting my hopes up at this point and it's a bit concerning because, emotionally, I might be getting close to my limit, my breaking point. I just have to continue to trust God, trust His timing, and also trust myself to know when 'enough is enough' again. The thought of another chapter of our lives where we try and don't conceive is just too hard to swallow right now. I tell myself to just keep pushing --a little harder . . . just one more round . . . just one more month. This month has been the absolute toughest. :(
I'm ready for some joy (in the ttc area of our lives). I've had dreams of being pregnant and others of getting a positive hpt reading. KJ has even had a dream that I had twins!! haha that would truly be a miracle!! (I've prayed for twins since I was 7 years old or so)
I welcome 2011 with an open mind and heart. I'm focusing on all the wonderful blessings in my life... life must go on. :)
Christmas has come and gone . . . and not a single post from me. :( Shame, Shame!
I finally made the shirt I wanted for Christmas 2009 (something similar to what I had wanted)
What I would have loved to have:
I finally made the shirt I wanted for Christmas 2009 (something similar to what I had wanted)
What I would have loved to have:
What I was able to make at the last minute:
What I would have loved to be able to make:
What I was able to make for her at the last minute:
(she lost her two front bottom teeth at the right time of the year --to really enjoy it!)
We had a wonderful Christmas!