October 18, 2012

IVF #1, Day 20: Oh what a morning!

What a day it's been already!

Horrible endo pain woke me up at 5:32am.  I had been rolling around, in bed, trying to let it pass, hoping to just stay asleep.  But this was the kind of endo pain that makes you wonder if your ovary is about to explode!

The only way I can explain the pain, for those who don't know what endo pain is like, is... Imagine your ovaries are balloons.  Normally, you aren't even aware of where they are because you don't feel them in any way.  However, these "balloons" feel as though they are just tiny water balloons that someone is over-filling.  They keep stretching and expanding, fitting more and more water.  They felt as if they are to the point where they are riiiiight about to explode.

If you can imagine that kind of burning, stabbing, pulling, twisting, tearing, -like excruciating pain —that's the kind of pain that woke me up at 5:32am. And I'll tell you what caused it.  It might be TMI for some of you... (but if you've been reading my blog long enough, you'll know that my version of "TMI" might be some what different than 'the average bear's'.)  When my intestines fill up, as in, I have to "go potty", it causes endo pain.  When my bladder fills up, it causes pain.  When I empty my bladder, everything re-shifts and causes another episode of pain (most times).  When I "go potty", my intestines are now empty and re-shift and always causes another episode of pain.  Sometimes the 'before' pain is so much worse than the 'after' pain.  Sometimes the 'after' pain is so much worse than the 'before' pain.  And then sometimes they are both just as paralyzing.

I've been regretting not getting another surgery before IVF only because it won't "just go away" —unless someone lasers it out.  So, if I end up pregnant, which is exactly what we are praying for, I will have to fight these pains every.single.day. of my pregnancy, and for a while afterwards.  If we don't end up pregnant from this round of IVF, I feel very strongly that I will opt for a surgery first, to get rid of as much endo and lesions as possible, before starting a "FET", frozen embryo transfer (since we had one embryo survive long enough to be frozen!).

*endo pain and full episodes can also occur, for me, if I go from a sitting position to a standing position too fast (get up too fast), switch laying positions too fast, lean too far forward while in a sitting position (polishing toenails, picking something up from the floor, lean forward to tie my shoes wrong, do a full-body stretch (laying or standing —arms over head while both legs are straight.  Also, too much walking, standing, or movement (sweeping, yard work, vacuuming, mopping, or even recreational, etc.).  Sneezing causes pain, if I don't crouch down or curl up somehow, before, to brace for the forceful explosion, along with coughing, gagging (I do unfortunately have a very sensitive gag reflex and gag every single time I brush my teeth. lol).  And here's the real personal one... I'll share it only because I really try to spread awareness of how extreme endometriosis/"endo pain" changes a person's life.  After every single orgasm, I suffer with 20-45 mins of a painful endo episode (typical endo "episode": entire body tense from excruciating pain, have to focus on breathing to help keep nausea away.  When any extreme episode finally passes, I am EXHAUSTED, no matter how energetic I felt prior to the episode, and my whole body tingles from finally relaxing and getting good blood flow.)  Now, that really puts a damper on things, if you can imagine!  It's one thing to mess with my personal daily life, but it's really upsetting when it messes with my relationship! 

If you, or someone you know, experience anything similar to what I just described.  Please do NOT brush it off as "menstrual cramps" (because, yes, it does flare up even worse around 'that time of the month'); make an appointment with a doctor and tell them exactly what you experience and that you are concerned you might have "endometriosis".  And here's another important part to this:  if they don't do anything about it (look into it further) keep going to new doctor until you find one that will listen and take you seriously!!

I was 12 years old when I had my first signs of this horrible disease.  We thought it was just horrible menstruation — little did we, my mom, sis, and myself, know that "horrible" menstruation is the first sign to something being "wrong".  (I didn't get [correctly] diagnosed until I was 26!)  It's not normal. (now back to my blog... lol.  I just absolutely felt the need to share from my experiences and perspective.)

I got up to "go potty" and, a whole 28 mins later, the pain started to calm down.  I crawled back into bed, knowing that Chris's alarm would be waking him up in 30 mins and my alarm would go off in an hour and a half.  It took me an entire hour to fall back to sleep.  Thirty minutes later, my alarm went off.

KJ was the worse grump, when I went in to wake her up!  Cranky, yelling, complaining, whining, crying —very extreme this morning.  I did my best to help her be positive, but it didn't seem to do any good.  (I did my best to keep my blood pressure down and avoid "stress", as instructed after the transfer.)

We managed to leave on time and it was perfect —no traffic!  I had to be at RMA, Medical Ctr., by 9am, to get my progesterone level checked.  Everything was going so well... until my car started acting up.  I had already driven for 15 minutes; I only had another 10 minutes to drive, but I knew I wouldn't make it safely.  (my car refused to accelerate into fourth gear.  The engine just revs instead of jumping into fourth gear.  Then, at times, it would'n't even accelerate past first gear!)
"Don't stress...don't stress..."

There I was, 10 minutes away from my destination, parked in an unfamiliar neighborhood, crying.  I called and had to have my appointment moved to tomorrow.  I prayed and got back on the road, heading home, driving mostly in "2", second. —not "D"... that scared me too because I was afraid I was messing up my car even more, but that was the only way my car would accelerate enough to keep momentum.)

I reminded myself that there must be a reason for this —because on the way home, my car worked just fine, going into all the needed gears, most of the way.  If only I could have kept driving to my appointment!  It did, eventually, start acting up again when I was just minutes from my house, but still on the highway!

I made it home safely, by 9:17am, put some eggs in a pot to boil, and I'm now trying to "relax".  Car trouble is never a way to "relax" though. lol   

Today is "2dp5dt" (two days past 5 day transfer).  I have 9 more days before we test for pregnancy!

'To a better day!

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