November 26, 2012

8 weeks 5 days: A beautiful day of hearing heartbeats (with video!)

I don't know that I have many words to describe that special moment, other than "amazing", "emotional", and "exciting"...

Of course, I didn't get much sleep at all.  My bff came over last night and that always means that we stay talking and "catching up" for hours!  We visited until 3am.  By the time I got to bed, I had only 4 hours of sleep available to me.  Of those hours, I woke up to tinkle several times and I tossed and turned, anxious about our appointment.  Needless to say the phrase "I am tired" is an understatement.

My adrenaline and excitement got me up and running right away.  It was almost time!

Chris and I had already discussed that KJ would sit outside of the room until we saw the update and then we would decide when it was best for her to come into the room to check out her future sibling(s).  She was just as excited for the appointment and she kept saying, on the way to the appointment, "I'm so excited; I can't wait!... I'm more excited than both of you!".  She understood that there was no way to know if both babies have heartbeats until after we see the new ultrasound.  So, her hopes were the same as ours "I hope the babies are okay!".

Signing in was easy and routine.  We were called back a bit late, but we all jumped up quickly and followed down the hall.  I did the usual and then sat and waited, anxious to check on the babies.  I know that I normally wait just a few minutes (no more than five, normally) for the doctor to come to the room, but this time... it seemed like and hour!!!  lol  It was more like 10, maybe 15, minutes of sitting there and waiting.  It was when I got really anxious, butterflies in my stomach, tears in my eyes, etc.  I just needed to see the babies already!!

A light knock at the door and I knew it was time!  Within a few minutes we were staring at TWO growing babies with TWO beautiful heartbeats!!!  Oh, only God really knows how extremely grateful and thankful I was at that exact moment.  I just stared and cried.  I was so amazed, in awe... there they were, two incredible little lives, miracles, growing inside!!  What a blessing.  God is SO amazing!!

As soon as the second heartbeat checked out, Chris called KJ to come in and join us.  The very first thing she said, as she walked through the door, was "Are there two heartbeats?!"  I replied with a smiley, teary-eyed, "YES!".  She squealed, "eeeeeeeee!", with so much joy (and huge eyes lol.).  The doctor went back and found both heartbeats again, so KJ could see and hear them.  As soon as she heard the second heartbeat, Dr. B. asked her if she was excited.  KJ replied with, "Yes, but if you don't mind, I was about to win the level so I need to go back and finish now...".  We all laughed so much over her short lived excitement over her siblings. LOL  She probably figures that there's nothing more to check on, since all she's been curious about are heartbeats.  She heard them both, saw both of the babies, and then that was it.  She was happy and content with the results, so then it was back to her video games... hahaha. 

Once we were done with our ultrasound, Dr. B held out her hand for a hand shake and said, "Congratulations!  You have officially graduated!  Everything looks beautiful."  I shook her hand and got all teary-eyed, again.  lol  We got our printed sono pics and then I went to get my new instructions about the progesterone injection.  I'm so very happy to have a "last day" set!!  I am to continue daily shots until Wednesday and then switch to every other day until Tuesday.  Tuesday, of next week, will be my very last progesterone injection, for this pregnancy!!!  Oh, praise God! :D

So, if saying "it was a great [or fantastic] day!" could really truly describe how amazing our day has been then it would be easy for everyone to understand how we've felt all day.  But it's not.  I honestly don't know how to say how amazing our day has been, other than "TODAY HAS BEEN AMAZING!!!".  lol.

Here are some photos and video of today:
I've been meaning to get a picture of this.  This is the sink in the restroom at our fertility clinic. ;)

KJ checking out her siblings, which she has now nicknamed Teeny and Tiny!  lol

(the video was taken sideways -sorry.  If you watch carefully, you can even see the little white flicker of the heart beating!)

Our beautiful babies!



"Teeny and Tiny" together ♥

Proud daddy. :)

Adding the new photos, of her siblings, in her "Big Sis In Training" photo album.

November 9, 2012

6 week and 2 days: Our first ultrasound and sharing the news with KJ

I didn't sleep much at all (between getting up to tinkle every so often and my nerves and excitement of the appointment.

KJ, with her bunny, playing at the computer.
My alarm went off at 6:45am. I showered, woke kj up (she was in a great mood -yay!!), and got dressed. Chris woke up to get dressed as I got some breakfast items packed, for kj. We actually left on time and there wasn't any traffic!  We arrived early; waiting was the worst! Every person that walked through the door caused me to turn my head and made my stomach turn, anticipating hearing my name, that it was our turn to go back.  Kj stayed playing at the computer, as she usually does. Then, finally, I heard my name... Nerves, dry-mouth, nausea, and light-headedness all kicked in immediately. Lol  I was sooooo extremely anxious and nervous.

It was Dr. A, the one who has been super rough the only two times I've seen him. I had prayed all night that he would be patient, not in a rush, sensitive to our excitement and nerves, and that he would be in a great mood to help us enjoy the very special moment... And what do you know? God is awesome!!! Dr. A was all of those things plus more! :)  He asked me how I was and I told him "Super anxious and excited...I've been so extremely nauseous all morning." He said that he was excited too and was glad to hear that I was nauseous, because its a good sign (lol). So, we got started and I had my phone ready, to record "the moment". As soon as we started, I knew what I was looking at. Two dark spots...TWO...  He asked me "Okay, so, what do you see?" And I just replied "I see two?" He confirmed that I was correct and I just cried and said "Thank you Jesus!". I was so calm and extremely grateful for getting to have that very moment.  I couldn't see Chris's reaction or expression because he was sitting next to the doctor (doc was between us, standing at machine). I really wish I could have seen his expression... I'll never know what that moment looked like. And he's not one that will really express it in words.

Dr. A, unfortunately did not zoom in very much on the babies. He just confirmed that there were two yolk sacs and that everything looked great so far. I reeeeeally wish he would have zoomed in to see if we could see the flickering heartbeats. He said we won't know anything about the heart beats until another two weeks. (What a long time to wait to confirm heart beats.).  Dr. A also strongly suggested NOT sharing the news just yet, until we confirmed heartbeats, in two weeks. However, in the very beginning, we had already decide to share our entire IVF journey -good and/or bad, no matter what happened along the way.  So, we are sticking with our decision.  Dr. A said if we shared too early, there's still a chance we could go from two babies down to just one and that we wouldn't want to have to explain what happened, to everyone we had already shared the news with.  But we don't have a problem sharing anything.  This journey is incredibly unique -with a lot of amazing moments.  This is one of them! If anything changes in the next two weeks, we will still be so thankful that we were able to experience seeing two beautiful little lives forming today. Every single moment is a memory along the way -why keep it to ourselves?!  Right now, we have two little lives growing, and right now, we are incredibly grateful and excited! We are takin this one step at a time... Enjoying every moment and remembering that each day is a gift from God.

Sharing the news with KJ:
Remember how I mentioned, a few posts back, that KJ didn't want to know if we were pregnant until after the first sonogram?  Well, we've been doing our best to keep the pregnancy hush-hush around KJ.  We have been anxiously waiting for our first sonogram, praying we'd see little bitty ones growing, so we could finally share the news with KJ.

We finally made it!

We rushed to Babies R Us, hoping to find a "big sister" card or frame. (Yes, we should have already had something, but I just wasn't ready to buy anything like that until I knew for sure there was something really growing in there -lol.). We didn't find anything. We rushed to HEB.  We had to "rush" because we were planning on dropping by to surprise my parents at their house, before Chris had to head back to work.  Chris ran in and was able to find a card.

When we got to my parents' house, we gave KJ her card.  We asked her to read it out loud...
She read the card and quickly responded with "You're pregnant?!" and then we hugged for a really long time, and I cried and cried.  It was an amazing moment.

For the rest of the day, she would be totally fine and okay and then, out of nowhere, she would squeal again, saying "I can't believe I'm going to be a big sister!" or "I can't believe that you're actually pregnant!" —and she kept her card close by and would look at it often.  :)

I finally don't have to be hush hush, in my own home, about this exciting part of our lives —but it takes some getting used to.  I've been quiet for three weeks so it actually still feels like I'm not supposed to be saying anything out loud.  haha  I will admit, things FINALLY feel real now... I'm actually pregnant... this is real!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeehee hee!!!  Praise God!  Thank you Jesus!

November 5, 2012

IVF #1, Day 38: "5 weeks 5 days" of pregnancy

We are only three days away from our first pregnancy ultrasound!

I keep saying "pregnancy ultrasound" because I have had so many "non-pregnancy" related ultrasounds —so I just want to be very clear about it.  hee hee ;)

Last night, we were looking online at some really cute "Big Sister", "I'm going to be a big sister", and "Only Child —Expires [due date]" shirts.  We had planned on buying one and gifting it to KJ this Friday, as long as the ultrasound showed happy results.  We looked on Etsy and found some great ones . . . I got all emotional! lol.  I just couldn't help it!  The thought of KJ opening up an unexpected present and then seeing, and reading, one of those shirts was too much for my emotions.  However, after realizing that, first, we don't know for sure if we are correct on the estimated due date of July, and, second, what if we jump too soon and then get stuck with a shirt that says "July 2013" —and not get the news we are praying for on Friday...?  I know that I am "supposed" to be thinking positive, but I am also trying to stay very realistic.  I don't want to get my hopes and excitement up too high only to then have to gather emotions and deal with the complete opposite.  I'd rather just wait before getting 100% excited and ready to celebrate.  You know?

So, we decided on another great "suprise" gift for KJ, after we see what the ultrasound shows.

Lately, my emotions have been everywhere!  I don't like not feeling in control of my emotions.  I'll feel real sad, depressed, frustrated, irritated, anxious, etc., for no specific reason.  Now, when I feel full of joy and happiness, I know there's a very specific reason ;).  I have been doing my best to keep my emotions calm and comfortable to be around (lol).  I'm not too sure how well I'm doing...

Other Symptoms/Changes:
  • Nausea still just comes and goes —mostly right after I eat.  
  • (embarrassing symptoms: gas... too much! lol and I'm no longer "regular" and I don't like it!)  
  • I no longer fit into my undies comfortably —along with my clothes :(  but I'm too hesitant to wear maternity clothes right now.  I'd feel so silly.  (I've gone up about 2-3 sizes, all in about two weeks! :(  I don't think it's OHSS because I don't fit any of the symptoms, but the extreme bloating is ridiculous!)  But I'm sure I look pretty goofy trying to stretch my clothes out the way I have been.  haha So... I prefer to just hide out at home, inside.  *hm, maybe that has a lot to do with my low moods?! lol.  I'm just now piecing this together.*  
  • Endo pain creeps in throughout the day and night if I put too much pressure on my belly (bending, laying, sitting, stretching out too much, etc).  
  • Most confusing changes right now is a perfect tie between my taste being way "off", things just don't taste the same right now (jalapenos, my favorite did NOT taste right yesterday and even smelled like lettuce instead of spicy! lol.  Menudo used to be something I really enjoyed and now I can't stand it! :(  Oh, and I really don't like peanut butter right now —which is just NOT normal for me... I used to love peanut butter.  How sad.), and being sleepy all day but not being able to fall asleep at night... I just don't understand these changes.
Oh, and I just ordered a refill on my progesterone in oil, syringes, and needles, which will arrive tomorrow!  It feels awesome, and is such a blessing, to be refilling the progesterone because we are pregnant —not because we are prepping for a frozen embryo transfer (FET), which was our "Plan B" if the first IVF cycle wasn't successful.  Thank you Lord for every single day of this blessing!!

Chris and I have really come even closer together.  I really didn't think that was even possible right now.  We've been in such a great place in our marriage —I had no idea it could just keep getting better and better.  Praise God!!  **But we definitely aren't perfect.  Since my moods are everywhere, there have definitely been some moments of frustration, or losing our "cool", over silly things.  But the fact that things get resolved very quickly and we still feel all giddy and in love —that's the GREATness I'm thankful for.  Sorry if it's too corny . . .wait, nope, I'm not really sorry.  I LOVE being corny and in love with my husband!! :)

We are currently taking a poll on our Life Happens facebook page, asking what you think we will see on our first ultrasound, this Friday, November 9th: One baby?  Twins?  Triplets? or even More?  (wow)  Remember, it's all in fun; so stop by and place your vote!

November 1, 2012

IVF #1, Days 32-34: bloated like a blimp!

Day 32, 10/30:
I went in for my second Beta.  It didn't double but the nurse said that it is rising wonderfully.  :)

Took two 1 1/2 hr naps, trying to make it through the day.  I don't remember being so exhausted when I was pregnant with KJ.  (I'm thinking it may have a lot more to do with the daily Progesterone in oil injections.  I read a lot about "fatigue".)

Day 33, 10/31
Happy Halloween!  We were a nice concoction of fun.  hee hee!

Psy (Gangnam Style), a scarecrow, Cleopatra, a bumble bee, and a hotdog! :)

I also made my first "pregnancy" purchase, a "Beband" (to wear over my jeans, since I can't button them up anymore).  I like to think of it as "IVF bloating purchase" because the bloating has only gotten worse over the last week (my belly button is actually almost flush with my skin, because of the amount of bloating I'm dealing with!).  :(  I don't fit into my regular pants anymore.  Even the ones I bought a few weeks ago, to help ease my bloating discomfort!  I just look fat right now and all I'm reading about IVF bloating is that it doesn't really start to go down until about the time you actually start to show your baby bump... so, I'll look fat for a while and then just fatter.  LOL!  Trust me, I'm not complaining —just preparing myself for what I'll see when I look in the mirror over the next months.

Once my belly firms up a bit I'm sure it will ease my frustrations.  I just want to "feel" pregnant, instead of super bloated.  I look forward to that change!

Day 34, 11/1:
I'm so happy it's November!  October feels like it was all about IVF and this month, I look forward to everything pregnancy! :D  It's like a whole new chapter!!! (finally.  Praise God!)

I have to order more needles, syringes, and progesterone in oil.  That definitely feels like progress.  :)  It's much, much, better than having to re-order IVF meds (which I had been preparing myself for —just in case.).

I also have to figure out how to get out of this exhaustion funk.  All I want to do is sleep and lay down.  I have so much cleaning to do and no energy or motivation to do any of it.  My hubby works all day and I would love for him to be able to come home to a nice clean house... but lately, he's been coming home to one chore being partially done and finding me in bed.  I feel so bad.  :(

We are only eight days away from our first "pregnancy ultrasound".  It just seems so strange —the idea that there should be a baby (or two) in my uterus, this time around.  I can't even count the number of times I have had an ultrasound, due to endo, pcos, or IVF, over the last four and a half years, and seen an empty uterus.  I really have forgotten what it will be like to see life in there!!  We are SO extremely excited, and thankful to God, every single day!! :D

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I told Chris, "Hey hun!"
"We're pregnant!"
In a very monotone voice, he responded with a very short, "yup."

lol.  He says he is past the point of not believing it anymore.  I guess I'm the only one still in the "I can't believe it" stage.  Oh well... maybe I'll believe it more once I see what's going on in there, next Friday.  :)