January 25, 2010

Never thought to give it a chance.


The Modern Family

I found it super funny and entertaining! Go ahead . . . Watch it!

January 24, 2010

Lupron. Day 11

Yesterday was, so far, the worst day. I was an emotional wreck! I had hot flashes beyond what I had imagined . . . at one point in the day, my clothes were drenched from sweat. Yuck, I know. And that's that I was just sitting in my bed ---next to the open window, feeling the cool breeze. I was soooo close to just jumping into the shower with only the COLD water running. Chris called, after work, in the afternoon, to see how I was doing (because I had already let him know through text that I was having a really rough day) and as soon as he asked how I was, I just broke down and huffed and puffed with tears.

After the horrible 15-20 min hot flash had passed, I actually laughed out loud at how silly I must have sounded over the phone to Chris. I couldn't handle it right at the moment he called. But once my body wasn't boiling any longer, I felt silly to have cried and been so emotional.

Lately, I've just been soooo irritable. Everything bothers, irritates, me. I wish I didn't feel like just mumbling through my day --seriously! As much as I enjoy a good conversation, lately, I just want people to not talk to me and I want my day to just be over with! :(

I did quite a bit of research on endometriosis yesterday and was relieved to read I wasn't the only one having a bit of trouble dealing with the side effects of Lupron. However, I did read that the peak was normally around day 7-1o. Yesterday was my day 10. So, God willing, things won't last much longer.

Chris has really been great during all this. He is handling all my moods, whines, tears, sweats, and irritibility very well and lovingly. :) Priase God. And he's really been there for KJ when I'm just "gone" from daily life...

Another night is ahead . . . ready to start another busy week. I worked just about allll day today putting February curriculum together. My to-do list just keeps growing at work. I'm going to be pretty busy this week. Booo.

night night.
until another update...

January 21, 2010

sweet and salty

ahhh, breakfast. Toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich, white chocolate mocha coffee, and little round tortilla chips on the side.


I must get ready for work now . . . another day, another 60 kids to impact --one smile at a time. (God willing, I have enough kindness and patience to keep it going all day. That's my goal for today -pure kindness, all day long.)

I'll let you know how it goes...

January 20, 2010

Lupron. Day 7

Ooooh, today I'm feeling sharp stabbing pains where I normally feel the endo pain.

hmmm . . . does it get worse, still?!

January 19, 2010

Lupron. Day 6

So far, things have not been as bad as I expected them to be. Last night was probably the worst with hot flashes and other 'craziness'. I wonder how much worse it's going to get?! Everything I read mentioned that the first two weeks were the absolute worse . . . I'm still waiting for the "worse" part of it. What if this is as bad as it gets? Hmm...

KJ's getting better :)
Last night, we watched Fame and she showed off all her famous dance moves and self composed songs! It was fabulous!!

My days, lately, have just been full of up and downs. I'm wishing I lived by a beach. I would LOVE to just go sit, read, watch the sun set, or rise, and hear the water . . . I do really need a little get-away. Something peaceful. Somewhere to just lay it all out, take it all in, and come back ready to face it all with a new understanding and new hope.

I will end with my current favorite songs:

mikeschair - Let the Waters Rise
From the album Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
Your never out of reach

God You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

Brandon Heath - Love Never Fails
From the album What If We

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

January 16, 2010

Lupron. First dose 1/14/10

I've decided to do my best to blog about this new journey. So much is changing in my life again. It was just three months ago when my world shifted. Well, here I am again... life and health.

Wednesday changed my life --haha, makes me think of LOST, how when the wheel is turned, life as one knows it no longer exists (for the most part). I'm not "lost" . . . just wandering around for a while figuring it all out.

Wednesday, I found out that my endometriosis has continued to grow. Birth control stopped working as well as it was. I have a golf ball size cyst on my left ovary and my right ovary is out of place. My uterus has been hurting beyond belief this past week . . . so we are left to believe (since endo is not seen through a sonogram --but when you put it all together: extreme pain again, ovary moved out of place, large cyst, etc...) that the endo has only gotten worse. My right ovary seems to be attached to either the uterus or the abdominal wall again. The doctor doesn't want to perform another surgery (would be my fourth since Jan 2007). He says we need to try another form of treatment. I've tried surgeries. I've tried pain management. I've tried birth control to suppress my ovaries. Now I've started Lupron.

Lupron will shut my ovaries down -and bring on a menopause-like state. With that happening, the endometriosis should stop growing. There's hope! And I'm thrilled! My doctor says that there is even a chance that the Lupron will help minimize all that has already grown too. I feel like it's 'wishful thinking' but at the same time, I'm still praying for a miracle that it will just all go away. No more disease. No more pain...

So, my dad gave me my first injection on Thursday(one of five. one every six weeks). I was a nervous reck. Not only because I totally dislike and freak out with needles but also because I had to prep my own shot AND because I knew that he has been out of the medical field for what I say is "ages"!! lol He did a fantastic job. I didn't feel any pain! Praise God. He always used to tell us stories of all sorts of things that he had to do for his patients. One that I will always remember is how he said that he never hurt a patient with an injection. :) He would prep the area and then smack 'em on the injection site literally right before sticking them with the needle. The smack would cause the initial shock and tensing of the muscle so when the needle would go in, the muscle was already relaxing... So, true! I felt him clean the injection site and then I waited for it ... SMACK...and then warmth. :)

I cried as I said, "you're doing a great job dad. Thank you so much." I couldn't believe that I was talking and fine while he was still injection the medicine. He thought I was crying because it hurt. But I was crying for many reasons. I cried because I was soooo relieved that it didn't hurt. I cried because I finally just got it over with (I took forever to finally get up the nerve to get the shot). I cried out of happiness of finally getting my first dose of the treatment --it took two whole days of calling my doctor and insurance back and forth, being on hold for what literally totaled up to HOURS, and waiting for returned phone calls just to get the medicine approved from my insurance to be picked up locally! I also cried out of sadness that I reached this point with fighting endometriosis. I always say "it is what it is." and try to refocus on other areas of life. But I'm only human and deep down I try to keep this thought away --I told Chris... "it's just tough when you realize how different your life turned out. You never ever expect to experience something like this. You always wonder what others must feel with a disease . . . but you never think it will be you "when you grow up".

So on top of that, I found out some heartbreaking news... This is life. This is real. This is MY life...I am actually laughing inside thinking about all this and how it's just so interesting how everything can change with just a blink of an eye -literally.

Enough about that.

My first night after my first Lupron injection:
shakes, shivers, hot flashes (which I never knew that it wasn't just about being HOT but also being icy cold from one second to the next), nausea, restlessness.

The shakes were so bad, I couldn't even talk because my jaw was chattering so much! It was NUTS! The strangest experience I've had in a while. It has calmed down a whole bunch but my body still just wants to tense up and every muscle feels the need to be tightened. It's an ugly feeling.

I've lost my appetite along with some of my hair already :(. Not major hair loss but the kind that I had when I was taking LoEstrin24! (enough back then that made me stop taking that birth control.) I had no idea it would kick in this quickly --but I guess it's already been in my system for 24+ hrs now. Tonight is when I noticed the hair loss ... I could really use some of that on my arms, legs, arm pits, and face (the hair loss that is!) lol.

Tonight, I don't feel such extreme hot/cold flashes and the shivers/shakes, like I mentioned earlier, are much more manageable. Unfortunately, though, I'm not sleepy! So, it gave me time to blog :) .

I want to do my best to blog about this treatment because reading other womens' blogs (documenting their journey with endometriosis) has really helped me out in different ways. For me, it will be a 6 month treatment (hopefully I can keep up with the cost! The first shot, with my insurance, cost me $133.75! The price before applying insurance was over 700 dollars!!! Praise God for insurance.). I also want to keep up with documenting as much as I can so that I can have this to look back on and focus on the end results. See how it gets better. The first two weeks are said to be the worst and I know I will need encouragement to focus on the positive and not complain through it all! haha. ;)

On a different note: my ford focus had to go back to the shop a week after it came out and we should be getting it tomorrow!! woohoo! it's been real tough sharing one car to get three people to three different places (Chris to medical center, KJ to school (located in Wilde Horse), and myself to Boerne). Also, keep KJ in your prayers please. We took her to the doctor today and it turns out she has strep and croup. She has a steroid to take in case her breathing gets worse, an antibiotic for the strep, and albuterol treatments to ease the breathing. It's definitely been an interesting week for the Mayfields.

God is Good and I have faith that it will all turn out okay...

Good night.

**I just realized that I should have taken a picture of the needle! That thing was nothing like I expected --it was about 3 inches long -if not longer!!! I was expecting a tiny one inch needle. NOPE! My butt cheek is still sore!! LOL.