October 16, 2012

IVF #1, Day 18: Transfer Day!!

Today, felt like a dream.  Everything about it felt like a dream...

Woke up at 7:45am.  Went to wake up KJ but she was a grump.  I sadly walked out of her room to go shower.  She realized I was really excited and that she might have hurt my feelings; she yelled from her bed, "Mom?!  I'm sorry if I was rude!  I don't mean to be rude!  I'm just tired."  I was happy that she was considering my feelings and apologized all on her own. :)

We left the house later than I wanted to because we were still grabbing last minute things for KJ (snacks, her book, a sweater, etc.).  Chris drove.

We signed in three minutes late.  No biggie; they weren't busy.  We were the only ones there.  We took a family photo to remember that moment.  It was full of excitement and joy!

I got called and the three of us quickly followed the nurse.  I was instructed to change into the gown, hair cover, and booties, once again.  I hopped into bed and then the embryologist came out.  She happily showed me a picture of our two beautiful embryos that "made it", without any doubt.  She said there was a third that might make it to freezing, but they wouldn't know until Wednesday.  (the fourth one definitely did not make it to day 5.)

The embryo on the right is the strongest.  She said it looks "perfect"!  The one on the left isn't quite there yet —it still has some work and catching up to do.

That's when she said that it is completely up to us, because we are down to just two embryos, if we want to transfer both or just one.  What a huge decision to have to make right then and there!  She stepped out, so Chris and I could discuss our plan.  I quickly told Chris that I want both to be transferred; he looked like he was going to pass out! lol  I reminded him that all this time, from beginning of IVF process, we had both been saying that we really hope they let us transfer two.  But now, he wasn't sure.  It was real and we needed a decision soon.  After some discussing, he was fully on board to transfer two (a high-five and all. lol!)

Dr. A made his way in to talk with us.  He gave us some medical facts and statistics on a twin pregnancy.  I'll be honest!  It really made me think twice about transferring both embryos.  But then I remembered that there are no guarantees that two embryos lead to a twin pregnancy.  I've known of two embryos leading to no pregnancy at all!  I had to remind myself that God is in control —over medical facts and statistics.  (I mean, when KJ was born five weeks early, according to the "charts", but was almost 7lbs, I remember how the statistics and medical facts were showing that she would need NICU and tubes.  We were told that she would develop slower.  I remember being really concerned, but then seeing how God took care of her and kept her out of NICU, never needing to go even once.  She's one smart kiddo and her pediatrician would always comment on how "amazing" she's coming along, more advanced than the "average kid", between 12 months and 4 years.  It's because God is amazing like that!).

So, when the doctor left the room, to give us time to, again, think it over, he left the room reassuring us that there is no "right or wrong answer", that it's our choice completely.  Chris seemed unsure about it just because he was really concerned about medical health of having twins (between myself and two babies).  I had to remind him that this does not guarantee twins; the way I saw it was, it was giving us two chances at the same time, instead of just one chance, at conceiving a baby.  He kept asking "what do you think?".  Without hesitation, I was telling him everything that was crossing my mind.  I kept coming back to the fact that God is in control.  If he hadn't had it in "our plan" to have a baby these past four and a half years, that we've been trying to conceive, then just because we transfer two does not mean that He does not have control over "our plan" anymore.  I, very strongly, felt that if twins were in our plan, God would take care of everything according to His will.  If all this time, only one baby is in our plan, then God will make sure it happens that way.  There was no other way for me to put it in words.  I just knew, and still know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is fully in control and will bless us according to His plan for our lives.

I could tell Chris was still a bit hesitant but he said "okay, I trust you" and I remember thinking, "me?. . . you trust me?  What about God?  Don't you trust Him??!"  (then I thought, "Well, if I am trusting God and Chris is trusting my trust in God... then I sure hopes that means he also trusts that God is in control —no matter what we, or doctors, say or do...?")  So, we gave them our decision.... "Transfer two."

It was such a surreal experience for me.  *except as rough as Dr. A was, it reminded me that it was very real.  lol.  I couldn't hold back my emotions (I had already balled just when we saw the picture of our embryos.  It became as real as this whole experience can possibly be.  Life had been created and there it was, in picture form, right in front of my eyes.) and the staff member that stayed by my side, during the entire procedure, was absolutely God-sent and amazing!  She explained everything in detail.  Especially when things felt too rough, she calmly reassured me that it was almost done and she even offered for me to squeeze her hand (because I had a death grip on the blankets).  *for some reason, this particular doctor, in the two times he has had to be in my "personal areas", has seemed to be too much in a hurry and extremely rough.  :(  very disappointing!  Watching the transfer take place was amazing and emotional.  The idea of two fertilized embryos going into my uterus was incredible and almost too much to take in at once.  I did my best to enjoy every moment and just slow my thoughts down... one thought at a time; one moment at a time.  Only God knows what our future holds.

I was wheeled out to the recovery/rest area and told to lay completely flat for 30 minutes.  The three of us were more quiet than usual; everyone was kind of doing their own thing...

Laying for 30 mins

Keeping me company, eating her snacks. :)

Once the time was up, I changed and we drove home.  I laid on the couch the entire day, until we went to bed at 11pm or so.  (I did make sure to remember my progesterone shot on time.)  "Doctor's orders" were to lay flat for the rest of the day; tomorrow, you can sit up but still don't do anything —let your husband take care of all the cooking and cleaning."!! :)  (sounds like a great plan to me! haha)

I still can't believe that I'm laying around with two little embryos in my uterus... the only thing that reminds me that this is not a dream is when I look at our printed picture of our two beautiful embryos!!  I'm full of awe and amazement —that God has allowed us to see such early, early, stages of life... How amazing is that?!!!

I will go for a progesterone check on Thursday, at 9am.  They need to make sure my levels are 'just right'; if not, they'll have to raise my daily dose (injection).  The anticipated pregnancy test (blood work) is scheduled for October 27th!!!  Only 11 days away!!!  Wow —just wow.

We are counting down the days...

 *a few more pics:
Dr. A was nice enough to give us the petri dish, where our embryos fertilized and grew for 5 days, as a keepsake!  It's so small —only about the size of a quarter. (you can see the number "4" scratched on the dish, lower left side.)
Nightly injection of progesterone.  (doesn't he look just a little too happy

1 comment:

  1. Wow! How exciting to experience and share all those details! You are right--God IS in control! So happy for ya'll!