June 16, 2012


Sitting at the table, during dinner, kj, out of no where, busts out with, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a grown woman with a hairy chest." we laughed so hard we cried and nearly had all our food fall out of our mouths!! Where does she come up with this stuff?? Lol

When asked why she said that, she said, "because I wanted to make you guys laugh." --and that, she did!!!

Kryssa Joyce, we love your entertaining personality -always. ♥

June 14, 2012

**Low Battery**

Today was a busy day, in my book —full of repetitive 'to-do' items.  Here are some nitty gritty details...

Woke up at 7:15am (considered a "late" day but I still really struggled waking up).  Woke KJ up.  Showered and dressed, while she "accidentally" fell back asleep.  :(  Finally got her out of bed.  Gave her morning instructions, "Get dressed, brush your teeth, get your shoes on, get something for breakfast, I need to fix your hair...", while I put my make-up on.  Fixed her lunch.  Brushed and fixed her hair.  Drove KJ to her summer camp.  Got out.  Walked and signed KJ in.  Walked back to car.  Drove 15 mins, back home... tidied up a bit.  Drove back to KJ's summer camp to watch their little "parade" (super cute!).  Drove back home.  Gave KJ some instructions, "wash your hands, feed your puppy, clean your room...".  Cooked lunch.  Started cleaning dishes.  Started beans for dinner.  Tidied house again.  Left house and came right back (about 30 mins).  Sat for about 30 mins.  Washed dishes.  Cleaned kitchen.  Started working on dinner: mexican rice, sour cream chicken enchiladas, crockpot beans with a turkey leg (yum!).  Set the table.  Served dinner.  Sat for about an hour.  Packed food for Chris's work, rice and beans and the left over enchiladas (they are doing a potluck tomorrow.  So, I had planned to make a ton of rice —that's what he wanted to take.  He really liked the beans and wanted to share with people at his work.  And the enchiladas?  Well, I didn't know he wanted them on corn tortilla; I specifically remember him telling me he wanted them on flour.  So, we didn't care much for the flour tortilla version.  lol).  Packed the rest of the left overs for us to keep.  Made room in fridge for all the packed food.  Cleared the table.  Washed more dishes (pots and pans -uck!).  Came to comp to blog. 

*why do days like these sometimes feel more tiring than I remember a 12 hour work day, out of the house, felt??  It was just non-stop.  All day, there was something that needed to be cleaned up, thrown in trash, taking to the recycling bin, put in laundry bins, picked up from the floor, put back where it belongs... I was on my feet, in the 'go-go-go mode', from 12:00pm until about 7:30.  Then I only sat to eat and rest for a while before I continued through the night.  :(  These are only details that I currently remember.  With the new pup, it seems as though my mind never rests now.  :(  I'm always wondering if she's chewing on something? is she being careful with her incision site —as it heals? is she eating something that could harm her?  is Roxy, our almost 3 yr old dog, being a bully to her?...

Somewhere in there I also did "mommy duties" and worked with the new pup —worked on "bed" and "sit".  I guess it wasn't that busy... I must just be 'running on low' already since it's Thursday??  Who knows.  I should be asleep right now; yet, here I am... lol

My body is super exhausted today.  And now, because of my new dose of Melatonin, I'm super sleepy!! :)  I'm really looking forward to tomorrow —Friday!!

The Dogs and the Spiders —Uh, I mean, "the birds and the bees"...

Quick recap.

KJ was asking more in depth questions about why our new pup absolutely had to get spayed.  She already knows about the dreadful "cycle" (because she asked me why I needed special "things" when I go potty.  And then sometime later, also asked more about how babies are born.) so I mentioned how getting a pup spayed will also prevent the pup from having cycles (she already knew it prevents them from getting pregnant/having puppies).

Earlier, that day, Monday, she had been saying that she saw two spiders "mating".  I kept asking how she knew they were mating and she was very certain when she answered.  Something about the female being the larger spider and the male being the smaller spider and she saw it on some podcast or tv show.  She said that they were definitely mating because they were together like when spiders mate.  So, since it was on her mind, I guess that's why the other questions came later...?

So, on the day we picked up the pup, she asked if male dogs needed the surgery too and I explained, yes, but it's a different surgery, "preventing them from making babies" (I guess I kind of knew this would be coming sooner or later).  Then on Monday evening,  she asked again about why male dogs needed a surgery if they don't get pregnant.  I took a moment to think and just repeated what I had already told her —how it prevents the making of a baby.  So, since she was hooked on saying that she saw the spiders mating and that there would soon be baby spiders, I used that to help her understand.  I said something along the lines of Just like a male and female spider "mate" to make baby spiders, it's the same for dogs.  A male dog and a female dog "mate" to make baby puppies.  And the absolute best part of the night for me was when she then said, "Oh! (here I thought she was putting it all together, somehow, on her own...) So a male dog and a female dog use their special powers to make a baby?!?".  I literally laughed so quietly, and tried to not let her notice, that I ended up crying.  The tears probably also came once I realized that THE TALK was basically happening and I just wasn't sure how I felt about it.  Yes, there are many other things/details that take place with THE TALK —but not with a seven year old... or at least I hope she doesn't keep asking questions right now...

Then it got a bit more challenging, for me, since I was not about to let my child believe that we all have "special powers" that we use to make babies.  If I would have let her continue thinking that way, I'm sure the next thing out of her mouth would have been, "So why don't y'all have special powers??!"  LOL  So, when I told her "no", it let to the next question, "so how does a male dog make a baby then?".  I told her that it was a very good question and I would need to think about how exactly to answer that for her.  She went on about who knows what and then I decided just to give her the facts, as vaguely as possible??... long story short, I reminded her about how females release an egg, once a month —the whole "cycle talk" that we had already had— and that male dogs have what are called sperm.  I explained that they are super duper tiny and microscopic and that in order for puppies to be created, the sperm comes together with the egg and then it could form into a baby.

Next question, "so then are we like that too?"  (geez! the questions never ended!!) I simply answered "yes."  I reminded her about our "how babies are formed in the mom" talk that we had, hoping that she would NOT ask the next obvious question, HOW the sperm and egg come together!.  By this point, we were already out of the car, at our destination.  But she had just one more  question, "So, why haven't you gotten pregnant then?  do YOU not have the eggs?"...  :(

I'm glad she understood.  I'm glad I was able to calmly and very normally answer her questions, but I was a bit sad that she understands it enough to know that something is just not right with me.  We stopped, briefly, and I explained to her that my body just isn't working the way it should.  I told her, that for a while, I was on a medication that was supposed to help my body "make the eggs" because sometimes it's just not that easy for everyone.  I reassured her that it doesn't mean that I am "sick" in any way.  I told her that it just shows me how special and different we all are and how God has very specific plans for each of us.  I told her that I trust God and whatever he has planned for our family.  I gave her a HUGE kiss on the cheek and reminded her that conversations like that should be between her and mommy and daddy —that those kind of conversations could make other people uncomfortable; so we should keep it private.  She smiled and said, "I know, I know.  We won't talk about this inside." (we were about to go in to a restaurant).  I reminded her that she can always ask us anything and that I love being able to answer her questions.  :)

It was a very very bitter sweet moment.  I love the fact that we have made it regular conversation —nothing awkward or uncomfortable (even though I'm not always sure how much to answer, at what age it's appropriate.  I keep reminding Chris that if she doesn't get the answers from us, she is going to get them from somewhere...) and I love the fact that she knows she can ask us anything (I hope that lasts forever!).  However, it was a very very sad moment realizing that she isn't completely lost in her imaginative play-world anymore either —where dogs use their special powers to have puppies! ;)  hee hee

June 11, 2012 will always be remembered.

Here's to "Special Powers" as we continue on our TTC journey.  :)

June 4, 2012

I am a _______________ Mom.

What's your 'fill in the blank' word this month?

Last month i filled in that blank with CHEER.  This month, I will fill it in with SOCCERI honestly have NO idea what I'm doing.  lol  I know nothing about soccer.  My daughter knows more than I do.  My hubby knows nothing about soccer... but here we go!

I rate the outdoors to be about a 6 (10 being the worst), during the hot months.  during the spring and winter, I LOVE the outdoorsKJ probably loves it just about as much as I do —she can't stand the bugs (ants, mosquitoes, flies, bees, etc.).  She's terrified to accidentally come in contact with poison ivy.  So, I can almost picture it now:  her screaming and crying on the field, terrified to move, because she saw ONE, yes ONE, ant... earlier! LOL  ...but here we go!

I want to see her succeed.  I want to learn the game.  I want to let her experience all the things she wants to.  I am really hoping that I have what it takes, as her mom, to push her just enough, not too much, to conquer those little, to her, huge, fears and annoyances. 

If you have any tips or scriptures to help us begin this journey, I'd truly truly appreciate it!!

First soccer meeting, here we come!! (tonight at 6:45...outdoors.)  ;P

Sack lunch

Kj came up stairs with this.

I thought she was going to ask me to take her to the park -again.  She has packed a lunch in the past and asked to go to the park. Little did I know, she packed it for me. :)

It has carrots, ice-water, a fruit cup, and her favorite candy ("Chileta Mango", mango lollipop covered in chili powder). It even had her specialty sandwich, grilled-cheese sandwich, until I reminded her I would need a Lactaid in order to eat it. We agreed that she would eat it and she would make me a turkey sandwich. :)

She returned with this:
She even remembered that I like spinach! :)

Hmmm...this seems too familiar...

Here's a text I sent Chris a few weeks ago. You'll see what I'm talking about ;)

May 26,2013 12:38pm
Me, to Chris:
How r u?
Do YOU have any lies u need to clear up and get off ur chest?
Apparently kj did...
It started with her making me banana strawberry toast and she happily took it upstairs while I was still sleeping.

I thought it was the sweetest thing. I thought she did that because she remembered mothers day, making me breakfast to wake up to, or something.
Then, when I wasn't able to eat much of it, because I don't like it. She apologized so politely and asked what else I would like to eat.

Then when I was downstairs, she went to the kitchen and kept looking for a cup for water. I thought she wanted one for her so I pulled out the wall-e cup. Then she said it was for me. She knows I like a cup of ice water all the time so she was going to serve one for me.
Again, totally out of her character --because it's so random.
She acts like that when I praise her on good behavior --then she tries to keep it going because I've already told her how much I like her behavior.
Thennnnn, this is what gave it away...

I came to sit on couch and a few mins later, she came to give me a nice hug and kiss (after she had already randomly hugged me while I was in the kitchen). While she was hugging me, I asked her, "did u do something u weren't supposed to this morning?"

"uhhh...was I not supposed to play my iPod?" she said.
I had told her yesterday, no video games no iPod for the entire weekend if she could not complete her school work.
So then we talked but she said she "didn't know" she wasn't supposed to. And she said that's not why she was doing nice things for me. i didn't believe her (she had *that* look on her face)

So after some minutes of playing I called her back an asked her again and she said the same thing. Then I asked her if she was lying and her shoulders slumped and she said, "well maybe I did do those things because I felt bad for playing my iPod..."

Then we talked about honesty and responsibility.

What's with people lying to me and thinking they can get away with it??! :(
(she's only 7, so she's still learning, I guess)

Since it seemed familiar, I just had to ask..."have you been up to something again? Because the last time you did all those nice things for me it was because you did something you weren't supposed to."

"No." She replied.

"Are you sure??" I asked.

Then she said, "Well, I did watch one more episode of my shows after you had told me to turn it off."

Aha! I knew it! Bummer.  I received a thoughtful lunch from my seven year old because she felt guilty for disobeying... At least she confessed, I guess.

June 3, 2012

My several pregnancy tests showed...

Drumroll please............Not pregnant.

Test number one: Wednesday morning, at my doctor's office. He calmly said, "well your test is negative".

Test number two: Thursday morning, in pre-op with the anesthsiologist, the man trying to get some laughs. He spoke loudly and without hesitation says,"Congratulations, you're not pregnant!" -he obviously had no idea we have been trying for 3.5 years.

Test number three: Friday afternoon, the pre-op nurse very sympathetically says, "well, you're test was negative; I'm sorry." she obviously DID know we were ttc.

And then I started my cycle today. But life must go on, right?! :)

TMI? What's that?

I had a little getaway...53 whole hours of a little of "me" time, a little of hubby and wife time, and a little family time. I was waited on hand-and-foot. There was always someone to clean up after me. I had my meals and snacks delivered right to me. I even had a private escort whenever I needed to leave the room. ...sounds a little awesome, huh? Too bad all the awesomeness was sucked right out with the IVs, the clear liquid diet, and the different scopes going down my throat and up my ---!

Yes, 53 hours in a hospital. It was so unpleasant only because on the outside, I felt SO normal!! It all started on Wednesday at 8:15am, an appointment with my primary care physician. (I had black stool with a large amount of fresh red blood on Tuesday, and I, of course, freaked out.) So I made it to my appointment and was sent across the highway to get my blood drawn and then to get a Catscan. (I had been instructed by my doc to go straight to the ER if I had another episode.) I got my blood drawn, then went to the "little girls' room" before going for my CT. And what do you know, I had another episode :(. I called my doc and they told me to go straight to ER.

*side note: it's quite frustrating because I had to sign something stating that I agree to pay the bill, a maximum of $309, if my insurance doesn't cover 100%, for my blood work. And right after getting my blood drawn I was sent to ER, where they drew blood again for the SAME EXACT test!!! So Now I will have an ER and hospital-stay bill AND a bill for my lab work that my doc ordered. Boooo!!!!

I was admitted on Wednesday morning and I was immediately "NPO" (nothing by mouth). I hadn't had breakfast and I knew it was going to be a very long day. Around 3pm, my nurse finally gave me great news, that I was on a clear-liquid diet, and brought in some jello and juice. :)

Thursday morning, I had an "Esophagogastroduodenoscopy" (EGD). I was sedated (the best sleep I've had in years!) and they used a scope to go down to my stomach, and the duodenum, the first part of the small intestine. They had already assumed that I had a bleeding ulcer -because of stomach pain I had been experiencing for a week and a half (which i really didn't think much of until a few days prior) tied with the black stool.

They found two ulcers and some inflammation and irritation on the stomach lining; but nothing that showed to have bled or caused the blk stool. So they kept me on a clear liquid diet and ordered a colonoscopy for the next morning.

They were determined to find the cause and I didn't mind at all. I was really concerned. However, I was extremely mad when it took about 3 hrs to even receive my first sip of water (since my last sip of anything had been 15 hrs prior!) and then when I asked if I could have one very light meal and THEN "prep" for the procedure and was ignored the first few times...and then Chris finally went to ask once more for me and the response was "she'll get her tray of clear-liquids in a little while". I was so extremely upset that I actually told Chris that I could punch someone!! That is SO out of my character!! Chris didn't even dare to eat in front of me. He waited with me for a few more hours and then went out to get some food with his dad. Lol!! Poor guy!

I felt like a kid, throwing a silent fit --when the lunch tray arrived, I very quietly and politely said "thank you."but I let it sit there for a good 15 mins or so before I thought to taste the popsicles before they melted (lol). *i ended up eating/drinking almost everything I was served. But it started with a huge pout and grumpy attitude. :(

Then came the nasty "prep". It was an entire gallon!! Who drinks and entire gallon of anything in one sitting?!?!! Much less when it tastes horrible and triggers the gag reflex and nausea??! It was plain horrible. I knew I had to do it for the procedure; however, I only managed to drink five cups of it (out of the approximate 12-15!). I finally fell asleep but then between trips to the bathroom, vitals being checked, blood being drawn, and get this -being woken up to sign the paper that says I don't have a DNR and that says I fully understand the risks involved with the anesthesia (really??! I just HAD to sign it at 5am...it really couldn't have waited until at least the sun came up?? --and then it didn't even get used!! The anesthesiologist had already pre-signed another one that I was given to sign at 12:30pm...ugh!!) so, I only had little cat naps between midnight and 7am.

*oh and another side note: I already didn't want to be there -I felt that I could have easily been at home and driven to each procedure- but on top of everything else, the one who checks my vitals decides to tell me I "need to wake up" because it's already morning, 7am...and then tries to have a conversation about, of all things, infertility!!! She said that some nurse also had trouble conceiving and used some kind of "patch on her arm" and took some shots and she got pregnant with twin boys... And then she proceeds to tell me that I just need to "stop thinking about it and it will happen". (oh, I forgot to tell you that she is about 6 months pregnant with her FOURTH boy.)... Let's just say "I'm sure she meant well."

So, Friday morning, I was told that since I couldn't finish my prep, you know, the entire GALLON of liquid, that I had to drink a bottle of magnesium citrate. I had originally asked if I could drink that because I have done it several times before and I am able to tolerate it. So I chugged it down in two gulps. I had my procedure moved to 1pm and my stomach was so food deprived that my mind was somehow fooled from feeling any amount of hunger. I made it to my procedure and again had the best sleep ever! The procedure showed some small internal hemorrhoids (that they said could be from having kj 7yrs ago that just never went away) but, again, nothing that caused the bleeding.

Then, I heard the best news ever!!! --I was back on a normal diet! :D I ordered my food wisely, since I hadn't eaten a meal in two and a half days. It was delicious! And then as I was enjoying my first meal, a doc came in and told me she was able to discharge me!! :D

It took us a whole 10 mins or so to pack everything up and get ready to walk out the door. I was so relieved to get out of there but also quite frustrated to have been there for those days and NOT have any explanation to the bleeding I had experienced. Although, I did find out why my stomach had been in so much pain, the ulcers and stomach inflammation and irritation were more than likely from the Advil PM I had been taking for the last three weeks (oops!!)

I'm currently on a med to help with my acid reflux and I was told to stop everything else except for my Levothyroxine. (so no vitamins, evening primrose oil capsules, calcium tablets, or flaxseed oil capsules until I see the GI again in one week...).

I am just so thankful to be back home, with my kj by my side! That was a very long time to have to be away from her.
My first meal after 2.5 days.
My hospital stay, summed up.

Finally discharged and on our way to get KJ from my mom's.