October 8, 2012

IVF #1, Day 10: 10/8/12


I had my ultrasound/lab appointment at 7am (way too early!).  Thankfully, Chris was able to go with me and stay with KJ, while I went in for my appointment.  I normally just take her with me (one of the downfalls of homeschooling:  I never ever seem to get to do anything on my own anymore —even the private important things that aren't considered "fun".) and she normally behaves well.  However, on Friday, I noticed that she was waaaay too comfortable in the waiting room.  Which, that is a good thing —except when it turns into laying on the couch because she's "tired", which I don't doubt she was, and then whining a bit too loud, in my opinion, when I told her to sit up... so embarrassing.  So, having Chris, waiting in the car, with her is like a treat to me! haha.

I did the usual —sign in, sit and wait (which wasn't more than 3 mins today!), get my blood drawn, empty my bladder, undress from the waist down, flip the light switch on — turning a light on outside of my room letting them know "I'm ready", lay back for the ultrasound, and cringe and concentrate on trying to relax until it's over —because the endo does NOT like the ultrasound wand!  But then something unusual happened...  She was calling out the measurements of each follicle, on my right ovary, and the tech was inputting the info on the computer.  "16mm, 18mm, 19mm, 17mm..." etc. ( didn't get a total count.  I forgot to ask.) and then she moved over to my left ovary.  Now, my left ovary is always in it's very own, strange, place.  I had mentioned to Dr. B and Dr. A, at different times, earlier in the journey, that they have always been attached to either my abdominal wall or the uterus itself.  But neither of them seemed concerned about it.  So, I always figured it wasn't going to be a problem.  So, this morning, Dr. B positioned the wand in a very odd way, in order to see the follicles.  She seemed a bit alarmed by where it was located but I didn't think anything of it because it's always been the trickier one to view.  She started calling out the measurements of the left follicles, "9mm, 12mm, 10mm, 11mm...".  Uh, even I know that's not supposed to be like that —and this is just my first time at this.  My left ovary did not respond correctly over the weekend.  It's like the follicles just stopped growing! :(  Why?  I'm so disappointed.

Dr. B then tells me that my left ovary seems to be hidden behind my uterus.  Hello!!  I mentioned that in the very beginning! Ugh.  I let her know that it is pretty typical of the ovary to actually attach itself to the uterus —not just "hide".  Then she says, "that's what I was going to ask next, if it attaches with endo...".  I asked her if they would still be able to extract eggs from it and she tells me that they won't know until the day of the retrieval.  "We'll try and see if we can get it to cooperate!" she says.

Trying to keep an optimistic view, I ask her if she thinks that my right ovary will be enough for the retrieval.  Thank God, it's actually the one that responded the best, of the two; so she said that it looks good and they will be able to use it.  As positive as I'm trying to remain, it was a tough piece of information to take.  I was crushed!  You go into this doing everything right —all the injections, cutting out caffeine, chocolate, and alcohol, minimizing carbs, etc, in hopes to get as many beautiful eggs as possible.  But then to hear that it only worked half-way, despite all of our efforts?!  :(  So, heartbreaking. 

Even if my ovary does somehow, miraculously, move into a good cooperative position, the follicles aren't even the size they should be.  The only peace and comfort I get from this news is that God knows what is best for my body and our future.  Only He knows the outcome.  I have to trust that His plan is much more of a blessing than I could ever imagine.  This "bad news" about my left ovary could actually  be a blessing in disguise —I just don't know it yet.  It's not easy staying positive but I have no other choice.  Holding on to negative "what ifs" will only cause stress and low emotions.  Every time I start thinking of those negative "what ifs", I tell myself that God's got this.  It's such a comforting reminder... "God's got this."

(this song always seems to have such a special meaning in my life...)

Our retrieval is set for this Thursday at 9:30am.  We have one more night of three injections and then our trigger shot is set for tomorrow night at 11:30pm.  That's the scary one! lol  It's an intramuscular and it is a much longer and thicker needle —has to go into my backside... waaaaah!!!


Well, I just got my last Menopur, Follistim, and Ganirelix injections!!  (I hope it's the absolute last I ever have to see of them!)  Chris did the Menopur and Ganirelix; I did the Follistim (I just like the fact that I can give myself injections now. haha!).  I'm definitely emotionally drained tonight.  I've been doing all I can to stay positive after this morning's appointment.  I stayed super busy today, cleaning and cooking my favorite chili and cornbread.  I just wanted the shots to be over and done with, without causing me to get thinking too much about this morning or starting with the negative thoughts.  It was easy to let myself start thinking 'what's the point of doing all this if it's already not even working properly'... So, Chris did the injections and we celebrated with a nice little kiss.  I threw out all the empty glass containers and boxes and then condensed as much as I could.  Our box of medications looked so much more empty after condensing what I could —it made me feel a bit better, seeing proof that we've come a long way so far!  We are almost done and I know we are and will be blessed no matter what the outcome will be.

Thank you so much for all the encouraging words, prayers, and continued support —on facebook, instagram, twitter, and even through "old fashioned" texts!  ;)  I love hearing from everyone!

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