October 9, 2012

IVF #1, Day 11: 10/9/12

I am noticing a pattern now.  The closer we are getting to our halfway point, our egg retrieval date, the more challenging it is becoming to stay positive and have great days. 

Today, I'll be honest, I did not want to get out of bed.  I was so emotionally drained and 'in the dumps' that I just wanted to stay in bed.  However, for my KJ's sake, I made myself pull it all together and get out of bed.  I never want her to remember or feel that "mom didn't care about me; she just laid in bed, sad, all the time..."  So, I got up and went downstairs.

Endo has really been flaring up.  It's aggravating.  I often wonder if it's going to be a daily problem if we ever do get pregnant.  Many info sites claim that endo tones down or even "goes away" during pregnancy, but I tell my hunny, "I can understand if maybe endo stops growing during pregnancy... but for the endo that has already grown and fused organs and tissues together, it doesn't make sense that it won't cause pain as your insides shift, stretch, grow, etc...".  I'm really scared at the thought of having endo pain every single day during a pregnancy.   I'm concerned that it will lead to another preterm labor (which I really believe is what caused preterm labor with KJ).  I've read, in forums, from other women that have experienced horrible endo pain during their entire pregnancy.  The endo pain that I am currently experiencing now is just frustrating and upsetting!  I wish there could be an end to it...

I was nervous all day about the "butt injection" (the trigger shot of Novarel).   And to top off my day, my back problems flared up today too.  So, I basically just sat on the couch most of the day trying to keep my mind busy (between KJ's school work and trying not to focus on the amount of pain I was in).  The only medicine I can take right now is Tylenol (I bought the rapid release).  It's just a bit of a joke compared to the Norco (10-325) I had been on, prior to IVF.  I tolerate pain pretty well these days —because I have no other choice.  If Tylenol doesn't take the edge off, I just pray and try to distract my mind to make it through that moment (or entire day) as best as possible.  Today has been one of those days.  :(

Chris should have gotten off from work at 4pm.  I was really looking forward to that time because I was expecting him to call, as he usual does (everyday, on his way home).  He didn't call until 4:38pm, I believe.  I had held it together as long as I could on my own.  As soon as he called, I broke.  And, once again, he was loving, supportive, understanding, and encouraging.  I try to stay positive for him because I know it's a lot to carry —always being the shoulder that's cried on.  But he is SUCH a blessing in my life!!  He listened as I cried it all out and then he comforted me with laughter, love, and encouraging words.  He reminded me that God's plan is perfect and that "He's got this".  He reassured me that Thursday's egg retrieval will go smoothly and that he will be by my side all day to take care of me.  He told me that if I needed to stay home tonight, instead of going to our 'marriage group night', at church (which has been a totally amazing experience for us) that he will understand and we could 'relax' together.  And then he even offered to pick up dinner so I wouldn't have to do anything for the rest of the evening/night.  (when he got home with WingStop and Snow White and the Huntsmen I knew it was going to be a great night!)  Of course, it really helped me feel better.  I just really wish I wasn't having so many of these days/moments.  I want to feel normal again.

The "butt injection":
Chris watched the instructional video for the new injection and then we just watched tv to pass the night away (KJ was already in bed for the night and I needed some serious distraction from what was only hours away).  We watched Parenthood, which I absolutely LOVE and then we watched the movie he had rented.  We were counting down the time together ... until he decided to take a "nap". lol  We were instructed to give the shot at exactly 11:30pm.  Why so late?  I have no idea.  These last few nights, we had been going to bed between 9:30pm and 10:00pm.  So, having to stay up until 11:30pm, to give a shot, made us even more sleepy! haha.  At 11:20pm, I grabbed the ice pack —to numb the area and warmed up the heating pad —which we were told to use, to massage the site after the injection.  Chris had asked me to mix the liquid with the powder —so I woke him up as I mixed the medicine.  Thankfully, the nurse from Monday morning had drawn circles, one on each side, to mark the correct injection site.  Chris used the alcohol pad to clean the area . . . but again, I needed to pray first —for peace and comfort and for Chris to be confident and to have a steady hand... and then I laid down, ready for the injection.

My heart was racing, my breathing sped up, and I was sweating bullets, seriously!!  I kept feeling his fingers pulling the skin tight, like he was instructed to, but I wouldn't feel the needle.  He probably did this for an entire two minutes, while I was going crazy with nerves. LOL!  He apologized, and laughed, for taking so long, and I just continued to grip my hands tightly.  I felt a small sensation but didn't even know he had already darted the needle in until I asked, "did you put it in yet?" haha.  He told me yes and I just started thanking God!  It didn't even hurt.  I couldn't feel anything (like what I had imagined).  But then I asked, "do you see any blood?" (he was supposed to draw back, while in the site, to check for blood).  It turned out that he was so nervous that he completely forgot to check for blood; he was already done pushing all the medicine in!!  We freaked out a bit and then I told him I'm sure it will be okay (because I didn't want him to get scared that he did something wrong to me) ... he said that he did check, after he was done, and that there was nothing.  I don't know if that would have made a difference. haha. but I'm sure he freaked out and needed to still check, for his own peace of mind.

I was so amazed at how wonderfully he did.  As we were cleaning up, to go up to bed, I was coming down from my adrenaline-high and talking up a storm! lol  He was so calm and quiet; I just had to ask "were you even nervous??"  He told me that he definitely was but he got over it once he was done.  haha.  It was just me that took another 10 mins to calm down afterwards. lol

I tried googling "intramuscular injection forgot to check for blood" (and other versions of the question).  I found some info how some nurses don't do it at all and others say it's a must —to prevent the medicine from going straight into a vein because it could cause problems in the lungs...?  My injection site did not bleed at all so I figure he did not inject it intravenously.  Hm!  oh, well, right?!

Another rough day with another great ending.  :)  Praise God! 

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