February 9, 2015

Meeting my midwife.

Ball of nerves. Today's the big day. Today means this is real. I'm really pregnant... Right?

It's been a tough three weeks of waiting for this appointment.  I've been freaking myself out, thinking that this whole pregnancy is all in my head. But then telling myself to have more faith than that. It's not always easy.  It just seems too good to be true.  Seriously.  Every single day, the devil messes with my thoughts and makes me think that something is bound to happen. That there's no way I'll actually be pregnant long. Or that I won't actually get to meet or hold this baby.  And the scariest thought that keeps flooding my mind is that I'll get to my appointment and there won't be a baby; just an empty uterus (or signs of baby that was once growing). And the midwife will say, "I'm so sorry, but you're not pregnant.".  Yeah, it's the tough ugly truth —what I've been dealing with every single day. 

So today's the day that I'm supposed to be able to fight those thoughts off easier and laugh in the devil's face, and rejoice! —because today I get to see my baby.