March 24, 2010

Lupron. 2nd shot Day 27

Ten days have gone by since my last post... seems like much longer than just ten days.

I think I'm just drained now.  My body is probably very upset with me. ha!  I've chosen to put it through something very strange and it just wasn't ready.  I mean, I don't regret choosing the treatment --because it's amazing not dealing with that tremendous amount of pain I used to suffer.  I now know I was suffering.  I didn't know how abnormal that amount of pain, on a daily basis -some days ALL day!

I read back to some of my first posts, from when I started the treatment, and I remember how great I felt, even with the crazy changes that were taking place.  It made me realize how worn out I really feel now, though.  I just want to sleep -ALL THE TIME!  This week, I've been having HORRIBLE stabbing pains randomly throughout my body (different bones and joints).  A lot of the pain has mainly been in my left hip.  I have NO idea why!  It hurts like if someone is desperate to rip off my entire leg!  Nothing makes it stop or go away.  When that pain hits, it stays until it is done.  I've tried stretching, pushing down on it, repositioning myself, walking, sitting, freezing in place . . . I told Chris that it feels the same as when I accidentally slipped and fell in a "splits" position (I am not normally capable of doing the splits! -never have been) and tore hip tissue!  I remember that hurting the same way.  But I haven't done anything, that I can remember . . .  and I know one of the side effects is slight memory loss (losing focus) but I think I would know if I used my left in a way I shouldn't have!

I've been taking calcium supplements to help keep my bones strong during the treatment.  I wonder how long I should let it go on for before getting it checked out.  I mean, I'm constantly in pain these days (not from endo episodes -just random pain throughout different areas of my body.  It really stinks!), I'd hate to spend money on a doc visit just to be told it's just another pain from side affects.  The sad thing is, I grew up hearing "your body isn't naturally meant to be in pain.  If something hurts, it means something is wrong.  It's your body's way of letting you know..."  (maybe not in these exact words.  But the message got across to me).  However, I don't remember at what age pain just because part of my "normal" --from an ingrown toenail that ended up needing surgery at age 12 (I was 9 years old or so when that started!!), to asthma at the age of 12 -which would get so bad that it would cause chest pains, a slipped spinal disc when I was 15 (I could not move even a finger, literally!!) -which cause me to easily pinch nerves in my back since then , to severe migraines in my late teen years . . .  a pregnancy that was so not normal and had contractions starting at 27 weeks up until 35 weeks, when I had KJ . . . to a slip and fall, five years ago, that put my back out for just about an entire year!!  So all that with endo pain, I now know, starting at the early age of 13 or 14 and just got worse and worse and the years went on, pain just seemed to be 'normal' to me -can you see how?!  So, this past week, we visited with my sis and she woke from a short snooze saying "ouch, something hurts right here" -pointing to her thigh, I think it was.  Now, I constantly have pain in my bones so I'm thinking it's normal.  I realize, with her reaction, 'maybe it's not a normal pain/feeling people experience...'.  I asked if it's normal for her and she says no.  On the road trip back home, I, once again, for the thousandth time, experienced some random bone pain again in my left arm and it reminded me how 'UN-normal' it must be.  So, I ask Chris, "do you ever have random pain throughout your body, at any given time?"  He too said no.  hm!  I really thought it was just something that happened.  So, now every bone and joint pain seems to stand out more to me, since Saturday --I'm freaking out wondering why my body has shooting pain in random bones and joints!!

So, here's where I ask for your help:  If you know of anything that it might be triggered by or connected with, PLEASE let me know.  Even if you just happened to have heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend  ;)

I know right now that a lot of the pain must be caused as a side affect to the Lupron (especially reading someone's post -she just started on Lupron and says her body feels like a little old lady)  Everything just has me wondering how much is due to side effects and how much is just a continuation of what I felt before treatment . . . ?

Aside from the crazy random jabbing pains (not endo pain, praise God!), hot flashes are still manageable (almost seem normal to me.  I just reach out and touch the coldest member of my family -between KJ and Chris! haha.  They already know to just rub on me with their cold hands.  If they are not cold then they know HANDS OFF and silence!!  lol

Restless nights are definitely catching up to me.  Although, the really strange thing is that I can feel super sleepy one minute --like probably able to sleep while sitting or even standing up!-- but then when night time rolls around, I'm either not really sleepy, or just normal sleepy --not like I've been needing to sleep all day and should snooze as soon as I lay my head down . . . very strange!!  I wish I would be this sleepy when it's 8 or 9pm.  Because then I would actually get some decent hours of sleep, if I could actually sleep through an entire night, uninterrupted by hot and cold flashes, Chris stealing the blanket (lol), turning on the heater, opening a window, etc.  haha  The Mayfield house has some interesting night time 'happenings' --all due to who knows what. . . Lupron and . . . my crazy body!  haha

So, really, aside from the side effects, Lupron has worked wonders with decreasing the endo pains!!!  Woohoo!! Praise God!!  :D

9-15 more days until my next shot .  .  .

March 14, 2010

Lupron. 2nd shot Day 17

I haven't posted in a while . . .

I wasn't as scared the second time around.  I let KJ watch, hoping it would get her to realize that even mommy gets a little scared but I stay still and everything turns out just fine.  haha  She was covering her eyes and then she said she was going to "be brave" for me.  Right before my dad stuck me with the needle, she exclaimed "Oh no!  He's "adout" to shot you!!" she held my arm, with her little hands, and said, "okay mommy, hold very still, okay?"

Well, my dad wasn't as gentle the second time.  :(  No biggie.  my rear end was sore a bit more than the first time and I had a nasty knot for a few days...

The symptoms didn't hit as hard -I guess because it wasn't new to my body like it was the first time.

I am, however, bummed out a bit that it's day 17 and I have more discomfort this time than I did the first.  Or atleast, from what I remember.  Maybe I was sooo overwhelmed with excitement of the LACK of pain that the little discomfort didn't even phase me.  Now, maybe I'm just spoiled and greedy and the little discomfort stands out more?!  I don't know.  It's still waaaay better than what it used to be.  I'm still grateful.  I'm still enjoying my days.  AND I still haven't needed any pain meds!!! Praise God!!  :D

The hot flashes are still manageable -being super duper cold is probably still the strangest thing for me.  I've never really been one to be "freezing" so it is really strange for me still.  The mood swings are still manageable.  The sleepless nights . . . eh, not so enjoyable.  OH!  lol, I have to say that I have so much less leg hair but only on my left leg!!! lol  It's so funny!  I really wish it would balance out to the other leg too.  It would be awesome to loose more leg hair!!! lol --and arm hair . . . and facial hair too.  lol  ;)

The acne is interesting.  I thought my complexion was going to clear up . . . how did I misunderstand that?!  Maybe the acne is from stress of switching my 'career'?  who knows, but I really wish the zits would stay away!  or at least just come one at a time.

I'm thinking that I might move my next shot up one week.  Because one week before my last one was due I started getting real uncomfortable.  I know I'm not the doctor but I really do know my body . . . or at least I have up until now.  We'll see, I guess.  I just want to find a steady pain free way of being.

I'll try to update a bit more often this time around.