To the housekeeper:
You've really been slacking. I can't stand it around here any more. You kept the place so nice and clean for about three weeks and then you stopped. I don't know what happened, exactly. I mean, I hear that your health has major ups and downs. I hear you deal with chronic pain -which leads to your random exhaustion. I'm assuming my housework isn't your only job... Oh, yeah, I know you have kids and all. I know they keep you up to odd hours, when you would normally be sleeping. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I mean, I need you to step it up, suck it up, and get back on point. The rest of my family, obviously, has much more important things going on. I mean, you must continue picking up and taking out the trash every single night. You must keep the dishes and kitchen clean, at all times. You are the sole dish washer around here, don't forget that. Oh, and don't just leave the laundry laying around! The clean clothes can't just get piled in the laundry room. You have to actually fold and go put each piece away, exactly where it is needed (if you set it out in nice piles for each person to take on their own, it won't ever get done and they'll just end up getting thrown back into a pile). No one has time for all that;
that's your job. I have three kids that go through clothes like they magically clean themselves. So, the dirty piles . . . oh, I know they get piled pretty high; but that's because my family depends on you, and only you, to wash it all properly. If you didn't take care of that, there would be colored clothes in the whites, clothes that should hang dry would get tossed in the dryer, and it would all just be a disastrous mess. Seriously, keep up with the laundry! Okay, and do I even need to mention the floors, bathrooms, carpets, and bedrooms? I mean, hello! Just look around and you will see all the mess. No one else has time or a desire to jump in and clean it. So, it will just sit there until you get to it, okay? I know you'll find a way to keep up with our busy little family.
To the childcare provider:
So far, you've done a fantastic job. I mean, the kids are all growing and pretty much happy little ones and they aren't left starving or filthy --that would be unacceptable! They require so much, right?! Sheesh! You need to make sure to keep up with the diaper laundry, okay --yes, that's your task. It works out best that way so that you will always know what needs to be washed and how to sort all the different dirty dipes. Also, as soon as you see clean dipes are needed, you'll be able to just run and get a load done. It should be fairly simple (although, I do realize that diaper laundry can take up an entire day). Oh, and don't forget to prep the food for the twins. They don't just drink milk anymore . . . oh and bottles! . . . can you please keep up with washing all the dirty bottles, pacis, and nipples? Like every day, you know. Make sure you feed them something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Also, offer plenty of snacks to them in between feedings and milk. Aren't they just so cute, how they love to feed themselves. Messy, huh?! eh-hm. You'll need to do a better job of cleaning up after them. Sometimes, after a feeding, I guess you get swamped doing 'other' things (I can't imagine what!) and you seem to forget to wipe down the highchair tray, and the table. That's part of your tasks. I know it's tough on your body, all the up and down and sitting on the floor to play with them, and hunching over during their diaper changes, etc. Just make sure that you are ready for anything --you never know what kind of day the kiddos will have.
To the homeschool teacher:
Okay, I know I have plenty to say to you; but I'll keep it short...
Our 9 year old needs constant interaction and supervision. She has quite the imagination and she loves to tell stories and involve others in her day --all day. I'm sure you've figured it out by now. Make sure to not just throw worksheets her way. They really overwhelm her. She needs a lot of gentle reminders, to help her stay on task and keep from getting flustered with her work. I would suggest trying to come up with some 'out of the box' creative ways to teach her what others may easily/quickly learn through text books and worksheets. See, it's known, in our household, that our 9 year old requires an extremely loving, positive, understanding, and 'flexible' type of guidance. She has meltdowns when she's overwhelmed or when things 'come up' or change. So, even though the house is constantly busy, with the housekeeper and the childcare provider for the twins, make sure to work patiently with our 9 year old. It will really help keep her calm and help her not get overwhelmed so easily. You're only task is to teach our very 'outside of the box', energetic, imaginative, sensitive, 9 year old. It can't be that hard --you'll get the hang of it!
To the cook:
I don't know what's gone on lately, but you have missed several meals! That's just not okay for my family. You are expected to have meals prepped a certain way, and by a certain time, each day. Oh, and don't forget to keep changing it up. There's a certain adult in the house that doesn't really tolerate too many left overs or repeat meals. I'm aware that there have been many complaints and very specific, complicated requests, lately; but you're the cook and it's just what you have to deal with. At least you aren't required to clean up anything --just leave it for the housekeeper!
To the 'milk donor':
You committed to providing milk for one of my twins and I need to know that you are still committed. Formula just isn't an option for us -financially, and just for my own peace of mind over his health. It is extremely important to me that he continue getting breast milk --soooo many nutrients that can not be replaced or recreated. So, if you could just continue what you've been doing for the past nine months (aren't you glad you at least had that one month of not having to pump for him, while I worked at getting him to feed directly from the breast? Sorry it just didn't work out...). Now, if I could just ask for one more favor, will you please start pumping just a tad bit more? Just like one or two more pump sessions . . . you can squeeze that in, right? I'm really hoping to be able to store some in our deep freezer so that I can have as back up --you know, for when I want to be out and about with my family. I know pumping full time for my baby doesn't always work with your schedule, but just keep working around the pumping schedule and I'm sure it will get easier... even though, boobs can be so unpredictable and stubborn at times.
ahahahahaha!! If only there were more than one person to fill these roles . . . it's all on me. I am the "housekeeper", "childcare provider", "homeschool teacher", "cook", and, of course, the "milk donor". I think I need to at least hire an assistant to help me get through some days. I'm starting to wear thin again. So many roles to fill around here; I'm trying to keep up with them all. ((insert little face with x's as the eyes and a frown mouth with a tongue sticking out)) --that's a good face for how I feel right now after trying to 'take care of myself' these last few days. *meaning that I rested as much as possible between pumping and nursing, and I went straight to bed as soon as possible --instead of doing my usual 2am house cleaning. So, now I'm having to go back and take care of everything that I had hoped would magically get done without me.
Maybe I'll have the energy tomorrow...