Today, I surprisingly fell in love with you all over again. It feels wonderful ... like a new-found joy . . . a giddy little tickle in my tummy . . . maybe it really was your new frames (hehe), or the way you attacked me with kisses, even though I was a sweaty mess. Or maybe it was the helpful heart I saw, as you very quickly and willingly cleaned up the downstairs area, while I was cooking. Or maybe it was that you did such a sweet thing and surprised KJ today, when you drove to go pick up her bff.
I can't really explain why or how. I just know that my heart opened up to you in a new, fresh, way again. It's been a while, huh? We knew that having 'a baby' was going to change our relationship and put some things on hold. But we didn't have a clue
what having twins would do to, what we felt was, a solid, loving relationship.
I know I've been so wrapped up in caring for the twins. I've been moody, snappy, exhausted, full of complaints, emotional, and uninterested in going out and about to do all the "fun" things we used to do. I have been stuck in "survival mode"... for the past 9 months. I keep thinking it will all go back to "normal"... but it still hasn't. I keep waiting for the "new normal" to start . . . I sure hope this isn't it. ha! I hope I get to a place where I care about my appearance again. A place where I crave "us" time again. A place where I don't constantly feel overloaded with a 'momma-do list' of 28,000 little tasks...
Yet, through all of the yuck moments, you've continued to love me. You've even continued to snuggle up real close to me, just about any chance you get, just to wrap your arms around me and tickle my neck with your scruffy facial stubble. (even though I shrug you away for a whole list of reasons: too sweaty, frazzled, too tired, too grumpy, too busy, etc. , even when I really do want your affection.) *But sometimes I also know you come snuggle because you really want me to make you something yummy to eat. ;)
I appreciate all you've done (even though I seem to constantly ask that you do more). I appreciate that you help keep me hydrated, even when you've already gone up and down the stairs 28 times, searching for pacis and diapers and bottles and blankies and breast-pump parts. I appreciate that you run ALL the household errands, including all the shopping. I appreciate all the breastfeeding and pumping support. I appreciate you going along with my new-found 'crunchy momma' ways. And I appreciate that you 'hear me' when I express that I'm overwhelmed --and you step in to change up the situation... this list could go on and on. Really, it could! But most of all, I need you to know I appreciate that you work so hard to provide for our new family of five (and without a single complaint while doing so!). I truly, truly, appreciate you.
I love you. I'm in love with you...
Let's see what else God has in store for us. xoxx