June 14, 2012

The Dogs and the Spiders —Uh, I mean, "the birds and the bees"...

Quick recap.

KJ was asking more in depth questions about why our new pup absolutely had to get spayed.  She already knows about the dreadful "cycle" (because she asked me why I needed special "things" when I go potty.  And then sometime later, also asked more about how babies are born.) so I mentioned how getting a pup spayed will also prevent the pup from having cycles (she already knew it prevents them from getting pregnant/having puppies).

Earlier, that day, Monday, she had been saying that she saw two spiders "mating".  I kept asking how she knew they were mating and she was very certain when she answered.  Something about the female being the larger spider and the male being the smaller spider and she saw it on some podcast or tv show.  She said that they were definitely mating because they were together like when spiders mate.  So, since it was on her mind, I guess that's why the other questions came later...?

So, on the day we picked up the pup, she asked if male dogs needed the surgery too and I explained, yes, but it's a different surgery, "preventing them from making babies" (I guess I kind of knew this would be coming sooner or later).  Then on Monday evening,  she asked again about why male dogs needed a surgery if they don't get pregnant.  I took a moment to think and just repeated what I had already told her —how it prevents the making of a baby.  So, since she was hooked on saying that she saw the spiders mating and that there would soon be baby spiders, I used that to help her understand.  I said something along the lines of Just like a male and female spider "mate" to make baby spiders, it's the same for dogs.  A male dog and a female dog "mate" to make baby puppies.  And the absolute best part of the night for me was when she then said, "Oh! (here I thought she was putting it all together, somehow, on her own...) So a male dog and a female dog use their special powers to make a baby?!?".  I literally laughed so quietly, and tried to not let her notice, that I ended up crying.  The tears probably also came once I realized that THE TALK was basically happening and I just wasn't sure how I felt about it.  Yes, there are many other things/details that take place with THE TALK —but not with a seven year old... or at least I hope she doesn't keep asking questions right now...

Then it got a bit more challenging, for me, since I was not about to let my child believe that we all have "special powers" that we use to make babies.  If I would have let her continue thinking that way, I'm sure the next thing out of her mouth would have been, "So why don't y'all have special powers??!"  LOL  So, when I told her "no", it let to the next question, "so how does a male dog make a baby then?".  I told her that it was a very good question and I would need to think about how exactly to answer that for her.  She went on about who knows what and then I decided just to give her the facts, as vaguely as possible??... long story short, I reminded her about how females release an egg, once a month —the whole "cycle talk" that we had already had— and that male dogs have what are called sperm.  I explained that they are super duper tiny and microscopic and that in order for puppies to be created, the sperm comes together with the egg and then it could form into a baby.

Next question, "so then are we like that too?"  (geez! the questions never ended!!) I simply answered "yes."  I reminded her about our "how babies are formed in the mom" talk that we had, hoping that she would NOT ask the next obvious question, HOW the sperm and egg come together!.  By this point, we were already out of the car, at our destination.  But she had just one more  question, "So, why haven't you gotten pregnant then?  do YOU not have the eggs?"...  :(

I'm glad she understood.  I'm glad I was able to calmly and very normally answer her questions, but I was a bit sad that she understands it enough to know that something is just not right with me.  We stopped, briefly, and I explained to her that my body just isn't working the way it should.  I told her, that for a while, I was on a medication that was supposed to help my body "make the eggs" because sometimes it's just not that easy for everyone.  I reassured her that it doesn't mean that I am "sick" in any way.  I told her that it just shows me how special and different we all are and how God has very specific plans for each of us.  I told her that I trust God and whatever he has planned for our family.  I gave her a HUGE kiss on the cheek and reminded her that conversations like that should be between her and mommy and daddy —that those kind of conversations could make other people uncomfortable; so we should keep it private.  She smiled and said, "I know, I know.  We won't talk about this inside." (we were about to go in to a restaurant).  I reminded her that she can always ask us anything and that I love being able to answer her questions.  :)

It was a very very bitter sweet moment.  I love the fact that we have made it regular conversation —nothing awkward or uncomfortable (even though I'm not always sure how much to answer, at what age it's appropriate.  I keep reminding Chris that if she doesn't get the answers from us, she is going to get them from somewhere...) and I love the fact that she knows she can ask us anything (I hope that lasts forever!).  However, it was a very very sad moment realizing that she isn't completely lost in her imaginative play-world anymore either —where dogs use their special powers to have puppies! ;)  hee hee

June 11, 2012 will always be remembered.

Here's to "Special Powers" as we continue on our TTC journey.  :)


  1. Wow, Michelle, I love to read your blogs. You are such a great mother and handled this situation with grace and gentleness. I love hearing about Kryssa growing up!

    1. Aw, Mal, thanks so much!!! This really means a lot. :)

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