August 2, 2007

To test or not to test -that IS the question...

So, our "conception plan" didn't go as planned.  It wasn't even our fault though, that's what's most frustrating!!  I went for my blood work like I was supposed to and then days passed and I didn't hear from my doctor.  I called and found out that my blood work was lost in the process because the lady that did it remembers packing it up and filling out my form and sending it off -but the results that came back for me were blank . . .   The test was never done!  So, they don't know what happened to my blood -whether it got lost on the way or misplaced when it should have been tested.  Either way, I don't get to find out if the medicine actually did its job.  SO . . . I called to see what's next and I was told that I could test already and that it would be an accurate result.  I don't know what I want to do.  Today is day 46 (from when we started this whole process) --I can't believe 46 days have gone by already . . . I guess I've been so busy that I haven't been soooo consumed in the whole "baby" thing like I was a couple of months ago.  Or, I guess, I also know that we are taking some steps to assist us -so maybe just knowing that has put my mind more at ease . . . who knows!!  I mean, I give God the credit too, of course.  I put it in his hands when we started this whole process and I have just been staying positive "Our time will come.  And when it is time, it will be so wonderful to have such great news!!"  Well, I have an appointment with my doctor on the 8th; so, a part of me just wants to wait until then to test at my appt.  But the other part of me wants to take a test to find out already -lol.  Oh, DRAMA!! lol!!  Okay, so, I could spend 15 dollars on a home test and then another 30 for my appt (which includes a test too) -so that would be two tests, just a few days apart, for 45 dollars. . . OR I could be just a little more patient and pay only 30, see the doctor and get a result there . . . I am a little nervous to test   . . . okay,  A LOT!!  I don't want to see another negative -but at the same time I really do have peace that even if I don't get the result that I want -everything will work out for us.  I do believe that.  But I am human and my emotions are just a little on edge when it comes to this.  Geez, just thinking about all of this right now creates a lump in my throat and butterflies in my tummy.  I really pray that it's positive . . . how exciting would that be?!  lol, even my mom, yesterday, told me that we need to hurry up and give Kryssa a sibling!!  I laughed and said "we're working on it -there's only so much we can do!" --but at the same time, I was thinking "Mom!  You're not helping!!" Lol!!  She only said that because I was telling her a story about what Kryssa was doing yesterday morning and it was about her playing and talking all to herself -but like she was really talking to someone else (does that make sense? -basically, if you just heard her, you would think that someone else is there with her; but then you see that she is all alone having such a wonderful little conversation/playtime -poor thing!!)

OH, something freaky happened last week . . . LOL.  Kryssa was sitting on the floor, next to where I was standing, and she was just staring at me (she was in time-out so I thought she was just trying to get my attention).  Well, I looked at her and she got this strange look on her face as she asked "Mommy?  You got a baby in your tummy?" --can you imagine the shock that hit me?!  I have NEVER told her about how babies are in tummies or anything.  So, I have no idea where she heard that from -but at the same time I thought, I sure could have a baby in my tummy . . . Then to the people that were present, I looked at them and said, "okay, that was freaky!  It's going to be freaky if I find out next week I'm pregnant!!" --how strange is that?!
Okay, so this is my blog for today . . . maybe even the week.  I hadn't blogged on TTC in a while -this is all really on my mind right now -all day and until I fall asleep.  I think I will just try to wait until the 8th, save some money, and still find out results . . .

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