April 16, 2008

All that and it didn’t even last long! (ttc update)

So, I kept my appointment after all, w/ Dr. Ruiz. I was having some "issues" still -aside from the 2 week delay.

Well, it turns out that the polycystic (sp?) ovaries are back. :( I wasn't expecting to see and hear that this soon. I just had the surgery in January and it's only April!!! And the most frustrating part is that it's not just one or two --NO! There are approx. 5+ on each!! :( To look on the bright side: it's better than the 20+ the doc had to remove (the surgery in Jan.) from EACH --compared to that 5+ is not bad at all, huh?! Also, some other "good" news I will focus on is that I still don't have to get back on the fertility meds -yet- (he said to give it until June -as long as everything else stays regular) AND my "baby carrier", lol (uterus), appears healthy. So, God willing everything stays as uncomplicated as this. Oh, and the other "issues" that occurred were due to a cyst rupturing (according to Dr. Ruiz --assumed by the pain and 'issues' I described).

It's been a LONG road . . . and apparently more to come --But as I often hear, "just take it one day at a time" --easier said than done; but it sure seems to be getting easier. I mentioned to Chris yesterday, "I wonder if it's hard at first and then gets a little easier but then gets hard again -as more time passes- and then easy again . . ." Like a cycle. The way I see it: At first it came as a shock and each negative was another heartache over the previous heart ache that didn't have enough time to heal. But then because there have been so many negatives and my emotions have emptied -then the next negatives and not-so-good news doesn't ache AS much. So, that is when it's "not so hard". But then who knows how many more negatives and not-so-good news I can handle before it starts feeling emotionally overwhelming again . . . and then after I pass all that, it becomes a temporary norm to where it doesn't affect me as much. See the pattern? I don't know if it makes sense. But I know I can't let myself be depressed and emotionally drained every day for the year and some months that it has been going on. We are making it and focusing on 'other' things/goals -Like taking Kryssa to Disney World in December. If I get pregnant before then, who knows if I will get an 'okay' to travel. So, for now, we are focused on going for sure. Oh, and I still have hopes to lose some weight before pregnancy -so I better get to it, huh?! ha ha ha ha ;)

So, that's the most recent update. I know it gets a little personal and sometimes, for some, it might be a little TMI --but It is my blog and it is what's going on . . .

So, as much as it is easier said than done, I have set my mind to TRY not to count out all those "Day twelves, fourteens, and sixteens" just the Day 1 and Day 28 -to make sure I stay "working" -ha ha. Maybe that would be the equivalent to 'not trying'?! You know how it's said that conception tends to happen when 'you' aren't "trying" . . . so we'll see.

Thanks for all the support and 'girly' chit-chat/'gal time'. It's a great get away and stress reliever from the day-to-day thoughts and emotions.

Until next time . . .

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