April 21, 2012

Running in place

I'm tired. I'm exhausted... I need motivation inspiration.  I need to stop with the pity party already. Whaaa to my health and physical limitations. Whaaa to only being 29 but feeling 40 years older.  The pain is overwhelming and I can't just stop everything.  I have to push through and it sure is tough most of the time.  But I'm at the point of feeling blue way too often.  I need to figure out a way to get out of this funk.

I want to LIVE.  I want to have JOY.  I want to LOVE with all that I am.  I want to be a blessing to those around me.  I've been brainstorming on finding a fun hobby or finding somewhere to volunteer.  Something I can do when I feel blue.  Something to keep me from feeling blue.  Normally I just lay around, in pain, waiting for meds to kick in (when, 80% of the time, they seem to never fully kick in).  I'm considering running again.  I miss it so very much.  I'm very concerned with what it might do to my back situation --but I'm willing to give it a try again and just push through it as much as I can.  I'm going to visit Tri-sition to get fitted for the correct type of running shoe, to try and prevent injuring my shins again.

If I don't end up running for whatever reason, I'm considering getting into gardening.  I get excited at the thought of working on our lawn and making the grass green and keeping the flower beds cleaned out and beautiful.  I'm not sure which will be better for my back —bending over and kneeling for yard work, or causing more strain on my lower spine from the impact of running.

I will be meeting with a neurosurgeon on Monday, 4/23.  I will find out if I need surgery or what other options I have to getting my mobility back.  After this appointment, I'm guessing I will be able to determine what will be a better hobby (however, if I need surgery, neither will be an option; I'll be back to knitting or something).

I need a change . . . a make-over in my personal life.

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