Happy bday roxy

We've had her for exactly one year now, September 1, 2010. She is now three years old :)

She enjoyed her first doggie ice-cream as her birthday celebration treat. :)

My glass half full

Three out of four are currently sleeping.  I have a wee bit of time to get a blog post in.  :)  Those two sentences alone make me happy —hee hee.

First, here's my update:
Since my last post —God has carried my heart to a much calmer place.  I am strong.  I am loved.  I am able.  :)  What surrounds me will not define me.  I have choices, and for now, I choose to fervently wait on God.  I trust, in every way, that all areas of my life are right where I belong right now —to push me where I need to go . . . to what I need to become.

Personal goals —I was on my way to a 5k and then it quickly got taken away from me.  :(  I started running in May and had worked my way up to 2+ miles 3-4 times a week.  I had even started to enjoy the early morning, 5:30am, run --watching the sun come up and having some extra quiet time to myself.  Now, I am sad to say that I haven't run for a month now.  Today is exactly four weeks since my last run --the day I pushed my body just a little too much.  My shins are still in recovery mode.  The doc says I could have possibly fractured my shins (micro fractures).  I'm supposed to be working on getting the swelling back down and strengthening them back up.  The doc says that I will be able to run again —just not any time soon.  Oh, how I miss it.  And right now it seems as though EVERYONE on facebook is running . . . except for me. :(  So, I've revised my birthday wish list; instead of new cool toe shoes for running, I replaced that request with a new extra extra thick yoga mat and a door frame pull-up bar.  I will start a new routine of yoga and pilates in order to maintain the weight loss that I had worked so hard for.

TTC —still waiting to see two pink lines :)
Everyone and their mother A lot of people around us are pregnant or have conceived and already had their baby.  I am actually back to handling the annoying negatives quite well (if I may say so myself).  I didn't cry about the negative last month; nor did I cry when Aunt Flow unexpectedly stopped by for a visit.  That's progress!  I must say that I have been refreshed with new blessings through all of this.  A 9 wk old baby girl enrolled and started a week and a half ago, joining the 8 month old that has been coming since he, was only 8wks old!  Caring for and loving these babies (and 3 yr old) brings me such joy.  I am so blessed to be trusted with these little precious lives.  I anxiously wait for the day that I can experience these moments with my own precious blessing (a second time) —so for now, I am thankful for the many little blessings that have come my way.

KJ —our little Kryssa Joyce turned 7 on August 10th.  We celebrated with just family, us four and grandparents, on the 10th and then KJ got to celebrate with her friends on the 13th.  It was a wonderful celebration!  Just seeing all these little friends, most of which we have known their entire life, "hang out", laugh, and create memories —absolutely priceless.  Her theme was, of course, Puppy/Dog and she still talks about how it was the best party ever.  hee hee  The simplest things are sometimes the best. :)  Our fall homeschooling session has begun.  It's quite different than last semester but I will find what works best, again, and keep moving forward.

KitKat (aka Miss K) —Her family nickname was pickle --but now that she is a freshman, I figure one nickname would be better (she was given the name kitkat by her school friends).  She has been here with us 'full time' since around February and "officially" moved in during the week of May 8th!  Unfortunately, we still are waiting on the "legal stuff" to be finalized and then we will work towards adoption.  Volleyball season started about 3 weeks ago and I can honestly say that I never thought I would truly enjoy being a "soccer Volleyball Mom" --but here it is folks . . . I am loving every moment!! :)  Now, of course, fighting through traffic is never "fun".  But I am truly happy to support her during her games, scrimmages, tournaments, and even practices as often as I can.  I already lost a good portion of my voice just from cheering her on this past Friday and Saturday.  I tell her I am going to buy a SHOUT cone (from Party city) and decorate it just for her --I will proudly use it every chance I get.  hee hee.  Soon, my title will change to "Cheer Mom" --hee hee  I'll have to quickly learn how to make hair bows and cute hair styles.  (and whatever else cheer moms have to do).



This summer was definitely one to remember.  We had several road trips and numerous adventures as a new family of four . . . quite different!  I love the family that we have become.  I am so grateful for God's blessings.  Now that the school schedule is back in play, I should be able to sit and enjoy some blog time every now and then (as long as the children continue to nap all together). 

Let the waters rise

Things have changed...  Nothing "new"; just unfortunately repeating the same 'ol situations —again.  It's out of my control.  Now I just have to re-evaluate where I am in life and make my next step.  Not sure which direction to go.  Continue TTC?  Continue expanding my family?  It seems a little unfair to have this burning desire to conceive and just put it to an end —for the rest of this year at least.

I know God is holding me together.  I know I'm not alone in this.  I just find myself needing to remind myself "it's going to be okay; I don't know how —or when; but eventually everything will settle into place —the way it's meant to be..."



Mikeschair Let The Waters Rise Lyrics
Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

Canceled appointment

As sad as I am to post this . . . I figured an update is due.

I started my 'day 1' yesterday. [moment of silence]  I literally balled my eyes out.  It's been a long time since something like that has bothered me that much.  I immediately sent a text to Chris —hoping he would call and help me focus on the positive (sometimes I just can't do it alone).  He didn't respond in any way. ((sad face))  Next, I sent a text to the only other person I could think of that could totally relate and possibly help me shake it off and laugh again.  Sure enough!  :)  I told her how I was planning on hiding out in the bathroom for a while . . . just to cry it out —alone.  Her response, " . . .the bathroom rug is always a good spot to curl up.  Just don't get a hairball from all the long hairs that you leave on there :) ".  Her sense of humor was just what I needed  :)  Thank you!!

So, I had to cancel my appointment that was scheduled for today.  It is pointless for me to go in just to hear that the test is negative, when I already know that conception did not occur.  I don't think he would have done a sono because my body is working just fine ;)  I do, however, wish that I could have gone to use their scale.  That's how I've been weighing myself (I have one here but I don't know how close it is to the one at the office).  Oh well, I have another month to drop some more pounds  ;)

I will start my next cycle of clomid this Friday...  Thank you everyone for all the love and support.  It's made these 13 months of ttc not so bad.  :)

later gator!

Update: Day 26

My progesterone level came back as an 18 this month!!! I've been so excited about that news! Before clomid, my levels were less than 1. With clomid, my levels were between 1 and 1.9. With clomid + metformin my levels were a beautiful 5 last month and an even more beautiful 18 this month!!!
So I anxiously waited for chris to get home tonight with some hpt's...and the result was:

((sad, sad, face))

I'll test again at my appointment on Tuesday...