TTC update

Well, it's supposed to be my 'Day 6' of my 2nd cycle and nothing is going on.  :(  I'd like to think that I got a false negative --and that it's not just that my body likes to NOT work...


I was watching all sorts of crazy shows and clips, online, of the people that didn't even know they were pregnant until they were in labor.  Very strange and I wonder how they go THAT long without knowing.  I think I would be able to understand if they found out half way through their pregnancy or something --but not as they are delivering!  Crazy.

So, I told Chris, in the beginning of our decision to ttc, to keep me focused this time around --meaning that I don't want fertility drugs again just for the sake of getting pregnant --because that was a crazy roller coaster of hormones and emotions.  I started wondering today, though, how long I should wait before considering taking them again.  I had said I didn't want any in 2010.  In the very beginning, I felt that it would happen if it was "meant to be".  But now I'm am really wondering if maybe that is what is meant to be...  What if that is my only chance to conceiving again.  If we don't conceive by September, the absolute latest, we are going to stop and wait to try again next spring --unless something changes our minds about trying again.  I just got the "what if it never happens for us again" feelings and thoughts today...   :(

I really wish that I knew someone that really really knew what TTC was like for me.  Then again, I would feel so sad to personally know that someone else is experiencing the same thing(s) I am/have...  It just gets tough when I hear people say "yeah, I know what you mean . . .  I do know that even when it is within one year of ttc, that it is difficult and very emotional.  I also do know, though, that when it passes a year, it's different, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc., from what I thought was "the worse, I could possibly feel" in the first year.  Gets my heart really aching for those that have passed the three year, five year, ten year mark of TTC.  :(

I know, I know, we just started ttc not too long ago --but I can't help but wonder if my body is just a little slow and getting to its norm or if it just fell back to its old habits -of NOT working...

Test #1: first negative in 2010

so I took my first test and it showed a negative.
BUT I thought it was like alllll the others I've taken -to hold in the stream for 5 seconds- and then, as I was waiting for the lines to show up, I read "hold in stream for at least 10 seconds"!!!  WHAT?!  So, would it really make a difference if I didn't hold it in the stream long enough?!

I plan on buying in bulk this weekend...

So, I feel a bit of relief -but more sadness than relief.  Oh, well, I was prepared for all the ups and downs --this isn't the first time we've gone through this.

Lord, I trust your timing and plan for us.

g'night.

new!

I love my new layout . . . what do you think?  :)

I'm up way too late . . . feeling like I'm coming down with a cold or something . . . I was updating some photos and videos.

time for bed but Chris rented Sherlock Holmes and I've really been wanting to watch it since it came out in theater.  :\

tired.

another day off

Well, I used to wonder how wonderful it would be to not "have" to work. . . and here I am now, not working because the baby is sick and can't come but this is my 3rd work day in a row of no childcare work and I kind of don't know what to do with myself!! lol  I've already accomplished so many little projects and I don't feel like hiding in the office AGAIN, while cleaning it out.  Although, I am super excited for it to be completed.  I just over did it yesterday with chopping a piece of our front tree (root and all) to replant it in the back yard.  It was waaaaay more physical work than I have done in who knows how long.  My body was stiff as a board this morning.  lol  I'm still waddling around as the day goes on.

Continue with my "projects"?  or go visit a friend for a bit and THEN come work on the office?  hmmm . . .

On a different topic:
my 'day 1' is tomorrow but I really hope that a hpt is in my future instead of midol and 'munchies'.  lol  I had this pain in my belly yesterday -on the right side of my belly button, a little below.  At first, I thought my shorts were just cutting into my belly too much when I sat down.  Then I noticed that it had nothing to do with my shorts.  It felt like I had pulled a muscle or something.  It would hurt to stand up straight, laugh, bend over, etc.  I compared it to the pains of healing from incisions (from the laps --like if the muscle had been cut, separated, and was mending back together).  But then the thought occurred to me, 'what if these are the pains of early conception, like I felt with my first conception...I thought I had over worked my muscles or pulled something in my belly back than too and a day later I tested positive.'  I didn't want to think too much on that track because I don't want to get to deep with the whole TTC emotional roller coaster.  Well, later, the pains started spreading downward and I thought 'early conception?' again.

The pains eventually went away but now I am left curious .  .  . and anxious.  I have been keeping myself SUPER busy around here lately (if you knew all the organizing, cleaning, arranging, rearranging, my house has undergone, you would totally see how "busy" I have been keeping myself) so that I would not be inpatient with counting the days before I can test.

To me, it would be a miracle if I tested positive --especially in the first 'round'...

I will def. give some kind of update on this soon.

So, what does one do alone to enjoy "me" time
read (might just make me sleepy)
craft (I'm very interested in this one)
play an instrument (I stayed up past midnight playing guitar and having 'me' music time!)
cosmetics/grooming/mani/pedi...(eh, I don't really consider this "fun")
yard work (I might do some today --i've already watered the tree and it looks as though it might rain so the grass will get watered soon)
a movie (I'm so tempted and planning on looking up movie times)
shop (our budget shouts other wise)
...too bad I don't know anyone that plays tennis...  THIS ONE really sounds fun for today!!!  :(

Motherly quality time

I had a very nice mother's day.  Chris, Kryssa, and I spent all day at my parent's house.  My dad was in bed the whole day -due to knee and hip pain  :(

I made yummy orange french toast with homemade orange syrup!, bacon, eggs, and a side of mangos, strawberries, and pineapple.  Oh, I wish I could gobble up fruit right now.

We hung out and munched on some baked goodies.  Then we made chicken taco for dinner --again, YUM!!!

After dinner, we played monopoly.  Tons-o-fun.  :)  KJ won with over $14,000!

I came home to catch up on all the housework -preparing for work the next day . . . only to get a bitter sweet voicemail that the baby is sick still and won't be coming.  So, I was surprised with a day off -again.  It got me all excited because I knew I could stay up late!! hee hee