February 11, 2012

The Unconscious-Conscious Me

Yesterday, I went in for my procedure, lumbar epidural steroid injections. If you've read about my past procedures, you already know how I always fight as hard as possible to remember what I can before I'm "gone" in la-la land. Well, yesterday wasn't any different. As soon as they fed my Iv with the "happy juice", I remember feeling a bit nauseated. But also thinking, why hasn't it kicked in yet?! About two minutes later, I remember hoping I wouldn't tumble off the bed head first! Lol.

Once I had been rolled into the procedure room, I was shocked that they asked me, "you think you can roll over onto this bed for me?". I was a bit irritated and wanting to really speak my mind: "excuse me? You know I'm here because I can barely move, right? You should be aware by now that I have some serious mobility issues with my back. That IS why I'm here! And you go and start my sedation and THEN you ask me to move from one bed to the next??! You couldn't have asked me before making my head feel like it was just gonna roll right off? ...or better yet, you can have the common courtesy to assist me, roll me, or just push me right over. But no! You're just gonna stand there and ask me to move my completely off-balanced self right over --and you're just gonna watch me?! Really. Oh well, if I fall head first, I probably won't even care or feel anything...what the heck; here I go!"

Then I remember them positioning my arms and helping me get comfortable. I remember saying something dorky like, "oh, look! It's like if I'm getting a massage!" since I have to be face down, the head/face rest is similar to a massage table. I remember they just chuckled [the kind that shows they have either heard it a thousand times or the kind of chuckle that you give when something isn't funny but you don't want to be rude] and said, "yeah!". I got comfortable...reeeeeal comfortable.

I remember hearing the anesthesiologist tell me that he was going to put me to sleep and monitor me the entire time and for me to just relax and take a deep breath.

Before being wheeled in, I did ask my doctor if I would feel any pain; I was super nervous. His response was not as comforting as I had hoped for. He said, "well...see, if we put you in a deep sleep you won't remember what you feel." and unfortunately, I was in the prep room right next to the procedure room so I was able to hear other patients as they went in and came out. I heard loud drawn out "owwww" and moans and groans. And then as they were being wheeled out I also got to hear the sedated giggles of loopy-ness and funny remarks. so I was pretty nervous about feeling pain or crying out from pain during the procedure.

So, I was comfortable and out. But then I do remember cringing and saying "ow" a few times. I DO remember feeling the sting as the numbing medicine was being injected into my back. I have gone through that pain without sedation before and I have handled it well; but with yesterday's procedure, since it was going straight into my spine, I was nervous about moving during the procedure and then becoming paralyzed!! *yes. Extreme. I know --but valid!*

During my cringing, I felt a hand holding my shoulders as still as possible and a voice saying, "it's almost over. Your doing great..." and then I remember waking up on my back feeling really sore. When I realized The procedure was over, I quickly moved my toes and legs and thanked God that I could still move them!

It seemed like a tiny nap. I think Chris said it was about 45 mins or so. I fought real hard to wake up quickly. I absolutely hate laying alone in that sedated state. The first words I remember mumbling out were, "Im thirsty." after finishing my cup in three gulps, I asked for more. I was told I could go back to sleep and I remember mumbling out "no, I'm good". Then she asked if I'd like to go home or rest some more and I immediately, as clearly as possible, said, "go home please!".

I love the feeling of seeing my love right after I wake up from a procedure. It's just so comforting!!

Chris helped me get dressed and I very very carefully tried to follow along as the nurse read the discharge instructions.

Chris does a fantastic job of pampering (spoiling) me after a procedure. We stopped to pick up chickfila, i hadn't eaten in about 15 hrs -so I wanted to order everything!! Lol and then I was craving ice cream (a rare thing since I don't tolerate dairy all too well) so he also stopped at mcdonalds :) I was a very happy happy gal, enjoying my ice cream cone on the way home --still really out of it.

I wasn't allowed to walk any stairs yesterday; Chris did a wonderful job making me nice and comfy downstairs. He brought down everything I needed, including our queen-size mattress!! He made meatballs with corn, mashed potatoes gravy, and cranberry sauce for dinner. And on top of all that, he even went out and bought my favorite "comfort foods": gardetto's, cookies n cream ice cream and a couple of glazed donuts. :) (horrible junk food, I know --but it made me so happy!! Hahaha).

I'm still resting as much as possible today. I'm anxiously waiting to see what the results of this procedure will be. So far so good (except for the nerve pain, on the backside of my left leg, and the ice-cold numbing sensation it causes). I know I need to give it a few days before I can really know what the results are.

Kj will be back home later today. I'm really looking forward to some cozy family time this evening! :) I'm staying optimistic. Bed rest, knitting, and movies aren't such a bad thing right now anyway ;).

Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers!

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