September 8, 2011

I'm fertile . . . just not fertile enough.

I am very happy to say that my body has been working all on its own, no fertility meds, for three months now.  So, that's fantastic news . . . right?! 

I still cry.  I still mope.  I still wish it was me and not just everyone else around me.  I still stare at my belly in the mirror and try to remember what it was like carrying a baby in there.  I still feel every gas bubble and daydream that someday it will be movement of a baby in there.  lol  (I admit, that one is pretty pathetic.  haha)  We are right about to hit 17 months of ttc.  This was when I started to lose hope and give up the last time we tried to conceive —we stopped at 18 months...  I don't feel that I've lost hope this time.  I do have my moments where I try to accept the possibility that I may never have the chance to conceive another child; "That's just silly!" I tell myself over and over and over again.  "Maybe just not in the plan for my 20's...?"

Just to top off all the wonderful negative hpt results:  I gave in to the urge to test.  I tested on what was supposed to be my day one.  Listen to me when I say as soon as I put the cap back on the hpt, my day one started.  I'm not even kidding.  It was soooooo unkind.

So, today is day 3 and I'm staying optimistic. :)  I'm focusing on the wonderful children in my life and my adorable little Roxy-poo (which by the way, we celebrated her 3rd birthday this past weekend —we bought her some doggie ice cream cups.  It was adorable; we sang happy birthday and gave her the yummy treat.  She gratefully trotted off, with the cup in her mouth, to enjoy her ice cream outside!).

 . . . and life goes on.

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