March 27, 2011

A sneeze is [NOT] just a sneeze

I just want to say . . . how I miss the days when I could just sneeze without preparation.  These days, when I feel a sneeze coming on, I curl up in a ball as much as I can and hold my belly (in hopes that it helps my lovely ovaries feel like they are NOT being ripped out —like the ripping sensation of getting waxed!) . . . and then, literally, think "Oh, please don't hurt!!", as I cringe and wait for the explosion.


Tonight, I screamed so loudly, from the pain, I woke my sweet, sleeping, hubby up.  :(  When he asked "what's the matter?!" I was still frozen in fetal position and barely starting to have the flash of white fade away . . .(my eyes literally saw bright white and then solid darkness as the pain surged through from my left ovary all the way down to my toes)... the only response I could mumble out was, "stupid endo pain . . .".  I sat in silence (until he went right back to snoring —haha) and thought, "you know...I just want to sneeze without all this pain!!  A simple little sneeze.  How it's taken for granted..."

So, here I am, taking this moment to vent.  No, I will NOT let endo control my life . . . however, I will say how I TRULY, TRULY, WITH ALL THAT I AM, HATE what it seems to have taken away from me (aside from the obvious).  A sneeze, a cough, a simple stretch, or even the slightest switch in sitting and laying positions . . . blowing my nose, for goodness sake!! —that's supposed to be the easiest part of life, isn't it?!

Lupron, oh how I miss thee . . .

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