September 22, 2010

::inhale...exhale:: Ah, blogerpy.

'blog therapy' that is...

Today's Wednesday.  The part of the week where you know you're so close to Friday —you're going to make it!!  Yet, you have to just remember to breathe ...

I am on day 48 and I've had two negatives.  Something needs to happen soon.  Even if it's just another cycle to let me know my body hasn't shut down again.  I'll be making a doc appointment soon —we just found out that our insurance covers IVF treatments (up to a certain amount) and we want to see what our next steps should be.  I don't think he'll recommend IVF as the next step; I think he'll start me on clomid again first and then go from there.  I think I'm okay with that now.  I think I'd rather be emotional due to adding crazy hormones in my body (with the hopes of conceiving) rather than being crazy emotional due to the LACK of conceiving —AGAIN! :(

I'm tempted to find a support group.  It's getting tough again.  That's why I had originally thought to only try for 6 months and then stop for 6 months and then try again, and so on.  I remember how hard it was back in 2007 (it seemed like, in that 18 month period of TTC, that EVERYONE and their momma conceived!! haha).  It was super tough, emotionally, mentally, etc.  But we decided to not stop trying and now I'm starting to feel it . . .

I know, I know, it's God's timing and He has the perfect plan for us . . . but I'm human and it's normal to feel what I've been feeling (so don't feel sorry for me and don't get worried about me).  I just choose to blog because it's what works for me :).  I figure, I'll share what I go through (to an extent), in case anyone is 1) curious, 2) experiencing the same situation, and 3) nosy!! hee hee.  ;)  I know I am.  I'm always curious to read about people's life and their experiences they choose to share.  So read away!! :)

KJ will be starting swim lessons on October 11.  :)  We are all very excited for that!  I told her as soon as she learns how to swim we will put her on a swim team, if she' like.  She was very excited about that.  "Will we have races?" she asked . . . when I told her "yes", she got super excited and said she couldn't wait to learn how to swim!  :)

We are a bit concerned about her school behavior.  On average, she's been getting about two marks a week —ranging from talking to not getting her work done (the main main MAIN one being 'talking' --hmmm, I wonder where she gets that habit from?! ::blush::)  She knows better and she always tells me what she needs to do differently (and she has consequences here at home --getting grounded, no tv, not video games, sometimes no dessert) yet, her actions don't show that she cares or really 'gets it'.  :(  Any suggestions would be FANTASTIC!!

I don't know if I've mentioned it yet but we got a family dog.  Her name is Roxy, a two year old weenie dog.  :)  She's a lot of fun but needs some basic manners (like no play biting and keep her scratchy paws of of people).

Optimistic view on not being pregnant yet:  I've lost 5.5 lbs!! :)  As long as I'm not pregnant, I might as well be shedding some unwanted weight.

Recently, I've been more of a homemaker rather than a home childcare provider.  I've actually been okay with that.  I have a part-timer and some drop-ins here and there but Chris and I figure I could organize and maintain the house while I'm not working with kiddos.  I look forward to the days when I do have kids over and I also look forward to the days that I don't.  So, I have a nice little balance right now.  However, I sure am struggling with balancing out 'enjoying my me time' and tackling projects around the house... How do you do for you AND do work around the house and then still be 'mommy' at 3pm?!  I know it's a lot of daytime hours, since I am back home, kid-free, by 7am or earlier (KJ asks to ride the bus so that gets me back home real early).  I know I've been really down, lately, and I've been just trying to do 'fun' stuff to entertain myself and cheer myself up but at some point I need to get busy around here... any suggestions on how to balance it all out?!

My birthday is coming up soon.  I'm hoping to do something really fun.  However, I don't know if I want to do something really fun with just my hubby and daughter or with 'everyone' (meaning family and friends).  We normally make it a whole birthday week and do different things with different people to celebrate our birthdays . . . I just don't know that I have many ideas this year.

Oh, last but not least, I've really really been enjoying, and getting the hang of knitting!  :)  I've even had a few hat orders already.  Winter is coming and it's just perfect timing for my new knitting hobby! :)

See, blogging helps me feel better . . . can't I just sit and type out my thoughts and feelings alllll day long?!  ;)

No comments:

Post a Comment