::inhale...exhale:: Ah, blogerpy.

'blog therapy' that is...

Today's Wednesday.  The part of the week where you know you're so close to Friday —you're going to make it!!  Yet, you have to just remember to breathe ...

TTC
I am on day 48 and I've had two negatives.  Something needs to happen soon.  Even if it's just another cycle to let me know my body hasn't shut down again.  I'll be making a doc appointment soon —we just found out that our insurance covers IVF treatments (up to a certain amount) and we want to see what our next steps should be.  I don't think he'll recommend IVF as the next step; I think he'll start me on clomid again first and then go from there.  I think I'm okay with that now.  I think I'd rather be emotional due to adding crazy hormones in my body (with the hopes of conceiving) rather than being crazy emotional due to the LACK of conceiving —AGAIN! :(

I'm tempted to find a support group.  It's getting tough again.  That's why I had originally thought to only try for 6 months and then stop for 6 months and then try again, and so on.  I remember how hard it was back in 2007 (it seemed like, in that 18 month period of TTC, that EVERYONE and their momma conceived!! haha).  It was super tough, emotionally, mentally, etc.  But we decided to not stop trying and now I'm starting to feel it . . .

I know, I know, it's God's timing and He has the perfect plan for us . . . but I'm human and it's normal to feel what I've been feeling (so don't feel sorry for me and don't get worried about me).  I just choose to blog because it's what works for me :).  I figure, I'll share what I go through (to an extent), in case anyone is 1) curious, 2) experiencing the same situation, and 3) nosy!! hee hee.  ;)  I know I am.  I'm always curious to read about people's life and their experiences they choose to share.  So read away!! :)


KJ
KJ will be starting swim lessons on October 11.  :)  We are all very excited for that!  I told her as soon as she learns how to swim we will put her on a swim team, if she' like.  She was very excited about that.  "Will we have races?" she asked . . . when I told her "yes", she got super excited and said she couldn't wait to learn how to swim!  :)

We are a bit concerned about her school behavior.  On average, she's been getting about two marks a week —ranging from talking to not getting her work done (the main main MAIN one being 'talking' --hmmm, I wonder where she gets that habit from?! ::blush::)  She knows better and she always tells me what she needs to do differently (and she has consequences here at home --getting grounded, no tv, not video games, sometimes no dessert) yet, her actions don't show that she cares or really 'gets it'.  :(  Any suggestions would be FANTASTIC!!


Misc.
I don't know if I've mentioned it yet but we got a family dog.  Her name is Roxy, a two year old weenie dog.  :)  She's a lot of fun but needs some basic manners (like no play biting and keep her scratchy paws of of people).

Optimistic view on not being pregnant yet:  I've lost 5.5 lbs!! :)  As long as I'm not pregnant, I might as well be shedding some unwanted weight.

Recently, I've been more of a homemaker rather than a home childcare provider.  I've actually been okay with that.  I have a part-timer and some drop-ins here and there but Chris and I figure I could organize and maintain the house while I'm not working with kiddos.  I look forward to the days when I do have kids over and I also look forward to the days that I don't.  So, I have a nice little balance right now.  However, I sure am struggling with balancing out 'enjoying my me time' and tackling projects around the house... How do you do for you AND do work around the house and then still be 'mommy' at 3pm?!  I know it's a lot of daytime hours, since I am back home, kid-free, by 7am or earlier (KJ asks to ride the bus so that gets me back home real early).  I know I've been really down, lately, and I've been just trying to do 'fun' stuff to entertain myself and cheer myself up but at some point I need to get busy around here... any suggestions on how to balance it all out?!

My birthday is coming up soon.  I'm hoping to do something really fun.  However, I don't know if I want to do something really fun with just my hubby and daughter or with 'everyone' (meaning family and friends).  We normally make it a whole birthday week and do different things with different people to celebrate our birthdays . . . I just don't know that I have many ideas this year.

Oh, last but not least, I've really really been enjoying, and getting the hang of knitting!  :)  I've even had a few hat orders already.  Winter is coming and it's just perfect timing for my new knitting hobby! :)

See, blogging helps me feel better . . . can't I just sit and type out my thoughts and feelings alllll day long?!  ;)

ah, sweet lullabies

Success!!  Two toddlers are snoozing away.  :)  Took only about 5 mins of hair rubbing and patting.  Phew! :)

I now get my "lunch break" -yummy left overs from dinner last night and cyber surfing (blogging and watching online shows).  Ah, beautiful lullabies . . . please don't weigh my eyelids down...

beeping microwave calls me . . . time to eat!!  :P

I'm Ba-aaack!

I'm super excited to announce that Just Like Mommy, home childcare, will be back in business starting March 1st!

It has been a very tough decision for me to make. But after approx 60+ days of praying and weighing out options and pros and cons, I made my decision. Everything is falling into place, confirming that it was the right decision. :)

So far, I have one full time baby already signed up to start March 1st. She lives only 5 houses down from me -on my street. Another mom called yesterday, wanting to enroll her daughter --she lives right next to me (we share the patch of grass on the side of our driveways)! She wants her daughter to start March 1st. One of Chris's friends wants her son to start some time in March . . .

God is amazing! I NEVER thought I'd want to do home childcare again --due to loving my current position as a teen program director/assistant unit director, at the Boys and Girls Club, in Boerne, and loving working outside of my home. However, the fact that I barely have time to spend with KJ during the week, plays a major role in the decision to come back home. I have never been comfortable with being away from her. She is my child, my precious little life. I feel completely responsible for caring for her in every way possibly needed. I have never felt that I would be okay with working while she is being cared for by someone else. It turned into that very quickly and I was letting the joys of promotions, titles, and building a great flowing organization distract what I have always believed in about being a mother. I convinced myself that if Kryssa grew up seeing a successful mommy that she would some day appreciate that (and somehow be okay with not seeing her mommy M-F, and even some weekends?!). However, I see that it is partially, if not fully, the reason she acts out and craves attention. Now that I realized how I had rearranged my priorities, I have changed my 'career' around before it became too late. She's still very young and needs her parents to play a major role in her life. She needs to know and feel that she is most important to us --not our careers, not money, not corporate titles, etc. I was sooooo busy focusing on what I could do for the kids and families at the BGC, that I started pushing my personal/family priorities aside. On most days, I get home after she's already asleep. On some weekends, I have had to tell her to play quietly in her room because I had to work and meet deadlines. Even when she does have the opportunity to go to work with me, it's been on days that she is off from school but I still have to work; and I would, again, have to tell her to go stay with her group because "mommy is at work and has a lot to get done before we go home..."

I never wanted to be "that" mom. I know a lot of families that have a great system with both parents working. I don't think that moms should not work outstide of the home --however, for ME, it just isn't what I know my heart desires for my family. I'm thankful to God for the time that I have had at the BGC. However, I am more thankful for the opportunity to come back home. :)

It has been tough because so many wonderful things are finally happening at work. The club and community is actually "flowing" now. On Wednesday, I had an amazing time, with a group of ten 4th-6th graders, touring the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. Now I know I wouldn't have had that opportunity while watching babies . . . lol, can you see me at a place like that with babies on my hips?! ha! I'm also taking a group of 6th-8th graders to the Rodeo on the 20th -to see Xtreme Bull Riding, the concert that follows, walk the grounds, eat some of that nasty yummy food (lol), and ride some carnival rides. So, between, curriculum, voluteers, field trips, a working data base system, recycling, and a full functioning 'front entrance' . . . I'm going to miss seeing all the sweat, tears, and hard work, pay off. The community finally knows that we exist and aren't just for 'low income families'. The club is finally looked at an educational after-school program!

I guess I should be grateful that I got to see it bloom at least a little before leaving...

I just really hope that it continues --not saying that it won't run without me. BUT another reason I needed to make a change is because my work load seemed to keep growing and I kept pushing myself to excel and help the club and the community. I've already been told that my work load will have to be "shared" with the new Teen Director ... I can totally believe it!

I love the kids, the families, the opportunity to take an idea and 'run with it' -and actually see it succeed . . . I LOVE what I currently do. BUT I know that it's time to shift my focus, time and energy, back home for my family, MY community . . . I'm praying that I have great opportunities to take an idea and see where it goes --but on a different scale, for babies -before going into school. For the families that really want to trust that there child is receiving loving care, just as they would from their own mommy --and that it won't break their bank either. :) It's my heart's desire to make a difference in lives . . . I trust God and His plan for me. I'm excited to share love with babies and help build their little hearts and lives . . . WITHOUT being away from my own little life, Kryssa.

:)
March 1st, here I come!! I'm definately counting down the days . . .