September 23, 2010

KJ has a "boyfriend"...

It was approximately 6:45am, while KJ was smacking on her honey-drizzled waffle, and I was fixing her hair, when out of no where we have a conversation that went something like this:

KJ:  "Don't tell my teacher I have a boyfriend, okay mommy."  (It's almost like she just couldn't even hold it in anymore --it just spilled right out.
Me:  "Don't tell your teacher what?!"
KJ:  "I have a boyfriend."
Me:  "What's a boyfriend?" (wondering if she even knew what she was getting herself into, at SIX!)
KJ:  "I don't know; what is it?"
Me:  "Well, what do YOU think it means?"
KJ:  "dating?" (we had already explained what a "date" was when she was five --as in a 'daddy daughter date night' or mommy and daddy going out on a 'date'.  So, I knew she knew what that meant.)
Me:  "Okay, do you remember what that means?"
KJ:  "Spending time together."
Me:  "Did you know that people are boyfriend and girlfriend and date when they are thinking about getting married?  Mommy and daddy were boyfriend and girlfriend right before we got married.  We 'dated' before we got married."
KJ:  "Oh!  really?  I didn't know that what it meant" (she looked shocked and totally not interested in being someone's girlfriend right now)
Me:  "yeah, when you're older, you date and spend that special time with someone as their girlfriend because you are thinking about getting married and you want to get to know that person really well.  It's something you do when you get older.  Do you think you are ready to be someone's girlfriend right now?  Are looking to get married right now, at your age?"
KJ:  "No, mommy.  I didn't know that.  I don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend!"
Me:  "So, you just need to tell him that you don't need to have a boyfriend right now and that maybe he could be your really good friend, if he's a good person.  Tell him that six year olds don't need boyfriends just friends and best friends!"
KJ:  "But I told him no at first, mommy, when he asked me to be his girlfriend and he started crying!  So, then I told him I would.  And then Nathan said he was going to tattle and tell Ms. Mann.  So, you can't tell Ms. Mann, okay mommy.  She doesn't let us be boyfriend and girlfriend."
Me:  "Well, sometimes it will make them sad, when you say no because they think you don't like them and that it hurts their feelings but it's okay.  You just need to explain to them that you don't need to have a boyfriend right now.  Even if it makes them sad, you let them know that you will still be their friend.  Maybe you should let them know what we just talked about --how people date and have boyfriends and girlfriends when they are older and looking to get married.
KJ:  "okay" (smacking away on her waffle, totally normal like we are just discussing grocery shopping or something.)
Me:  "And you shouldn't keep secrets from your teacher because you have to remember that she is there to make sure you stay safe.  If she doesn't think it's a good idea for first graders to have boyfriends and girlfriends then I'm sure she has a good reason for it too.  Mommies and daddies don't want their first graders having boyfriends and girlfriends either.  It's important to follow your teacher's rules, right?
KJ:  "yeah, you're right mom.  I'll just tell [him] (I don't even remember the boy's name) that I'm not his girlfriend anymore."
Me:  "that's a good idea, Kryssa.  You know, it really means a lot to me that you talked to me about it.  It's great to be able to talk to eachother like best friends, huh?  You can always talk to me about anything, always remember.

I gave her a kiss on her forehead and said, "you know I love you very much, right?"
She gave me a silly little face and 'tissed' away as she said "yeeesss."  :)

I ran upstairs to "grab her socks" --I really ran upstairs to giggle about it and tell her daddy!! lol  It caught him way off guard.  haha.  All he really said about it was, "GRRRREAT!!!!" (sarcastically, of course)

My mom got a good giggle from it to and said, "so, she's already made a boy cry over her . . . she's broken her first heart."  lol

I'm glad it's a funny little story.  However, I'm more thankful to God that KJ didn't think to "not tell mommy" the way she was trying to not tell her teacher.  :)  I've always prayed, just about as soon as I found out I was having a girl, that she would be able to come to me to talk about ANYTHING!!!  So, I think it went very well and that she felt comfortable enough to come to me again, in the future (far future, hopefully!!)?  I know she's only six and this may not seem like a big deal but after working with after-school aged kids, I am well aware of the things they start "not telling" as young as four!!  So, I wanted to make sure to not make her feel "in trouble" or that it was "wrong".  Maybe my whole "dating is for when you are looking to get married" explanation will keep her focused on other things and NOT BOYS until she's . . . oh, at least 15 or 16?!  That's a reasonable thing to hope for, right?!


  1. Oh, your girl is a late bloomer.

    My 5 year old has already asked me if she has "to marry Robert" (her best friend). :)

    It's my fault though, I told her that daddy is my best friend. So she assumed she had to marry Robert ASAP.

  2. Haha!! I love it!! :)

    I hope she's a 'late bloomer' for real dating too! ;)

  3. hilarious!!! the picture at the end is the icing on the cake :)