May 6, 2009

The sad and crazy truth

I'm having a very hard time being okay w/ myself right now (lately). I'm so torn w/ work and me. I've never been one to neglect my life because of work. One because I'm big on family time and "it's not about having time but MAKING time". and Two because, honestly, I've never worked like this -aside from ministry work-!!

I've normally had 'jobs' where I just clock in and clock out and anything outside of that time is MY time. When I had my home daycare, I did find myself shopping and planning things outside of my actual work hours -but nothing like last week and this week and the weeks to come...

I want to visit my parents and not just call when I need childcare -but every minute I have, I really have work to do. [like right now . . . I really really should be working!] But I find myself making myself take just a few minutes here and there to myself because before I know it I feel trapped and jailed in w/ work! :(

I LOVE what I do and I am enjoying the actual tasks itself --I'm just really having a hard time w/ being a mom (and being available for her right now that she's not in school), a friend, a wife, etc. I mean, Chris just goes to bed to give me quite work time . . . then I just cuddle up w/ him when I finally crawl into bed. I know it won't always be like this but I really wish I can just snap my fingers and be at the end of this particular road.

My house is a mess again. I actually miss doing housework. When I am working, I'm wishing I could be folding, sorting, and washing laundry instead. But if I take the time to work on the house, I feel guilty and overwhelmed thinking about deadlines.

I know that God won't give me more than I can handle. I am loving every single day. I love the fact that I have these opportunities at home and at work --that I am trusted enough and respected for my leadership skills and ideas to work on starting a volunteer program and work on summer curriculum. AND when I prayed about whether or not this recent 'new job offer' (for August) was meant for me or not, I also asked God to challenge me and make me a multi-tasker, a diligent, efficient, and organized working mom --I asked for the opportunities to strengthen what I am already capable of doing and fine tune my mind set for a successful future as a "business woman", mother, wife, etc . . . I can see how God is definitely answering my prayers!! ha! ;)

I know I can handle it --but change is definitely tough to adjust to at times.

So, I have a deadline on Friday, an all day training -in Marble Falls, Tx- on Sat., Mother's Day to enjoy on Sunday, late trainings on the 12th and 13th -in Boerne, Tx- (won't be home till about 10pm), another deadline on the 13th, a bday girl to visit on the 13th ;), and then another 6 more meetings/trainings to tackle all before June 1st! phew! I'm excited, overwhelmed, and exhausted all in just thinking bout it all...

So, I might have a blog or two here and there in the next few weeks. But more than likely not even close to how I have been blogging . . . I'll be missing my little cozy spot --but accomplishing a lot!! :D woohoo.

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