Today, I noticed having a shorter temper. I haven't "lost" my temper. I just noticed that little things are starting to irritate and bother me more than usual. I'm still super sleepy; my insomnia is gone (which is a great thing —but I really dislike feeling sleepy allllll day long and I have not had any caffeine in two weeks). A scary change today was that I started spotted pretty heavily. There is some serious concern because it began as soon as my stress level (due to a work situation) shot through the roof. I felt my heart pounding in my chest; I was short of breath, and I started cramping! I hope everything is still normally and coming along well.
I'm definitely more comfortable getting ready for the injections. I'm trying to be able to watch the needle go in my skin but I just can't. I have to sit on my hands and turn away. haha! BUT I was able to look while the needle was still in my tummy. That is a HUGE step for me! Of all the needles I've dealt with (from tests and surgeries/procedures/hospital stays and many visits to the doctor), I have never ever been able to watch any of it be done. I have always had to turn away and wait until it is all over. So, looking down, at my tummy, while the needle was still in there, was a great step! :) Maybe, before the injection days are over, I'll actually be able to administer my own injection?!
So far I only have two small bruises, out of eight injection pricks. My hubby (nurse-hubby is what I call him right now) is doing a fabulous job!!! I am so thankful for his full support, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. It's strange how much we are actually falling deeper in love with one another during this process. :)
God is good!!
October 2, 2012
IVF #1, Day 3: 10/1/12
I haven't had any major side effects —other than being super sleepy and pretty thirsty all the time, I actually feel better than I had been feeling. I have more energy. I feel like I'm not dealing with extreme mood swings. Oh, my appetite is weird. I not as hungry as I usually am. I eat about one full meal a day and then pick on other meals. I don't know why; I just don't feel hungry three times a day. Sometimes a snack will be just fine for hours.
Still on the same doses 150 Menopur and 150 Follistim.
Oh! and a GREAT change I noticed is that it has actually helped with my endo!! I always had pain after certain "activity"; however I've had NONE!! Praise God! I hope this lasts!! :D (but I do notice that I still can not stretch my entire body at once without feeling endo pain/pulls in my lower abdomen)
But... So far so good! :)
Still on the same doses 150 Menopur and 150 Follistim.
Oh! and a GREAT change I noticed is that it has actually helped with my endo!! I always had pain after certain "activity"; however I've had NONE!! Praise God! I hope this lasts!! :D (but I do notice that I still can not stretch my entire body at once without feeling endo pain/pulls in my lower abdomen)
But... So far so good! :)
September 30, 2012
IVF #1, Day 2: 9/30/12
It does get easier! I was not as nervous tonight. Chris didn't take 45 mins preparing the meds, while watching the step by step tutorials —hee hee. I still iced my belly till I couldn't even feel my fingers pinching it.
The Menopur still hurts the most between the two. I've also noticed that I was super sleepy all day today —not normal for me! Oh, and another thing I noticed this morning, was that my vision had a blurred spot. Very similar to when a flash goes off and you have a blank spot in your vision... it lasted about 10-15 mins... not sure if it's due to the meds.
Here's to staying positive and praying for great results!
The Menopur still hurts the most between the two. I've also noticed that I was super sleepy all day today —not normal for me! Oh, and another thing I noticed this morning, was that my vision had a blurred spot. Very similar to when a flash goes off and you have a blank spot in your vision... it lasted about 10-15 mins... not sure if it's due to the meds.
Here's to staying positive and praying for great results!
Goodbye Twenties. Hello Thirties!
I still have to double check this is real life! I don't feel like it's time to be thirty, lol. But it is what it is, right? I had really been excited to turn thirty. For me, it meant starting a new decade and for some reason that excited me. However, the last day of my twenties became an emotional day of great memories: celebrating 10 wedding anniversaries, auditioning for American Idol, having our baby, buying our first house, paying off our car, having crazy pets over the years (a ferret, 4 cats, 5 dogs, many fish, one that was approximately seven years old before it passed, and KJ's hamster), fostering a wonderful teenager, traveling, watching our 'little one' grow up, and many, many more!
Because I had to start my ivf injections on my birthday, I tried my absolute best to have as much fun as possible and keep my mind busy with making new memories. I woke up at 7:30am, to color my 'white streak' purple (I literally have a skunk-looking streak of white hair, started when I was 15, right in the front of my hairline). Then I went on my way to my favorite breakfast place, to meet my mom, sister and close girlfriends. Parking, at this restaurant, is always an incredible challenge. So, what did I do? I parked on the non-paved part because I knew I could squeeze in past a shrub. Did I forget to mention that it had rained all day the day before and it had rained all night too —oh yeah, I did. I wasn't worried about mud because I had decided to wear my fun rain boots. However, my mom, on the other hand, was somehow convinced, by her wonderful birthday girl, to park in the same area. Her car is much bigger and much more front-heavy (I have a Focus and she has an Impala). The spot that was available was just slightly on a downward slant —and I do mean slight. And if you haven't guessed it already . . . she ended up stuck in the mud! :( I felt horrible because that is exactly why she did NOT want to try parking in that spot. But I told her it would be fine. Um, I know now that I'm not an expert with mud! ha! She tried for a while and then I gave it my try at driving her car out of nasty mud. There was a very nice man that saw us and offered his help (verbal direction and making sure I wouldn't hit anything on my way out). Approximately 20 minutes later, we were out of the mud!!! (and covered in it too! lol). We were cleaned up (enough) once it was time to sit with friends, for brunch. I had a wonderful time chatting with everyone.
After brunch, we spontaneously went to paint some pottery. My sis had a great idea, for everyone to paint on one "birthday plate" together. My girlfriend bought the pottery piece, and we all painted it together. It was so much fun!! My sister painted a hippo, one of my favorite things, in the bowl and everything looks perfect. I'm so excited to pick it up on Wednesday. (I'll post pics of the finished product)
From there, everyone said their goodbyes and KJ got to ride with grandma, while Chris and I had 30 mins, or so, of quiet time together. It was wonderful getting to sit and eat some frozen yogurt with him; however, because things calmed down, all we could really talk about was ivf, our injections being only hours away, and the possibility of actually getting to have a second baby. As nice as it is to daydream and try to plan ahead, the reality of this journey is that we just have no way of knowing what the end results will be —but sometimes it's just comforting planning ahead, for a newborn baby...
I had a quick decision to make, go home and rest before our first injections OR go out to another restaurant to celebrate again... I chose Pappadeaux! :) This allowed me to celebrate with our dads and with my hubby (since the brunch was just for the gals). On the way to the restaurant, Chris stopped and bought a carrot cake, my favorite! And once we parked at the restaurant, he got busy decorating the cake for me...
Celebrating my 30th birthday was wonderful. It was toned down and very simple —yet extremely memorable! It was nothing like I had originally planned (I had thought to do something big and extreme, since it was my thirtieth. but due to IVF my plans had to change and I was, eventually, okay with that.) but it was so perfect!
*I knew I'd have to really work on not crying all day for everything and nothing at the same time. My mom gave me such an amazing gift: A shadow box with some very memorable items from when I was first born. I held it together as best as I could . . . watery eyes and a lump in the throat —but I managed to not break down and cry. And then one of my bffs (of 14 yrs) handed me another gift: in the gift bag was a super cute purse and a small bottle of lotion. I see "Lamaze" on the bottle and think to myself, "I know I've seen this brand somewhere; what is this?" And then I read: "Belly Cream". There wasn't a single dry eye at our table (even a girl friend of mine that, seriously, NEVER cries, lol!). My friend explained that she truly believes that I will have a baby in my belly some day and that lotion will come in handy... ;) What a sweet and thoughtful gift. Later, at dinner, my father-in-law gave me a gift bag with my favorite box of Godiva chocolate and a small bag of Godiva truffles!! Even though I can't have chocolate right now, I look forward to being able to break into that box and bag and enjoy a small taste in maybe a month or so! :)
So this is what life feels like at thirty? ... it feels amazing!
Because I had to start my ivf injections on my birthday, I tried my absolute best to have as much fun as possible and keep my mind busy with making new memories. I woke up at 7:30am, to color my 'white streak' purple (I literally have a skunk-looking streak of white hair, started when I was 15, right in the front of my hairline). Then I went on my way to my favorite breakfast place, to meet my mom, sister and close girlfriends. Parking, at this restaurant, is always an incredible challenge. So, what did I do? I parked on the non-paved part because I knew I could squeeze in past a shrub. Did I forget to mention that it had rained all day the day before and it had rained all night too —oh yeah, I did. I wasn't worried about mud because I had decided to wear my fun rain boots. However, my mom, on the other hand, was somehow convinced, by her wonderful birthday girl, to park in the same area. Her car is much bigger and much more front-heavy (I have a Focus and she has an Impala). The spot that was available was just slightly on a downward slant —and I do mean slight. And if you haven't guessed it already . . . she ended up stuck in the mud! :( I felt horrible because that is exactly why she did NOT want to try parking in that spot. But I told her it would be fine. Um, I know now that I'm not an expert with mud! ha! She tried for a while and then I gave it my try at driving her car out of nasty mud. There was a very nice man that saw us and offered his help (verbal direction and making sure I wouldn't hit anything on my way out). Approximately 20 minutes later, we were out of the mud!!! (and covered in it too! lol). We were cleaned up (enough) once it was time to sit with friends, for brunch. I had a wonderful time chatting with everyone.
After brunch, we spontaneously went to paint some pottery. My sis had a great idea, for everyone to paint on one "birthday plate" together. My girlfriend bought the pottery piece, and we all painted it together. It was so much fun!! My sister painted a hippo, one of my favorite things, in the bowl and everything looks perfect. I'm so excited to pick it up on Wednesday. (I'll post pics of the finished product)
From there, everyone said their goodbyes and KJ got to ride with grandma, while Chris and I had 30 mins, or so, of quiet time together. It was wonderful getting to sit and eat some frozen yogurt with him; however, because things calmed down, all we could really talk about was ivf, our injections being only hours away, and the possibility of actually getting to have a second baby. As nice as it is to daydream and try to plan ahead, the reality of this journey is that we just have no way of knowing what the end results will be —but sometimes it's just comforting planning ahead, for a newborn baby...
I had a quick decision to make, go home and rest before our first injections OR go out to another restaurant to celebrate again... I chose Pappadeaux! :) This allowed me to celebrate with our dads and with my hubby (since the brunch was just for the gals). On the way to the restaurant, Chris stopped and bought a carrot cake, my favorite! And once we parked at the restaurant, he got busy decorating the cake for me...
Celebrating my 30th birthday was wonderful. It was toned down and very simple —yet extremely memorable! It was nothing like I had originally planned (I had thought to do something big and extreme, since it was my thirtieth. but due to IVF my plans had to change and I was, eventually, okay with that.) but it was so perfect!
*I knew I'd have to really work on not crying all day for everything and nothing at the same time. My mom gave me such an amazing gift: A shadow box with some very memorable items from when I was first born. I held it together as best as I could . . . watery eyes and a lump in the throat —but I managed to not break down and cry. And then one of my bffs (of 14 yrs) handed me another gift: in the gift bag was a super cute purse and a small bottle of lotion. I see "Lamaze" on the bottle and think to myself, "I know I've seen this brand somewhere; what is this?" And then I read: "Belly Cream". There wasn't a single dry eye at our table (even a girl friend of mine that, seriously, NEVER cries, lol!). My friend explained that she truly believes that I will have a baby in my belly some day and that lotion will come in handy... ;) What a sweet and thoughtful gift. Later, at dinner, my father-in-law gave me a gift bag with my favorite box of Godiva chocolate and a small bag of Godiva truffles!! Even though I can't have chocolate right now, I look forward to being able to break into that box and bag and enjoy a small taste in maybe a month or so! :)
So this is what life feels like at thirty? ... it feels amazing!
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| finished pottery piece! |
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| Fun birthday present! |
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| Painting pottery |
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| delicious chocolates for future enjoyment! |
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| More Godiva chocolates for future enjoyment! |
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| My hippo cake from my hubby! |
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| Carrot cake made by mom! (my favorite!) |
IVF #1, Day 1: 9/29/12
7:30am Today is my birthday. I am NOT looking forward to getting injections, by my husband, tonight.
I hadn't really been nervous, since I woke up this morning. I enjoyed my birthday and even when I would think of tonight's injections, I wouldn't cringe and my stomach wouldn't turn... until about 5pm or so. By 8:30pm, I knew that I was only a few hours away from getting the injections. We got home and had to get straight to business. Chris watched the instructional videos, as a refresher course, since our class was two weeks ago. I sat on the couch, next to him, icing my belly with a Finding Nemo ice pack. I had hoped that using a cute ice pack would make me feel less nervous...ha!!!
When it was time for the prick, I just stared at him. I didn't know how I felt exactly. I was nervous. I was scared. I knew it would just be a prick and be over —but it was the bigger picture. "Here we go! We are starting IVF. This is real and it is happening right now!. Once you start, you can't change your mind... we are in it till the end..." I couldn't help it. I'm a "deep thinker". He stared back and me and smiled, saying "Everything is going to be okay, hun.". The only thing I could say was, "can we pray together, first?". I love my husband! He set everything down and prayed. Of course, I cried a little. And then I felt much better. I had peace and I had been comforted in the best way possible —praying with my love.
I sat on my hands, so that I wouldn't do anything that caused him to hurt me even worse. I closed my eyes and rested my head back, on the couch. I let him do everything —I didn't even want to have to pinch my belly for the prick. The first injection was Follistim. I didn't feel the prick. I barely felt a sting. I was happy! :) One down, one more to go... next was Menopur. As he was mixing the liquid with the powder, I iced the other side of my belly (we were told to alternate the injection sites). I felt the needle go in and then I felt the NASTY burning sensation. UGH! That one really burned —felt very tight, like the fluid had absolutely no where to go but still managed to squeeeeeze and puuuuuush its way through my tissue.
Strangely enough, the Follistim did not hurt while happening —but it stayed super sore afterwards. Whereas the Menopur hurt the worst while happening —but did not feel as sensitive as the other site.
Day one of injections in done. I am very proud of my hubby —and super thankful that he is so gentle with his touch and his words.
I hadn't really been nervous, since I woke up this morning. I enjoyed my birthday and even when I would think of tonight's injections, I wouldn't cringe and my stomach wouldn't turn... until about 5pm or so. By 8:30pm, I knew that I was only a few hours away from getting the injections. We got home and had to get straight to business. Chris watched the instructional videos, as a refresher course, since our class was two weeks ago. I sat on the couch, next to him, icing my belly with a Finding Nemo ice pack. I had hoped that using a cute ice pack would make me feel less nervous...ha!!!
When it was time for the prick, I just stared at him. I didn't know how I felt exactly. I was nervous. I was scared. I knew it would just be a prick and be over —but it was the bigger picture. "Here we go! We are starting IVF. This is real and it is happening right now!. Once you start, you can't change your mind... we are in it till the end..." I couldn't help it. I'm a "deep thinker". He stared back and me and smiled, saying "Everything is going to be okay, hun.". The only thing I could say was, "can we pray together, first?". I love my husband! He set everything down and prayed. Of course, I cried a little. And then I felt much better. I had peace and I had been comforted in the best way possible —praying with my love.
I sat on my hands, so that I wouldn't do anything that caused him to hurt me even worse. I closed my eyes and rested my head back, on the couch. I let him do everything —I didn't even want to have to pinch my belly for the prick. The first injection was Follistim. I didn't feel the prick. I barely felt a sting. I was happy! :) One down, one more to go... next was Menopur. As he was mixing the liquid with the powder, I iced the other side of my belly (we were told to alternate the injection sites). I felt the needle go in and then I felt the NASTY burning sensation. UGH! That one really burned —felt very tight, like the fluid had absolutely no where to go but still managed to squeeeeeze and puuuuuush its way through my tissue.
Strangely enough, the Follistim did not hurt while happening —but it stayed super sore afterwards. Whereas the Menopur hurt the worst while happening —but did not feel as sensitive as the other site.
Day one of injections in done. I am very proud of my hubby —and super thankful that he is so gentle with his touch and his words.
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| our meds |
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| How I spent my bday night... |
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