Earlier today, I was organizing and sorting things and, in my head, I thought to myself that I needed to "figure" something out (with whatever it was I was sorting). Well, out of nowhere, I remembered how KJ used to say "digger out" for "figure out"!! I just teared up and started laughing out loud, all on my own. lol
I can still hear her little voice . . . "I need to digger it out...".
:)
May 5, 2010
April 14, 2010
Lupron --PAUSED--
So much to update. I haven't blogged recently because a lot has been changing . . . a lot was being discussed.
We have made plans and decisions. I know it all works in God's timing and so, we are staying focused on His plans for us.
My last Lupron shot was on March 26th. I didn't take my last one -scheduled for April 9th. Also, I got my IUD removed on Monday . . . did you put it together yet?! :D Yes!! We have decided to TTC for baby mayfield #2!! :D We are both super excited. We really didn't think we would stick to our original plan. May 2008, we decided that we would stop TTC, after 18 months of trying, some months with fertility assistance --and we had said we would try again in the summer of 2010. Well, the time has come and here we are now. :)
My doctor said to give my body about 6-10 weeks before it might show signs of working -if the Lupron would actually work with "kick starting" my body. Well, I'm super excited to say that IT WORKS ALREADY!!! I really didn't think that even the Lupron would help start everything back up again --because my body has NEVER worked on it's own. I've always needed assistance with what comes normal to other gals . . . so, as much as I am thrilled to be "working", I am trying to remember how to deal with PMS. lol!!! I honestly thought I was coming down with a cold this morning -it's been sooooo long. I completely forgot what this was like. hahaha!!
Now, I am just praying that the endo growth and endo pain stays away long enough for us to have a chance to conceive. If not, then at least I have three more Lupron shots on hold until Jan. 2011.
We've also taken the very first step in getting certified to foster and/or adopt!! :D
There's soooo much I'd like to share right now --but I'll have to blog again tomorrow or in the next few days. It's late; I'm tired, and ready to snuggle in my comfy bed . . .
Night night!
:)
pls keep us in prayer as we start this journey of TTC again.
We have made plans and decisions. I know it all works in God's timing and so, we are staying focused on His plans for us.
My last Lupron shot was on March 26th. I didn't take my last one -scheduled for April 9th. Also, I got my IUD removed on Monday . . . did you put it together yet?! :D Yes!! We have decided to TTC for baby mayfield #2!! :D We are both super excited. We really didn't think we would stick to our original plan. May 2008, we decided that we would stop TTC, after 18 months of trying, some months with fertility assistance --and we had said we would try again in the summer of 2010. Well, the time has come and here we are now. :)
My doctor said to give my body about 6-10 weeks before it might show signs of working -if the Lupron would actually work with "kick starting" my body. Well, I'm super excited to say that IT WORKS ALREADY!!! I really didn't think that even the Lupron would help start everything back up again --because my body has NEVER worked on it's own. I've always needed assistance with what comes normal to other gals . . . so, as much as I am thrilled to be "working", I am trying to remember how to deal with PMS. lol!!! I honestly thought I was coming down with a cold this morning -it's been sooooo long. I completely forgot what this was like. hahaha!!
Now, I am just praying that the endo growth and endo pain stays away long enough for us to have a chance to conceive. If not, then at least I have three more Lupron shots on hold until Jan. 2011.
We've also taken the very first step in getting certified to foster and/or adopt!! :D
There's soooo much I'd like to share right now --but I'll have to blog again tomorrow or in the next few days. It's late; I'm tired, and ready to snuggle in my comfy bed . . .
Night night!
:)
pls keep us in prayer as we start this journey of TTC again.
March 24, 2010
Lupron. 2nd shot Day 27
Ten days have gone by since my last post... seems like much longer than just ten days.
I think I'm just drained now. My body is probably very upset with me. ha! I've chosen to put it through something very strange and it just wasn't ready. I mean, I don't regret choosing the treatment --because it's amazing not dealing with that tremendous amount of pain I used to suffer. I now know I was suffering. I didn't know how abnormal that amount of pain, on a daily basis -some days ALL day!
I read back to some of my first posts, from when I started the treatment, and I remember how great I felt, even with the crazy changes that were taking place. It made me realize how worn out I really feel now, though. I just want to sleep -ALL THE TIME! This week, I've been having HORRIBLE stabbing pains randomly throughout my body (different bones and joints). A lot of the pain has mainly been in my left hip. I have NO idea why! It hurts like if someone is desperate to rip off my entire leg! Nothing makes it stop or go away. When that pain hits, it stays until it is done. I've tried stretching, pushing down on it, repositioning myself, walking, sitting, freezing in place . . . I told Chris that it feels the same as when I accidentally slipped and fell in a "splits" position (I am not normally capable of doing the splits! -never have been) and tore hip tissue! I remember that hurting the same way. But I haven't done anything, that I can remember . . . and I know one of the side effects is slight memory loss (losing focus) but I think I would know if I used my left in a way I shouldn't have!
I've been taking calcium supplements to help keep my bones strong during the treatment. I wonder how long I should let it go on for before getting it checked out. I mean, I'm constantly in pain these days (not from endo episodes -just random pain throughout different areas of my body. It really stinks!), I'd hate to spend money on a doc visit just to be told it's just another pain from side affects. The sad thing is, I grew up hearing "your body isn't naturally meant to be in pain. If something hurts, it means something is wrong. It's your body's way of letting you know..." (maybe not in these exact words. But the message got across to me). However, I don't remember at what age pain just because part of my "normal" --from an ingrown toenail that ended up needing surgery at age 12 (I was 9 years old or so when that started!!), to asthma at the age of 12 -which would get so bad that it would cause chest pains, a slipped spinal disc when I was 15 (I could not move even a finger, literally!!) -which cause me to easily pinch nerves in my back since then , to severe migraines in my late teen years . . . a pregnancy that was so not normal and had contractions starting at 27 weeks up until 35 weeks, when I had KJ . . . to a slip and fall, five years ago, that put my back out for just about an entire year!! So all that with endo pain, I now know, starting at the early age of 13 or 14 and just got worse and worse and the years went on, pain just seemed to be 'normal' to me -can you see how?! So, this past week, we visited with my sis and she woke from a short snooze saying "ouch, something hurts right here" -pointing to her thigh, I think it was. Now, I constantly have pain in my bones so I'm thinking it's normal. I realize, with her reaction, 'maybe it's not a normal pain/feeling people experience...'. I asked if it's normal for her and she says no. On the road trip back home, I, once again, for the thousandth time, experienced some random bone pain again in my left arm and it reminded me how 'UN-normal' it must be. So, I ask Chris, "do you ever have random pain throughout your body, at any given time?" He too said no. hm! I really thought it was just something that happened. So, now every bone and joint pain seems to stand out more to me, since Saturday --I'm freaking out wondering why my body has shooting pain in random bones and joints!!
So, here's where I ask for your help: If you know of anything that it might be triggered by or connected with, PLEASE let me know. Even if you just happened to have heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend ;)
I know right now that a lot of the pain must be caused as a side affect to the Lupron (especially reading someone's post -she just started on Lupron and says her body feels like a little old lady) Everything just has me wondering how much is due to side effects and how much is just a continuation of what I felt before treatment . . . ?
Aside from the crazy random jabbing pains (not endo pain, praise God!), hot flashes are still manageable (almost seem normal to me. I just reach out and touch the coldest member of my family -between KJ and Chris! haha. They already know to just rub on me with their cold hands. If they are not cold then they know HANDS OFF and silence!! lol
Restless nights are definitely catching up to me. Although, the really strange thing is that I can feel super sleepy one minute --like probably able to sleep while sitting or even standing up!-- but then when night time rolls around, I'm either not really sleepy, or just normal sleepy --not like I've been needing to sleep all day and should snooze as soon as I lay my head down . . . very strange!! I wish I would be this sleepy when it's 8 or 9pm. Because then I would actually get some decent hours of sleep, if I could actually sleep through an entire night, uninterrupted by hot and cold flashes, Chris stealing the blanket (lol), turning on the heater, opening a window, etc. haha The Mayfield house has some interesting night time 'happenings' --all due to who knows what. . . Lupron and . . . my crazy body! haha
So, really, aside from the side effects, Lupron has worked wonders with decreasing the endo pains!!! Woohoo!! Praise God!! :D
9-15 more days until my next shot . . .
I think I'm just drained now. My body is probably very upset with me. ha! I've chosen to put it through something very strange and it just wasn't ready. I mean, I don't regret choosing the treatment --because it's amazing not dealing with that tremendous amount of pain I used to suffer. I now know I was suffering. I didn't know how abnormal that amount of pain, on a daily basis -some days ALL day!
I read back to some of my first posts, from when I started the treatment, and I remember how great I felt, even with the crazy changes that were taking place. It made me realize how worn out I really feel now, though. I just want to sleep -ALL THE TIME! This week, I've been having HORRIBLE stabbing pains randomly throughout my body (different bones and joints). A lot of the pain has mainly been in my left hip. I have NO idea why! It hurts like if someone is desperate to rip off my entire leg! Nothing makes it stop or go away. When that pain hits, it stays until it is done. I've tried stretching, pushing down on it, repositioning myself, walking, sitting, freezing in place . . . I told Chris that it feels the same as when I accidentally slipped and fell in a "splits" position (I am not normally capable of doing the splits! -never have been) and tore hip tissue! I remember that hurting the same way. But I haven't done anything, that I can remember . . . and I know one of the side effects is slight memory loss (losing focus) but I think I would know if I used my left in a way I shouldn't have!
I've been taking calcium supplements to help keep my bones strong during the treatment. I wonder how long I should let it go on for before getting it checked out. I mean, I'm constantly in pain these days (not from endo episodes -just random pain throughout different areas of my body. It really stinks!), I'd hate to spend money on a doc visit just to be told it's just another pain from side affects. The sad thing is, I grew up hearing "your body isn't naturally meant to be in pain. If something hurts, it means something is wrong. It's your body's way of letting you know..." (maybe not in these exact words. But the message got across to me). However, I don't remember at what age pain just because part of my "normal" --from an ingrown toenail that ended up needing surgery at age 12 (I was 9 years old or so when that started!!), to asthma at the age of 12 -which would get so bad that it would cause chest pains, a slipped spinal disc when I was 15 (I could not move even a finger, literally!!) -which cause me to easily pinch nerves in my back since then , to severe migraines in my late teen years . . . a pregnancy that was so not normal and had contractions starting at 27 weeks up until 35 weeks, when I had KJ . . . to a slip and fall, five years ago, that put my back out for just about an entire year!! So all that with endo pain, I now know, starting at the early age of 13 or 14 and just got worse and worse and the years went on, pain just seemed to be 'normal' to me -can you see how?! So, this past week, we visited with my sis and she woke from a short snooze saying "ouch, something hurts right here" -pointing to her thigh, I think it was. Now, I constantly have pain in my bones so I'm thinking it's normal. I realize, with her reaction, 'maybe it's not a normal pain/feeling people experience...'. I asked if it's normal for her and she says no. On the road trip back home, I, once again, for the thousandth time, experienced some random bone pain again in my left arm and it reminded me how 'UN-normal' it must be. So, I ask Chris, "do you ever have random pain throughout your body, at any given time?" He too said no. hm! I really thought it was just something that happened. So, now every bone and joint pain seems to stand out more to me, since Saturday --I'm freaking out wondering why my body has shooting pain in random bones and joints!!
So, here's where I ask for your help: If you know of anything that it might be triggered by or connected with, PLEASE let me know. Even if you just happened to have heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend ;)
I know right now that a lot of the pain must be caused as a side affect to the Lupron (especially reading someone's post -she just started on Lupron and says her body feels like a little old lady) Everything just has me wondering how much is due to side effects and how much is just a continuation of what I felt before treatment . . . ?
Aside from the crazy random jabbing pains (not endo pain, praise God!), hot flashes are still manageable (almost seem normal to me. I just reach out and touch the coldest member of my family -between KJ and Chris! haha. They already know to just rub on me with their cold hands. If they are not cold then they know HANDS OFF and silence!! lol
Restless nights are definitely catching up to me. Although, the really strange thing is that I can feel super sleepy one minute --like probably able to sleep while sitting or even standing up!-- but then when night time rolls around, I'm either not really sleepy, or just normal sleepy --not like I've been needing to sleep all day and should snooze as soon as I lay my head down . . . very strange!! I wish I would be this sleepy when it's 8 or 9pm. Because then I would actually get some decent hours of sleep, if I could actually sleep through an entire night, uninterrupted by hot and cold flashes, Chris stealing the blanket (lol), turning on the heater, opening a window, etc. haha The Mayfield house has some interesting night time 'happenings' --all due to who knows what. . . Lupron and . . . my crazy body! haha
So, really, aside from the side effects, Lupron has worked wonders with decreasing the endo pains!!! Woohoo!! Praise God!! :D
9-15 more days until my next shot . . .
March 14, 2010
Lupron. 2nd shot Day 17
I haven't posted in a while . . .
I wasn't as scared the second time around. I let KJ watch, hoping it would get her to realize that even mommy gets a little scared but I stay still and everything turns out just fine. haha She was covering her eyes and then she said she was going to "be brave" for me. Right before my dad stuck me with the needle, she exclaimed "Oh no! He's "adout" to shot you!!" she held my arm, with her little hands, and said, "okay mommy, hold very still, okay?"
Well, my dad wasn't as gentle the second time. :( No biggie. my rear end was sore a bit more than the first time and I had a nasty knot for a few days...
The symptoms didn't hit as hard -I guess because it wasn't new to my body like it was the first time.
I am, however, bummed out a bit that it's day 17 and I have more discomfort this time than I did the first. Or atleast, from what I remember. Maybe I was sooo overwhelmed with excitement of the LACK of pain that the little discomfort didn't even phase me. Now, maybe I'm just spoiled and greedy and the little discomfort stands out more?! I don't know. It's still waaaay better than what it used to be. I'm still grateful. I'm still enjoying my days. AND I still haven't needed any pain meds!!! Praise God!! :D
The hot flashes are still manageable -being super duper cold is probably still the strangest thing for me. I've never really been one to be "freezing" so it is really strange for me still. The mood swings are still manageable. The sleepless nights . . . eh, not so enjoyable. OH! lol, I have to say that I have so much less leg hair but only on my left leg!!! lol It's so funny! I really wish it would balance out to the other leg too. It would be awesome to loose more leg hair!!! lol --and arm hair . . . and facial hair too. lol ;)
The acne is interesting. I thought my complexion was going to clear up . . . how did I misunderstand that?! Maybe the acne is from stress of switching my 'career'? who knows, but I really wish the zits would stay away! or at least just come one at a time.
I'm thinking that I might move my next shot up one week. Because one week before my last one was due I started getting real uncomfortable. I know I'm not the doctor but I really do know my body . . . or at least I have up until now. We'll see, I guess. I just want to find a steady pain free way of being.
I'll try to update a bit more often this time around.
g'night
I wasn't as scared the second time around. I let KJ watch, hoping it would get her to realize that even mommy gets a little scared but I stay still and everything turns out just fine. haha She was covering her eyes and then she said she was going to "be brave" for me. Right before my dad stuck me with the needle, she exclaimed "Oh no! He's "adout" to shot you!!" she held my arm, with her little hands, and said, "okay mommy, hold very still, okay?"
Well, my dad wasn't as gentle the second time. :( No biggie. my rear end was sore a bit more than the first time and I had a nasty knot for a few days...
The symptoms didn't hit as hard -I guess because it wasn't new to my body like it was the first time.
I am, however, bummed out a bit that it's day 17 and I have more discomfort this time than I did the first. Or atleast, from what I remember. Maybe I was sooo overwhelmed with excitement of the LACK of pain that the little discomfort didn't even phase me. Now, maybe I'm just spoiled and greedy and the little discomfort stands out more?! I don't know. It's still waaaay better than what it used to be. I'm still grateful. I'm still enjoying my days. AND I still haven't needed any pain meds!!! Praise God!! :D
The hot flashes are still manageable -being super duper cold is probably still the strangest thing for me. I've never really been one to be "freezing" so it is really strange for me still. The mood swings are still manageable. The sleepless nights . . . eh, not so enjoyable. OH! lol, I have to say that I have so much less leg hair but only on my left leg!!! lol It's so funny! I really wish it would balance out to the other leg too. It would be awesome to loose more leg hair!!! lol --and arm hair . . . and facial hair too. lol ;)
The acne is interesting. I thought my complexion was going to clear up . . . how did I misunderstand that?! Maybe the acne is from stress of switching my 'career'? who knows, but I really wish the zits would stay away! or at least just come one at a time.
I'm thinking that I might move my next shot up one week. Because one week before my last one was due I started getting real uncomfortable. I know I'm not the doctor but I really do know my body . . . or at least I have up until now. We'll see, I guess. I just want to find a steady pain free way of being.
I'll try to update a bit more often this time around.
g'night
February 12, 2010
I'm Ba-aaack!
I'm super excited to announce that Just Like Mommy, home childcare, will be back in business starting March 1st!
It has been a very tough decision for me to make. But after approx 60+ days of praying and weighing out options and pros and cons, I made my decision. Everything is falling into place, confirming that it was the right decision. :)
So far, I have one full time baby already signed up to start March 1st. She lives only 5 houses down from me -on my street. Another mom called yesterday, wanting to enroll her daughter --she lives right next to me (we share the patch of grass on the side of our driveways)! She wants her daughter to start March 1st. One of Chris's friends wants her son to start some time in March . . .
God is amazing! I NEVER thought I'd want to do home childcare again --due to loving my current position as a teen program director/assistant unit director, at the Boys and Girls Club, in Boerne, and loving working outside of my home. However, the fact that I barely have time to spend with KJ during the week, plays a major role in the decision to come back home. I have never been comfortable with being away from her. She is my child, my precious little life. I feel completely responsible for caring for her in every way possibly needed. I have never felt that I would be okay with working while she is being cared for by someone else. It turned into that very quickly and I was letting the joys of promotions, titles, and building a great flowing organization distract what I have always believed in about being a mother. I convinced myself that if Kryssa grew up seeing a successful mommy that she would some day appreciate that (and somehow be okay with not seeing her mommy M-F, and even some weekends?!). However, I see that it is partially, if not fully, the reason she acts out and craves attention. Now that I realized how I had rearranged my priorities, I have changed my 'career' around before it became too late. She's still very young and needs her parents to play a major role in her life. She needs to know and feel that she is most important to us --not our careers, not money, not corporate titles, etc. I was sooooo busy focusing on what I could do for the kids and families at the BGC, that I started pushing my personal/family priorities aside. On most days, I get home after she's already asleep. On some weekends, I have had to tell her to play quietly in her room because I had to work and meet deadlines. Even when she does have the opportunity to go to work with me, it's been on days that she is off from school but I still have to work; and I would, again, have to tell her to go stay with her group because "mommy is at work and has a lot to get done before we go home..."
I never wanted to be "that" mom. I know a lot of families that have a great system with both parents working. I don't think that moms should not work outstide of the home --however, for ME, it just isn't what I know my heart desires for my family. I'm thankful to God for the time that I have had at the BGC. However, I am more thankful for the opportunity to come back home. :)
It has been tough because so many wonderful things are finally happening at work. The club and community is actually "flowing" now. On Wednesday, I had an amazing time, with a group of ten 4th-6th graders, touring the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. Now I know I wouldn't have had that opportunity while watching babies . . . lol, can you see me at a place like that with babies on my hips?! ha! I'm also taking a group of 6th-8th graders to the Rodeo on the 20th -to see Xtreme Bull Riding, the concert that follows, walk the grounds, eat some of that nasty yummy food (lol), and ride some carnival rides. So, between, curriculum, voluteers, field trips, a working data base system, recycling, and a full functioning 'front entrance' . . . I'm going to miss seeing all the sweat, tears, and hard work, pay off. The community finally knows that we exist and aren't just for 'low income families'. The club is finally looked at an educational after-school program!
I guess I should be grateful that I got to see it bloom at least a little before leaving...
I just really hope that it continues --not saying that it won't run without me. BUT another reason I needed to make a change is because my work load seemed to keep growing and I kept pushing myself to excel and help the club and the community. I've already been told that my work load will have to be "shared" with the new Teen Director ... I can totally believe it!
I love the kids, the families, the opportunity to take an idea and 'run with it' -and actually see it succeed . . . I LOVE what I currently do. BUT I know that it's time to shift my focus, time and energy, back home for my family, MY community . . . I'm praying that I have great opportunities to take an idea and see where it goes --but on a different scale, for babies -before going into school. For the families that really want to trust that there child is receiving loving care, just as they would from their own mommy --and that it won't break their bank either. :) It's my heart's desire to make a difference in lives . . . I trust God and His plan for me. I'm excited to share love with babies and help build their little hearts and lives . . . WITHOUT being away from my own little life, Kryssa.
:)
March 1st, here I come!! I'm definately counting down the days . . .
It has been a very tough decision for me to make. But after approx 60+ days of praying and weighing out options and pros and cons, I made my decision. Everything is falling into place, confirming that it was the right decision. :)
So far, I have one full time baby already signed up to start March 1st. She lives only 5 houses down from me -on my street. Another mom called yesterday, wanting to enroll her daughter --she lives right next to me (we share the patch of grass on the side of our driveways)! She wants her daughter to start March 1st. One of Chris's friends wants her son to start some time in March . . .
God is amazing! I NEVER thought I'd want to do home childcare again --due to loving my current position as a teen program director/assistant unit director, at the Boys and Girls Club, in Boerne, and loving working outside of my home. However, the fact that I barely have time to spend with KJ during the week, plays a major role in the decision to come back home. I have never been comfortable with being away from her. She is my child, my precious little life. I feel completely responsible for caring for her in every way possibly needed. I have never felt that I would be okay with working while she is being cared for by someone else. It turned into that very quickly and I was letting the joys of promotions, titles, and building a great flowing organization distract what I have always believed in about being a mother. I convinced myself that if Kryssa grew up seeing a successful mommy that she would some day appreciate that (and somehow be okay with not seeing her mommy M-F, and even some weekends?!). However, I see that it is partially, if not fully, the reason she acts out and craves attention. Now that I realized how I had rearranged my priorities, I have changed my 'career' around before it became too late. She's still very young and needs her parents to play a major role in her life. She needs to know and feel that she is most important to us --not our careers, not money, not corporate titles, etc. I was sooooo busy focusing on what I could do for the kids and families at the BGC, that I started pushing my personal/family priorities aside. On most days, I get home after she's already asleep. On some weekends, I have had to tell her to play quietly in her room because I had to work and meet deadlines. Even when she does have the opportunity to go to work with me, it's been on days that she is off from school but I still have to work; and I would, again, have to tell her to go stay with her group because "mommy is at work and has a lot to get done before we go home..."
I never wanted to be "that" mom. I know a lot of families that have a great system with both parents working. I don't think that moms should not work outstide of the home --however, for ME, it just isn't what I know my heart desires for my family. I'm thankful to God for the time that I have had at the BGC. However, I am more thankful for the opportunity to come back home. :)
It has been tough because so many wonderful things are finally happening at work. The club and community is actually "flowing" now. On Wednesday, I had an amazing time, with a group of ten 4th-6th graders, touring the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. Now I know I wouldn't have had that opportunity while watching babies . . . lol, can you see me at a place like that with babies on my hips?! ha! I'm also taking a group of 6th-8th graders to the Rodeo on the 20th -to see Xtreme Bull Riding, the concert that follows, walk the grounds, eat some of that nasty yummy food (lol), and ride some carnival rides. So, between, curriculum, voluteers, field trips, a working data base system, recycling, and a full functioning 'front entrance' . . . I'm going to miss seeing all the sweat, tears, and hard work, pay off. The community finally knows that we exist and aren't just for 'low income families'. The club is finally looked at an educational after-school program!
I guess I should be grateful that I got to see it bloom at least a little before leaving...
I just really hope that it continues --not saying that it won't run without me. BUT another reason I needed to make a change is because my work load seemed to keep growing and I kept pushing myself to excel and help the club and the community. I've already been told that my work load will have to be "shared" with the new Teen Director ... I can totally believe it!
I love the kids, the families, the opportunity to take an idea and 'run with it' -and actually see it succeed . . . I LOVE what I currently do. BUT I know that it's time to shift my focus, time and energy, back home for my family, MY community . . . I'm praying that I have great opportunities to take an idea and see where it goes --but on a different scale, for babies -before going into school. For the families that really want to trust that there child is receiving loving care, just as they would from their own mommy --and that it won't break their bank either. :) It's my heart's desire to make a difference in lives . . . I trust God and His plan for me. I'm excited to share love with babies and help build their little hearts and lives . . . WITHOUT being away from my own little life, Kryssa.
:)
March 1st, here I come!! I'm definately counting down the days . . .
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