Ooooh, today I'm feeling sharp stabbing pains where I normally feel the endo pain.
hmmm . . . does it get worse, still?!
January 20, 2010
January 19, 2010
Lupron. Day 6
So far, things have not been as bad as I expected them to be. Last night was probably the worst with hot flashes and other 'craziness'. I wonder how much worse it's going to get?! Everything I read mentioned that the first two weeks were the absolute worse . . . I'm still waiting for the "worse" part of it. What if this is as bad as it gets? Hmm...
KJ's getting better :)
Last night, we watched Fame and she showed off all her famous dance moves and self composed songs! It was fabulous!!
My days, lately, have just been full of up and downs. I'm wishing I lived by a beach. I would LOVE to just go sit, read, watch the sun set, or rise, and hear the water . . . I do really need a little get-away. Something peaceful. Somewhere to just lay it all out, take it all in, and come back ready to face it all with a new understanding and new hope.
I will end with my current favorite songs:
mikeschair - Let the Waters Rise
From the album Mikeschair
Don't know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here
Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
Cuz you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
Your never out of reach
God You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
Brandon Heath - Love Never Fails
From the album What If We
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
KJ's getting better :)
Last night, we watched Fame and she showed off all her famous dance moves and self composed songs! It was fabulous!!
My days, lately, have just been full of up and downs. I'm wishing I lived by a beach. I would LOVE to just go sit, read, watch the sun set, or rise, and hear the water . . . I do really need a little get-away. Something peaceful. Somewhere to just lay it all out, take it all in, and come back ready to face it all with a new understanding and new hope.
I will end with my current favorite songs:
mikeschair - Let the Waters Rise
From the album Mikeschair
Don't know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here
Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
Cuz you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
Your never out of reach
God You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
Brandon Heath - Love Never Fails
From the album What If We
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
January 16, 2010
Lupron. First dose 1/14/10
I've decided to do my best to blog about this new journey. So much is changing in my life again. It was just three months ago when my world shifted. Well, here I am again... life and health.
Wednesday changed my life --haha, makes me think of LOST, how when the wheel is turned, life as one knows it no longer exists (for the most part). I'm not "lost" . . . just wandering around for a while figuring it all out.
Wednesday, I found out that my endometriosis has continued to grow. Birth control stopped working as well as it was. I have a golf ball size cyst on my left ovary and my right ovary is out of place. My uterus has been hurting beyond belief this past week . . . so we are left to believe (since endo is not seen through a sonogram --but when you put it all together: extreme pain again, ovary moved out of place, large cyst, etc...) that the endo has only gotten worse. My right ovary seems to be attached to either the uterus or the abdominal wall again. The doctor doesn't want to perform another surgery (would be my fourth since Jan 2007). He says we need to try another form of treatment. I've tried surgeries. I've tried pain management. I've tried birth control to suppress my ovaries. Now I've started Lupron.
Lupron will shut my ovaries down -and bring on a menopause-like state. With that happening, the endometriosis should stop growing. There's hope! And I'm thrilled! My doctor says that there is even a chance that the Lupron will help minimize all that has already grown too. I feel like it's 'wishful thinking' but at the same time, I'm still praying for a miracle that it will just all go away. No more disease. No more pain...
So, my dad gave me my first injection on Thursday(one of five. one every six weeks). I was a nervous reck. Not only because I totally dislike and freak out with needles but also because I had to prep my own shot AND because I knew that he has been out of the medical field for what I say is "ages"!! lol He did a fantastic job. I didn't feel any pain! Praise God. He always used to tell us stories of all sorts of things that he had to do for his patients. One that I will always remember is how he said that he never hurt a patient with an injection. :) He would prep the area and then smack 'em on the injection site literally right before sticking them with the needle. The smack would cause the initial shock and tensing of the muscle so when the needle would go in, the muscle was already relaxing... So, true! I felt him clean the injection site and then I waited for it ... SMACK...and then warmth. :)
I cried as I said, "you're doing a great job dad. Thank you so much." I couldn't believe that I was talking and fine while he was still injection the medicine. He thought I was crying because it hurt. But I was crying for many reasons. I cried because I was soooo relieved that it didn't hurt. I cried because I finally just got it over with (I took forever to finally get up the nerve to get the shot). I cried out of happiness of finally getting my first dose of the treatment --it took two whole days of calling my doctor and insurance back and forth, being on hold for what literally totaled up to HOURS, and waiting for returned phone calls just to get the medicine approved from my insurance to be picked up locally! I also cried out of sadness that I reached this point with fighting endometriosis. I always say "it is what it is." and try to refocus on other areas of life. But I'm only human and deep down I try to keep this thought away --I told Chris... "it's just tough when you realize how different your life turned out. You never ever expect to experience something like this. You always wonder what others must feel with a disease . . . but you never think it will be you "when you grow up".
So on top of that, I found out some heartbreaking news... This is life. This is real. This is MY life...I am actually laughing inside thinking about all this and how it's just so interesting how everything can change with just a blink of an eye -literally.
Enough about that.
My first night after my first Lupron injection:
shakes, shivers, hot flashes (which I never knew that it wasn't just about being HOT but also being icy cold from one second to the next), nausea, restlessness.
The shakes were so bad, I couldn't even talk because my jaw was chattering so much! It was NUTS! The strangest experience I've had in a while. It has calmed down a whole bunch but my body still just wants to tense up and every muscle feels the need to be tightened. It's an ugly feeling.
I've lost my appetite along with some of my hair already :(. Not major hair loss but the kind that I had when I was taking LoEstrin24! (enough back then that made me stop taking that birth control.) I had no idea it would kick in this quickly --but I guess it's already been in my system for 24+ hrs now. Tonight is when I noticed the hair loss ... I could really use some of that on my arms, legs, arm pits, and face (the hair loss that is!) lol.
Tonight, I don't feel such extreme hot/cold flashes and the shivers/shakes, like I mentioned earlier, are much more manageable. Unfortunately, though, I'm not sleepy! So, it gave me time to blog :) .
I want to do my best to blog about this treatment because reading other womens' blogs (documenting their journey with endometriosis) has really helped me out in different ways. For me, it will be a 6 month treatment (hopefully I can keep up with the cost! The first shot, with my insurance, cost me $133.75! The price before applying insurance was over 700 dollars!!! Praise God for insurance.). I also want to keep up with documenting as much as I can so that I can have this to look back on and focus on the end results. See how it gets better. The first two weeks are said to be the worst and I know I will need encouragement to focus on the positive and not complain through it all! haha. ;)
On a different note: my ford focus had to go back to the shop a week after it came out and we should be getting it tomorrow!! woohoo! it's been real tough sharing one car to get three people to three different places (Chris to medical center, KJ to school (located in Wilde Horse), and myself to Boerne). Also, keep KJ in your prayers please. We took her to the doctor today and it turns out she has strep and croup. She has a steroid to take in case her breathing gets worse, an antibiotic for the strep, and albuterol treatments to ease the breathing. It's definitely been an interesting week for the Mayfields.
God is Good and I have faith that it will all turn out okay...
Good night.
**I just realized that I should have taken a picture of the needle! That thing was nothing like I expected --it was about 3 inches long -if not longer!!! I was expecting a tiny one inch needle. NOPE! My butt cheek is still sore!! LOL.
Wednesday changed my life --haha, makes me think of LOST, how when the wheel is turned, life as one knows it no longer exists (for the most part). I'm not "lost" . . . just wandering around for a while figuring it all out.
Wednesday, I found out that my endometriosis has continued to grow. Birth control stopped working as well as it was. I have a golf ball size cyst on my left ovary and my right ovary is out of place. My uterus has been hurting beyond belief this past week . . . so we are left to believe (since endo is not seen through a sonogram --but when you put it all together: extreme pain again, ovary moved out of place, large cyst, etc...) that the endo has only gotten worse. My right ovary seems to be attached to either the uterus or the abdominal wall again. The doctor doesn't want to perform another surgery (would be my fourth since Jan 2007). He says we need to try another form of treatment. I've tried surgeries. I've tried pain management. I've tried birth control to suppress my ovaries. Now I've started Lupron.
Lupron will shut my ovaries down -and bring on a menopause-like state. With that happening, the endometriosis should stop growing. There's hope! And I'm thrilled! My doctor says that there is even a chance that the Lupron will help minimize all that has already grown too. I feel like it's 'wishful thinking' but at the same time, I'm still praying for a miracle that it will just all go away. No more disease. No more pain...
So, my dad gave me my first injection on Thursday(one of five. one every six weeks). I was a nervous reck. Not only because I totally dislike and freak out with needles but also because I had to prep my own shot AND because I knew that he has been out of the medical field for what I say is "ages"!! lol He did a fantastic job. I didn't feel any pain! Praise God. He always used to tell us stories of all sorts of things that he had to do for his patients. One that I will always remember is how he said that he never hurt a patient with an injection. :) He would prep the area and then smack 'em on the injection site literally right before sticking them with the needle. The smack would cause the initial shock and tensing of the muscle so when the needle would go in, the muscle was already relaxing... So, true! I felt him clean the injection site and then I waited for it ... SMACK...and then warmth. :)
I cried as I said, "you're doing a great job dad. Thank you so much." I couldn't believe that I was talking and fine while he was still injection the medicine. He thought I was crying because it hurt. But I was crying for many reasons. I cried because I was soooo relieved that it didn't hurt. I cried because I finally just got it over with (I took forever to finally get up the nerve to get the shot). I cried out of happiness of finally getting my first dose of the treatment --it took two whole days of calling my doctor and insurance back and forth, being on hold for what literally totaled up to HOURS, and waiting for returned phone calls just to get the medicine approved from my insurance to be picked up locally! I also cried out of sadness that I reached this point with fighting endometriosis. I always say "it is what it is." and try to refocus on other areas of life. But I'm only human and deep down I try to keep this thought away --I told Chris... "it's just tough when you realize how different your life turned out. You never ever expect to experience something like this. You always wonder what others must feel with a disease . . . but you never think it will be you "when you grow up".
So on top of that, I found out some heartbreaking news... This is life. This is real. This is MY life...I am actually laughing inside thinking about all this and how it's just so interesting how everything can change with just a blink of an eye -literally.
Enough about that.
My first night after my first Lupron injection:
shakes, shivers, hot flashes (which I never knew that it wasn't just about being HOT but also being icy cold from one second to the next), nausea, restlessness.
The shakes were so bad, I couldn't even talk because my jaw was chattering so much! It was NUTS! The strangest experience I've had in a while. It has calmed down a whole bunch but my body still just wants to tense up and every muscle feels the need to be tightened. It's an ugly feeling.
I've lost my appetite along with some of my hair already :(. Not major hair loss but the kind that I had when I was taking LoEstrin24! (enough back then that made me stop taking that birth control.) I had no idea it would kick in this quickly --but I guess it's already been in my system for 24+ hrs now. Tonight is when I noticed the hair loss ... I could really use some of that on my arms, legs, arm pits, and face (the hair loss that is!) lol.
Tonight, I don't feel such extreme hot/cold flashes and the shivers/shakes, like I mentioned earlier, are much more manageable. Unfortunately, though, I'm not sleepy! So, it gave me time to blog :) .
I want to do my best to blog about this treatment because reading other womens' blogs (documenting their journey with endometriosis) has really helped me out in different ways. For me, it will be a 6 month treatment (hopefully I can keep up with the cost! The first shot, with my insurance, cost me $133.75! The price before applying insurance was over 700 dollars!!! Praise God for insurance.). I also want to keep up with documenting as much as I can so that I can have this to look back on and focus on the end results. See how it gets better. The first two weeks are said to be the worst and I know I will need encouragement to focus on the positive and not complain through it all! haha. ;)
On a different note: my ford focus had to go back to the shop a week after it came out and we should be getting it tomorrow!! woohoo! it's been real tough sharing one car to get three people to three different places (Chris to medical center, KJ to school (located in Wilde Horse), and myself to Boerne). Also, keep KJ in your prayers please. We took her to the doctor today and it turns out she has strep and croup. She has a steroid to take in case her breathing gets worse, an antibiotic for the strep, and albuterol treatments to ease the breathing. It's definitely been an interesting week for the Mayfields.
God is Good and I have faith that it will all turn out okay...
Good night.
**I just realized that I should have taken a picture of the needle! That thing was nothing like I expected --it was about 3 inches long -if not longer!!! I was expecting a tiny one inch needle. NOPE! My butt cheek is still sore!! LOL.
December 10, 2009
Take #2
So, KJ's first school pictures, taken back in October, were over looked. for some reason, Chris and I didn't communicate well enough. I let KJ choose her own shirt that day and how she wanted her hair done --I had NO idea it was picture day. What did KJ choose? Why, her favorite halloween ghost shirt, of course! lol and a white sparkly matching headband.
I like the picture; it's cute. However, it isn't what we had wanted her "school picture" to look like. So, today is "retake" day. Let's see how these turn out. :) hee hee. I braided her hair and put her in a sparkly shirt she likes (no ghost -lol).
I should have gone to have lunch with KJ. Today, I'm working from home again and I had time; I could have gone. I just wasn't sure if it was a good idea. She's brought home 2 'red marks' from school. very bad. I'll wait until she gets some greens and then I'll plan a lunch with her. :)
I found out today that our modem went out yesterday. I totally freaked out because I knew I had to use the internet for work. My deadline is tomorrow. I have to have the first two weeks of January's curriculum turned in by 3pm tomorrow. Thankfully, I pick up some other network called 'belkin54g' or something like that. I don't know where it's from but I am able to connect to it upstairs. As long as I don't lose this signal, everything will be A-Okay!
Today's another one of 'those days' --the ugh ones. I wish I could just throw on my pjs and curl up in bed, watching movies . . . OH! but I think I am getting my requested days off which will give me some GREAT back to back days off!!! Off on Dec 17 and 18 will give me a 4 day weekend next week! Off on Dec 23 will give me a 5 day weekend the following week. Then off on Dec 30 will give me another 5 day weekend!!! -three weeks in a row!!! :D I'm sooooo excited!! God willing it all gets the final approval...
Well, I need to get back to 'business', I suppose. Have a "Thurrific" Thursday!! lol (corny, I know.)
I like the picture; it's cute. However, it isn't what we had wanted her "school picture" to look like. So, today is "retake" day. Let's see how these turn out. :) hee hee. I braided her hair and put her in a sparkly shirt she likes (no ghost -lol).
I should have gone to have lunch with KJ. Today, I'm working from home again and I had time; I could have gone. I just wasn't sure if it was a good idea. She's brought home 2 'red marks' from school. very bad. I'll wait until she gets some greens and then I'll plan a lunch with her. :)
I found out today that our modem went out yesterday. I totally freaked out because I knew I had to use the internet for work. My deadline is tomorrow. I have to have the first two weeks of January's curriculum turned in by 3pm tomorrow. Thankfully, I pick up some other network called 'belkin54g' or something like that. I don't know where it's from but I am able to connect to it upstairs. As long as I don't lose this signal, everything will be A-Okay!
Today's another one of 'those days' --the ugh ones. I wish I could just throw on my pjs and curl up in bed, watching movies . . . OH! but I think I am getting my requested days off which will give me some GREAT back to back days off!!! Off on Dec 17 and 18 will give me a 4 day weekend next week! Off on Dec 23 will give me a 5 day weekend the following week. Then off on Dec 30 will give me another 5 day weekend!!! -three weeks in a row!!! :D I'm sooooo excited!! God willing it all gets the final approval...
Well, I need to get back to 'business', I suppose. Have a "Thurrific" Thursday!! lol (corny, I know.)
December 8, 2009
nothing to share...
I should be working. I got to work from home yesterday -didn't get much "work" done. I get to work from home again today (all week, I think) --I really need to get some work done today! I have a deadline tomorrow and then another on Friday. ((sigh))
KJ's doing soooo much better in school these days! Oh, and since my last blog, I've been chosen to be the "Room Parent" for KJ's class. It's like a part-time job all on its own. Right now I just have to focus on the Winter Party that will take place on Friday, Dec. 18th. I am off from work that day --originally to decorate cake/cupcakes for Jo's first bday party. Now, I have to make time to attend and host KJ's Winter Party and then head to Austin to decorate desserts. :) Fun! KJ will LOVE going to Austin!
We are back in our "should we move out of SA and have another house built or should we stay and change up some things on our house . . . or should we move but stay in SA?!" debate/pros and cons.
Christmas is just creeping up on us! It just hit me the other day --how people say, "time flies when you have a child". I SO get it now!! It's not just because you are watching a little life grow up and form. It's because as they grow up there are sooo many different things going on all at once. Deadlines, conferences, report cards, homework, field trips, lunches, clothes, rewards, etc. --there's not much time to just sit back and enjoy a day. Thanksgiving c, ame and went and I didn't even realize it was happening until the week of. Only because KJ was on vacation. I've been so busy with keeping up with her in school and my full time job and family time that I haven't had time to actually "count down" to the holidays. Before KJ was in school, I looked forward to the Holidays because it was something different and special that took place in that year. Well, now there are so many other different, special, new things taking place in this year that I have to balance it all out. The Holidays don't seem to JUMP out at me this year . . . KJ's first report card does... KJ's first school party does... Planning and looking forward to a special family outing on a weekend does... It's just so strange. I really was so unaware of what others meant when they would say "enjoy it. They grow up so fast." She's like a little busy bee and she's only in Kinder. I have a whole calendar just for KJ and she's not even in any extra curricular activities -like dance, karate, et. It's all just school (picture days, yearbook orders, homework packets, reading logs, sight words to study, holiday projects, field trips, spirit days!! Geez . . . there's soooo much to remember allll the time!!!!! lol
Im really looking forward to the Holidays just to be able to have some time off from work. I'll have more time to be with Chris and KJ. Right now, I wake up to get KJ ready for school, make her breakfast, pack her lunch, and take her to school by 7:45am. Then I see her again at 7pm or so. :( Then her bed time is at 8pm. By the time I get home, most of the time, she is already done with dinner and homework and in the bath getting ready for bed. Such a bummer! Really! I do enjoy my down time before my 9pm or 10pm bedtime. However, I really really look forward to my weekends with my family --and days off. :) Chris, on the other hand, gets off as early as 3:45pm and gets to pick her up and be with her after school. He's also had 3 weeks of vacation, spread out, since her first week of school!! He's about to have another during Christmas break. Lucky him! haha. My "vacation time" doesn't kick in until January.
So, Christmas is just days away and I'm here brainstorming about how to work it all out. :)
Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving; Merry Christmas! Happy 2010!
KJ's doing soooo much better in school these days! Oh, and since my last blog, I've been chosen to be the "Room Parent" for KJ's class. It's like a part-time job all on its own. Right now I just have to focus on the Winter Party that will take place on Friday, Dec. 18th. I am off from work that day --originally to decorate cake/cupcakes for Jo's first bday party. Now, I have to make time to attend and host KJ's Winter Party and then head to Austin to decorate desserts. :) Fun! KJ will LOVE going to Austin!
We are back in our "should we move out of SA and have another house built or should we stay and change up some things on our house . . . or should we move but stay in SA?!" debate/pros and cons.
Christmas is just creeping up on us! It just hit me the other day --how people say, "time flies when you have a child". I SO get it now!! It's not just because you are watching a little life grow up and form. It's because as they grow up there are sooo many different things going on all at once. Deadlines, conferences, report cards, homework, field trips, lunches, clothes, rewards, etc. --there's not much time to just sit back and enjoy a day. Thanksgiving c, ame and went and I didn't even realize it was happening until the week of. Only because KJ was on vacation. I've been so busy with keeping up with her in school and my full time job and family time that I haven't had time to actually "count down" to the holidays. Before KJ was in school, I looked forward to the Holidays because it was something different and special that took place in that year. Well, now there are so many other different, special, new things taking place in this year that I have to balance it all out. The Holidays don't seem to JUMP out at me this year . . . KJ's first report card does... KJ's first school party does... Planning and looking forward to a special family outing on a weekend does... It's just so strange. I really was so unaware of what others meant when they would say "enjoy it. They grow up so fast." She's like a little busy bee and she's only in Kinder. I have a whole calendar just for KJ and she's not even in any extra curricular activities -like dance, karate, et. It's all just school (picture days, yearbook orders, homework packets, reading logs, sight words to study, holiday projects, field trips, spirit days!! Geez . . . there's soooo much to remember allll the time!!!!! lol
Im really looking forward to the Holidays just to be able to have some time off from work. I'll have more time to be with Chris and KJ. Right now, I wake up to get KJ ready for school, make her breakfast, pack her lunch, and take her to school by 7:45am. Then I see her again at 7pm or so. :( Then her bed time is at 8pm. By the time I get home, most of the time, she is already done with dinner and homework and in the bath getting ready for bed. Such a bummer! Really! I do enjoy my down time before my 9pm or 10pm bedtime. However, I really really look forward to my weekends with my family --and days off. :) Chris, on the other hand, gets off as early as 3:45pm and gets to pick her up and be with her after school. He's also had 3 weeks of vacation, spread out, since her first week of school!! He's about to have another during Christmas break. Lucky him! haha. My "vacation time" doesn't kick in until January.
So, Christmas is just days away and I'm here brainstorming about how to work it all out. :)
Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving; Merry Christmas! Happy 2010!
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