October 4, 2011

Eighteenth time's a charm

Right?!  Well, I at least hope it is.  I went from, last week, being able to see the faintest of faintest lines on my hpts . . . to, Sunday, starting my cycle two days early.  :(

In my "oh, I want to conceive!!" crying sessions, that I allowed myself yesterday, I felt God's love and comfort.  He comforted me in a way like never before —or at least I don't remember, if I've already said this.  He opened my eyes to a new way of enjoying this chapter in my life.  Have you ever felt words spoken to your heart?  They are the best.  In this moment, my heart ache and confusion went away:  "Enjoy the now.  Because once you conceive, life will never be the same again.  The life that you can enjoy now will no longer be.  The time that you have now for your daughter and husband will change..."  The heavy weight of sadness was lifted —immediately.  I felt refreshed . . . until the next wave of emotions.  BUT it was comforting to remember to "enjoy the now".  :)

Last night as I was cuddling with my love (enjoying the 'tingly love sensations' in the pit of my stomach) I was, again, reminded of what I have now... I had to share that moment, that I had experienced earlier, with him.  (It's similar to how we've been saying that we had NO idea how we would never get the "us" time back —after KJ was born.  We only had 2 yrs of "us".)  I really hope it comforted him as it did me.  I know his heart aches too —in ways, I will never understand.  With all the ups and downs infertility brings, (I don't really know what the "ups" of infertility are...??) the love I have for my hubby has only seemed to intensify.  Don't worry . . . I'm still normal —he still irritates the heck out of me. ;) lol  But I sure do love him!!

(my favorite scripture) 
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails 
1 Corinthians 13:4–8

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