I just finished sitting w/ Chris browsing through photos of 'baby' Kryssa. I cried . . . we laughed . . . I got to refresh our memory of great little stories w/ each picture. Kryssa actually seemed interested in seeing herself. She's never been much of a fan of seeing babies for more than a few mins. The older she's getting, the longer she wants to see or spend time w/ babies.
Well, I found myself thinking "Oh! I want another baby!" But then I would stop myself from saying it out loud because I'm only about 8 months, or so, into our two year 'waiting plan'. *We ttc for 18 months (6 months of it on different levels of clomid) and, well, nothing happened -other than an emotional roller coaster. So! needless to say, if I start thinking about ttc again, I might get my hopes up and I'm not ready for that. PLUS! Two weeks ago I got to experience the MOST amazing thing -EVER!! My best best best friend and her hubby brought their third child into the world and I was so honored to be able to be a part of it!! Well, as wonderful as it was, all I have to do is remember every moment of that experience and it is enough to keep me from wanting another child -ever. So I say...
Honestly though, I really started thinking about ttc again, tonight --all because of the adorable photos/memories of Kryssa (she'll turn 5 in Aug. already!). Earlier today, I was still definitely on one side of the fence about wanting another child (the side on NOT wanting...). I feel like our life, as a family of 3, is quite complete. I'm content. I'm happy. I'm thankful. I feel that we could experience so much together, keeping our focus on just the three of us. But I'm a little shaken that I'm actually on the fence now -tonight -just from strolling down memory lane.
Before tonight, I would think of a second baby and feel overwhelmed with these thoughts:
months of bed rest (like w/ our first)
painful breast feeding
routine filled days (diaper change, feeding, nap time, diaper change, feeding, nap time, and so on...)
and you can imagine the rest (labor, recovery, etc). I do, however, have to remind myself that my first experience w/ pregnancy, labor, and recovery is not the way it "normally" goes . . . but those are my thoughts because of my only experience w/ it. I pray to have a different experience in my lifetime . . .
It's been about 7 months or so since I've even really, truly, considered ttc again. I flipped a complete 180 last year -not wanting to even think about ttc again, for a really really long time . . .
yet, here I am. only 8 months later . . .
ha! it just makes me chuckle.
*how could I not want another after viewing my 'baby' . . .