March 31, 2009

Too soon to want another

I just finished sitting w/ Chris browsing through photos of 'baby' Kryssa. I cried . . . we laughed . . . I got to refresh our memory of great little stories w/ each picture. Kryssa actually seemed interested in seeing herself. She's never been much of a fan of seeing babies for more than a few mins. The older she's getting, the longer she wants to see or spend time w/ babies.

Well, I found myself thinking "Oh! I want another baby!" But then I would stop myself from saying it out loud because I'm only about 8 months, or so, into our two year 'waiting plan'. *We ttc for 18 months (6 months of it on different levels of clomid) and, well, nothing happened -other than an emotional roller coaster. So! needless to say, if I start thinking about ttc again, I might get my hopes up and I'm not ready for that. PLUS! Two weeks ago I got to experience the MOST amazing thing -EVER!! My best best best friend and her hubby brought their third child into the world and I was so honored to be able to be a part of it!! Well, as wonderful as it was, all I have to do is remember every moment of that experience and it is enough to keep me from wanting another child -ever. So I say...

Honestly though, I really started thinking about ttc again, tonight --all because of the adorable photos/memories of Kryssa (she'll turn 5 in Aug. already!). Earlier today, I was still definitely on one side of the fence about wanting another child (the side on NOT wanting...). I feel like our life, as a family of 3, is quite complete. I'm content. I'm happy. I'm thankful. I feel that we could experience so much together, keeping our focus on just the three of us. But I'm a little shaken that I'm actually on the fence now -tonight -just from strolling down memory lane.

Before tonight, I would think of a second baby and feel overwhelmed with these thoughts:

sleepless nights

stretch marks

months of bed rest (like w/ our first)

painful breast feeding

extreme exhaustion

routine filled days (diaper change, feeding, nap time, diaper change, feeding, nap time, and so on...)

and you can imagine the rest (labor, recovery, etc). I do, however, have to remind myself that my first experience w/ pregnancy, labor, and recovery is not the way it "normally" goes . . . but those are my thoughts because of my only experience w/ it. I pray to have a different experience in my lifetime . . .

It's been about 7 months or so since I've even really, truly, considered ttc again. I flipped a complete 180 last year -not wanting to even think about ttc again, for a really really long time . . .

yet, here I am. only 8 months later . . .

ha! it just makes me chuckle.

*how could I not want another after viewing my 'baby' . . .


No comments:

Post a Comment