October 8, 2007

Yeah, this subject, AGAIN

So, I just had to get on and blog about 'this'

So, let me just say, this is just a little 'me' vent. I hope you understand. I do my best to be as 'real' as I can with those around me --so, when I've said 'congratulations', I have meant it. If you know me well, you know that this is just a little emotional vent.

Okay, geez, I don't know who will read this . . . but here it is . . .

So, this month is the 10th month of us TTC. :( Yes, it has been 10 months already. Well, I just read news of another pregnancy and my first reaction was "Oh, how WONDERFUL!!!". Then it hit me that right before I sat and opened my computer, I had expressed to Chris how sad I was/am about our 'journey' of TTC. Also, about an hour before, I had made some kind of comment to Chris -along the lines of "Geez, I can't believe how many pregnant people we know. I know our time will come --but I really can't believe . . . well, I guess I can believe it, I just didn't think it would take this long to conceive . . .". (we had actually been talking about it on the way home tonight) I kind of got over that little moment and then I came home to read some wonderful news for a wonderful person. I had my little cry and felt better, for the most part. Okay, so, I hope no one gets offended --I hope I am understood . . . I am emotional and a little overwhelmed with TTC. It hasn't happened in 10 months and I just wish we could be next. So, I think we have heard the "great news" from 14 or 15 different people around us. Seriously. No Joke! Some time in May, I think, we had only heard news of 8 pregnancies, and now, it's almost doubled . . . The last pregnancy we counted was at 12 or so and then about 2 weeks ago or so, we heard of one, then several days ago, I heard of another and then tonight, I heard of another! So, the number just keeps going up and up.

So, yes, maybe I seem a little coo coo about this --but until you have walked this road, some people just might not understand. Also, I DO KNOW that some people have waited longer and been through a lot more than our 10 months --but it is a tough road and I just pray that my 10 months don't turn into 15 or 20 . . . some times people try to encourage me by telling me how they "tried" for 3 years, some even 7! -and that my 10 months aren't that bad . . . I know that there will always be someone with a heavier load --but right now, this is one my 'heavy loads'.

I just really can't wait for everyone to have their baby --because, there is just something soooooo amazing and heart warming about a newborn!!! :D So, see, I really am super excited for all these pregnancies -I mean, I wouldn't be "me" if I wasn't . . .but this situation is a tear jerker for me -every here and there.

God knows why I must walk this road --with everything else that is going on in my life right now, I have been able to keep my mind off "baby", for the most part. But tonight it hit me, after seeing 3 'bellies' and hearing the 2nd 'good news' this week.

So, now that I've typed this out --I kind of wonder why I sat and typed it all out. I guess that typing this helped me feel better --now that I've let it out.

Once, again, I'm not some cooky "need to be pregnant" lady . . . just a 'real' person, TTC, learning how to cope with and overcome the hurdles that are placed in front of me right now.

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