I started to notice the endo symptoms returning about a week and a half ago. Normally it doesn't take long at all before it gets miserably out of control. :( (in the past, from the time that the pains would start daily, it would only take about two weeks until the pain was present 24/7 even with pain meds —until I would hear the words from my doc, "I'll schedule you for surgery...". This happened 3 times in a year and a half.
I'm praying for a miracle this time around. I want to continue ttc (trying to conceive). I want to NOT need Lupron. I want to NOT need another surgery. I want to do my regular activities and NOT end up temporarily crippled from endo pain. I want to go on feeling this "normal" feeling I had been feeling up until a week and a half ago. I could sneeze and not feel any pain. I could lift my daughter and not feel any pain. I could get up from sitting and not feel pain. I was LIVING without pain.
I told Chris, last night, "well, it was amazing while it lasted. At least I was able to experience 5 WHOLE months of being pain free..." (almost two months was while I was off Lupron treatmenst!). I don't miss Lortab and the side affects that come along with taking it. I don't want to end ttc because of endo! The thought alone makes me want to cry.
I crawled back into bed, snuggled with Chris, and cried in his arms. It's the first time, since trying, in 2010, that I allowed myself to cry (that I allowed myself to feel anything...). I told him "I'm so sad, hun." He said "I'm sorry, honey." and he just held me. I couldn't have asked for a better response/reaction from him. I sobbed, prayed, and did my best to put my heart back in God's hands (along with my hopes, dreams, and deepest desires). It made today really tough for me. I cried for a lot of silly little things, including passing up the baby section at Walmart tonight...
So, if you will please, keep my in prayer. It seems to be a tad bit harder to keep my focus on staying positive —no matter the outcome, the fact that I believe, from the bottom of my heart, with all that I am, that God's plan for me is much, much, greater than I could ever imagine. —wether I remain a 'mother of one' or whether I am blessed beyond belief to be a 'mother of two'...
On a much positive note: We have really enjoyed Chris's vacation time!! (pics coming soon) He goes back to work tomorrow and we are just so thankful to have had 10 days to spend together. :) We are so blessed to be celebrating 8 years of marriage!! (technically 'today', since I'm typing this after midnight, 7/6/10)
8 years later
Thank you for reading! (and your support, kind words, and prayers)