IVF #1: The day before

I went for my first "ultrasound/labs" this morning, at 7:30am.  I was running late because of work and rush-hour traffic, in the rain.  I work at home and am NOT used to fighting through rush-hour traffic.  Luckily, once I got there, late, it only took about two minutes before I was called back to be seen.  I had my blood drawn (the lady at that particular location always does a fabulous job!) and then they did my ultrasound.  Dr. B. counted seven follicles on my right ovary and ten on my left.  She said everything looked good and that I can start my meds tomorrow.  Nurse M. went over tomorrow's meds and asked if I had any questions.  I did not have any questions today.

Happy Birthday to me!

It's what every birthday girl dreams of . . . IVF INJECTIONS!  No?  That's not right?  Oh . . . Well, it's actually quite an interesting ending and new beginning.  It's the end of my 20's.  Ten years ago, on my birthday, we were mourning the loss of my grandmother.  And now, ten years later, with God as our strength, we are beginning this new journey of trying to bring a new little life into the world.  I am a bit bummed out that I will probably be dwelling on the thought of my first two injections allllll day long, instead of being able to relax and enjoy celebrating the first day of my 30's!  (we were told to do the injections between 7pm and 10pm)

Now, don't get me wrong.  I was so excited when I heard that we could start before October.  Then she put the calendar in front of me . . . and I saw

 

We learned all about the different injections (how to clean everything, which size needles to use, how to mix some of the medications, and the scariest and most uncomfortable part —how to give the injections (even an intramuscular one, Yikes!!).  I think I'm losing sleep over this.  :(  I just don't know about two injections per day, given by my hubby, and then some days will be more than two —and for something like 15 days or so (if I understood correctly).  I keep telling myself, "Well, if you want a baby, Michelle, you just have to suck it up and get it done!".   Learning about injections and medicines, and signing consent forms, stepped it up a bit for us —made it much more real.

There were moments of complete seriousness, and then, just because we are the way we are... there were many moments of laughter.  Deciding to freeze any viable embryos that won't be transferred was a very serious discussion between us.  Deciding who gets to keep the embryos if one of us dies or divorces was a very comical conversation.  I think it was so awkward to have to make some of those decisions —but I do understand the importance.

So, now, all we are waiting for is the delivery of our medications and for September 29th to come around.  I've said goodbye to my herbal supplements (an easy change), caffeine (a little more thought has to go into this one), alcohol (eh, not toooo hard), and even to chocolate (the absolute toughest change so far!).

My absolute favorite part of the slideshow, overview and tips, was when it explained the importance of getting pampered during this time!  It mentioned massages, manicures, pedicures, and several other ways of being pampered that I love! :)  I hope that Chris really paid close attention to that portion of the class!!

Oh!  and something else that I have to "change" is my plan on getting a tattoo.  I had been planning this out for a while —doing my research and drawing out what I want, making it perfect.  My mom, on the other hand, basically freaked out about the thought of me getting a tattoo.  It cracks me up how serious she is about not wanting me to get a tattoo, or even mention the word "tattoo" while around her.  lol!  (yup, that's my mom!).  So, it was suggested that I wait until the end of the IVF cycle to go for my tat...my mom is ecstatic!! hahaha!!

Here's to turning 30 and our first IVF cycle! :)  (oh me oh my!)

Unexpected visits

I have been uncomfortable since my procedure, last Thursday. I was told to expect light cramps spotting (not a full blown miserable endo-cycle). I couldn't take it anymore I called the doc and they said I needed to be seen immediately.

My reg doc wasn't available and now I know that I will NEVER again agree to be seen by today's doc, Doctor A.! Talk about being in SUCH a hurry --even though I had a scheduled appointment. Oh, I was, and still am, so disappointed with the lack of care and gentleness he had. The time he took to put a speculum in, confirm what I had already told them over the phone, put a wand in to check the lining of the uterus, and then instruct me to triple today and tomorrow's dose of LoEstrin24 and then double each day until our treatment starts, took, maybe, a grand total of seven minutes. And I'm really being generous with that guess...

So the good news is that everything seems to still be "okay". But the bad news is that, because Dr. A. Seemed more like The Flash, kj also had her very first glimpse of where her future sibling will be coming from! (yes she already knows all about "where babies come from" but I had no idea today's doc wasn't going to be as discreet with my lady parts, as my regular doctor is.). I asked her if she was curious or uncomfortable. She said he wasn't uncomfortable, just curious --but got right back to watching her iPod as soon as she saw what the doc was doing...lol my poor child!!! :( (makes me feel like not the best prepared mom) lol...oops...

Tomorrow is our IVF class. I've been super excited, up until about an hour ago. I heard the word "syringe", while watching The Big Bang Theory. My stomach turned and I just about cried thinking about what kind of pain(s) will come along with the multiple daily shots. I have to be tough...I HAVE to suck it up. I have to give this my absolute best!! (I think Chris is secretly excited at the thought of sticking me with needles. Lol --although, if it's anything like when I trusted him to apply and yank off hot wax from my face... I just might be administering my own injections! Haha! *love you hun!*)

:)

I have a strange little feeling I'm going to be seeing a lot of this blk&white screen and paper-covered bed...

Blocked tubes

Yesterday's Saline Ultrasound showed that my tubes are completely blocked.  I thought it was going to be a set back for our first IVF cycle, set for October, but it turned out to be exactly what they were hoping for....huh?!

Before my appointment, I had posted on facebook, "praying for open tubes".   All this time that we've been trying to conceive, we knew that open fallopian tubes were very important (unfortunately, little did we know that they are completely blocked.).  However, what I understood is that open tubes could actually present more complications that could prevent the embryo from implanting properly (for example, an ectopic pregnancy, or just not even implanting at all).  It's hard to believe that blocked tubes is actually good news...

The Saline Ultrasound itself was much more uncomfortable than I expected.  I assumed it would feel similar to the insertion of an IUD.  However, it felt as though she was swirling the tube around in there (like twirling a lollipop stick or twirling an umbrella), scraping the inside of my uterus!  I was able to control the cringing and the "ouch!" comments —all except one excruciatingly painful moment, I cringed and let out a loud "oooh! That really hurts!".  I have to mentally prepare myself to confidently and willingly go back for the actual embryo transfer —although, maybe they sedate the patient for the actual transfer?  I'll have to find that out.

The next thing I have to do is order THE MEDS...whaaa??  Already??  EEEEK!!!  I still just can't believe this... and then we have our IVF class on Tuesday (and we'll also sign our consent forms that day).  I wish it was guaranteed, that after all these years of trying, hoping, and waiting, and these weeks to come of injections, discomfort, pain, crazy emotions, sedation, hoping, and waiting, that we would definitely get a baby... Only God knows our future.

Your prayers are much appreciated and very much needed.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!! :)

I'm shouting from the rooftops!

I am ecstatic . . . no, beyond ecstatic!!!  Chris and I had been thinking and thinking about how we could possibly afford the $3,469.24 for the IVF meds that weren't covered by our insurance.  We were told that everything except the injections would be covered.  So, injections alone were super expensive.  I had been so bummed out.  Every time Chris and I would talk about IVF, I felt like it was still so out of reach, even though it was "set" for October.  I kept thinking that we would have to work really really hard AND wait for our next tax return OR use one of Chris's quarterly bonuses to cover the cost.  I just kept praying and praying that somehow insurance would happen to cover most, or at the very least some, of the cost.  Yes, I realize that we are very "lucky", blessed, to have insurance that covers the treatment cost AND even covers some of our IVF meds —but still it was going to be a huge obstacle to come up with $3,400+ by the end of this month.

So, after hearing that the injections needed a 'prior authorization', I felt that there was some kind of hope —still.  So, we waited to hear if they would be approved or not...

Last week, I had a very REAL dream that I was happily announcing to family and friends that we were in fact starting IVF in October!  So, when I woke up, I realized that in the dream there were no "ifs" about IVF.  We knew we were starting; meaning that somehow the IVF meds were NOT an issue.  I had been so confused as to what could possibly take place between that dream and the end of the month.  I kept praying and reminding myself to FULLY trust God.  I even broke down the other night, completely balling, full of emotion, begging God to bless us with another child "somehow"...

Today, I wake up and reach for my phone.  I immediately noticed an email from my fertility center with the subject "meds".  I quickly read through it... and then read through it again...and even a third time.  I stopped and made sure I wasn't dreaming.  I remember feeling like I was numb and shocked and completely lost my breathe.  The email was very short:  "...I just got off the phone with your insurance company and they approved the [injections] for one year...".  I was immediately filled with joy and felt as if I was literally floating!  I still can't believe this is real!  I am truly in awe and amazed with how God is blessing us through this journey.  Something that, just a few days ago, seemed SO far from reality is so real today.  This is really happening!!  Wow.  Thank you Lord for the wonderful wonderful blessings!!!

I was hesitant to shout it from the rooftops (ie facebook and my blog) all day today because I still don't have the grand total to see how much less our total is.  BUT I just can't hold it in any longer.  Whatever our new total is, I still feel incredibly blessed to know that most, if not all, of our injections have been approved for an entire year (God willing, we will only need one IVF cycle).

So, this is real to us now.  We are really getting closer and closer to IVF . . . to possibly conceiving our second baby.  (I still tear up every time reality hits).  Thank you God!!!!

Once again, thank you for all the prayers and support.

*quick appointment update:
Sept. 13th, 9:15am —Saline Ultrasound and Practice Embryo Transfer
Sept. 18th, 1pm —IVF Class

I'll update again soon! :)