The many roles...

To the housekeeper:

You've really been slacking.  I can't stand it around here any more.  You kept the place so nice and clean for about three weeks and then you stopped.  I don't know what happened, exactly.  I mean, I hear that your health has major ups and downs.  I hear you deal with chronic pain -which leads to your random exhaustion.  I'm assuming my housework isn't your only job...  Oh, yeah, I know you have kids and all.  I know they keep you up to odd hours, when you would normally be sleeping.  I'm just not sure what to do at this point.  I mean, I need you to step it up, suck it up, and get back on point.  The rest of my family, obviously, has much more important things going on.  I mean, you must continue picking up and taking out the trash every single night.  You must  keep the dishes and kitchen clean, at all times.  You are the sole dish washer around here, don't forget that.  Oh, and don't just leave the laundry laying around!  The clean clothes can't just get piled in the laundry room.  You have to actually fold and go put each piece away, exactly where it is needed (if you set it out in nice piles for each person to take on their own, it won't ever get done and they'll just end up getting thrown back into a pile).  No one has time for all that;

Increasing Milk Supply (#3), days 49-56: Formula and Asparagus.

Day 49:  2/19/14
I started my third menstrual cycle.  "Yay!" for a working body and consecutive cycles (something I've never naturally had).  But a huge "BOOOOOO" that it caused my milk supply drop to probably the lowest it's ever been.  :(

In the last week, I used up the three bags of frozen milk.  I have NO backup breast milk anymore.


Day 51:  2/21214
Chris bought formula.

Increasing milk supply (#3), Day 32.

Day 32:  1/30/14

4:00am
I just pumped 3.5 oz.  Not my norm for the past several days, but Elly nursed on both sides, I forgot to take my Levothyroxine yesterday (bad, I know), and I don't think I even remembered to take any of my MotherLove tincture.

Increasing milk supply (#3), Day 31.

Day 31:  1/29/14

I'm exhausted.  I don't feel like pumping.  I don't even feel like getting out of bed.

Liam woke about 2 hours earlier than usual.  I napped with him, as soon as he finished his bottle.  A very, very, short 40 mins later, Elly woke, demanding to eat.  I tried to hurry and pump the side she doesn't normally use in the morning.  Pumped only about 7oz, instead of my usual 14-16oz.  So disappointing, but it's my own fault!  I know I should pump while Liam is drinking his bottle.  He always wakes before her.  Always.

Increasing milk supply (#3), Day 30.

Day 30:  1/28/14

I was able to freeze 7 ounces of milk today!!  Praise God!!  That brings me to a grand total of TWO bags in our deep freezer.

Oh, how wonderful it feels to fill it up, zip it shut, and place it in the deep freezer.

My heart used to sink to my stomach every time I'd open the deep freezer.  Because it was once taken over by precious, priceless, "liquid platinum", as my midwife once called it.  It's been completely empty -of my milk, that is- for too long.  Now, even just one bag makes my heart flutter with joy!!

Today's Total:  32.5 oz; Pumped 4x

Read more about my journey: 

• Increasing my milk supply (#3) Days 1-29
• Increasing milk supply (#3), Day 31
• Increasing milk supply (#3), Day 32.
• Increasing milk supply (#3), Days 49-56

Increasing my milk supply (#3) Days 1-29

I think I can safely say that my milk supply is finally making a comeback!

First of all I want to give all the praises to God.  I know that without His strength and blessings, I would have given up a LONG time ago.

Operation More Milk #3:
On December 30, 2012, I decided I needed to 'roll up my sleeves', put my 'big girl pants on', 'suck it up', and work on increasing my milk supply -again.
*Operation More Milk #1 started when I gave birth to my preemie twins, May 20, 2012.  Operation More Milk #2 started when I had to start exclusively pumping for Liam on July 14, 2012 (read about Liam's 'latch issues' here).  I worked my way from having to pump five to eight times a day, seriously exhausting (pumping anywhere from 37-52 oz; yes, I have it all saved in an app.), down to only needing to pump twice a day (in mid-September and still pumping approximately 30-40oz.).  Now that was the perfect scenario.  And then I decided to change my diet.  My milk supply dropped in October (read about it here) and I hoped and prayed it would get back to "normal" but I really didn't take action right then and there.  I dug into my frozen stash; after all, that's what it was for, right?  And then I ran out...

Still searching.

Broken.

Broken down.

Fixable.  But currently in a state of needing repair.

That's how I currently feel.

I'm tired...Exhausted... drained to the last drop  --Physically, emotionally, mentally... is there any other way to feel so broken; if so, add it to the list.

Earlier today, I did the only thing I know to do when I feel this broken.  I blasted the worship music throughout the house, closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and sang my heart out.  What a release I felt!  Wow.  God has never left me.  He's here --holding me and carrying me through.
*I was so desperate for some "me and God time" I forced it:  KJ was at the table, 8 ft away, doing schoolwork.  Liam was on the floor napping, 2 ft away.  And Elly was only centimeters away from the back of my neck, hanging out in the Boba.

I'm so very, very, thankful for the life I have.  I have three beautiful blessings and a hard-working husband.  However, it seems as though I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything.  I'm not sure how to find that perfect balance.  Does it even exist?  Or is that what life is --searching and readjusting, constantly, and making the best of everything along the way?  Because, just when you think you have it . . . BAM!  Everything changes and it's time to start all over again.

 I feel like I suddenly have a thousand and one things on my plate and it's finally weighing me down...  I try not to complain (Chris might feel differently about this. Ha!) and I really try to stay loving and positive in all situations.  But, seriously, can I get some 'Personal Time Off' or 'Vacation Time' -even if only for an hour or two?  (I don't even know what I would do IF I had some 'time off' but laying still, staring at the ceiling, without a SINGLE interruption, really would feel like a mini vacation!)  In this new chapter of life, I either need amazing strength to continue pushing through; or I need to figure out a positive and loving way to get everyone on board and pull some more weight around here.  Or I'm afraid I just might seriously crash and burn very soon.  Hm, maybe a little of both?!

You know, I had always heard how going from one child to two children is the hardest adjustment and then adding a third is so easy.  But what about going straight from one child to three children?  Is there some kind of crash course, or Cliff Notes, for this kind of transition?!  Can't we just eat out or order-in for every meal?  Oh, and let's throw in house cleaning services while we're at it!  Wait, do they include laundry services too?

What's your household and family flow like?  Do you have any tips/solutions that you've learned along the way?  I'm sure it could save me some weeks, months, and even years, of trial and error!

Breastfeeding: "it shouldn't be painful".

It sure IS painful, extremely painful, when one twin has had latch issues for five weeks and the other twin spontaneously develops an 'Epstein Pearl' on the front outer part of her lower gum!  It's just been one painful challenge after another.

Liam is starting his second week of bottles.  :(

The frenotomy went well. The doc only snipped the thinnest part of Liam's frenulum.  It released some of his tongue-tie, but, in my opinion, not all of it.  The doc didn't want to do too much cutting so that it wouldn't be too painful (they do not numb the area for this procedure! 😳😢. Poor baby --but the doc says the skin is still super thin, at this age, and doesn't cause much pain at all).  Liam slept through the procedure. He only woke to cry when the doc stuck his fingers in his mouth to lift the tongue.  As soon as the doc took his fingers out, I mean immediately, Liam would doze off again!  I was so shocked; but prayers were definitely answered! 💕 Liam wasn't bothered by it one bit.  (Thank you, everyone, for all the prayers for Liam!)

However, getting him to nurse/latch on is still excruciatingly painful for me and is not successful.  I'm so scared to keep trying because every time we "try" (I work and work and work to get him to latch on and when he finally, painfully, latches on, I try my best to deal with the pain to give Liam a chance to "get the hang of" it: open mouth, latch on, suckle, "I get milk!".  Not sure what else to do at this point. I end up injured and it makes it difficult to then nurse Elly, who latches on just fine. 

I'm in a tough place. I want to nurse Liam; but I don't want to go through the excruciating pain I experienced for three straight weeks (it got worse and worse over those weeks).  But at the same time, I'm heart-broken to have to bottle feed Liam while Elly gets to breastfeed. And then I'm worried that I'm going to eventually run out of milk from my "NICU supply" (pictured below) and not be able to keep up with nursing Elly and pumping enough to keep up with Liam's bottle feedings. 

Any and all suggestions are welcome.  I've searched and searched for any info and suggestions, online; but I have found nothing about this exact situation. I know I'm not the only one... But I just haven't found a solution that works -yet.

God willing, either Liam will get the hang of nursing properly, or I'll find a way to have peace about bottle feeding one baby and nursing the other :(.  (But then there's always the huge concern about supplying enough  breastmilk for Liam's bottles.)

Help!