Third pregnancy, fourth baby | Week 7: Pee sticks, nausea, and more pee sticks.

How far along?

7 weeks on 1/27/15

How big is baby?

About the size of a blueberry.  Or about the size of a cuff link.

How am I feeling?

Super excited and still in a huge state of disbelief.

I decided to do what I highly suggest no one do... but I did it anyway.

It's a little difficult to accept... again.

Life has been feeling very "normal".  I've been loving everything so much --gardening, playing outside with all three kiddos, running errands, taking the kids to visit my parents... Everything was feeling so 'uppity'.  So, why?  Why must endo force its ugly self back in so horribly?

I realize, now, how comfortable I had become, not dealing with the daily challenges of fighting endo.  I dealt with episodes throughout my entire pregnancy.  Even after delivery, it came and went, it altered what I could and couldn't do.  But over the past week, I've realized how minimal it was, compared to what it has been in the past.  This past week has reminded me how far I've come, how my pain tolerance has changed, and how
paralyzing endo episodes can be.  I had actually forgotten.

The many roles...

To the housekeeper:

You've really been slacking.  I can't stand it around here any more.  You kept the place so nice and clean for about three weeks and then you stopped.  I don't know what happened, exactly.  I mean, I hear that your health has major ups and downs.  I hear you deal with chronic pain -which leads to your random exhaustion.  I'm assuming my housework isn't your only job...  Oh, yeah, I know you have kids and all.  I know they keep you up to odd hours, when you would normally be sleeping.  I'm just not sure what to do at this point.  I mean, I need you to step it up, suck it up, and get back on point.  The rest of my family, obviously, has much more important things going on.  I mean, you must continue picking up and taking out the trash every single night.  You must  keep the dishes and kitchen clean, at all times.  You are the sole dish washer around here, don't forget that.  Oh, and don't just leave the laundry laying around!  The clean clothes can't just get piled in the laundry room.  You have to actually fold and go put each piece away, exactly where it is needed (if you set it out in nice piles for each person to take on their own, it won't ever get done and they'll just end up getting thrown back into a pile).  No one has time for all that;

You're unwelcome here

Dear Endo,

I do not appreciate the fact that you force your way into my life.  I have had enough of you already; yet, you just continue to take, take, take, from me.  

Today, for instance, you took advantage of the fact that I was already flustered, packing up, trying to take a road trip.  You thought it was great timing to disrupt my activity.  You put a sudden halt to everything.  All I was doing was buckling up some car seats.  What is supposed to be such a simple task led to gut wrenching pain (shooting down my hip --it felt as if someone was trying to twist my leg right off!).  I refused to move while you overstayed your unwelcomed visit.  I sat and tried to ignore you, but you were determined to get my attention.  The overwhelming hot flash kicked in when the pain hit its' peak and my blood pressure rose as I sat, flustered, in pain. 

I guess it's just not enough for you that you have already forced your way into the last 19 years of my life, bombarded my life with infertility and then secondary infertility.  You limit my everyday 'normal' activities and you wedge your ugly self in my intimate life as well.  Don't you see, Endo, you're not going to win?!  I refuse to let you drag me down.  Sure, you get my undivided attention when you want, but it doesn't mean you rule my life, you know.  Some day, somehow, some incredible discovery will come around and I, along with many, many, other women, will not only cry tears of joy as I rid you from my life for good, I will laugh in your face, sing and shout with joy, and I will never, ever, EVER, have to sit back and let you push me around again!

I'll never give up.
Yours truly,

Michelle/Endo Warrior/Daily Survivor/Mom of three beautiful miracles

Week 29: Butternut Squash and Dessert

How far along?

29 weeks on 4/18/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of a butternut squash.

*Our most recent scan, on 4/16, showed that baby girl weighs approximately 3.7 lbs and baby boy weighs approximately 3.3 lbs.

How am I feeling?

Large and exhausted.  I'm pretty much always sleepy now.

Weight?

+24
(didn't change -yet.)

What do I miss?
I am definitely missing having more energy.  Still, in my head, I'd love to get up to do a number of things around the house and out and about.  However, my body just wants to sit back and rest.  

Symptoms?
Nausea and no appetite creep back here and there.  Restless/sleepless nights.  Annoying endo.  Some very mild swelling has started showing up (but I'm so happy I can still wear my wedding rings!).  Is outgrowing my clothes (again) a symptom?! —oh and new stretch marks.

Cravings?

dessert items. Chick-fil-a.  nuts (walnuts, almonds, pistachios, etc).  Milk.

Highlights of the week?
I had a prenatal appointment with my midwife.  Everything is going well.  :)

I got to see our babies, at our specialist appointment.  I was only able to get a photo of baby girl because baby boy was not cooperating during the scan.  Also, the sono tech complimented me very nicely.  She said that she always enjoys when I go in because I am always so happy and in such a great mood.  It sure made my day! :)  Everything went really well at that appointment also.  Praise God!  I couldn't be happier about how everything is going!!

I took a trip to Austin, to visit my sis and her family.  I haven't done that in a very long time.  Driving the whole way was tougher than I expected.  I'm used to Chris doing the long distance drives right now.  By the time I arrived to her house, I was ready for a nap!  —but me oh my, I had my fill of the yummiest homemade veggie pizza.  I really hope that my pizza cravings are done.  haha

On the way back home, KJ and I enjoyed some quality time.  It really was nice to be able to do something like that.  :)

KJ acting like a horse for her cousins, during our Austin trip.

Belly watch:

Week 28: Kabocha Squash and Embarrassing Meltdown

How far along?

28 weeks on 4/11/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of a kabocha squash.

And according to my What To Expect phone app, the babies are "as big as a small cabbage (17 in, 2.9 lbs)". 

*I'll get an approximate measurement of the Twinkies, on Tuesday, April 16th.

How am I feeling?

Emotional —a roller coaster of highs and lows.  :(  I'm also feeling extremely HUGE lately and so exhausted.  I still enjoy going out and doing things; but I get so tired very easily.  I'm hungry right after I eat. lol  And... I'm not feeling very ready for the quickly approaching due date!  I just want to be pregnant FOREVER (right now).  haha!

Weight?

+24
(Eeek! . . . the additional 24 pounds gained during this pregnancy isn't what gets to me —it's the brand new digits I saw on the scale.)

What do I miss?
I miss moving around without huffing, puffing, moaning, and groaning.  Seriously, even I get annoyed.  lol  I can't even imagine how annoyed Chris must be.  Poor guy! 

Symptoms?
Heartburn/acid reflux.  Sensitive asthma. Endo :(  It's been at it's worse, so far (coughing, laughing, blowing my nose, rolling over, standing up, sometimes even just walking...) —and I can't take my regular meds! :(
*Still, none of these make me feel anything less than grateful, thankful, and completely blessed!

Annoyances?
Our A/C has been acting up and we had to leave it turned off for 3 whole days! (and we are still working on getting someone to come out and see what's wrong.  Thankfully, though, the weather has been great the past few days.)  The third day, Wednesday, was the absolute worst —it got up to 81º in the house.  I had all windows open, fans blasting, I was down to the bare necessities, of clothing, while still being decent enough for anyone that might catch a glimpse through our wide open windows. 

Out-of-control EMOTIONS!!!  Wow.  Talk about 'crazy pregnant momma' over here.  :(  I hate to admit this, but it's true . . . I cried over pizza a few nights ago.  I was at my limit, emotionally, due to extreme heat (day three of no a/c in the house).  I was just mentally and emotionally tired.  I was excited to hear that Chris was picking up pizza.  I specifically asked for a VEGGIE pizza.  I had listed the veggies I was most interested in, the previous night AND again, over the phone, before he went to order the pizza.  Chris arrives and I am already drooling over the thought of yummy cheese, sauce, bread, and all the veggie options... I sit at the table, open the first box:  half cheese and half pepperoni with pineapple.  That one must be Chris's and Kryssa's.  I open the second box:  a full Philly cheese steak pizza.  The tears build up.  A lump forms in my throat and my stomach turned immediately.  I felt like a starving momma bear about to roar in the most scariest and loudest way possible.  I held it together and prayed for love and kindness.  I didn't want to snap at Chris, when I'm sure he meant well.  Although, I had NO idea how he could miss my request for VEGGIES.  (he ended up saying that he thought since I had previously liked the Philly pizza that I would be okay with it.  But then he also said that it was a 'two-topping' pizza and each additional topping was like $1.50.  So, I'm still confused as to which is the real reason I didn't get my veggie pizza.   lol).

I can totally laugh, in embarrassment, now, at the fact that I literally cried like a child over not getting the pizza I so desperately wanted.  Quivering and pouting lip while tears streamed down my face...  I don't think anything like that has EVER happened, as an adult!!! lol  And I really hope it never happens again.  I tried so hard to shake it off -but I just couldn't manage to bypass the tears and emotions.

Cravings?

'Hand-tossed', Cheesy-VEGGIE Pizza (lol).  Ice Cream. Donuts. Bean and Cheese tacos.  Anything spicy.

Highlights of the week?
KJ's 'Spring' soccer season has begun!  I LOVE seeing her so excited about it.  She had her first game on Saturday.  They lost; but it's all about the experience. ;)

I had to go for a 3hr blood glucose test... and I passed!  Praise God!

It's getting quite interesting now, how random people will stop and ask when I'm due.  I happily tell them "July fourth" and the looks and remarks have all been great! ;)  this week, I heard, "That must be a really big baby!  You look like you're due any day now!".  Of course, I end up sharing that I am carrying twins.  That puts them at ease . . . until it really sinks in and then they go right back to the look of "oh my!".  hee hee  It's actually quite fun/interesting and making this pregnancy even more enjoyable.  ;)


We got to see Disney On Ice, Rockin' Ever After —just the 'three of us'.  It won't be 'the three of us' for much longer and I really want to do a few more great outings, while I can, before the babies arrive.  We had SUCH a great time at the show!!!

Belly watch:

Week 24: Cantaloupes and Endo

How far along?

24 weeks on 3/13/13
(6 months!)

How big are the twinkies?

According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of and ear of corn.  We should find out on Wednesday, March 20, an approximate size or weight —we have another appointment with the perinatologist.

How am I feeling?

I've still been feeling really great!  I absolutely love every single movement I feel (which has been a LOT lately).  I'm in love with my baby belly (although really scared of what it will look like after the babies arrive. lol!).  So, this week, I've felt GREAT! 

Weight?

+15

(SLOW DOWWWWNNN!!!)

 I'd love to think it's the babies growing and growing away.  However, I can't really help but think that I give in to waaaay too many junky yummy foods.

What do I miss?
I miss having my emotions under control.  Things change out of nowhere! And it's really tough, sometimes, to sift through everything and level things out again.
I miss "me" time.  Somehow, I think I got more "me" time before this pregnancy.  I don't know how because I was working at home and still homeschooling.  So, I don't see how I had anytime for "me" time.  Although, now, I feel like I have absolutely none.   
*Maybe it's that I'm making more of an effort to not tell KJ "mommy needs quiet time"; which normally got her to go play up in her room.  I'm trying to get as much mommy and KJ time as I can right now.  I don't want her memories of 'before babies' to be of mom always sending her to play in her room.
I really need to find a healthy, sane, balance —ASAP.

Symptoms?
Serious indigestion, heartburn, and acid reflux.  I've also noticed nausea creeping back in.  But I'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that baby girl is all up in my stomach area.  She bumps, kicks, and wiggles against my stomach and it causes all this crazy stuff to happen.  (have you ever had a belly full of water/liquid and jumped around or wiggled too much?  You know that sloshing feeling?  Yeah, that's what I feel, after I eat, with every movement she makes.  And I know I need readjust the amount I'm eating —again.  I need to eat less of a serving at once, now that babies are taking up more space.
The hip pain I I've been experiencing during sleep time is now creeping in to my waking hours.  :(  But I do manage to push through the pain, for now, because I don't want it to stop me from doing the little bit that I can.

Endo has been flaring up the most this week.  Very similar to what it was like before I was pregnant.  The pain just comes out of nowhere.  :(  No warning.  No cause.  Just horrible stabbing pain —in the same 'ol areas.  (I use those moments to focus on what I'm feeling and remind myself that I can get through that pain —just as I have done for so many years . . . like it's some kind of training, preparing me for my birth goals.)  I also remind myself that battling endometriosis, while pregnant, feels so much more worth it.  Like a big nasty slap in Endo's face. ;) hee hee!  Take THAT endo!

Cravings?

Sushi.  Pizza.  Milkshakes and fries (yes, together!).

*Why can't it be carrots, broccoli, and other healthy foods?!

Highlights of the week?

I survived a [short] trip to Sea World.  I never thought I'd be able to handle the walking... but I did!  Thanks to a great friend and her two kiddos. :)  Between feedings, snack time, diaper changes, potty breaks (mine included), nap time, kiddie-ride time, etc., there was plenty of "rest time".  It was the perfect way to survive Sea World!

Chris, KJ, and I took another trip to Ikea.  It was a much longer shopping experience than I had imagined and prepared for.  But I survived and we purchased the rest of the nursery furniture.  :)

Chris, being Super-Dad, building more furniture for the twinkies' room!

What we were doing while daddy built furniture.  :)

We had our very first prenatal appointment with Midwife R.  It was perfect and amazing!  

(look for the blog post [coming soon] to get more details.) 

Feeling the positions of the twinkies.

Belly watch:

18 weeks +6: Gender Scan/Prenatal appointment on 2/5/13

Quick Update:

Both babies are currently head down.  They were both major wiggle worms for the sono tech.  I did NOT accidentally see their genders!  Teeny weighs a whopping 10 ounces and Tiny weighs 11 ounces!!  According to their measurements, the EDDs for the babies are June 27th and June 30th.  Now, the actual due date won't change.  The EDD will stay July 4th.  All that means is that they are growing very very nicely!! :D  I want big healthy babies!! I want them to have a great chance of little to no NICU time, if they do end up coming earlier than they should.  But God-willing, I will join the Hall of Fame for carrying my twins to full-term! ;) hee hee.  Oh, and my cervix is still a nice length, I was told.  It's 5.1 inches.  (is that right?  is it measured in inches? lol.  I think I was still on cloud nine, hearing that they look fantastic and are growing perfectly --and that the contractions/braxton hicks that I have been experiencing do NOT seem to be changing my cervix; which was not the case with my first pregnancy.).  Praise God for such great news!!  :)

Our precious twinkies:  only Tiny was in a profile position.  Teeny insisted on laying back and giving only a bird's eye view of his/her precious little face.

I followed my directions and drank a minimum of 24 oz and did NOT pee for the hour I was drinking (all the way until after the sono —approx. an hour and a half.  I'm used to tinkling every 20-30 mins during the daytime, maybe 45 mins, max!).  Little did I realize (nor did they) that, with two babies, 24 oz is very close to impossible to hold in and stay comfortable.  :(  Endo flared up very badly from an extremely full bladder, and two wiggly babies.  It was all much better after about 15 mins of emptying my bladder.

Having my sis go to that appointment with me was awesome!  She seemed so excited and it made me even more excited.  We've shared some very special moments throughout our adult-hood, but I think this one stands out the most right now...  It means so much to me that she will be playing such a huge role in us finding out the genders of our twins! :)

Before we left the doctor's office, she was handed the very special, secret, envelope... and it turned out that she didn't even open it until the next morning.  I was surprised.  I thought she would have torn it open as soon as she arrived back home.  hee hee  I've been an anxious ball of nerves.  Tuesday seemed like such an incredibly LONG day.  Now, it's Thursday night and the reveal is only ONE DAY AWAY!  Oh, the excitement has been building.  —keeping me awake throughout the nights, teasing me in my dreams, and causing my mind to be even more forgetful than usual.  I am just beyond excited for Saturday...

What are we having... Two girls?  Two boys?  One girl and one boy? . . . ooooohhhhh, we'll soon find out!!! :D

***If you'd like to cast YOUR vote, you can do so, click here.***
Results will be posted around 7pm on Saturday, February 9th, on our Life Happens facebook page.

My sis with THE envelope!!!

Week 17: Onions and Hips

How far along?

17 weeks on 1/23/13!

How big are the twinkies?

 According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

 

How am I feeling?

 Very happy and excited.  LOVING feeling these babies move every chance I get.  I'm getting super anxious about the gender reveal coming up on Feb 9.

Weight?

Still at +4lbs.  I'm pretty sure, though, after this week, it will change.  We shall see...

What do I miss?

Sleeping on my belly!!!  There have been several moments where I think I'm just going to face plant into my pillow —and then remember that I actually CAN'T because I can't lay on my belly.  I've actually been forgetting that I have a baby belly and can't lay on it anymore.  It's crazy and it messes with my mind! lol

Symptoms?

My hips sure don't lie (corny, I know).  They are definitely preparing to birth two babies.  It's crazy how achy they are.  

My back seems to not be struggling with the bulging disc problem, that started last year, it's just struggling with the new tilt/shift from the growing belly.  

Much less endo episodes!
Braxton Hicks started already.  (I freaked out at first, since I went into preterm labor, at 25 weeks, with KJ; but then I learned that it is actually common with a twin pregnancy, to get Braxton Hicks earlier.)

Annoyances?

My hips... and my weird nerve in my back that doesn't cause pain, just causes the numbness and icy cold feeling on my left thigh.

Cravings?

Hard boiled eggs.  Greek yogurt.  Bananas.  Cantaloupe.  Spaghetti and meat sauce.

Highlights of the week?

We are basically finished with the crafting portion of the reveal party prep.  All we really need is to purchase the edible items.  We are in serious count-down mode!

I can feel the twinkies make all sort of movements.  It feels like they are turning and flipping, and the usual limb-spasms.  :)

Belly watch

Week 15: Snickers and Gender Reveal Planning

How far along?

15 weeks on 1/9/13.

How big are the twinkies?

 According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

How am I feeling?

I've been feeling sleepy and groggy.  I think my 'sickness' carried over to allergy issues.  ( I read that there is a such thing as "pregnancy congestion".  :(  Go figure!)  

I have been quite productive lately, with house chores.  That's a HUGE deal for me right now! 

I'm pretty hungry most of the day.  I'll eat a meal and then about 45 mins to and hour later I'm ready for a snack.  My mouth can't always handle all that munching.  I actually have moments where I am tired of eating!

Weight?

Okay, so I've finally hit the two pound increase.  I ended up keeping those ounces on and now the numbers are moving...

I have, however, not been as "good" about avoiding certain junk foods.  I think it's more of the little bit of this and that, here and there, that is finally adding up maybe?  I still check the nutrients of what I'm eating, to see if it's worth eating (protein, vitamins, etc.).  But I'll eat a little of 'this and that' just for the sake of eating something that I want vs what I or the babies need.  (shame on me, I know.)

What do I miss?

Sleeping on my tummy.  I can't even roll over, from one side to the other, without having to lift myself, on my elbows, to avoid rolling on my tummy.  

Symptoms?

Nausea only hit once this week.  Headaches and backaches come and go.  The worse thing, that has me really concerned, has been the paralyzing endo pains!! :(  I've been woken up by pain throughout the night or when coughing, sneezing, laughing, gagging (from brushing my teeth —happens every single time I brush.). 

Annoyances?

Chris's indecisiveness (about cloth diaper choices, gender reveal decisions...).  Maybe I was requiring too many decisions in one week?  Oh, and here's a pro and a con:  I still can't tolerate sweet stuff/sugary stuff all that much.  It's a good thing —so I don't always eat sweet stuff, like I used to.  But sometimes I just really want to enjoy something sweet.  I can't even tolerate more than a few slices of an apple.  I love bananas but I can't eat them unless they are practically ALL green.  I used to like them tart; now I need them to be tart.

Cravings?

Sweet Tea (that's not going to happen —because of the "sweet" in it and also the caffeine.).  Snickers candy bars (I've had some; but only a little at a time, so I can enjoy it).  Medium-well steak (since I read that all meat has to be thoroughly cooked, no pink, that's just not going to happen either).  I'll survive.  :)

I'm still loving cantaloupe and spaghetti with meat sauce.  (not together, of course!)

Highlights of the week?

I had a prenatal appointment on 1/4 and got to record the sonogram of the twinkies moving around.

Our Gender reveal party is set for 2/9. (Chris made some awesome invites!)  We are super excited to be able to buy and plan according to their genders.  

KJ is getting more and more excited about her baby siblings.  She loves on and talks to my belly every day.  :) 

*A few days ago, we were on a two hour car ride and I just mentioned to Chris how I wasn't feeling well, nauseated from the car ride, and she said, "Daddy, do you still have Cherrios in the car for mommy?  Mommy you want some Cheerios?  That helps you feel better!"... how thoughtful of her! ♥

Belly watch:

 

14 weeks, 2 days: Prenatal visit (disappointment and concern)

I had another appointment with my ob today.  Everything went really well!  I have been so happy that I got to see the Twinkies wiggle around and show off their arm, leg, and hand movements —during the sono.

The NT scan results came back —everything was great!

Now, here's the scoop...

I mentioned to the nurse, and then the doc, how I've been really sick since Christmas.  I mentioned how, in the 11 days of being sick, I've experienced a rising temp, severe headaches, chills, aches, trouble breathing —with a crinkling/clicking sound in my chest, junky cough, severe congestion that won't go away —no matter what I take, and the most recent has been severe, severe, severe, sinus pain!  (feels as if I'm being jabbed way up in my nostril with a flu test swab.)  :(  All of this is really sick for me.  Completely out of the usual.  All Dr. R said was that it sounds like I had the flu (even though I only had a slight temp for a day —which I find it hard to believe it was the flu) and that it sounds like I have a sinus infection.  I even mentioned to him that, a few days ago, my heart was racing, with a pulse of 97 (yikes!  my norm, during pregnancy, is in the 60's), but normal bp, and that I felt my heart quiver out of rhythm several times —and that it came along with the horrible headaches.  Did he listen to my lungs?  No.  Did he look up my nose with the light/scope?  No.  Did he listen to my heart rhythm?  No.  What did he do?  He said that he was going to prescribe me Penicillin and Nasonex, and he added "they are safe for the babies".  Now, how does a doc not thoroughly check a pregnant mother before prescribing meds???  I have no idea, but I am not comfortable with this.  :(

I don't understand how checking my weight, bp, and urine, is thorough enough, especially since I have been sick for so long.  Yes, there's junk going around and I "must have" caught something.  But isn't it important to figure out what I may have caught?  Is he just that good that he diagnosis just by my words alone?  :(

I've really loved having him as my doc, when it came to treating me for endo; but this makes me uneasy now since I'm carrying two additional little lives right now.

Is this normal?  Does an OB not listen to heart sounds and lungs as part of the routine check up?  I told Chris, "What if I had pneumonia or something?!  How would he know?!" (not that I really think I did —but the way my breathing sounded, it was really bad and painful).  Chris thinks I'm just over reacting.  His response to my concern was, "It's the same as if I went to my cardiologist and expected him to check out a pain in my foot."  I, personally, don't agree; but maybe I am over reacting.

What are your prenatal visits like?

Week 13: Peaches and Spaghetti

How far Along?

13 weeks on 12/26/12

How big are the Twinkies?

According to the The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:
 

 

At our last sono, on 12/24, the Twinkies were measuring just a hair away from 3 inches.  (showing that they are two days ahead)

How am I feeling?

I am finally feeling "normal" again.  Yes, I still have days where I'm tired; but most days, and most of each day, I have a desire to get something done or go out and do something.  It's way different from a few weeks ago.  My mood is normal.  My emotions feel much more calm (besides the tears).  I strongly believe that it has a lot to do with also finally feeling like this is real and happening now.  I don't have constant concerns about every little thing.  I feel the Twinkies a lot stronger now.  So, I feel that everyday, all day, I'm reminded that I am indeed pregnant with twins;  I won't wake up one day and have 'this dream' to tell Chris.  

I feel completely blessed and thankful!

Weight?
  At my prenatal appointment, on 12/24, the scale actually showed that I went back down a half pound!  (Let's see what happens this week while our family enjoys some vacation time together...) 

What do I miss?

Having a drawer full of underwear to choose from.  Yeah, a bit silly, I know.  But it's something I've been missing lately.  I'm kind of tired of the same 'ol maternity underwear (even though they are super duper comfy).

Sleeping on my tummy.  Have I already mentioned this?  It's a big one for me.  I was a tummy sleeper and it's tough falling asleep any other way.  I do, however, wake up, every now and then, on my belly.  I freak out, feel bad that the Twinkies might be smushed, and then realize they are still okay.  :)

Symptoms?

Insomnia.  :(  Stuffy nose.  My lower back issues are flaring up.  Headaches.  Heartburn and reflux.  Endo aggravating me and flaring up way too often.

Annoyances?
Routine doctor appointments.  I understand they need to check on me and the babies; but do I really need to go in to the office to talk about what prenatal vitamin I'm on and pee in a cup, again, to confirm that I'm still pregnant?  My first prenatal appointment was a complete waste of time, I felt.  First of all, it was Christmas Eve morning.  I waited almost an hour.  I got a canvas tote bag, with the practice's name on it (so it's definitely something I'll never use again), filled with pamphlets and magazines that I don't need.  I didn't even see my doctor that visit.  It was just a nurse visit and we went over my, and Chris's, personal and family medical history.  We were briefly told about the prenatal testing that is recommended with each trimester... Something that could have been done at my first visit with my doc, or the one that is coming up.  I don't know.  I just don't want to overdo going in to the office when everything is going well. 

Cravings?

 Cantaloupe.  Spaghetti and meat sauce!!! Dunkin Donuts.  Barbacoa breakfast tacos.

The only thing I have given in to, so far, is the cantaloupe, once, and the spaghetti, once.  I do, however, plan on getting a lot more cantaloupe!!  ;)

  
Highlights of the week?
We went to Ikea and bought the cribs! :D   

Getting my 'good-mood' energy back has been such a wonderful feeling this week!

Another highlight was definitely when my mom went with us to our sono appointment, on the 24th.  It was her birthday and we thought it would be a great experience for her to remember.  It was wonderful having her there with us, sharing that joyous moment.  

 Belly Watch:

IVF #1, Day 38: "5 weeks 5 days" of pregnancy

We are only three days away from our first pregnancy ultrasound!

I keep saying "pregnancy ultrasound" because I have had so many "non-pregnancy" related ultrasounds —so I just want to be very clear about it.  hee hee ;)

Last night, we were looking online at some really cute "Big Sister", "I'm going to be a big sister", and "Only Child —Expires [due date]" shirts.  We had planned on buying one and gifting it to KJ this Friday, as long as the ultrasound showed happy results.  We looked on Etsy and found some great ones . . . I got all emotional! lol.  I just couldn't help it!  The thought of KJ opening up an unexpected present and then seeing, and reading, one of those shirts was too much for my emotions.  However, after realizing that, first, we don't know for sure if we are correct on the estimated due date of July, and, second, what if we jump too soon and then get stuck with a shirt that says "July 2013" —and not get the news we are praying for on Friday...?  I know that I am "supposed" to be thinking positive, but I am also trying to stay very realistic.  I don't want to get my hopes and excitement up too high only to then have to gather emotions and deal with the complete opposite.  I'd rather just wait before getting 100% excited and ready to celebrate.  You know?

So, we decided on another great "suprise" gift for KJ, after we see what the ultrasound shows.


Lately, my emotions have been everywhere!  I don't like not feeling in control of my emotions.  I'll feel real sad, depressed, frustrated, irritated, anxious, etc., for no specific reason.  Now, when I feel full of joy and happiness, I know there's a very specific reason ;).  I have been doing my best to keep my emotions calm and comfortable to be around (lol).  I'm not too sure how well I'm doing...

Other Symptoms/Changes:

• Nausea still just comes and goes —mostly right after I eat.  
• (embarrassing symptoms: gas... too much! lol and I'm no longer "regular" and I don't like it!)  
• I no longer fit into my undies comfortably —along with my clothes :(  but I'm too hesitant to wear maternity clothes right now.  I'd feel so silly.  (I've gone up about 2-3 sizes, all in about two weeks! :(  I don't think it's OHSS because I don't fit any of the symptoms, but the extreme bloating is ridiculous!)  But I'm sure I look pretty goofy trying to stretch my clothes out the way I have been.  haha So... I prefer to just hide out at home, inside.  *hm, maybe that has a lot to do with my low moods?! lol.  I'm just now piecing this together.*  
• Endo pain creeps in throughout the day and night if I put too much pressure on my belly (bending, laying, sitting, stretching out too much, etc).  
• Most confusing changes right now is a perfect tie between my taste being way "off", things just don't taste the same right now (jalapenos, my favorite did NOT taste right yesterday and even smelled like lettuce instead of spicy! lol.  Menudo used to be something I really enjoyed and now I can't stand it! :(  Oh, and I really don't like peanut butter right now —which is just NOT normal for me... I used to love peanut butter.  How sad.), and being sleepy all day but not being able to fall asleep at night... I just don't understand these changes.

Oh, and I just ordered a refill on my progesterone in oil, syringes, and needles, which will arrive tomorrow!  It feels awesome, and is such a blessing, to be refilling the progesterone because we are pregnant —not because we are prepping for a frozen embryo transfer (FET), which was our "Plan B" if the first IVF cycle wasn't successful.  Thank you Lord for every single day of this blessing!!


Chris and I have really come even closer together.  I really didn't think that was even possible right now.  We've been in such a great place in our marriage —I had no idea it could just keep getting better and better.  Praise God!!  **But we definitely aren't perfect.  Since my moods are everywhere, there have definitely been some moments of frustration, or losing our "cool", over silly things.  But the fact that things get resolved very quickly and we still feel all giddy and in love —that's the GREATness I'm thankful for.  Sorry if it's too corny . . .wait, nope, I'm not really sorry.  I LOVE being corny and in love with my husband!! :)


We are currently taking a poll on our Life Happens facebook page, asking what you think we will see on our first ultrasound, this Friday, November 9th: One baby?  Twins?  Triplets? or even More?  (wow)  Remember, it's all in fun; so stop by and place your vote!

IVF #1, Days 32-34: bloated like a blimp!

Day 32, 10/30:
I went in for my second Beta.  It didn't double but the nurse said that it is rising wonderfully.  :)

Took two 1 1/2 hr naps, trying to make it through the day.  I don't remember being so exhausted when I was pregnant with KJ.  (I'm thinking it may have a lot more to do with the daily Progesterone in oil injections.  I read a lot about "fatigue".)


Day 33, 10/31
Happy Halloween!  We were a nice concoction of fun.  hee hee!

Psy (Gangnam Style), a scarecrow, Cleopatra, a bumble bee, and a hotdog! :)

I also made my first "pregnancy" purchase, a "Beband" (to wear over my jeans, since I can't button them up anymore).  I like to think of it as "IVF bloating purchase" because the bloating has only gotten worse over the last week (my belly button is actually almost flush with my skin, because of the amount of bloating I'm dealing with!).  :(  I don't fit into my regular pants anymore.  Even the ones I bought a few weeks ago, to help ease my bloating discomfort!  I just look fat right now and all I'm reading about IVF bloating is that it doesn't really start to go down until about the time you actually start to show your baby bump... so, I'll look fat for a while and then just fatter.  LOL!  Trust me, I'm not complaining —just preparing myself for what I'll see when I look in the mirror over the next months.

Once my belly firms up a bit I'm sure it will ease my frustrations.  I just want to "feel" pregnant, instead of super bloated.  I look forward to that change!


Day 34, 11/1:
I'm so happy it's November!  October feels like it was all about IVF and this month, I look forward to everything pregnancy! :D  It's like a whole new chapter!!! (finally.  Praise God!)

I have to order more needles, syringes, and progesterone in oil.  That definitely feels like progress.  :)  It's much, much, better than having to re-order IVF meds (which I had been preparing myself for —just in case.).

I also have to figure out how to get out of this exhaustion funk.  All I want to do is sleep and lay down.  I have so much cleaning to do and no energy or motivation to do any of it.  My hubby works all day and I would love for him to be able to come home to a nice clean house... but lately, he's been coming home to one chore being partially done and finding me in bed.  I feel so bad.  :(

We are only eight days away from our first "pregnancy ultrasound".  It just seems so strange —the idea that there should be a baby (or two) in my uterus, this time around.  I can't even count the number of times I have had an ultrasound, due to endo, pcos, or IVF, over the last four and a half years, and seen an empty uterus.  I really have forgotten what it will be like to see life in there!!  We are SO extremely excited, and thankful to God, every single day!! :D

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I told Chris, "Hey hun!"
"What?"
"We're pregnant!"
In a very monotone voice, he responded with a very short, "yup."

lol.  He says he is past the point of not believing it anymore.  I guess I'm the only one still in the "I can't believe it" stage.  Oh well... maybe I'll believe it more once I see what's going on in there, next Friday.  :)

IVF #1, Days 29-31: Recap

Since we received the wonderful news, not much has changed.  I still feel like I'm talking crazy, saying, "I'm pregnant".  I don't "feel" pregnant.  I mean, yes, my body feels different, sore boobs and sore and tender lower abdomen (endo is way more sensitive right now, with every movement), I'm extremely exhausted all day every day, and some nausea and nasty indigestion has definitely kicked in.  Oh, and I'm struggling to fit into my pants because I'm soooo bloated! ...but it's not to an extreme where I feel it's not my norm (from IVF meds or endo).

I want to be super duper excited, but I'm still just a tad hesitant because it's all so surreal.  I wonder when and if it will ever feel real.

I will go in for my second Beta test tomorrow.  I'm praying that the numbers are doubling as they should.  If I get great news again tomorrow, then maybe I'll feel a little more like it's real?

KJ, still doesn't know because she made it very clear that she does not want to know until there is an ultrasound to confirm that everything is going well.  It's been really tough not saying anything in front of her.  We've been very careful about not letting her overhear our excitement or conversations.  I can't wait until we know our first ultrasound date so that I will at least know when we might be able to share the news with KJ.

Symptoms:

• complete scatterbrained and forgetful
• exhausted/sleepy/tired
• bloated
• indigestion and nausea
• super emotional
• hot flashes —right after my nightly progesterone in oil injection
• very sensitive lower abdomen (I assume it's due to endo, because of the pain)

Here are some other things that have gone on:

10:27:
When we got "the phone call", we were at La Cantera.  We had just left Build-A-Bear and we were buying a soft pretzel, talking about the two for one special they had going on.  I heard the phone ring and saw the caller ID . . . my heart started racing.

The nurse told me that my numbers looked "Fantastic", beta was 500, and that everything looked great with my progesterone level.  Then she said, "So, I want to say, congratulations!  You are pregnant."  I immediately said, "oh yay!! Praise God!! Thank you so much!!"

As soon as I hung up, I jumped up and down a few times, while gripping Chris's jacket, beginning to cry, and said "Hun!!!... She said everything looks fantastic.  My Beta is 500!!  Hun, it's real!!  We're pregnant!!"  (of course I said this quietly, but with a ton of joy and excitement.  I needed to make sure KJ would not hear.  She was off to the side, playing with some of her new stuffed pups —she was lost in her world of imagination).  Chris was so happy he stopped what he was doing, ordering or paying for his pretzel, and hugged squeezed me.  It was a great moment.

Jokingly, he said "I just found out my wife's pregnant!", to no one in particular.  He didn't care who was around...  Yes, we got some strange looks from the lady that handed us our pretzel and drink, but we didn't care.  We were so giggly and excited as we walked back to the car.

Then we were off to Austin, for my nephew's first birthday celebration!

road trip to Austin

I knew I wanted to tell my mom and sis in person.  So, I waited until the party was over and everyone was gone (or at least at their car).  I shared the news with my mom and sis and it was perfect!  We all cried and hugged and it's that special moment you always think about.  :)
*If I would have waited one more minute, before telling them, Chris would have exploded from holding it in from 11am until around 4:30pm or so.  Lol  He was being so silly (we were joking that he was just like the "surprise lady" from SNL!! LOL




10/28:
As soon as I woke up, thanks to a picture on facebook, of sausage for breakfast, I was immediately wanting to eat bbq sausage links and egg.  Here's the really crazy part... I don't really like sausage.  I'll eat it when it's covered in mustard, wrapped in bread or a tortilla.  But Sunday morning, I really, really, wanted some blackened bbq sausage with a side of scrambled eggs.

Chris stopped at HEB, on his way home from another errand, and he bought some sausage links.  I cooked them exactly how I wanted and I enjoyed my plate of sausage links and eggs.  I didn't want anything on the sausage, not even mustard.  It was just perfect!  —and then the nausea kicked in...

In the evening I was forced to go to Fiesta Texas (lol).  I say forced only because we had to go get our passes done so that we wouldn't miss out on the free upgrade/perks, that ended on Sunday.  So, KJ and met Chris out there.  (he had already been out there with a friend).

I was nauseous the entire time I was there.  I couldn't ride a single ride with my KJ :(.  It was so frustrating.  The only thing I could tolerate was sipping on my ice cold water.  Oh, and everywhere we walked, there was a strong smell of people, turkey legs, roasted corn, popcorn, hamburgers, pretzels, etc... and did I mention people!! Ugh!  It did not help!

Visiting Fiesta Texas for the last night of Fright Fest

Once we all got home, and I got my nightly injection, Chris went back out with his friend to a haunted house.  KJ went to bed and my bff came to visit!  :)  It was so nice to have some girl-time in a quiet house.  She gave me such a sweet and thoughtful gift:

"morning sickness relief kit"
Includes: Ginger chews, Peppermint oil, and Sea-Bands.  :)

10/28:  Info I was reading in one of the [many] books my sis lent me.  Our embryo(s) will be 22 days this friday, 11/2!!  The early stages of life are truly amazing!

IVF #1, Day 25 & 26: We're pretty convinced...for now.

Yesterday and today, our minds accepted the fact that we are "currently" pregnant —according to our hpts!!

It still feels like crazy talk if I just flat out say "I'm pregnant".  I've been dreaming about these days.  The days when I take an hpt, see the two beautiful pink lines, and run out to Chris, crying and saying, "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!".  However, that's not how it's gone down.

Chris says that it's "no surprise" because we transferred two embryos into my uterus.  I, too, agree that it's not really a "surprise" —but I still really think it feels so unreal... like a really long, very realistic, dream.

Yes, we still know it's super early, and that things can change from one day to the next, but for now... we are pregnant and as happy as can be! :)

Saturday, we will go for my blood work and get our results later in the day.  I'm praying that our blood results match with our hpt results.

**side note:  yesterday, we asked KJ when she would want to know "the news", if we ended up pregnant.  I asked her "would you want to know right away or would you want to wait until it's a bit more certain, like with a first sonogram or something?" (because we have talked with her about "pregnancy loss".  She understands what it all means, but we understand that she is still just a child, and a loss of that type would be tremendously hard for her.)  Surprisingly, she said that she would rather find out once it's more certain, with a first sonogram.  I told her what a mature decision that is.  (I was really surprised.  With as much as she talks about it, just about everyday, I really thought she was going to say she wanted to know asap.).  It's going to be very difficult for me to NOT spill the beans too soon!!!  lol

How I've been feeling:

• Not too much of a headache today —just off and on for a little while.
• Super sleepy.  I just want to stay in bed all day (but I can't.)
• Still super thirsty, all day long.
• More endo pains and pull-like feelings in my lower abdomen.  (I expected to feel something but I'm kind of annoyed with the endo pains right now.)
• Crazy sweaty-hot flashes
• irratable

I am still on nightly 'progesterone in oil' injections.  I did have to switch back to my right side last night.  My left side is a wimp and just can't handle the pain as well as my right side.  Although, tonight it REALLY hurt again.  :(  Maybe my butt muscles have just had enough!?  A one and a half inch needle piercing through the butt muscle, every single night, is pretty annoying at this point —but we will continue for as long as we need.  Anything to help the baby(ies) make it further and further!!

I still can't believe that the possibility of a little life (or two), growing inside of me, is real... like actually happening, right now... It's not just a dream anymore.  I'm so very very thankful to God.  Every single moment that we can continue this journey is a true miracle and blessing!!!

Here are our current hpt results:

IVF #1, Day 24: Well, well, well....what do you know?!

Tonight's line was.... DARKER!!!  :D

True excitement came out tonight.  I feel more confident that we are going to get the results we want.  We still know, because it's so early, that things can always change.  But tonight, we allowed ourselves to be giddy and excited.

Chris still didn't share any words or expressions of excitement.  How I knew he really was excited was when he immediately wanted to take a picture of yesterday's and today's tests, to show the progress between the two.  I told him I knew he was secretly excited and then I saw that little side-smirk he gives when he is trying to hide something... hee hee!!!

We are just super anxious to hear "official" results from our doctor, this Saturday.  Then I might feel comfortable saying the phrase, "I'm pregnant".  Right now, it still just feels so unreal.  All I can really say, comfortably, is "the test is positive" and "it's getting darker; that's great news!". 

Tonight was our 11th, consecutive, butt injection of progesterone in oil.  :(  (my left side really can't handle the pain the way the right side did.  I just might need to go back to the right side again.)

Today's symptoms:
major migraine all day long :(
severe thirst (no matter the constant water intake)
tight pulling on my ovaries (endo pain)
exhaustion (even though I really did nothing)

Oh, and last night, I actually didn't have any dreams, that I remember.  I tossed and turned all night long and got up three times to tinkle.

Counting down the days... super excited for Saturday's Beta test!

IVF #1, Day 19-22: The waiting game continues...

Tears, tears, and more tears...

I thought I would be emotional from the menopur, follistim, ganirelix, etc; instead, I'm emotional while on progesterone.  Is that normal?  I'm flustered often and feel "blue" most days.  So many thoughts run through my head and I work at staying occupied, to avoid more emotions and thoughts.

We are currently down to one car (and it's the one that is in worse condition) —Bummer!  Also, we are looking to re-home our adorable German Shepherd puppy, that we got for KJ.  —I feel so very sorry for KJ.  It's not her fault, nor the puppy's, that my health and capabilities are not where they need to be in order to raise a puppy, her size (approximately 35-40lbs, maybe more?).  I can't risk throwing my back out again.  I can't risk being layed out from severe endo flare-ups.  And most importantly, I can't risk, messing up this round of IVF over a pup —no matter how adorable and fun she can be...  The fact of the matter is that she is more than what I can do right now and I don't know what kind of limitations my future may hold.

On top of all the other stuff, I have not been working, so things are getting tighter and tighter right now.  I have to say, thankfully, we are in a very good place in our relationship, because last year, all these things, piled on top of one another, we would have been at each others throats, with intense silent treatments, daily —probably.  So, praise God for growth and unconditional love! 

We got through the first part of "the wait".  Now, we just have to make it 'til Saturday...  I really think this week will be tougher than the last.

I haven't been sleeping well at all —tossing and turning all night long, with sweaty-hot and shivering-cold flashes.  Also, I've been having very intense, uncomfortable, dreams (where I or my family are in danger).

Today is day 22.  We are still on 1cc of progesterone, nightly.  Tonight was the first night I needed to switch to my left butt cheek.  Tonight's injection was our 11th progesterone injection (10 were all on my right side, all bunched up in about the size of a quarter).  Last night, I think Chris passed through a blood vessel or something, because it's super duper sore AND has a puffy green bump (reminds me of when I used to pop blood vessels, on my wrist(s), when I used to play volleyball —but on my butt. lol)  It HURTS!!! :(

side effects that I've notice:
super sleepy (like needing several hours of a nap during the day to make it through 'til bedtime)
I get crazy "munchies"
Super thristy
sore "boobos"
very irritable
more random endo episodes
...so basically, it's like a very long stretch of PMS  (poor Chris and KJ!)

Sorry I haven't been blogging everyday, these past few days.  It just feels a little depressing that my only updates, really, are "very emotional again today"... lol  I hope it ends soon.

IVF #1, Day 20: Oh what a morning!

What a day it's been already!

Horrible endo pain woke me up at 5:32am.  I had been rolling around, in bed, trying to let it pass, hoping to just stay asleep.  But this was the kind of endo pain that makes you wonder if your ovary is about to explode!

The only way I can explain the pain, for those who don't know what endo pain is like, is... Imagine your ovaries are balloons.  Normally, you aren't even aware of where they are because you don't feel them in any way.  However, these "balloons" feel as though they are just tiny water balloons that someone is over-filling.  They keep stretching and expanding, fitting more and more water.  They felt as if they are to the point where they are riiiiight about to explode.

If you can imagine that kind of burning, stabbing, pulling, twisting, tearing, -like excruciating pain —that's the kind of pain that woke me up at 5:32am. And I'll tell you what caused it.  It might be TMI for some of you... (but if you've been reading my blog long enough, you'll know that my version of "TMI" might be some what different than 'the average bear's'.)  When my intestines fill up, as in, I have to "go potty", it causes endo pain.  When my bladder fills up, it causes pain.  When I empty my bladder, everything re-shifts and causes another episode of pain (most times).  When I "go potty", my intestines are now empty and re-shift and always causes another episode of pain.  Sometimes the 'before' pain is so much worse than the 'after' pain.  Sometimes the 'after' pain is so much worse than the 'before' pain.  And then sometimes they are both just as paralyzing.

I've been regretting not getting another surgery before IVF only because it won't "just go away" —unless someone lasers it out.  So, if I end up pregnant, which is exactly what we are praying for, I will have to fight these pains every.single.day. of my pregnancy, and for a while afterwards.  If we don't end up pregnant from this round of IVF, I feel very strongly that I will opt for a surgery first, to get rid of as much endo and lesions as possible, before starting a "FET", frozen embryo transfer (since we had one embryo survive long enough to be frozen!).

*endo pain and full episodes can also occur, for me, if I go from a sitting position to a standing position too fast (get up too fast), switch laying positions too fast, lean too far forward while in a sitting position (polishing toenails, picking something up from the floor, lean forward to tie my shoes wrong, do a full-body stretch (laying or standing —arms over head while both legs are straight.  Also, too much walking, standing, or movement (sweeping, yard work, vacuuming, mopping, or even recreational, etc.).  Sneezing causes pain, if I don't crouch down or curl up somehow, before, to brace for the forceful explosion, along with coughing, gagging (I do unfortunately have a very sensitive gag reflex and gag every single time I brush my teeth. lol).  And here's the real personal one... I'll share it only because I really try to spread awareness of how extreme endometriosis/"endo pain" changes a person's life.  After every single orgasm, I suffer with 20-45 mins of a painful endo episode (typical endo "episode": entire body tense from excruciating pain, have to focus on breathing to help keep nausea away.  When any extreme episode finally passes, I am EXHAUSTED, no matter how energetic I felt prior to the episode, and my whole body tingles from finally relaxing and getting good blood flow.)  Now, that really puts a damper on things, if you can imagine!  It's one thing to mess with my personal daily life, but it's really upsetting when it messes with my relationship! 

If you, or someone you know, experience anything similar to what I just described.  Please do NOT brush it off as "menstrual cramps" (because, yes, it does flare up even worse around 'that time of the month'); make an appointment with a doctor and tell them exactly what you experience and that you are concerned you might have "endometriosis".  And here's another important part to this:  if they don't do anything about it (look into it further) keep going to new doctor until you find one that will listen and take you seriously!!

I was 12 years old when I had my first signs of this horrible disease.  We thought it was just horrible menstruation — little did we, my mom, sis, and myself, know that "horrible" menstruation is the first sign to something being "wrong".  (I didn't get [correctly] diagnosed until I was 26!)  It's not normal. (now back to my blog... lol.  I just absolutely felt the need to share from my experiences and perspective.)


I got up to "go potty" and, a whole 28 mins later, the pain started to calm down.  I crawled back into bed, knowing that Chris's alarm would be waking him up in 30 mins and my alarm would go off in an hour and a half.  It took me an entire hour to fall back to sleep.  Thirty minutes later, my alarm went off.

KJ was the worse grump, when I went in to wake her up!  Cranky, yelling, complaining, whining, crying —very extreme this morning.  I did my best to help her be positive, but it didn't seem to do any good.  (I did my best to keep my blood pressure down and avoid "stress", as instructed after the transfer.)

We managed to leave on time and it was perfect —no traffic!  I had to be at RMA, Medical Ctr., by 9am, to get my progesterone level checked.  Everything was going so well... until my car started acting up.  I had already driven for 15 minutes; I only had another 10 minutes to drive, but I knew I wouldn't make it safely.  (my car refused to accelerate into fourth gear.  The engine just revs instead of jumping into fourth gear.  Then, at times, it would'n't even accelerate past first gear!)
   
"Don't stress...don't stress..."

There I was, 10 minutes away from my destination, parked in an unfamiliar neighborhood, crying.  I called and had to have my appointment moved to tomorrow.  I prayed and got back on the road, heading home, driving mostly in "2", second. —not "D"... that scared me too because I was afraid I was messing up my car even more, but that was the only way my car would accelerate enough to keep momentum.)

I reminded myself that there must be a reason for this —because on the way home, my car worked just fine, going into all the needed gears, most of the way.  If only I could have kept driving to my appointment!  It did, eventually, start acting up again when I was just minutes from my house, but still on the highway!

I made it home safely, by 9:17am, put some eggs in a pot to boil, and I'm now trying to "relax".  Car trouble is never a way to "relax" though. lol   

Today is "2dp5dt" (two days past 5 day transfer).  I have 9 more days before we test for pregnancy!


'To a better day!