Week 31: Pineapples and "baby parts"

How far along?

31 weeks on 5/2/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to TheBump, the babies are approximately the size of

*On 4/26/13, my fundal height measured 36cm, I believe.  And then on 4/30/12, my fundal height measured 41!  Baby girl is super high again —and seems to be loving it.

How am I feeling?

Same 'ol, same 'ol... large and exhausted.  My lower abdominal muscles feel like they are barely being held together, like they are "busted". lol  It's quite painful to walk now —but I'll do what I can to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy.

I'm also feeling super grateful, still.  I recently told Chris that, in the beginning of the pregnancy, I felt 5% like I was living real life and 95% like I was lost in a dream, so grateful, "pinch me I can't believe I'm really pregnant" state of mind every single day.  Now, I feel about 45% like I'm living real life and 55% like I'm still lost in a dream, "this is real?  this is really happening?" state of mind during my "real life".  I definitely have more moments where I'm just doing my regular routine, which is now resting, drinking water, and plenty of potty breaks —but then I realize, "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant!  Wow, this actually feels normal now...".  Sad thing is, we are coming to the end of the pregnancy already.  *But I'm just now getting used to being pregnant!  lol

Weight?

+30

What do I miss?
I miss being able to put on socks and tennis shoes, and tying them, without feeling winded, like I've run a mile [or more].  I guess I'm just missing all the 'little things' I used to take for granted: showering, dressing, walking, and getting up, with ease —etc.

Symptoms?
Again, same 'ol, same 'ol... nausea and no appetite here and there.  Restless/sleepless nights.   Super heavy belly (a bit tough to move around lately).  Extremely sleep/tired during the day.  Swelling is still very mild and rarely happens.   ...aaaand new stretch marks, again.  Oh, and the "nesting" phase has definitely kicked in; but I can't actually do anything! :(

Cravings?

Cheese and pretzels.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Anything chocolate: candy, baked goods, ice cream, etc.  Mmmm Chocolate!  Watermelon.  (I think I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack time!)

Highlights of the week? 
KJ and visited the Zoo with some friends (where I actually felt like a side show for all the non-mannered zoo guests!  I can't believe the stares, sorry looks, and even comments that came my way --from ADULTS!!!  I heard several gasps, and even giggles, followed by some form of "oh my gosh, she's huge!", "Oh my goodness, poor thing.", etc.  I'd just smile and keep walking.  But by the time I was on my way out, I was done even making eye contact with these people.  I just kept walking.  And I promise you that it wasn't just in my head.  These people were so annoyingly obvious, turning their entire body, watching me pass by.  —oh well, right?! ugh!)

 

at the zoo

Fiesta pinata for the elephant

at the zoo

A "bug hunt" at the zoo.

Resting after the zoo (with a pointy, lopsided, contraction)

Playing with the big 'ol baby belly.

playing with the big 'ol baby belly.

I got a haircut!  —It was well over due.  And Chris and I got to spend some "alone time" together.  It was so nice.  We didn't do anything super fancy.  We went to La Cantera, where I finally gave in to my growing belly.  I bought some new stretchy shirts that will hopefully last to the end of the pregnancy.  We enjoyed a nice yummy treat together (without hearing "I want some!  I don't want to share!  I wish I could have the other one..." lol).

btw, I did NOT eat all that frosting.  I had to scrap it off —way too much!

Okay, not much of a 'highlight' of the week; but definitely needs to be remembered... I finally got to the point of NO SHAME.  lol  I have refused to ride in an electric scooter, in order to grocery shop.  Normally I just tough it out, or I just don't go -and Chris does it all alone (which he actually enjoys!).  However, I wanted to buy what we needed, along with some prop items for our upcoming maternity photo session.  So, I went straight for the electric scooter and [slowly] zoomed my way around Walmart.  LOL!!!  yup.  I reached that point.  *Oh, how I wish I had the energy and strength to walk through Walmart.

We took our maternity photos this week!  :)  What a WONDERFUL milestone, since we missed out during our first pregnancy due to being on bed-rest, in the hospital, during the time we would have been taking photos.  There's a blog post with more details of that day, and our first 'sneak peek'/preview:  A great [sweaty and humid] day for maternity photos


We also did some more odds and ends in the nursery.

...and this is what KJ did...  lol!

This is what I was doing while Chris dove in to the "nesting" phase.  Eventually, I went to sit and "watch" him work in the nursery.

I got to attend Robin's midwifery class, where students had a chance to feel around on my belly and figure out that I had twins.  ;)  It was a lot of fun!  My favorite quote was "oh, I feel a back over here (feeling baby boy's back) . . . wait, (feeling around other areas on my belly) there are a lot of baby parts everywhere!" lol!  And then KJ's favorite part was getting to meet, and pet (uck!!), a wonderful furry 'pet' opossum!  (another pregnant momma that was there happens to work with wildlife, and had just come from a 'wildlife encounter' with the little (not so little) opossum.)

Weekly prenatal visits will start on Friday, May 10... wow!  We're here!!  It kind of feels like "the end" already.  :(  Yes, I'm uncomfortable, but I'm just not ready to be close to "done"; I love being pregnant.

Belly watch:

Week 28: Kabocha Squash and Embarrassing Meltdown

How far along?

28 weeks on 4/11/13

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of a kabocha squash.

And according to my What To Expect phone app, the babies are "as big as a small cabbage (17 in, 2.9 lbs)". 

*I'll get an approximate measurement of the Twinkies, on Tuesday, April 16th.

How am I feeling?

Emotional —a roller coaster of highs and lows.  :(  I'm also feeling extremely HUGE lately and so exhausted.  I still enjoy going out and doing things; but I get so tired very easily.  I'm hungry right after I eat. lol  And... I'm not feeling very ready for the quickly approaching due date!  I just want to be pregnant FOREVER (right now).  haha!

Weight?

+24
(Eeek! . . . the additional 24 pounds gained during this pregnancy isn't what gets to me —it's the brand new digits I saw on the scale.)

What do I miss?
I miss moving around without huffing, puffing, moaning, and groaning.  Seriously, even I get annoyed.  lol  I can't even imagine how annoyed Chris must be.  Poor guy! 

Symptoms?
Heartburn/acid reflux.  Sensitive asthma. Endo :(  It's been at it's worse, so far (coughing, laughing, blowing my nose, rolling over, standing up, sometimes even just walking...) —and I can't take my regular meds! :(
*Still, none of these make me feel anything less than grateful, thankful, and completely blessed!

Annoyances?
Our A/C has been acting up and we had to leave it turned off for 3 whole days! (and we are still working on getting someone to come out and see what's wrong.  Thankfully, though, the weather has been great the past few days.)  The third day, Wednesday, was the absolute worst —it got up to 81º in the house.  I had all windows open, fans blasting, I was down to the bare necessities, of clothing, while still being decent enough for anyone that might catch a glimpse through our wide open windows. 

Out-of-control EMOTIONS!!!  Wow.  Talk about 'crazy pregnant momma' over here.  :(  I hate to admit this, but it's true . . . I cried over pizza a few nights ago.  I was at my limit, emotionally, due to extreme heat (day three of no a/c in the house).  I was just mentally and emotionally tired.  I was excited to hear that Chris was picking up pizza.  I specifically asked for a VEGGIE pizza.  I had listed the veggies I was most interested in, the previous night AND again, over the phone, before he went to order the pizza.  Chris arrives and I am already drooling over the thought of yummy cheese, sauce, bread, and all the veggie options... I sit at the table, open the first box:  half cheese and half pepperoni with pineapple.  That one must be Chris's and Kryssa's.  I open the second box:  a full Philly cheese steak pizza.  The tears build up.  A lump forms in my throat and my stomach turned immediately.  I felt like a starving momma bear about to roar in the most scariest and loudest way possible.  I held it together and prayed for love and kindness.  I didn't want to snap at Chris, when I'm sure he meant well.  Although, I had NO idea how he could miss my request for VEGGIES.  (he ended up saying that he thought since I had previously liked the Philly pizza that I would be okay with it.  But then he also said that it was a 'two-topping' pizza and each additional topping was like $1.50.  So, I'm still confused as to which is the real reason I didn't get my veggie pizza.   lol).

I can totally laugh, in embarrassment, now, at the fact that I literally cried like a child over not getting the pizza I so desperately wanted.  Quivering and pouting lip while tears streamed down my face...  I don't think anything like that has EVER happened, as an adult!!! lol  And I really hope it never happens again.  I tried so hard to shake it off -but I just couldn't manage to bypass the tears and emotions.

Cravings?

'Hand-tossed', Cheesy-VEGGIE Pizza (lol).  Ice Cream. Donuts. Bean and Cheese tacos.  Anything spicy.

Highlights of the week?
KJ's 'Spring' soccer season has begun!  I LOVE seeing her so excited about it.  She had her first game on Saturday.  They lost; but it's all about the experience. ;)

I had to go for a 3hr blood glucose test... and I passed!  Praise God!

It's getting quite interesting now, how random people will stop and ask when I'm due.  I happily tell them "July fourth" and the looks and remarks have all been great! ;)  this week, I heard, "That must be a really big baby!  You look like you're due any day now!".  Of course, I end up sharing that I am carrying twins.  That puts them at ease . . . until it really sinks in and then they go right back to the look of "oh my!".  hee hee  It's actually quite fun/interesting and making this pregnancy even more enjoyable.  ;)


We got to see Disney On Ice, Rockin' Ever After —just the 'three of us'.  It won't be 'the three of us' for much longer and I really want to do a few more great outings, while I can, before the babies arrive.  We had SUCH a great time at the show!!!

Belly watch:

IVF #1: Random things to share

Of all the things to fill my mind, I found myself thinking, just now, "I really really hope that if the embryo(s) attach and become a pregnancy that I experience morning sickness!  Because then I know I'm pregnant!!" lol  I had not a single amount of morning sickness when I was pregnant with KJ.  Back then, I was super thankful and I loved it.  This time around, I wonder if I am going to feel like it's "not real" unless I feel some kind of huge change, daily...

I'm sure that's normal, right?  Crazy thoughts . . . hoping to become pregnant and be reminded every day.  Okay, maybe it's silly to some —but it crossed my mind and made me agree with myself.  lol

Something else that has happened and I forgot to mention in my daily posts:
The day that I was visiting my parents... last friday... Remember I mentioned spending the day with my parents and going out to some stores with them?  Well, we were shopping at Sam's Club and out of nowhere, we weren't even having a convo about IVF, Kryssa holds my mom's hand, looks up at her, and says "Grandma, maybe you should get IVF, too!!  Then I can have a baby..." she was about to say cousin but then I told her it would be her aunt —all while we were cracking up (and tearing up from laughing so hard) over what KJ had just said!!! LOL  My mom lovingly explained to KJ that God made women's bodies to not be able to have children after a certain age (but in my head, I was thinking . . . "hm, but IVF with donor eggs, and even sperm if needed, could work..." hahaha).  My poor child just want anyone to have a baby at this point.  She desperately longs for a little baby in her life, as do we.  :)

KJ has been involved with most of our IVF talks.  I've explained how it works (they take daddy's sperm and mommy's eggs and they fertilize the egg with the sperm.  Then they watch to see which ones are forming correctly and they will put one or two back into mommy's uterus in hopes that it attaches to the lining and grows into a baby... *I still am partially thankful that she has not asked, yet, how that normally happens without IVF.  I haven't had to explain how body parts come together and I really don't think I'm ready to explain that yet... is that wrong of me?  What if she already knows —because she knows about individual parts and has figured it out??  ugh!  I don't even want to think about it now...*   Okay, so, she knows that the injections I've been on are to help produce as many eggs as possible and she knows that the eggs are going to be retrieved on tomorrow, Thursday ... This morning, 6am, I go in to wake her up and, so randomly, she asks me, "Mommy?... are the eggs they are going to retrieve just like regular eggs, like the eggs we eat?"  My heart melted with love —over her child-like thoughts.  I love hearing her questions as she grows!  I giggled as I kindly told her "no" and then reminded her that they are super duper micro-scopic...  As I got ready for my appointment, I just kept laughing, in my head, thinking of KJ thinking about her mom filling up with these "regular eggs, like the eggs we eat"... LOL  I wonder if she thought I could lay eggs too. hahaha!

Last, but not least, I have been so overwhelmed with love towards our KJ.  She has been so considerate, loving, and helpful, in any way possible, during this whole process.  She has held my hand several times, when she would see me cringing from pain of the Menopur injection.  She has kept me hydrated —she loves to serve me ice water; I think, in her mind, it helps relax me (which it does because I love drinking ice water throughout the day).  Most nights, during injections, she would call out from the stairs, asking if she could watch —saying, "I can't sleep knowing you're getting your injections..."

This IVF cycle really has brought out the best in our family.  We don't know what the outcome with be —new baby or not.  But the journey alone, so far, has been such a blessing!  (not to mention the connections I've made with other people, so-called "strangers", that have traveled this same journey;  all the love, support, prayers, and encouraging words from family, friends, and fellow "IVFers"!  I am so grateful.)

IVF #1, Day 7: 10/5/12

Wow, what a day!  It started with rushing, through rush-hour traffic —again, to get to my 7:30am appointment.  Seven growing follicles on my right ovary and four on my left.  The largest measured at 12mm.  I had no idea they grow so quickly (two days ago the biggest was almost 8mm)

Dr. B told me to add the Ganirelix injection tonight and that I would need to schedule an appointment for tomorrow morning, just in case my estrogen level came back too high —not sure I really understood what that meant.  I just understood that they want to make sure I don't ovulate before Monday.  I ended up getting a call, later in the day, letting me know that my estrogen level came back just fine and I don't have to go in again until Monday.  By then, we should be able to get an 'egg retrieval' date.

Today was a rough day.  I broke. :(  I had been holding it together for 6 days.  However, today I was an enormous ball of emotions and had a messed up stomach and a horrible migraine —again!! (it was something like the fourth day in a row).  Luckily, my mom happened to have the day off today.  I went over and KJ and I spent most of the day with my parents!  Of course, we went to some stores (and I finally found some super comfy yoga pants that actually fit very well around the bloated belly AND in length, for my short legs —haha!) and then we hung around their house for a bit too.  To top it off, my mom invited KJ to spend the night!  I was able to come home and get a two hour nap —uninterrupted!! (well, besides my hubby calling to check up on me)

Tonight, we were supposed to take advantage of KJ being out of the house.  We had thought on having a nice date night, starting at 8pm or so and going all into the wee hours of the night.  However, my stomach was acting like it had some kind of bug (which it doesn't!); I think it's just the meds.  :(  Needless to say, we stayed home.  I thought it would be a good idea to get my injections over with —that was our "fun" for the night. LOL!  (aside from watching a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory)

I took a HUGE step tonight... I was able to give my own injections!!!  Wow, right?!  For me, it's definitely a HUGE wow!!  Oh, correction, I gave two out of three injections.   I did the Follistim and the Menopur.  The Menopur was horrible to give!!! :(  It hurts so much for some reason.  My hubby probably only takes like 10 seconds  (at most) to empty the syringe into my belly.  However, I, on the other hand, probably took an entire 45 seconds to empty it out into my belly!!! ahhhh!  It was not easy because every time the medicine pinched and burned I would stop and then go super slowly... I'm not sure I want to do that one alone anymore.  Okay, now the new one tonight, was a hilarious moment!  It had a thicker (larger?) needle.  It was still a short one, that goes in the belly.  But it just did not look super thin like the others.  I let Chris do that one because I wanted him to still be a part of it.  I had no idea he was not going to dart it in on the first try!! haha, yup!  He hesitated and started to go in slowly.  It barely poked in and then it just started to push against my skin.  He panicked and pulled it back out!!!  Seriously!! lol!  We exchanged a very interesting look as I told him, very calmly, to just dart it in there.  But... he still went in slowly and it did NOT feel good.  haha it was a thick needle.  He did, however, empty out the syringe in my belly very gently and it didn't hurt one bit.  It felt very strange when he pulled the needle back out.  I don't look forward to having to do this two more times (and then I hope we are done with that one).

So, today was an interesting concoction of emotions and events.  :)  *unfortunately, I've been feeling my hands and feet swelling since about 30 mins after the new injection (Ganirelix).  Not sure if I should call on-call doc or see what happens in the next half hour or so.

Oh, and endo did flare up this evening  (and late last night at bedtime)  :(  —before the injections.

Let's see what tomorrow brings (hopefully no migraine, crazy gurgly stomach, or swelling of my hands or feet)...

The Dogs and the Spiders —Uh, I mean, "the birds and the bees"...

Quick recap.

KJ was asking more in depth questions about why our new pup absolutely had to get spayed.  She already knows about the dreadful "cycle" (because she asked me why I needed special "things" when I go potty.  And then sometime later, also asked more about how babies are born.) so I mentioned how getting a pup spayed will also prevent the pup from having cycles (she already knew it prevents them from getting pregnant/having puppies).

Earlier, that day, Monday, she had been saying that she saw two spiders "mating".  I kept asking how she knew they were mating and she was very certain when she answered.  Something about the female being the larger spider and the male being the smaller spider and she saw it on some podcast or tv show.  She said that they were definitely mating because they were together like when spiders mate.  So, since it was on her mind, I guess that's why the other questions came later...?

So, on the day we picked up the pup, she asked if male dogs needed the surgery too and I explained, yes, but it's a different surgery, "preventing them from making babies" (I guess I kind of knew this would be coming sooner or later).  Then on Monday evening,  she asked again about why male dogs needed a surgery if they don't get pregnant.  I took a moment to think and just repeated what I had already told her —how it prevents the making of a baby.  So, since she was hooked on saying that she saw the spiders mating and that there would soon be baby spiders, I used that to help her understand.  I said something along the lines of Just like a male and female spider "mate" to make baby spiders, it's the same for dogs.  A male dog and a female dog "mate" to make baby puppies.  And the absolute best part of the night for me was when she then said, "Oh! (here I thought she was putting it all together, somehow, on her own...) So a male dog and a female dog use their special powers to make a baby?!?".  I literally laughed so quietly, and tried to not let her notice, that I ended up crying.  The tears probably also came once I realized that THE TALK was basically happening and I just wasn't sure how I felt about it.  Yes, there are many other things/details that take place with THE TALK —but not with a seven year old... or at least I hope she doesn't keep asking questions right now...

Then it got a bit more challenging, for me, since I was not about to let my child believe that we all have "special powers" that we use to make babies.  If I would have let her continue thinking that way, I'm sure the next thing out of her mouth would have been, "So why don't y'all have special powers??!"  LOL  So, when I told her "no", it let to the next question, "so how does a male dog make a baby then?".  I told her that it was a very good question and I would need to think about how exactly to answer that for her.  She went on about who knows what and then I decided just to give her the facts, as vaguely as possible??... long story short, I reminded her about how females release an egg, once a month —the whole "cycle talk" that we had already had— and that male dogs have what are called sperm.  I explained that they are super duper tiny and microscopic and that in order for puppies to be created, the sperm comes together with the egg and then it could form into a baby.

Next question, "so then are we like that too?"  (geez! the questions never ended!!) I simply answered "yes."  I reminded her about our "how babies are formed in the mom" talk that we had, hoping that she would NOT ask the next obvious question, HOW the sperm and egg come together!.  By this point, we were already out of the car, at our destination.  But she had just one more  question, "So, why haven't you gotten pregnant then?  do YOU not have the eggs?"...  :(

I'm glad she understood.  I'm glad I was able to calmly and very normally answer her questions, but I was a bit sad that she understands it enough to know that something is just not right with me.  We stopped, briefly, and I explained to her that my body just isn't working the way it should.  I told her, that for a while, I was on a medication that was supposed to help my body "make the eggs" because sometimes it's just not that easy for everyone.  I reassured her that it doesn't mean that I am "sick" in any way.  I told her that it just shows me how special and different we all are and how God has very specific plans for each of us.  I told her that I trust God and whatever he has planned for our family.  I gave her a HUGE kiss on the cheek and reminded her that conversations like that should be between her and mommy and daddy —that those kind of conversations could make other people uncomfortable; so we should keep it private.  She smiled and said, "I know, I know.  We won't talk about this inside." (we were about to go in to a restaurant).  I reminded her that she can always ask us anything and that I love being able to answer her questions.  :)

It was a very very bitter sweet moment.  I love the fact that we have made it regular conversation —nothing awkward or uncomfortable (even though I'm not always sure how much to answer, at what age it's appropriate.  I keep reminding Chris that if she doesn't get the answers from us, she is going to get them from somewhere...) and I love the fact that she knows she can ask us anything (I hope that lasts forever!).  However, it was a very very sad moment realizing that she isn't completely lost in her imaginative play-world anymore either —where dogs use their special powers to have puppies! ;)  hee hee

June 11, 2012 will always be remembered.

Here's to "Special Powers" as we continue on our TTC journey.  :)
(lol)

Say the right thing

I read this article and found it very informative, useful, encouraging.

In this article:
WHEN A FRIEND HAS A MISCARRIAGE
WHEN SOMEONE GETS DIVORCED
WHEN A FRIEND IS INFERTILE
WHEN A FRIEND'S CHILD IS SERIOUSLY ILL

Parents.com
Say the Right Thing

By Andrea J. Buchanan

It's hard to know how to help when a friend has a miscarriage or fertility problems, or is going through a divorce. Here are the best ways to tell her you care.


When a Friend Has a Miscarriage

Lisa Bertrand, of St. Louis, felt sad and alone after her pregnancy ended at nine weeks. Her friends and family tried to be supportive, but some of their remarks were piercing and painful. "One friend said, 'The baby must have had a lot of problems,'" she recalls. "To me, it sounded like she was saying, 'It probably wasn't a perfect baby, and so what's there to be so upset about?'" What helped was talking to a friend who cried with Bertrand when she told her the news. "That friend really understood how I felt, and I ended up being the one reassuring her, saying, 'Don't worry; I'll be okay,'" Bertrand said.

No matter how clunky their reaction, most people genuinely want to make a friend who's lost a baby feel better. "Even the most insensitive things that pop out of their mouth are usually motivated by an impulse to make everything okay," says Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. With a miscarriage, what often gets minimized is the depth of the loss -- or at least that's how it can feel to someone who is hurting. "Even a very early miscarriage is the loss of a baby, and that causes grief," Douglas says. In addition, a woman who loses a pregnancy often feels guilty, as if it's somehow her fault. Friends who don't acknowledge what happened can compound that feeling. "If you aren't sure what to say, just say, 'I'm so sorry,'" suggests Douglas. "It might seem generic, but in most cases, it's the most appropriate thing to tell someone."

Don't say...

• "It just wasn't meant to be." It's easy to be philosophical when it's not happening to you.
• "Are you going to try again?" When someone's grieving the loss of an unborn child, she doesn't really want to think about another just yet.
• "At least you know you can get pregnant!" Right. But she also knows she can lose the baby. Not something she wants to be reminded of.

Do say...

• "I'm so sorry to hear about what happened."
• "I'm here if you feel like talking about it."
• "Can I watch your kids or run errands for you? I'd like to help in any way I can."

When Someone Gets Divorced

My friend Sarah separated from her husband when their son was 4, and she was stunned when a casual acquaintance reacted to the news with a cluck of the tongue. "She said, 'Oh, your poor kid' -- as if I hadn't thought of him in all of this!" When Katie Allison Granju, of Knoxville, Tennessee, first told people she was parting with her husband after three kids and 13 years of marriage, a clueless friend asked, "Have you considered counseling?"

The common thread in these reactions is the assumption that a friend who's getting divorced is overlooking something. But odds are that she's been considering this move carefully for a long time. No matter how resolved she is about her decision, though, a divorce still brings out all sorts of feelings: anger, guilt, shame, sometimes even a sense of relief. "The best thing you can do is listen," says Randi E. Platt, a psychologist in private practice in Philadelphia. "Emotions run high when a marriage breaks up, and your friend needs someone who can help her deal with her feelings."

Don't say...

• "Was he cheating?" Never press for details -- it's none of your business unless your friend needs to vent.
• "Did you think about how this will affect the children?" Yes, your friend has probably thought about this far more than you can imagine.
• "My parents got divorced when I was a kid, and I used to wish they could get back together." Your story is not relevant -- unless your friend explicitly asks for your memories on this subject.

Do say...

• "I just called to see how you're doing and to tell you I'm sorry that you've been going through such a difficult time."
• "How are you holding up? Let me know if you'd like to meet for coffee."
• "You're going to get through this."

When a Friend Is Infertile

When Andrea Young, of Richardson, Texas, grappled with infertility she heard all the classics: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant." "My brother's friend's wife took vitamin E and finally got pregnant." "You could always adopt." She got so used to these kinds of comments that she almost became numb to them. "But some really stung, especially ones that implied infertility was a weakness on my part," Young recalls.
If you haven't dealt with infertility, it's hard to understand how consuming and emotionally challenging it can be. Someone who can't conceive often finds it tough to be around pregnant women and new moms -- and her feelings of self-esteem are probably at an all-time low. Infertility can put a strain on a couple's relationship, and the medical treatment itself causes emotional ups and downs. "It's important to be extremely sensitive to how difficult the situation is for your friend," Platt says. If she wants to share details of the ordeal, be available to listen. But if she doesn't offer information, don't pry. Above all, take cues from her about what kind of situations she can -- and can't -- handle.
Don't say...

• "I just know you're going to get pregnant soon!" Actually, you don't.
• "That's awful. You must be so depressed." It's presumptuous to assume you know how someone else feels. And a person in crisis doesn't need to be reminded of her pain.
• "My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!" Talk about bragging -- and rubbing salt in the wound.

Do say...

• "I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could help."
• "I'd love to hear about what's happening, if you feel comfortable talking about it."
• "Call me anytime if you need to vent."

When a Friend's Child Is Very Ill

Melinda Wenner Bradley, of Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, was shocked by how one woman reacted when she told her that her toddler had cancer. "She said, 'Aren't you terrified?' right there in front of my older child," Bradley recalls. "What I wanted to say was, 'No, I don't have time to be terrified. And even if I was, I wouldn't want my kids to know.'" Now that her son's prognosis is good, she encounters people who talk about how relieved she must be that his illness is over. "I know they mean well," Bradley says. "But the reality is, cancer isn't ever over. He'll be undergoing tests every few months for years."

People are usually eager to help when a friend is dealing with a medical crisis. But unless offers of help are specific, they can be overwhelming. Since your pal will be spending a lot of time at doctors' appointments and the hospital, let her know exactly what you can do: pick up her other kids at school, deliver a hot meal for the family, or send an e-mail update to friends she doesn't have time to contact. She'll need emotional support as well, so tell her you're available if she wants to talk. And make sure she knows that your offer to help is not a one-time thing. "Be there for her on an ongoing basis," Douglas says. "It takes months -- even years -- for people to come to terms with a major event like a seriously ill child. Your friend will appreciate having your support over the long term."

Don't say...

• "Oh, I know someone who had something like that, and he's fine." Unless it was exactly like that, please don't share. Also, never talk about kids who had a similar diagnosis and didn't make it.
• "I hope it's not terminal." Not something your friend wants to contemplate right now. And if she does, let her bring it up.
• "Is it contagious?" You may be concerned about your own kids, but this question sounds selfish and insensitive.

Do say...

• "I'm sorry to hear your son is in the hospital. I'd be happy to pick your daughter up from soccer practice so you'll have one less thing to worry about."
• "I've been thinking about you a lot. How are you doing?" Then make sure you really listen. There might not be anything more to say.
• "I can sit with you, do some online research -- whatever you need, I'll do it." Don't be afraid to throw out ideas. She might be too freaked out to think straight.

When Someone Says Something Hurtful to You

If you're going through a crisis, and someone makes a remark you find inappropriate, you have every right to cut the encounter short, says Susan O'Doherty, PhD, a psychologist in Brooklyn. Say something like, "Thanks for your concern," and then change the subject. Or, if you're comfortable being more direct, say, "I'm sorry, I don't really feel like talking about this."

Copyright © 2008 Meredith Corporation. Used with permission from the July 2008 issue of Parents magazine.

Who felt worse?

Today, our very good friend, Ciara, got married.  :)  I had the honor of singing during the ceremony.  I was nervous beyond belief (I haven't sung in front of others in waaaay too long) and when I got through the ceremony without passing out, I was ready to relax and enjoy the rest of the celebrations.

All that changed when we sat at a table, at the reception, and I was flat out asked, "So, when are you due?"  HA!!  I asked, "excuse me?!" (just making sure I heard her correctly) and she actually stalled a bit and then asked "are you expecting?" or "you're expecting, right?".  I, blinked, took a deep breath, smiled and kindly said "No."

I HATE SMALL TALK WITH STRANGERS!!!  I really don't like social events.  Must I explain any further?  People pulling random things out of the air -just to fill dead space.  Why must we talk?!  Can't we just sit at the same table and enjoy the reception without pretending that we care where we grew up, what we do for a living, how many kids we have, etc.?!?!  ugh.

I wanted to leave.  I really wonder who felt worse --the person that just put her foot in her mouth or the person that is desperately trying to conceive and just got called out for having a round figure.  :(  I felt bad for her . . . and I felt like crying for me.

I excused myself to go to the restroom to share the 'laugh' and awkward moment with my mom (I really just wanted to hide there for a while).  My mom was so kind with her words.  We both agreed that "maybe it's a sign" that it's coming soon for us...

About 20 mins later her and her husband excused themselves and left.  I was really relieved.  I don't know that I would have been able to suck that one up and enjoy the rest of my time with the happy Mr. and Mrs. Charles.  It still took me about and hour to shake it off and enjoy the celebration.

My husband was careful around me and handled it really well --with giving me a big hug and helping me get my mind off of it.  I know if I wasn't trying to conceive that I would have more than likely laughed it off and not even have been bothered by the question.  But that wasn't the case.  For the last week and a half, I have been calming myself as much as possible and reminding myself to trust God's timing with expanding our family.  I've been trying to focus on anything other than the fact that I'm so anxious to test again, after this last cycle.  So, Chris understood my hidden tears.  I could have just sobbed right then and there.

So, I just want to share with you another way to ask the same question and avoid a situation like this one.  :)
Choice one: "How many children do you have?" (if I were answering that question, and pregnant, I would respond by saying "we have one and one on the way")
Choice two:  "Planning on having any more children?" (if I were answering this question, and pregnant, I would respond by saying "Yup!  We have one on the way!")

Has this ever happened to you? (on either side of the situation)

How would you ask --without assuming the person's belly is a 'baby bump'?

Please share your stories . . . I'd love to know I'm not the only one.

Thanks to this lady, I'll probably test every day for the next two weeks!  ;)  (not really, but it will be hard to resist)