The many roles...

To the housekeeper:

You've really been slacking.  I can't stand it around here any more.  You kept the place so nice and clean for about three weeks and then you stopped.  I don't know what happened, exactly.  I mean, I hear that your health has major ups and downs.  I hear you deal with chronic pain -which leads to your random exhaustion.  I'm assuming my housework isn't your only job...  Oh, yeah, I know you have kids and all.  I know they keep you up to odd hours, when you would normally be sleeping.  I'm just not sure what to do at this point.  I mean, I need you to step it up, suck it up, and get back on point.  The rest of my family, obviously, has much more important things going on.  I mean, you must continue picking up and taking out the trash every single night.  You must  keep the dishes and kitchen clean, at all times.  You are the sole dish washer around here, don't forget that.  Oh, and don't just leave the laundry laying around!  The clean clothes can't just get piled in the laundry room.  You have to actually fold and go put each piece away, exactly where it is needed (if you set it out in nice piles for each person to take on their own, it won't ever get done and they'll just end up getting thrown back into a pile).  No one has time for all that;

Still searching.

Broken.

Broken down.

Fixable.  But currently in a state of needing repair.

That's how I currently feel.

I'm tired...Exhausted... drained to the last drop  --Physically, emotionally, mentally... is there any other way to feel so broken; if so, add it to the list.

Earlier today, I did the only thing I know to do when I feel this broken.  I blasted the worship music throughout the house, closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and sang my heart out.  What a release I felt!  Wow.  God has never left me.  He's here --holding me and carrying me through.
*I was so desperate for some "me and God time" I forced it:  KJ was at the table, 8 ft away, doing schoolwork.  Liam was on the floor napping, 2 ft away.  And Elly was only centimeters away from the back of my neck, hanging out in the Boba.

I'm so very, very, thankful for the life I have.  I have three beautiful blessings and a hard-working husband.  However, it seems as though I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything.  I'm not sure how to find that perfect balance.  Does it even exist?  Or is that what life is --searching and readjusting, constantly, and making the best of everything along the way?  Because, just when you think you have it . . . BAM!  Everything changes and it's time to start all over again.

 I feel like I suddenly have a thousand and one things on my plate and it's finally weighing me down...  I try not to complain (Chris might feel differently about this. Ha!) and I really try to stay loving and positive in all situations.  But, seriously, can I get some 'Personal Time Off' or 'Vacation Time' -even if only for an hour or two?  (I don't even know what I would do IF I had some 'time off' but laying still, staring at the ceiling, without a SINGLE interruption, really would feel like a mini vacation!)  In this new chapter of life, I either need amazing strength to continue pushing through; or I need to figure out a positive and loving way to get everyone on board and pull some more weight around here.  Or I'm afraid I just might seriously crash and burn very soon.  Hm, maybe a little of both?!

You know, I had always heard how going from one child to two children is the hardest adjustment and then adding a third is so easy.  But what about going straight from one child to three children?  Is there some kind of crash course, or Cliff Notes, for this kind of transition?!  Can't we just eat out or order-in for every meal?  Oh, and let's throw in house cleaning services while we're at it!  Wait, do they include laundry services too?

What's your household and family flow like?  Do you have any tips/solutions that you've learned along the way?  I'm sure it could save me some weeks, months, and even years, of trial and error!

IVF #1, Day 17: Night before Embryo Transfer

Tomorrow, our little embryos will be 5 days old!  Tomorrow we will transfer one or two of them (we won't know for sure until we get there).  So, tomorrow is the BIG-BIG day!

Today, was a pretty great day.  I felt so much more like my normal self.  My bloating was down significantly!  I was very pleased.  (I was able to fit into some denim shorts that weren't even close to closing last night!).

This evening was the BEST time we've had, as a family, in a very long time!  In honor of International Babywearing Week, we decided to  share some laughter:

Five minutes before the pic was taken, KJ came running downstairs, saying "In honor of babywearing week!" —and she ran downstairs wearing a pull-up DIAPER!!!  LOL  (I gave it to her to use, for play, with her stuffed animals)  I had to explain to here that it was not baby week —baby wearing week! haha.  She changed to her night gown and happily joined in on the fun. :)

We laughed so extremely hard —I nearly pee'd my pants!! LOL  The laughter lasted, for what feels like, all night.  It truly made tonight the best.night.ever!! hahaha

My bum is super sore, from the nightly injections of progesterone.  I decided not to alternate sides, every other night.  I figured I'd rather have one really sore side, instead of two annoyingly sore sides.  I'm not sure how much I'll last with this plan.

I'm really, really, hoping to sleep better tonight.  I've still been waking up multiple times, to tinkle.  It's more annoying than anything.  I don't understand it because I don't tinkle that often during the day, when I am actually drinking glass after glass of water.  But at night, I can't sleep more than an hour or two before I absolutely have to get up to tinkle.  Last night I even had to get up twice in one hour again.

Not much more to update about today.  I successfully kept my mind busy, around the house and with KJ's school work.  So busy, that at 11:48pm, Chris reminded me that we still needed to do tonight's injections.  I flipped out!  I can't believe that I forgot.  It should have been done around 10pm.  :(  I hope it doesn't change or mess anything up... I am still on Doxycycline, Medrol, and, of course, the progesterone injection.

I don't have much else to share but here are a few more pics from tonight:

 

We literally dropped everything as soon as we remembered we had forgotten the injection.

Chris crashed right after he gave me my injection.  It must be tough giving nightly injections... hee hee.

IVF #1, Day 11: 10/9/12

I am noticing a pattern now.  The closer we are getting to our halfway point, our egg retrieval date, the more challenging it is becoming to stay positive and have great days. 

Today, I'll be honest, I did not want to get out of bed.  I was so emotionally drained and 'in the dumps' that I just wanted to stay in bed.  However, for my KJ's sake, I made myself pull it all together and get out of bed.  I never want her to remember or feel that "mom didn't care about me; she just laid in bed, sad, all the time..."  So, I got up and went downstairs.

Endo has really been flaring up.  It's aggravating.  I often wonder if it's going to be a daily problem if we ever do get pregnant.  Many info sites claim that endo tones down or even "goes away" during pregnancy, but I tell my hunny, "I can understand if maybe endo stops growing during pregnancy... but for the endo that has already grown and fused organs and tissues together, it doesn't make sense that it won't cause pain as your insides shift, stretch, grow, etc...".  I'm really scared at the thought of having endo pain every single day during a pregnancy.   I'm concerned that it will lead to another preterm labor (which I really believe is what caused preterm labor with KJ).  I've read, in forums, from other women that have experienced horrible endo pain during their entire pregnancy.  The endo pain that I am currently experiencing now is just frustrating and upsetting!  I wish there could be an end to it...

I was nervous all day about the "butt injection" (the trigger shot of Novarel).   And to top off my day, my back problems flared up today too.  So, I basically just sat on the couch most of the day trying to keep my mind busy (between KJ's school work and trying not to focus on the amount of pain I was in).  The only medicine I can take right now is Tylenol (I bought the rapid release).  It's just a bit of a joke compared to the Norco (10-325) I had been on, prior to IVF.  I tolerate pain pretty well these days —because I have no other choice.  If Tylenol doesn't take the edge off, I just pray and try to distract my mind to make it through that moment (or entire day) as best as possible.  Today has been one of those days.  :(

Chris should have gotten off from work at 4pm.  I was really looking forward to that time because I was expecting him to call, as he usual does (everyday, on his way home).  He didn't call until 4:38pm, I believe.  I had held it together as long as I could on my own.  As soon as he called, I broke.  And, once again, he was loving, supportive, understanding, and encouraging.  I try to stay positive for him because I know it's a lot to carry —always being the shoulder that's cried on.  But he is SUCH a blessing in my life!!  He listened as I cried it all out and then he comforted me with laughter, love, and encouraging words.  He reminded me that God's plan is perfect and that "He's got this".  He reassured me that Thursday's egg retrieval will go smoothly and that he will be by my side all day to take care of me.  He told me that if I needed to stay home tonight, instead of going to our 'marriage group night', at church (which has been a totally amazing experience for us) that he will understand and we could 'relax' together.  And then he even offered to pick up dinner so I wouldn't have to do anything for the rest of the evening/night.  (when he got home with WingStop and Snow White and the Huntsmen I knew it was going to be a great night!)  Of course, it really helped me feel better.  I just really wish I wasn't having so many of these days/moments.  I want to feel normal again.

The "butt injection":
Chris watched the instructional video for the new injection and then we just watched tv to pass the night away (KJ was already in bed for the night and I needed some serious distraction from what was only hours away).  We watched Parenthood, which I absolutely LOVE and then we watched the movie he had rented.  We were counting down the time together ... until he decided to take a "nap". lol  We were instructed to give the shot at exactly 11:30pm.  Why so late?  I have no idea.  These last few nights, we had been going to bed between 9:30pm and 10:00pm.  So, having to stay up until 11:30pm, to give a shot, made us even more sleepy! haha.  At 11:20pm, I grabbed the ice pack —to numb the area and warmed up the heating pad —which we were told to use, to massage the site after the injection.  Chris had asked me to mix the liquid with the powder —so I woke him up as I mixed the medicine.  Thankfully, the nurse from Monday morning had drawn circles, one on each side, to mark the correct injection site.  Chris used the alcohol pad to clean the area . . . but again, I needed to pray first —for peace and comfort and for Chris to be confident and to have a steady hand... and then I laid down, ready for the injection.

My heart was racing, my breathing sped up, and I was sweating bullets, seriously!!  I kept feeling his fingers pulling the skin tight, like he was instructed to, but I wouldn't feel the needle.  He probably did this for an entire two minutes, while I was going crazy with nerves. LOL!  He apologized, and laughed, for taking so long, and I just continued to grip my hands tightly.  I felt a small sensation but didn't even know he had already darted the needle in until I asked, "did you put it in yet?" haha.  He told me yes and I just started thanking God!  It didn't even hurt.  I couldn't feel anything (like what I had imagined).  But then I asked, "do you see any blood?" (he was supposed to draw back, while in the site, to check for blood).  It turned out that he was so nervous that he completely forgot to check for blood; he was already done pushing all the medicine in!!  We freaked out a bit and then I told him I'm sure it will be okay (because I didn't want him to get scared that he did something wrong to me) ... he said that he did check, after he was done, and that there was nothing.  I don't know if that would have made a difference. haha. but I'm sure he freaked out and needed to still check, for his own peace of mind.

I was so amazed at how wonderfully he did.  As we were cleaning up, to go up to bed, I was coming down from my adrenaline-high and talking up a storm! lol  He was so calm and quiet; I just had to ask "were you even nervous??"  He told me that he definitely was but he got over it once he was done.  haha.  It was just me that took another 10 mins to calm down afterwards. lol

I tried googling "intramuscular injection forgot to check for blood" (and other versions of the question).  I found some info how some nurses don't do it at all and others say it's a must —to prevent the medicine from going straight into a vein because it could cause problems in the lungs...?  My injection site did not bleed at all so I figure he did not inject it intravenously.  Hm!  oh, well, right?!

Another rough day with another great ending.  :)  Praise God! 

IVF #1, Day 10: 10/8/12

AM:

I had my ultrasound/lab appointment at 7am (way too early!).  Thankfully, Chris was able to go with me and stay with KJ, while I went in for my appointment.  I normally just take her with me (one of the downfalls of homeschooling:  I never ever seem to get to do anything on my own anymore —even the private important things that aren't considered "fun".) and she normally behaves well.  However, on Friday, I noticed that she was waaaay too comfortable in the waiting room.  Which, that is a good thing —except when it turns into laying on the couch because she's "tired", which I don't doubt she was, and then whining a bit too loud, in my opinion, when I told her to sit up... so embarrassing.  So, having Chris, waiting in the car, with her is like a treat to me! haha.

I did the usual —sign in, sit and wait (which wasn't more than 3 mins today!), get my blood drawn, empty my bladder, undress from the waist down, flip the light switch on — turning a light on outside of my room letting them know "I'm ready", lay back for the ultrasound, and cringe and concentrate on trying to relax until it's over —because the endo does NOT like the ultrasound wand!  But then something unusual happened...  She was calling out the measurements of each follicle, on my right ovary, and the tech was inputting the info on the computer.  "16mm, 18mm, 19mm, 17mm..." etc. ( didn't get a total count.  I forgot to ask.) and then she moved over to my left ovary.  Now, my left ovary is always in it's very own, strange, place.  I had mentioned to Dr. B and Dr. A, at different times, earlier in the journey, that they have always been attached to either my abdominal wall or the uterus itself.  But neither of them seemed concerned about it.  So, I always figured it wasn't going to be a problem.  So, this morning, Dr. B positioned the wand in a very odd way, in order to see the follicles.  She seemed a bit alarmed by where it was located but I didn't think anything of it because it's always been the trickier one to view.  She started calling out the measurements of the left follicles, "9mm, 12mm, 10mm, 11mm...".  Uh, even I know that's not supposed to be like that —and this is just my first time at this.  My left ovary did not respond correctly over the weekend.  It's like the follicles just stopped growing! :(  Why?  I'm so disappointed.

Dr. B then tells me that my left ovary seems to be hidden behind my uterus.  Hello!!  I mentioned that in the very beginning! Ugh.  I let her know that it is pretty typical of the ovary to actually attach itself to the uterus —not just "hide".  Then she says, "that's what I was going to ask next, if it attaches with endo...".  I asked her if they would still be able to extract eggs from it and she tells me that they won't know until the day of the retrieval.  "We'll try and see if we can get it to cooperate!" she says.

Trying to keep an optimistic view, I ask her if she thinks that my right ovary will be enough for the retrieval.  Thank God, it's actually the one that responded the best, of the two; so she said that it looks good and they will be able to use it.  As positive as I'm trying to remain, it was a tough piece of information to take.  I was crushed!  You go into this doing everything right —all the injections, cutting out caffeine, chocolate, and alcohol, minimizing carbs, etc, in hopes to get as many beautiful eggs as possible.  But then to hear that it only worked half-way, despite all of our efforts?!  :(  So, heartbreaking. 

Even if my ovary does somehow, miraculously, move into a good cooperative position, the follicles aren't even the size they should be.  The only peace and comfort I get from this news is that God knows what is best for my body and our future.  Only He knows the outcome.  I have to trust that His plan is much more of a blessing than I could ever imagine.  This "bad news" about my left ovary could actually  be a blessing in disguise —I just don't know it yet.  It's not easy staying positive but I have no other choice.  Holding on to negative "what ifs" will only cause stress and low emotions.  Every time I start thinking of those negative "what ifs", I tell myself that God's got this.  It's such a comforting reminder... "God's got this."

(this song always seems to have such a special meaning in my life...)



Our retrieval is set for this Thursday at 9:30am.  We have one more night of three injections and then our trigger shot is set for tomorrow night at 11:30pm.  That's the scary one! lol  It's an intramuscular and it is a much longer and thicker needle —has to go into my backside... waaaaah!!!


******
PM:

Well, I just got my last Menopur, Follistim, and Ganirelix injections!!  (I hope it's the absolute last I ever have to see of them!)  Chris did the Menopur and Ganirelix; I did the Follistim (I just like the fact that I can give myself injections now. haha!).  I'm definitely emotionally drained tonight.  I've been doing all I can to stay positive after this morning's appointment.  I stayed super busy today, cleaning and cooking my favorite chili and cornbread.  I just wanted the shots to be over and done with, without causing me to get thinking too much about this morning or starting with the negative thoughts.  It was easy to let myself start thinking 'what's the point of doing all this if it's already not even working properly'... So, Chris did the injections and we celebrated with a nice little kiss.  I threw out all the empty glass containers and boxes and then condensed as much as I could.  Our box of medications looked so much more empty after condensing what I could —it made me feel a bit better, seeing proof that we've come a long way so far!  We are almost done and I know we are and will be blessed no matter what the outcome will be.

Thank you so much for all the encouraging words, prayers, and continued support —on facebook, instagram, twitter, and even through "old fashioned" texts!  ;)  I love hearing from everyone!

Life feels like a big bowl of anchovies (just plain nasty!)

A pain in my shins (has returned to both legs again because of the lack of being able to use my back properly). A pain in my back (I just can't wait until the 10th!!). A pain in my abdomen/insides (stupid endometriosis is triggered very easily right now since I try to use any other muscle besides my back --when moving around, etc). And lastly the big pain in my butt -LOL (relationship, mommy-hood, and life issues).

I'm in so much pain. I need help. My pain meds don't do a darn thing for any of my pains right now. I need something to help me get through my busy **homeschooling, baby-caring, annoying but cute doggie 'do list', housekeeping (to the best of my caring abilities), never ending mouth feeding, nose cleaning, sanitize everything (and when I'm all done, start all over again), bill-paying, boo-boo kissing** kind of day! --all while running on horrible tossing-and-turning-hot-flashed-filled [non-existent thing they call] "sleep" Phew! By the time schooling is over, I still have anywhere from 6-8 more hours before I get to really take care of me. I'm not complaining --just stating some facts here. that's a whopping 15 hour work day --on my "early" days, not including the late night "mommy" duties that come along with my wonderful life (that wasn't sarcasm; I promise. I really do love being a mom!). I just need to figure out a better system, plan, or way of communicating when I'm down and needing recovery time. Because I'm just a full-blown grumpy pants when I'm in this much pain and I feel like I'm tearing down everything that we've worked so hard to build up... :(

Thank you Blogger, for giving me a quiet place to vent.

Good night.
((waiting for my Norco and Lyrica to kick in so I can have some decent sleep --to start all over again at 6am))

A little of this and a little of that

TTC:
Not pregnant.  my body teased me for a good week and a half.  :(  I guess I've just been under enough stress to throw my body off.  I'm supposed to go back to my doc this month but I'm just not sure if I feel ready to take the next step.  I believe we are going to be referred to the fertility clinic and I just don't feel ready for that --injections, frequent appointments, getting blood drawn . . . needles, needles and more needles.  I think I feel better ttc using ovulation tests this time around.  I've not tried that yet and I feel that is a more comfortable step for me.

KJ:
Growing, growing, growing... She FINALLY gained weight and kept it.  haha.  She just hit 42lbs, which for her, is a great milestone :).  She teeter-tottered between 36 and 38 since she was 4 or 5 years old.  Also, she is super excited that she got taller too :) --a whole 44 inches (3ft 8in)!  She's definitely catching up to me (I'm 5' 1").  KJ has lost a total of 4 baby teeth —with one more almost out.  Two adult teeth have grown in; we're still waiting on her two top front teeth.

Homeschooling is definitely more challenging.  I'm hoping to find some co-ops or something for her to get involved in.  She really needs to learn classroom etiquette.  It's been tough for me to implement "classroom rules"  here at home because I can't always give her my undivided attention during our school hours.  I would also love to get some online curriculum for her.  I feel so lost when it comes to local and online resources.  If you have any info or suggestions, please share.

A little bit of everything else:
I sprained my back last Wednesday.  How?  I have no idea.  I didn't do any one particular thing or movement that made me say "OH!  I just hurt my back...".  Nope.  All I did was my normal daily activities and slowly but surely it froze up and I couldn't even walk.  It had been hurting and feeling stiff for about 2 weeks but nothing compared to how I felt on Wednesday.  I went to the ER on Thursday, thinking they might need to make sure that I didn't break, fracture, tear, or mess anything up around my spine.  I got some really nice medicine (two injections and two pills), which included a sedative —pretty funny how I really don't remember much after leaving the hospital.  I was on bed-rest until today, Tuesday.  It's my first day working since last wednesday.  Today is definitely not easy, I'm still in a great amount of pain; however, I am happy to be able to walk slowly and function better than I did the last few days.  Oh, and Chris was an amazing husband and daddy :)  It started off kind of rough (I think he felt as though I was over exaggerating —as I crawled from the bathroom to the living room, crying...).  Once he picked me up from the hospital, Thursday evening, I noticed how much he really cared and how well he took care of me.  He cleaned, cooked, took KJ out and about, served me in bed, and got anything for me that was out of my reach.

I'm looking forward to our vacation days (black friday through the following wednesday).  I don't know that we have anything specific planned yet.  But I do know that I'm going to love having some time for the family :).

I feel as though there is much much more to update on -or just randomness to share.  But this entry seems long enough . . . a scattered concoction of my life.  So, until next time! :)

My glass half full

Three out of four are currently sleeping.  I have a wee bit of time to get a blog post in.  :)  Those two sentences alone make me happy —hee hee.

First, here's my update:
Since my last post —God has carried my heart to a much calmer place.  I am strong.  I am loved.  I am able.  :)  What surrounds me will not define me.  I have choices, and for now, I choose to fervently wait on God.  I trust, in every way, that all areas of my life are right where I belong right now —to push me where I need to go . . . to what I need to become.

Personal goals —I was on my way to a 5k and then it quickly got taken away from me.  :(  I started running in May and had worked my way up to 2+ miles 3-4 times a week.  I had even started to enjoy the early morning, 5:30am, run --watching the sun come up and having some extra quiet time to myself.  Now, I am sad to say that I haven't run for a month now.  Today is exactly four weeks since my last run --the day I pushed my body just a little too much.  My shins are still in recovery mode.  The doc says I could have possibly fractured my shins (micro fractures).  I'm supposed to be working on getting the swelling back down and strengthening them back up.  The doc says that I will be able to run again —just not any time soon.  Oh, how I miss it.  And right now it seems as though EVERYONE on facebook is running . . . except for me. :(  So, I've revised my birthday wish list; instead of new cool toe shoes for running, I replaced that request with a new extra extra thick yoga mat and a door frame pull-up bar.  I will start a new routine of yoga and pilates in order to maintain the weight loss that I had worked so hard for.

TTC —still waiting to see two pink lines :)
Everyone and their mother A lot of people around us are pregnant or have conceived and already had their baby.  I am actually back to handling the annoying negatives quite well (if I may say so myself).  I didn't cry about the negative last month; nor did I cry when Aunt Flow unexpectedly stopped by for a visit.  That's progress!  I must say that I have been refreshed with new blessings through all of this.  A 9 wk old baby girl enrolled and started a week and a half ago, joining the 8 month old that has been coming since he, was only 8wks old!  Caring for and loving these babies (and 3 yr old) brings me such joy.  I am so blessed to be trusted with these little precious lives.  I anxiously wait for the day that I can experience these moments with my own precious blessing (a second time) —so for now, I am thankful for the many little blessings that have come my way.

KJ —our little Kryssa Joyce turned 7 on August 10th.  We celebrated with just family, us four and grandparents, on the 10th and then KJ got to celebrate with her friends on the 13th.  It was a wonderful celebration!  Just seeing all these little friends, most of which we have known their entire life, "hang out", laugh, and create memories —absolutely priceless.  Her theme was, of course, Puppy/Dog and she still talks about how it was the best party ever.  hee hee  The simplest things are sometimes the best. :)  Our fall homeschooling session has begun.  It's quite different than last semester but I will find what works best, again, and keep moving forward.

KitKat (aka Miss K) —Her family nickname was pickle --but now that she is a freshman, I figure one nickname would be better (she was given the name kitkat by her school friends).  She has been here with us 'full time' since around February and "officially" moved in during the week of May 8th!  Unfortunately, we still are waiting on the "legal stuff" to be finalized and then we will work towards adoption.  Volleyball season started about 3 weeks ago and I can honestly say that I never thought I would truly enjoy being a "soccer Volleyball Mom" --but here it is folks . . . I am loving every moment!! :)  Now, of course, fighting through traffic is never "fun".  But I am truly happy to support her during her games, scrimmages, tournaments, and even practices as often as I can.  I already lost a good portion of my voice just from cheering her on this past Friday and Saturday.  I tell her I am going to buy a SHOUT cone (from Party city) and decorate it just for her --I will proudly use it every chance I get.  hee hee.  Soon, my title will change to "Cheer Mom" --hee hee  I'll have to quickly learn how to make hair bows and cute hair styles.  (and whatever else cheer moms have to do).



This summer was definitely one to remember.  We had several road trips and numerous adventures as a new family of four . . . quite different!  I love the family that we have become.  I am so grateful for God's blessings.  Now that the school schedule is back in play, I should be able to sit and enjoy some blog time every now and then (as long as the children continue to nap all together). 

Ready for this?

Let's start off with Endo and TTC on clomid:
We are now about one week away from hitting our 11 month mark.  I honestly can't believe it's been almost a year already.  Surprisingly, it doesn't feel that way.  So, last week, at my regular monthly sono, the doc spotted a large cyst again on one of my ovaries.  I haven't had anything that size since January 2010 —when I started Lupron for the endo.  I had my follow up appointment yesterday.  I wasn't allowed to start my next cycle of clomid (I should have started on Tuesday and been done tomorrow) because the doc wanted to make sure the cyst went away before I pushed the hormones through my body again.  I am happy to announce that the cyst was gone!  Praise God!!  It was a very very painful week --I pretty much know exactly what day and time the cyst ruptured because it was THAT painful (I literally woke myself up because I was moaning so loud -from the pain).  So, I'm glad that has passed.  Chris and I are staying super optimistic and hoping and praying for a miracle conception this month (without clomid)!  :)  Hey, it could happen...

The endo, is definitely starting to get on my nerves.  This is the longest that I have gone without suppressing my ovaries/hormones —so it's really starting to wear me out now.  Just a few days ago, when I was cringing with nasty endo pain, I actually had the thought cross my mind "maybe it's time to stop ttc and get back on Lupron..."  —it shocked me!  I absolutely want to conceive another baby.  I don't want to stop without conceiving this time.  I think the thought went away when the pain ended ::phew!::.  So, for now, it's almost day by day that I am making the choice to continue ttc.  Some moments I'm so ready to shut my ovaries off again and then other moments I'm overloaded with emotions of ttc.

On to a fantastic new topic...HOME SCHOOLING!!

Yes, that's right; we decided to home school KJ.  :D  I withdrew KJ from her public school two weeks ago, Monday, February 21, 2011.  It felt soooo unreal.  I had so many times, the night before, and the first few days, where I felt as though I was going to wake up and have this story to tell Chris, of how I had the opportunity to home school KJ.  But nope, it was definitely real.  :)  She was very happy with our decision.  And we couldn't be happier with all the improvements we have seen in just two weeks!  Praise God!!  We finally have our KJ back --helpful, full of manners and positive behavior, happy, and relaxed 6 yr old —exactly the way a 6 yr old should be!  I know not everyone agrees/will agree with our decision but we stand together in our decision and we are finding our system.  :)  I love the family God has blessed me with.  We work so well together these days.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to guide our child in the ways that are important to us, as Christ-followers.  :)  It feels wonderful to include scripture in her daily curriculum . . . to "tweak" the lessons to meet her specific level of learning!  I could just go on and on and on about all the wonderful changes we have been able to experience as a family.  But for now, that's all I'll say...


KJ

she is now in Karate and she is LOVING it!! :)  —so are we!  Their structure and core values that are taught, while there, amaze us and we pray that it will stick with KJ to help her become strong mentally and physically, confident, and dedicated.  :)  We have seen some great changes since she started (two weeks ago).

FAMILY
We will be having some time off together during spring break and we are super excited for that.  We are prepared for Spring Break with our season passes to Fiesta Texas, Sea World, and the San Antonio Zoo!  I'm really hoping to head up to Enchanted Rock (I believe it's called) and picnic with the girls.

Speaking of "girls" —still no official news on Pickle's move-in date.  She stays with us a lot more now but it still doesn't feel official  . . . I did, however, get a call, from the representative, to schedule another home study.  We shall see what comes of all of this.

It may be a while before I can update again —life just got even busier...I keep thinking "it can't get any busier than this" only to find out I was wrong.  ;)  God has some serious confidence in my abilities to multi-task . . . because he keeps blessing me with new opportunities.  I trust that I can handle it all . . . because I trust that he won't give me more than I can handle.  Maybe a little here and there for a challenge and test —but I'm ready; I've loving it all! ;D