hpt #5

probably too soon, I know.  I just had some light spotting today and wondered if it could be due to a pregnancy or a cycle.  the only way to figure it out, for today, would be to test.  I knew if it showed up positive, I would be the HAPPIEST woman alive and it would explain the light spotting.  If it showed up negative then I would just have to keep waiting for something more to happen —or to take another test...

It showed up negative.














I think I'm just test happy right now.   I just can't help it.  I'm four days "late" so light spotting could be great news either way —early signs of pregnancy :D  OR signs of another cycle (which is always good news because it means that my body is still working!!! and another chance to catch an ovulation...)

worst that could happen:  I'll have to order another 10-15 hpts from baby wishes —I think my peace of mine is worth another $10, if need be.  :)

Banana Nut Recipe (with my own twist)

  So, I googled "Banana nut bread recipe" and found this recipe:

1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup butter
2 eggs
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups flour
*3 large very ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 cup nuts, chopped
**1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

***1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Blend together sugar, butter, and eggs. Add dry ingredients, which have been sifted together. Add mashed bananas, chopped nuts, and vanilla extract. Pour into a greased loaf pan.Bake at 375°F degrees for 1 hour.
****Brush top with melted butter or glaze with confectioners icing, if desired, while loaf is still warm.




*the bananas I used today weren't "very large".  They were about medium size and super duper duper ripe —I used 3 1/2!!  So ripe that it was the first thing I was smelling as I came down stairs the past few days.


**I always add extra vanilla extract to just about everything.  The original recipe calls for only 1tsp, however, I added a little extra.  :)


**I'm normally am not a big fan of banana nut anything.  I wanted to add a flavor I like...  So, I got in my spice cabinet and started sniffing around.  I really like 'winter holiday' recipes —the spice bread flavors.  I decided to add Ground Cloves.  It may seem a bit strange, however, I really really REALLY love it now!! :D  It's definitely a keeper for my family.  


**I chose to stir up a small amount of water and confectioners sugar —approximately 1/3 cup water with 1/4 cup of confectioners sugar (add more or less water and sugar to your liking).  I drizzled it on top, while it was still warm and it was runny enough to soak right into the bread.  :)  (yum!).  I finished it off with dusting a small amount of confectioners sugar.




If you give this recipe a try, with or without the ground cloves, please share pictures and what you think!

I just googled "banana nut bread with ground cloves" —apparently, I'm not the only fan...  :)

endo, endo, go away! —don't come back another day. (hpt #4)

I'm sitting up in bed, waiting for the Lortab to take over...  I only took half.  I hadn't needed any pain meds since January 15th (give or take a day or two) —since I started on Lupron .  However, I've been off of Lupron, by choice, while we ttc, since mid April.  Everything had been going really well, until . . . two nights, or so ago, the endo pains got so horrible that I actually gave in to the pain meds again. :(  (I only took half, since I had been off of them for so long and it worked within 30 mins or so.)

I started to notice the endo symptoms returning about a week and a half ago.  Normally it doesn't take long at all before it gets miserably out of control.  :(  (in the past, from the time that the pains would start daily, it would only take about two weeks until the pain was present 24/7 even with pain meds —until I would hear the words from my doc, "I'll schedule you for surgery...".  This happened 3 times in a year and a half.

I'm praying for a miracle this time around.  I want to continue ttc (trying to conceive).  I want to NOT need Lupron.  I want to NOT need another surgery.  I want to do my regular activities and NOT end up temporarily crippled from endo pain.  I want to go on feeling this "normal" feeling I had been feeling up until a week and a half ago.  I could sneeze and not feel any pain.  I could lift my daughter and not feel any pain.  I could get up from sitting and not feel pain.  I was LIVING without pain.

I told Chris, last night, "well, it was amazing while it lasted.  At least I was able to experience 5 WHOLE months of being pain free..." (almost two months was while I was off Lupron treatmenst!).  I don't miss Lortab and the side affects that come along with taking it.  I don't want to end ttc because of endo!  The thought alone makes me want to cry.

Speaking of "cry".  I cried this morning.  I took HPT (home pregnancy test) #4 and it was another big fat negative.  :(  It really had my hopes up though.  Normally it absorbs super quickly and evenly.  This morning, it absorbed at the speed of a snail AND the color streaked/dragged across the strip and I had my hopes up that it was going to leave the first 'mark' at the 'positive' side.  Instead, it just creeped its way allllllll the way past the positive, straight to the negative line.  I waited the full ten minutes, as the instructions clearly state.  However, at the ten minutes, any hope for that first pink line (the "positive" line) was gone —it was bone-white.

I crawled back into bed, snuggled with Chris, and cried in his arms.  It's the first time, since trying, in 2010, that I allowed myself to cry (that I allowed myself to feel anything...).  I told him "I'm so sad, hun."  He said "I'm sorry, honey." and he just held me.  I couldn't have asked for a better response/reaction from him.  I sobbed, prayed, and did my best to put my heart back in God's hands (along with my hopes, dreams, and deepest desires).  It made today really tough for me.  I cried for a lot of silly little things, including passing up the baby section at Walmart tonight...

So, if you will please, keep my in prayer.  It seems to be a tad bit harder to keep my focus on staying positive —no matter the outcome, the fact that I believe, from the bottom of my heart, with all that I am, that God's plan for me is much, much, greater than I could ever imagine. —wether I remain a 'mother of one' or whether I am blessed beyond belief to be a 'mother of two'...



On a much positive note:  We have really enjoyed Chris's vacation time!!  (pics coming soon)  He goes back to work tomorrow and we are just so thankful to have had 10 days to spend together.  :)  We are so blessed to be celebrating 8 years of marriage!! (technically 'today', since I'm typing this after midnight, 7/6/10)

July 6, 2002

  

8 years later

Thank you for reading!  (and your support, kind words, and prayers)
Michelle

Fish Taco —Fear Factor style

Blugh!!!!

We went to BJ's for lunch/early dinner today.  I ordered a FISH OR GRILLED SHRIMP TACOS (one halibut taco and one shrimp taco).  Chris ordered the PARMESAN CRUSTED CHICKEN .  My father-in-law ordered the  BBQ PULLED PORK SANDWICH . 


I was really enjoying my food until I tasted an onion.  I opened up my tacos and picked out the slices of fresh onion.  Once I gobbled up my entire shrimp taco, I moved on to the fish taco.  I was about three bites into it when I glanced at it, to make sure I wasn't going to bite into an onion, when I see a dead lady bug-like bug in my taco!  I quietly inspect it closely with my fork.  I turned it over and see the belly side, with legs tucked in -from the coleslaw juices.  I see bug guts and no head --but a tail.  I seriously thought that I was going to puke right then and there.  I chugged some water and got Chris to look at it and then go call a manager.


The manager came and inspected it.  After I made  him flip it over, he admits that it is a bug and starts apologizing.  He explains that it must have come in the coleslaw because it's processed somewhere and shipped in . . . blah blah blah.  He says "I know this doesn't make it any better but I can get you something else . . ."


It really took all I had to not get sick right there at the table, while everyone else was still eating.  I just sat there and started crying.  The manager offered just about everything he could think of.  I couldn't even talk --I just kept nodding my head, no, to everything.  I chugged two glasses of water after that.


The server saw how disturbed I was by it and he, too, came to see if there was anything I wanted . . .


After Chris told me that he really wanted me to accept the offer for dessert, I finally let the manager know, after he came AGAIN to apologize and see how I was doing.  Not only did they bring a yummy (I only know from how it smelled --I still have NO appetite!)  PIZOOKIE® TRIO, they took off three of the four meals that were ordered.  (my parents, after I called to tell them I ate a bug, told me that we should have insisted on not having to pay for any of it...) So, what would have been approximately $55 dollars, only came out to $19.95.  We were pleased to see how they handled 'taking care' of the incident --and I joked how I "took one for the team", in order to get a great discount on the food.  ;)


I still can't believe that I had a bug in my taco —and that I actually ate part of it!!!  :(


I was really enjoying the place (it was my first time there) and my food before the whole bug thing . . . I wonder if I'll ever want to go back...


This is what it looked like (minus the head ::BLAGH!!!::)