Today is cd35, 21dpo. The only pms symptoms I have are: Endo has been flaring up on and off for about two weeks now, been on a moody roller coaster since Sunday, lower back has been stiff and in a lot of pain since Monday, insomnia since Monday or Tuesday, my "tatas", or as Chris likes to call them, my "pillows", have been sore since last night, and now I'm pretty convinced that I have strep! :( It's been a very interesting week, to say the least. ha!
I've taken 5 hpts, all have been 'negative'. :( I think this is just a cruel, cruel, joke my body is playing on me! I felt SO close to finally taking the next step, IVF, and I was sooo anxious to get to my 'Day 3' blood work done so we can take the first steps needed, to plan out IVF. But instead... my body is holding back on me. Or I'm actually pregnant? I know that miracles happen. I believe God's timing is perfect. But I really thought I would have seen the RE this week to start everything —yet, here we are —just waiting...and waiting. I had been having shorter cycles the last few months and I guess now my body wants to make up for it. Way to go! Day 35.
I'm always learning patience, but at the same time I'm having to fight off negative thoughts and OVER-excited thoughts, too. It's extremely exhausting.
I just wanted some answers already. The only answer I'm getting is a big fat negative (times 5).
I hear you, God... I'll keep my eyes set on you. You hear my cries. You hold my aching heart...
Oooh, a song just came to mind (I LOVE THIS SONG!! but I couldn't find a video link):
You Are Faithful
-Kim Walker-Smith-
My heart aches for you my God
My soul waits for you my God
I’ve come far to find you here
In this place will I draw near
And your spirit soars me
to the highest heights
From where I'll not look back
I’ll keep trusting You
For I know You are faithful, my God [2x]
From the land of the barren
We will cry out for rain
Fill our hearts God
I’ll keep trusting You
For I know You are faithful, my God [4x]
Your spirit inside me holds me close
The wonderful presence I let go
I cleanse my hands
You burn my heart
I cry out for love
You set me apart
And your spirit soars me
to the highest heights
From where I am not look back
I’ll keep trusting You
For I know You are faithful, my God [5x]
Oh, Michelle...I can't even imagine! I pray that you get answers and I know that God is good. Maybe you ovulated late? So your test doesn't pick up the HCG? Can you get blood work to see if you're pregnant? I hope you are...if not I hope you can get to the next step for IVF. I'll be praying and watching your blog!
ReplyDeleteArielle, thank you so much for your support and prayers. I don't think I ovulated late -I might have not even ovulated. That's not unusual for my body. Chris and I have considered going for a blood test we're just trying to be as patient as possible for now. I will, however, be calling my RE this week. I want to know what she suggests --go in for blood work or wait it out some more?
ReplyDeleteI have also started to wonder if maybe buying hpts off amazon.com wasn't the best idea? Maybe they aren't the most sensitive tests? I used to buy from baby-wishes.org...I'm hoping that's why I'm getting negatives?