Third pregnancy, fourth baby | Week 16: Pain, sushi, and watermelon.

How far along?

16 weeks on 3/31/15

How big is baby?

About the size of an avocado.  Or almost the size of my iphone 5s.

How am I feeling?

Pretty good!  I've really enjoyed gardening again!  No regular nausea.  Super sleepy, feeling like napping every day (but that's also because the twins still don't really sleep through the night).  

I'm pretty sure I have 'symphysis pubis disfuntion'.  I had excruciating pain while pregnant with the twins, probably started closer to 25/30 weeks though.  This time around, it started around 14/15 weeks.  :(  It's so incredibly painful.  And it correlates with crazy pain in my left hip.  I can still manage to get through my days --as long as I listen to my body and rest when needed.

Oh!  I think I finally experienced my first moment of

In the midst of all the waiting... (SPD and ASD)

Oh, the waiting.  No solutions.  No answers.  Just a whirlwind of emotions from everyone involved.  What a LONG and draining process this has been.

Our oldest, 10 years old, was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (September 2014).  We thought it was all the answers we needed. We thought we were on the right road to getting the help we needed —in hopes of understanding how to better face the challenges at hand. 

My sad, broken, confused, momma heart just needed answers... Needed hope that life would smooth out and that raising and parenting our 10 year old would feel right again.

Meeting my midwife.

Ball of nerves. Today's the big day. Today means this is real. I'm really pregnant... Right?

It's been a tough three weeks of waiting for this appointment.  I've been freaking myself out, thinking that this whole pregnancy is all in my head. But then telling myself to have more faith than that. It's not always easy.  It just seems too good to be true.  Seriously.  Every single day, the devil messes with my thoughts and makes me think that something is bound to happen. That there's no way I'll actually be pregnant long. Or that I won't actually get to meet or hold this baby.  And the scariest thought that keeps flooding my mind is that I'll get to my appointment and there won't be a baby; just an empty uterus (or signs of baby that was once growing). And the midwife will say, "I'm so sorry, but you're not pregnant.".  Yeah, it's the tough ugly truth —what I've been dealing with every single day. 

So today's the day that I'm supposed to be able to fight those thoughts off easier and laugh in the devil's face, and rejoice! —because today I get to see my baby.

Third pregnancy, fourth baby | Week 7: Pee sticks, nausea, and more pee sticks.

How far along?

7 weeks on 1/27/15

How big is baby?

About the size of a blueberry.  Or about the size of a cuff link.

How am I feeling?

Super excited and still in a huge state of disbelief.

I decided to do what I highly suggest no one do... but I did it anyway.

Third pregnancy, fourth baby: SURPRISE!!! 5 weeks 3 days

I had suspicions.  I connected some of what had been going on as "pregnancy symptoms", BUT... I really didn't think I was pregnant.

I always do that.  For all the 4+ years that we focused on ttc, before going through IVF in 2012, everything that I felt was pregnancy related.  ha!  I was so hopeful.  I wanted to be pregnant sooooo badly.  So, of course, any indigestion, headache, cramp, mood swing, or craving, had to be because 'maybe I was pregnant'!  Right?