A little of this and a little of that

TTC:
Not pregnant.  my body teased me for a good week and a half.  :(  I guess I've just been under enough stress to throw my body off.  I'm supposed to go back to my doc this month but I'm just not sure if I feel ready to take the next step.  I believe we are going to be referred to the fertility clinic and I just don't feel ready for that --injections, frequent appointments, getting blood drawn . . . needles, needles and more needles.  I think I feel better ttc using ovulation tests this time around.  I've not tried that yet and I feel that is a more comfortable step for me.

KJ:
Growing, growing, growing... She FINALLY gained weight and kept it.  haha.  She just hit 42lbs, which for her, is a great milestone :).  She teeter-tottered between 36 and 38 since she was 4 or 5 years old.  Also, she is super excited that she got taller too :) --a whole 44 inches (3ft 8in)!  She's definitely catching up to me (I'm 5' 1").  KJ has lost a total of 4 baby teeth —with one more almost out.  Two adult teeth have grown in; we're still waiting on her two top front teeth.

Homeschooling is definitely more challenging.  I'm hoping to find some co-ops or something for her to get involved in.  She really needs to learn classroom etiquette.  It's been tough for me to implement "classroom rules"  here at home because I can't always give her my undivided attention during our school hours.  I would also love to get some online curriculum for her.  I feel so lost when it comes to local and online resources.  If you have any info or suggestions, please share.

A little bit of everything else:
I sprained my back last Wednesday.  How?  I have no idea.  I didn't do any one particular thing or movement that made me say "OH!  I just hurt my back...".  Nope.  All I did was my normal daily activities and slowly but surely it froze up and I couldn't even walk.  It had been hurting and feeling stiff for about 2 weeks but nothing compared to how I felt on Wednesday.  I went to the ER on Thursday, thinking they might need to make sure that I didn't break, fracture, tear, or mess anything up around my spine.  I got some really nice medicine (two injections and two pills), which included a sedative —pretty funny how I really don't remember much after leaving the hospital.  I was on bed-rest until today, Tuesday.  It's my first day working since last wednesday.  Today is definitely not easy, I'm still in a great amount of pain; however, I am happy to be able to walk slowly and function better than I did the last few days.  Oh, and Chris was an amazing husband and daddy :)  It started off kind of rough (I think he felt as though I was over exaggerating —as I crawled from the bathroom to the living room, crying...).  Once he picked me up from the hospital, Thursday evening, I noticed how much he really cared and how well he took care of me.  He cleaned, cooked, took KJ out and about, served me in bed, and got anything for me that was out of my reach.

I'm looking forward to our vacation days (black friday through the following wednesday).  I don't know that we have anything specific planned yet.  But I do know that I'm going to love having some time for the family :).

I feel as though there is much much more to update on -or just randomness to share.  But this entry seems long enough . . . a scattered concoction of my life.  So, until next time! :)

She's keeping a close eye on me

Kryssa keeps up with what I tell her.  :)

Yesterday, she tried to sneak past me.  When I asked her why she was sneaking, she slumped over and quietly said, "'cause I went potty and I don't want to wash my hands."  Needless to say, I went on explaining the importance of hand washing when dealing with bodily fluids.

So, today, after I finished changing a baby's diaper, I noticed that she kept watching my every move.  As I'm wiping down the changing table, she asks me, "MOM! . . . have you washed your hands!??  Remember, you're always supposed to wash your hands after dealing with potty stuff!..."  As I finish up and head to wash my hands, she says, "Now are you going to wash your hands?? . . . Mom, you know what Life Rule number 16 should be?  Always wash your hands after going potty or changing a dirty diaper"

So, take note people.  The official "Life Rule #16", according to the 7 year old:  Always wash your hands when dealing with potty stuff.

Life lessons 101: The tooth fairy does not always show up

Kj lost another front tooth. It probably caused the most pain so far. She kept biting down on it --ouch!! While eating cereal, she bit down on it and it fell right out. We were all relieved --no more spontaneous cries of pain.

Kjs tooth fairy (she knows it's us) has been leaving "cool money": dollar coins or a two-dollar bill. For the first time, of four teeth, the tooth fairy did not stop by on Sunday night. We had to explain to kj that tooth fairies are not allowed to visit children that have been misbehaving (it was pretty extreme on Sunday!) she was disappointed and Wasn't sure if we really meant what we said.

She's been working on having better behavior, in hopes that the tooth fairy could make time to swing by the next time she's in the area.

*now that she's missing her two front teeth, she says she looks like a vampire. Lol she hates vampires!!

Sad sad and not so sad

Today was tough. I received numerous emails regarding Miss K. Some were fyi's from her school and the others were from a case worker that thought she was still living here. Last week, I received a phone call (voice message) about setting up everything we would need to submit monthly records. I guess they are just as slow to pass along the update, that she no longer lives here.

I'm great during the day, taking care of the kids, homeschooling, prepping meals, etc. However, once everyone goes home and everything is quiet, it feels as though I fall into a huge dark hole of sadness. I need to stay busy. I don't even like the peace and quiet right now...music, tv, chit chatting --it all clouds my mind and helps me focus on the happier things around me.

Chris has been wonderful. With his new meds for his heart (I just realized I haven't blogged about *that* update yet), he's always sleeping. And when he's not sleeping he's extremely sleepy and needs a nap. But even with that new change, he's great -loving supportive, comforting, and the perfect comedian right when I need it. :)

I wonder how he's doing... I wonder how kj is doing?! I know I'm not the only one affected by all of this.

I know, I know, "this too shall pass". I think I need to find a new fun hobby or something. Any ideas??

Saying "Goodbye" and letting her go

I haven't wanted to write about this. I still don't feel ready, even now. But I feel it might help bring some kind of closure?...if that's ever even possible.

We knew that stepping into the world of fostering would not be "a piece of cake". But we knew that the joys would always seem to outweigh the challenges. This wasn't even anyone's fault -other than the differences in how the two states processed the paper work. It wasn't done in the way that we were originally led to believe. We found out at the last minute that how we thought the process would be was completely wrong. We couldn't take the next step. It wasn't the wisest choice for her or us. It's all about 'What's best for her'. And that's how it should be, of course; but it's definitely not easy. I'm sad, angry, resentful, and even a little bitter inside. How could this have happened?! Why couldn't we have found out a whole lot sooner. We knew that there was always a chance that we wouldn't be her parents long-term. It just all seemed to happen so quickly.

All her stuff is still in her room, as if she's coming home after school —like any other regular day. I keep her room door closed to help me adjust to the change. Tonight, I finally folded our huge laundry pile and I had a stack of her clothes that I quickly folded, placed on her bed, looked around for a few seconds, shut the light off, and closed the door behind me --then quickly put a smile on my face as KJ approached me with a normal question, "mommy, where did you find this necklace? I've been looking for it!". I had to show my little KJ that "everything is alright". I can't let her see my sadness . . . not yet at least.

Thankfully, she can still come "visit" with us --as long as it continues to work out for everyone (her, her family, our family, etc.) She's back with her previous family; which is really the best case scenario —she knows them, loves them, and she will be able to just continue her days as normal (going to the same school, continuing with her usual after school activities, etc.) I hope she understands. I hope she sees all the positive in the situation —How she can get the best of both worlds.  It's not "goodbye" forever. Just until she visits again.

I trust God's plan for us. We had kept this whole situation in prayer from day one. I have to trust that this is His perfect plan for everyone involved. (I like to remember how my mom encouraged me through the tough decisions. This is what I got from what she said: Even if just for a short season, it was meant to be the way it turned out. The time we all had together has influenced her and her future in very special ways...) I have to stay focused on what a wonderful young lady she has become and what a beautiful future she has ahead of her. We are forever grateful to have shared a part in her life.

Here's to trusting God for a beautiful future . . .