The training wheels are off!

Chris is currently on vacation.  Today is his second day off and we decided to hang out at home and take it easy (cleaning and going through baby clothes, for the twins).  We watched Wreck It Ralph.  I made calls to our insurance, trying to get our midwife covered as 'in network'.  Chris cut the grass in the front lawn and as soon as I got off the phone, I went outside to join the 'fun'.  Little did I know it really would turn in to FUN...

KJ was riding her bike, up and down the side walk.  "Look at me mom!" —as she would zoom on by.  Out of nowhere, she came back and said, "I don't want my training wheels on anymore.  I'm ready to ride without them."  I thought to myself, "uh-huh, we've tried that one already and it didn't last long... I don't think I want to be here for this.".  I went in for a potty break and a refill of water.  By the time I came out, KJ was already being pushed by her daddy, without her training wheels!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes —and ears.  ha!  Last time we tried this with her, it was not her decision, she was screaming every time the bike would start to tip over.  She cried and was super frustrated.  She gave up after about three attempts.  This time, she was so confident and determined.  I was so impressed.  Chris was letting go right away and she was going all on her own!  Yay... and sniffle...

*Now, I should mention how ironic this is:  Chris had just told me, a few days ago, that he absolutely wanted KJ to learn to ride her bike without training wheels before the twins arrived.  I was super concerned and nervous because I didn't want her to feel pressured into it.  So, JUST yesterday, I purchased a "Balance Bike" (on mamabargains.com —at a great price!).  I figured it would help get KJ ready to ride without training wheels without being "forced" by her daddy.  Go figure!  I spent money on a kiddie balance bike and out of nowhere she was ready to use her big girl bike without training wheels?!  Seriously!  The bike arrives this Thursday and was going to be her Easter gift... I'm now thinking I'm just going to have to save it for the twins —lol.

She still has some practicing to do, but today, day one of riding without training wheels, she did an amazing job!!!  The big sniffles really came when she shouted out "Dad, let go!  Let go, Dad!!"  I smiled.  My eyes teared, and I just took it all in (and snapped a few pics).

Chris and KJ shared a very special moment today —a great forever memory.  We celebrated and ended the night with a trip to DQ to get her an ice cream treat.  She said it was "the best day ever!"  :)

When we got home, I shaved Chris's afro off (good-bye beautiful curls).  KJ asked him to join her for play time —they played with the Leap Frog Tag Map.  And then Chris topped the night off with installing some really cool lights (purchased at IKEA) underneath her loft bed.

Top left:  KJ ready for daddy to let go.  Top middle:  Chris being his fun, goofy, self, enjoying a ride on KJ's bike. haha.  Bottom left:  Play time before bed.  Right:  Crazy man about to get his afro buzzed off.

I'm not sure how we will top today... although, tomorrow, we should get to see our little twinkies!

G'night all.

Week 24: Cantaloupes and Endo

How far along?

24 weeks on 3/13/13
(6 months!)

How big are the twinkies?

According to The Bump, the babies are approximately the size of:

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of and ear of corn.  We should find out on Wednesday, March 20, an approximate size or weight —we have another appointment with the perinatologist.

How am I feeling?

I've still been feeling really great!  I absolutely love every single movement I feel (which has been a LOT lately).  I'm in love with my baby belly (although really scared of what it will look like after the babies arrive. lol!).  So, this week, I've felt GREAT! 

Weight?

+15

(SLOW DOWWWWNNN!!!)

 I'd love to think it's the babies growing and growing away.  However, I can't really help but think that I give in to waaaay too many junky yummy foods.

What do I miss?
I miss having my emotions under control.  Things change out of nowhere! And it's really tough, sometimes, to sift through everything and level things out again.
I miss "me" time.  Somehow, I think I got more "me" time before this pregnancy.  I don't know how because I was working at home and still homeschooling.  So, I don't see how I had anytime for "me" time.  Although, now, I feel like I have absolutely none.   
*Maybe it's that I'm making more of an effort to not tell KJ "mommy needs quiet time"; which normally got her to go play up in her room.  I'm trying to get as much mommy and KJ time as I can right now.  I don't want her memories of 'before babies' to be of mom always sending her to play in her room.
I really need to find a healthy, sane, balance —ASAP.

Symptoms?
Serious indigestion, heartburn, and acid reflux.  I've also noticed nausea creeping back in.  But I'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that baby girl is all up in my stomach area.  She bumps, kicks, and wiggles against my stomach and it causes all this crazy stuff to happen.  (have you ever had a belly full of water/liquid and jumped around or wiggled too much?  You know that sloshing feeling?  Yeah, that's what I feel, after I eat, with every movement she makes.  And I know I need readjust the amount I'm eating —again.  I need to eat less of a serving at once, now that babies are taking up more space.
The hip pain I I've been experiencing during sleep time is now creeping in to my waking hours.  :(  But I do manage to push through the pain, for now, because I don't want it to stop me from doing the little bit that I can.

Endo has been flaring up the most this week.  Very similar to what it was like before I was pregnant.  The pain just comes out of nowhere.  :(  No warning.  No cause.  Just horrible stabbing pain —in the same 'ol areas.  (I use those moments to focus on what I'm feeling and remind myself that I can get through that pain —just as I have done for so many years . . . like it's some kind of training, preparing me for my birth goals.)  I also remind myself that battling endometriosis, while pregnant, feels so much more worth it.  Like a big nasty slap in Endo's face. ;) hee hee!  Take THAT endo!

Cravings?

Sushi.  Pizza.  Milkshakes and fries (yes, together!).

*Why can't it be carrots, broccoli, and other healthy foods?!

Highlights of the week?

I survived a [short] trip to Sea World.  I never thought I'd be able to handle the walking... but I did!  Thanks to a great friend and her two kiddos. :)  Between feedings, snack time, diaper changes, potty breaks (mine included), nap time, kiddie-ride time, etc., there was plenty of "rest time".  It was the perfect way to survive Sea World!

Chris, KJ, and I took another trip to Ikea.  It was a much longer shopping experience than I had imagined and prepared for.  But I survived and we purchased the rest of the nursery furniture.  :)

Chris, being Super-Dad, building more furniture for the twinkies' room!

What we were doing while daddy built furniture.  :)

We had our very first prenatal appointment with Midwife R.  It was perfect and amazing!  

(look for the blog post [coming soon] to get more details.) 

Feeling the positions of the twinkies.

Belly watch:

Week 23: Eggplants and birth plans

How far along?

23 weeks on 3/6/13.

How big are the twinkies?

According to Parents, the babies are approximately the size of:

How am I feeling?

Sleeeeeeeeepy.  Hungry.  Full.  Sleepy.

(kind of sounds like a baby's schedule, huh?)

Weight?
+14

What do I miss?

Nothing really.  I'm loving every single moment right now!

(Although, I do daydream about being able to roll around on my belly during the night...)

Symptoms?

It's been a pretty great week!  —oh, besides dealing with miserable allergies; maybe it was a cold? (excruciating sinus pain, stuffy nose, runny nose, sore throat, headache)

Cravings?

Meat.  Beans.  Cake.

Highlights of the week?

My car finally works again!!  I really enjoyed being out and about, with KJ.  

Chris and Kryssa worked in the nursery and set up the babies' cribs and finished the trim/accent on the walls.  :)  It's really coming together and we are all excited.

Chris and I finally decided to switch from my current OB to the midwife we met with earlier this year.  I never really expected Chris to be fully on-board with the switch, but we are here, planning for a home birth, and I am super excited!!!

Belly watch:

22 weeks +6 days: Prenatal appointment (the last straw)

Today's prenatal appointment was not what I expected.

I have gotten a sonogram at every single visit, to see how the baby's are growing, to check their heartbeats, and to measure my cervix.  Today, no sonogram.  I was told that they were very busy with other sonogram appointments.  Dr. R used a doppler to to listen to their heartbeats and then visually checked my cervix.  (everything is fine, based on heart beat and cervix.)

At the last few appointments, I have been asking basically the same questions:  (wanting to see how consistent the answers are —or is he just telling me what I want to hear?)

Q:  "Can I deliver both babies naturally?"
A:  "As long as both babies are head down before you go into labor.  If not, we'll have to schedule a c-section."

Q:  "If only baby A is head down, do you allow any time or assistance in bringing baby B down?"
A:  "No.  It's just not worth the risk.  I won't even chance it.  You'll need a c-section if they aren't both head down.  You don't want to go through delivering one, only to still need a c-section."

Q:  "Will you allow me to go full-term and go into labor naturally?"
A:  "As long as everything is going ok.  But once you get to 37/38 weeks, I don't want you to go past that... the babies might turn the wrong way or get too big... you'll be so uncomfortable and begging to be induced... I don't want you to really go past that... We'll induce you at that point."
(this is the one that kept changing, each time I'd ask.  First it was this, what is stated above.  The next visit, it was "I'll do whatever you want me to do, as long as you and babies are doing well.  If you don't want to be induced, we'll just go with the flow and see what happens when we get there..."  Then, at this appointment, it went back to what is stated above.)


Every time I have gotten these responses, my only thoughts are "There must be another way!".  I try to stay positive and remind myself that God is in control no matter who delivers the babies.  However, I just don't feel at peace or even slightly comfortable with this plan of care.  I always have a nervous stomach, unsure about what I'm going to hear next.  I leave disappointed and feeling like there's nothing I can do to change the outcome.  I feel as though I constantly have to keep my guard up and "fight" for what I really truly want.  ... and in saying all of this, it's not what I believe prenatal care should feel like.  I should be at peace.  I should feel comfortable with my care provider.  I should feel that I should have choices!  (after all, it is my body and my babies . . . and as long as everything is healthy and great, I should be able to choose.)  All this stress is definitely not good for my pregnancy.

As soon as Chris heard the doctor's responses at today's appointment, he knew another "midwife" conversation would be taking place.  ;)  Our first discussion ended with him urging me to call a group of midwives, that deliver in a hospital.  I called the group and it turned out that they don't even deliver twins.  hm!  :(  *Now, keep in mind, I have been praying about which path to take since the very beginning of our pregnancy.  I've been praying for doors to be closed and doors to be opened, leading us on God's perfect plan —even if I can't see clearly at the time.  Dr. R's door closed for us today.  Then, the only other possible midwives to deliver in a hospital, that had great recommendations, didn't work out —that door closed...

As the day went on, I would just randomly ask him, "So, can I call Robin now?".  An hour or two would pass and I would, again, ask, "So . . . what do you think about switching to Robin?".  I continued with that for the rest of the evening.  *Not trying to annoy him or even force him to agree with my desire to switch.  I just wanted to stay on the topic and get some kind of answers, a solution, a plan.  It ended up being our main topic all evening —trying to figure out finances if we were to switch (because she is "out of network"), talking about the "what ifs", thinking out plans for different scenarios, and brainstorming if there were any other options that we both felt comfortable with.

On our way home, around 9pm, I called him (we were driving in separate cars).  As soon as he answered, I just said, "Sooo . . . can I call Robin now?!? [nervous giggle]...".  He paused, for what felt like an entire minute of silence.  I thought I had finally annoyed him.  His response, "[deep breathe] I guess so.  I sure hope this is the right decision...".  All of a sudden, I was speechless!  I can normally talk and talk and talk.  But I really had no idea he was going to agree tonight.  I thought he was going to wait and wait until I needed another prenatal visit or something.  I really didn't know what to expect.

So, here I am.  Up at midnight with a racing mind.  "Is this really happening?"  "Am I going to wake up tomorrow and tell Chris that I had a dream where he finally agreed to switching to a midwife to plan for a home birth??"  I've dreamt and prayed for this opportunity for years!
**"God, have YOUR way and let YOUR will be done!"**

I've sent midwife R an email and now we'll go from here.  God is in control and only He knows the plans He has for us.

:)