Things have changed... Nothing "new"; just unfortunately repeating the same 'ol situations —again. It's out of my control. Now I just have to re-evaluate where I am in life and make my next step. Not sure which direction to go. Continue TTC? Continue expanding my family? It seems a little unfair to have this burning desire to conceive and just put it to an end —for the rest of this year at least.
I know God is holding me together. I know I'm not alone in this. I just find myself needing to remind myself "it's going to be okay; I don't know how —or when; but eventually everything will settle into place —the way it's meant to be..."
Mikeschair Let The Waters Rise Lyrics
Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh
June 22, 2011
June 7, 2011
Canceled appointment
As sad as I am to post this . . . I figured an update is due.
I started my 'day 1' yesterday. [moment of silence] I literally balled my eyes out. It's been a long time since something like that has bothered me that much. I immediately sent a text to Chris —hoping he would call and help me focus on the positive (sometimes I just can't do it alone). He didn't respond in any way. ((sad face)) Next, I sent a text to the only other person I could think of that could totally relate and possibly help me shake it off and laugh again. Sure enough! :) I told her how I was planning on hiding out in the bathroom for a while . . . just to cry it out —alone. Her response, " . . .the bathroom rug is always a good spot to curl up. Just don't get a hairball from all the long hairs that you leave on there :) ". Her sense of humor was just what I needed :) Thank you!!
So, I had to cancel my appointment that was scheduled for today. It is pointless for me to go in just to hear that the test is negative, when I already know that conception did not occur. I don't think he would have done a sono because my body is working just fine ;) I do, however, wish that I could have gone to use their scale. That's how I've been weighing myself (I have one here but I don't know how close it is to the one at the office). Oh well, I have another month to drop some more pounds ;)
I will start my next cycle of clomid this Friday... Thank you everyone for all the love and support. It's made these 13 months of ttc not so bad. :)
later gator!
I started my 'day 1' yesterday. [moment of silence] I literally balled my eyes out. It's been a long time since something like that has bothered me that much. I immediately sent a text to Chris —hoping he would call and help me focus on the positive (sometimes I just can't do it alone). He didn't respond in any way. ((sad face)) Next, I sent a text to the only other person I could think of that could totally relate and possibly help me shake it off and laugh again. Sure enough! :) I told her how I was planning on hiding out in the bathroom for a while . . . just to cry it out —alone. Her response, " . . .the bathroom rug is always a good spot to curl up. Just don't get a hairball from all the long hairs that you leave on there :) ". Her sense of humor was just what I needed :) Thank you!!
So, I had to cancel my appointment that was scheduled for today. It is pointless for me to go in just to hear that the test is negative, when I already know that conception did not occur. I don't think he would have done a sono because my body is working just fine ;) I do, however, wish that I could have gone to use their scale. That's how I've been weighing myself (I have one here but I don't know how close it is to the one at the office). Oh well, I have another month to drop some more pounds ;)
I will start my next cycle of clomid this Friday... Thank you everyone for all the love and support. It's made these 13 months of ttc not so bad. :)
later gator!
June 2, 2011
Update: Day 26
My progesterone level came back as an 18 this month!!! I've been so excited about that news! Before clomid, my levels were less than 1. With clomid, my levels were between 1 and 1.9. With clomid + metformin my levels were a beautiful 5 last month and an even more beautiful 18 this month!!!
So I anxiously waited for chris to get home tonight with some hpt's...and the result was:
So I anxiously waited for chris to get home tonight with some hpt's...and the result was:
 |
| ((sad, sad, face)) I'll test again at my appointment on Tuesday... |
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