Thirty-three and counting

I'm, now 4 days late (today will be my 5th).  I caved and took an hpt yesterday.  I just couldn't wait until Thursday, for my appointment...

It was negative.  However, like I told Chris, "I can see a line on anything these days but I'm sure there wasn't even the faintest line...I think it's negative."  I'll be tested again on Thursday; plus, I'll have my routine sonogram.  :)

So, "FORGET YOU!", Big Fat Negative . . . Thursday, here I come!!

Could it be?!

I'm only one day late so far —today will be my second...  :D  I LOVE to imagine this being "it".  Only time will tell.  I am off on Thursday and will more than likely make an appointment to see my doc.  If I start before then, I'll see about getting back on Clomid and even starting the "hormone injections" he mentioned earlier this month.

It's unfortunate that PMS and early pregnancy signs and symptoms are so much alike.  I've been so crabby and emotional the last few days —I've been saying it's PMS...

Oh, the waiting game —once again.

A sneeze is [NOT] just a sneeze

I just want to say . . . how I miss the days when I could just sneeze without preparation.  These days, when I feel a sneeze coming on, I curl up in a ball as much as I can and hold my belly (in hopes that it helps my lovely ovaries feel like they are NOT being ripped out —like the ripping sensation of getting waxed!) . . . and then, literally, think "Oh, please don't hurt!!", as I cringe and wait for the explosion.

"AH-CHOOOOO!!!!!"

Tonight, I screamed so loudly, from the pain, I woke my sweet, sleeping, hubby up.  :(  When he asked "what's the matter?!" I was still frozen in fetal position and barely starting to have the flash of white fade away . . .(my eyes literally saw bright white and then solid darkness as the pain surged through from my left ovary all the way down to my toes)... the only response I could mumble out was, "stupid endo pain . . .".  I sat in silence (until he went right back to snoring —haha) and thought, "you know...I just want to sneeze without all this pain!!  A simple little sneeze.  How it's taken for granted..."

So, here I am, taking this moment to vent.  No, I will NOT let endo control my life . . . however, I will say how I TRULY, TRULY, WITH ALL THAT I AM, HATE what it seems to have taken away from me (aside from the obvious).  A sneeze, a cough, a simple stretch, or even the slightest switch in sitting and laying positions . . . blowing my nose, for goodness sake!! —that's supposed to be the easiest part of life, isn't it?!

Lupron, oh how I miss thee . . .

Roarrrrrr!

So you know how when you were a kid, and you were upset with your parents (because you were being punished for something), you would wish you were someone or somewhere else?! For example: wishing you had your best friend's parents or something... Well, today, KJ yelled out, at the top of her lungs, as she sat in time out, "I WISH I WERE ALIVE A LONG TIME AGO SO I COULD BE A DINOSAUR!!!" LOL (she's was probably wishing she could either roar at me or eat me! lol)

I had to literally hide in the kitchen, where she couldn't see or hear me, and I just quietly laughed away . . . . (the silent, body-shake, catch my breath when I'm done, kind of laugh!! lol)

I love you, my little Dinosaur! ;)

This is the stuff

Currently my absolute favorite song.  It will always get me singing and dancing --no matter what mood I'm in.  :D




Hopefully I'll even be playing it soon... ;)

Eleventh month: Day 24

I sure hope he finds us soon...  ;P

It's an exciting week for us! :)

I did, however, forget to go get my blood drawn on Day 21.  :(  I was sooooo sad, when I realized my forgetfulness later that night.  So, we are doing it the "old fashioned" way —waiting to see if I need to use a store bought hpt.  lol

My emotions are soaring.  More pregnancies are popping up around me while other pregnancies are ending (meaning plenty of pics of joyful mommies with their newly born baby).  As happy and excited as I am to be surrounded by such blessings . . . I'm still praying to get in on some of that excitement.  ;)

I'm thinking that I'll probably have to visit my doc in about a week or so.  Hopefully I'll have another update again soon.

:)


*I found the 'lost stork' image through a google search.  But it turns out that it's from a really great blog (which I now follow)...check out the blog Our Stork Got Lost  (which is something that I've been saying these last few months, hee hee).

Ready for this?

Let's start off with Endo and TTC on clomid:
We are now about one week away from hitting our 11 month mark.  I honestly can't believe it's been almost a year already.  Surprisingly, it doesn't feel that way.  So, last week, at my regular monthly sono, the doc spotted a large cyst again on one of my ovaries.  I haven't had anything that size since January 2010 —when I started Lupron for the endo.  I had my follow up appointment yesterday.  I wasn't allowed to start my next cycle of clomid (I should have started on Tuesday and been done tomorrow) because the doc wanted to make sure the cyst went away before I pushed the hormones through my body again.  I am happy to announce that the cyst was gone!  Praise God!!  It was a very very painful week --I pretty much know exactly what day and time the cyst ruptured because it was THAT painful (I literally woke myself up because I was moaning so loud -from the pain).  So, I'm glad that has passed.  Chris and I are staying super optimistic and hoping and praying for a miracle conception this month (without clomid)!  :)  Hey, it could happen...

The endo, is definitely starting to get on my nerves.  This is the longest that I have gone without suppressing my ovaries/hormones —so it's really starting to wear me out now.  Just a few days ago, when I was cringing with nasty endo pain, I actually had the thought cross my mind "maybe it's time to stop ttc and get back on Lupron..."  —it shocked me!  I absolutely want to conceive another baby.  I don't want to stop without conceiving this time.  I think the thought went away when the pain ended ::phew!::.  So, for now, it's almost day by day that I am making the choice to continue ttc.  Some moments I'm so ready to shut my ovaries off again and then other moments I'm overloaded with emotions of ttc.

On to a fantastic new topic...HOME SCHOOLING!!

Yes, that's right; we decided to home school KJ.  :D  I withdrew KJ from her public school two weeks ago, Monday, February 21, 2011.  It felt soooo unreal.  I had so many times, the night before, and the first few days, where I felt as though I was going to wake up and have this story to tell Chris, of how I had the opportunity to home school KJ.  But nope, it was definitely real.  :)  She was very happy with our decision.  And we couldn't be happier with all the improvements we have seen in just two weeks!  Praise God!!  We finally have our KJ back --helpful, full of manners and positive behavior, happy, and relaxed 6 yr old —exactly the way a 6 yr old should be!  I know not everyone agrees/will agree with our decision but we stand together in our decision and we are finding our system.  :)  I love the family God has blessed me with.  We work so well together these days.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to guide our child in the ways that are important to us, as Christ-followers.  :)  It feels wonderful to include scripture in her daily curriculum . . . to "tweak" the lessons to meet her specific level of learning!  I could just go on and on and on about all the wonderful changes we have been able to experience as a family.  But for now, that's all I'll say...


KJ

she is now in Karate and she is LOVING it!! :)  —so are we!  Their structure and core values that are taught, while there, amaze us and we pray that it will stick with KJ to help her become strong mentally and physically, confident, and dedicated.  :)  We have seen some great changes since she started (two weeks ago).

FAMILY
We will be having some time off together during spring break and we are super excited for that.  We are prepared for Spring Break with our season passes to Fiesta Texas, Sea World, and the San Antonio Zoo!  I'm really hoping to head up to Enchanted Rock (I believe it's called) and picnic with the girls.

Speaking of "girls" —still no official news on Pickle's move-in date.  She stays with us a lot more now but it still doesn't feel official  . . . I did, however, get a call, from the representative, to schedule another home study.  We shall see what comes of all of this.

It may be a while before I can update again —life just got even busier...I keep thinking "it can't get any busier than this" only to find out I was wrong.  ;)  God has some serious confidence in my abilities to multi-task . . . because he keeps blessing me with new opportunities.  I trust that I can handle it all . . . because I trust that he won't give me more than I can handle.  Maybe a little here and there for a challenge and test —but I'm ready; I've loving it all! ;D